I don’t want my son anymore

I know that’s supposed to be wrong, but I just don’t want him. His dad started cheating on me right before I gave birth.

I didn’t find out until our kid turned 3.

I was stupid and financially supported a broke man for a decade. I was convinced that my anxiety was just making me extra paranoid. I took several meds trying to make the feeling go away.

Last year was when I confirmed my husband was cheating on me. A couple months ago was when I found out about the STD he gave me (was an STD docs don’t normally test for).

Last week, I found out he started cheating on me while I was pregnant and continued to until I caught him.

I can’t even look at our son. Every time I look at our kid, I just see their father. The feeling of hate and resentment overtakes me. And I feel so horrible about it.

Netizens’ comments

• Can you stay with your parents or relatives for a while? Stay with the son, but let a loving relative help you and the kid while you recover.

• As a child from a mom who did not want him, please seek help for this issue, you have no idea what this does to a child long term.

Am I exaggerating for thinking this guy was rude/creepy?

So one of my best friends introduced me (24 F) to a guy he considered really nice. My friend told me that this guy was very smart, hard-working, sentimental, romantic and that he was basically a “lovable nerd type”. Most of the guys I end up dating are like that because they are really charming and treat me with kindness and I can see why my friend thought it would work. I had only seen this guy one time and he actually asked my friend for my phone number.

Fast forward, last week I finally went on a date with the guy, and to say the least, it wasn’t what I expected. When he first saw me he told me that he knew a lot of people like me (context: I have pink hair) and that “you are always trying to get people’s attention, like, yeah I see you, calm down”.

Then he went on to make fun of the amethyst quartz I’m always wearing calling it “superficial, superstitious”. In this same spirit he started talking about how good/accurate the 16 personalities test was, I thought we were onto something more light-hearted so I responded with something along the lines of “yeah, just like my horoscope” which I think made him incredibly mad, because he started telling me how stupid those things were, and that for an atheist I was too spiritual, and that he doesn’t waste his time on such “superficial things”.

I don’t know why, but I mentioned that I had a Pinterest board about my dream wedding and that I already had my dress, hair, deco… and of course he had to say something crappy: “why are females always so interested in weddings? I really don’t get it”.

In between those awkward moments, we actually had interesting conversations. He asked me what kind of music did I listen to, and naturally, I answered that I loved Taylor Swift. Then he made this face as if he was going to throw up and I asked him why was he making that face, he just told me that Taylor’s music was too frivolous for him, and that he only listened to artist that actually know how to write good lyrics.

So after making fun of the things I liked, my hair, my dream wedding, my favorite things and other stuff I don’t have enough space nor the time to write, he started to talk about his ex and how he didn’t understand why she left and it almost brought him to tears so I just asked him if he had broken a heart and he told me “no, I couldn’t, I’m too much of an empath to do that, I’m just too sensitive”.

See, I’m very open. if you have kinks, experiences, preferences… I don’t care as long as it’s consensual; however, I find it weird to bring this stuff up with someone you’ve been talking to for less than three hours, because he started telling me stories about explicit things he had done, and how it smelled and tasted like, and about that time he was running without anything on, at the beach. Keep in mind I didn’t bring this up, and I never shared anything of this nature about me. Again, no kink shame here, but I expect those conversations with close friends, not with a stranger.

What creeped me out about this guy is that he described himself as very idealistic, sensitive, empathetic, romantic… when in my experience it couldn’t be further from the truth. A person like that doesn’t make fun of other people’s beliefs, hobbies, likes, professions… a person like that doesn’t brag about that time they kicked a boy in school until he started crying, a person like that doesn’t talk badly about others, a person like that doesn’t bring up unsolicited intimate stuff… It creeped me out because I cannot understand how did he come to the conclusion he was like that because those are two different people.

I ask if I’m exaggerating because maybe that’s just his sense of humour, or because my friend told me that he had introduced him to other female friends of his and that everyone thought he was nice, or maybe it’s just my internalized feeling of “you take everything too seriously” and that if I had been so uncomfortable I would have walked out before, which I feel guilty for. Nonetheless, my female friends told me that I’m the right and that if my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, something IS wrong.

I told the friend that introduced me to this guy what had happened a grosso modo and he was baffled because this guy was actually very nice to him and to other female friends he had introduced him to before… but told me that he’s really sorry and that he was going to put some distance with that guy. My friend even told me that this guy told him how good of a time he had with me.

Anyway, have you ever been with people like this? I’m really sorry for the rant.

Marriage is just a piece of paper or is it not?

I met this guy. He was perfect. He checked all the boxes of being an eligible bachelor. It was love at first sight for the both of us. We met each other at a friend’s party and got together soon after.

A few months into the relationship we started to talk about us. He felt he is not marriage or kids material but he loves me a lot and can see a future with me. He was very clear about this and wanted me to understand before we continue. At that time he also suggested that we get a place together. Eventually he ended up getting a place on his own and I moved in with him. He told me I need not pay anything but I contributed by paying some of the bills and minor house expenses. I felt I was very much in love with him that a part of me believe I can forsake marriage as long as we are happy together. Besides I dislike children myself.

We are not married but we lived like a married couple. We cook for each other, did chores, managed the bills, visited each other’s parents and we did everything together. I thought we had the perfect life. We lived like we are married and yet we have the time to date each other. I was envied by friends who witnessed our love. He still buys me flowers and gifts on special days like anniversaries, after being together for 10 years.

The final few months of our relationship I sensed his increasing distance. I convinced myself we are just busy with work and other things. He was out more, he stopped telling me about his day. It got to a point I felt we were like roommates living under the same roof. Then he told me he met someone. He needed me to move out because the other woman wants to move in.

I haven’t had time to compose myself and react to this utter betrayal and I had to pack up. 10 years meant nothing to him?.. I moved back to my parents and lied to them that his place is under construction.

I haven’t even had time to process my anger and grief then I heard he had a vehicle accident. His parents wasn’t aware that we broke up so I was called first. I found out he was severely injured that his life won’t be the same forever. The other woman didn’t hesitate to dump him after seeing his condition.

Since his parents didn’t know we had broken up, I choose to pretend I’m still his gf and stayed with him at the hospital. I took over most of the caregivers job because he was so helpless. I stayed over at his place often and took care of him for a while. He couldn’t carry on with his current job anymore so he had to settle for a simpler job which pays lesser. The lucky thing is he had almost paid off the house so he didn’t need to downgrade.

He had been needy towards me since the accident. I can understand that. How can I not feel for him? We did have a lot of happy times till this happened. I continued being there for him as he needed a lot of help and support. One day he asked me if I wanted to get married. I realised this was what I wanted all along. But not like this. I said no and realised it is time to leave him. I didn’t want to take care of him anymore. So I left.

Now, I’m already past the age of having kids safely. I did try to move on. I tried to date but without much success. I met 2 who were quite persistent in chasing me. But none interest me or can even compare to him. I’ve got my own place during the time I was taking care of him. I think a part of me already know I won’t get back together with him. I just needed a push to move on with my own life. Did I regret not getting married when I was younger? Definitely. I may have lived a very different life if I walked away the moment he told me he is not marriage material. If he cheated while we are married maybe he wouldn’t have got hurt because I may not have moved out so easily.

Without a marriage certificate, it’s very easy to walk away when things happen. So what kind of a person did I wanted to be? One who walks away or one who stays because of a piece of paper?

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We’ve had some amazing trips together, but the most recent one was the source of a major argument between us.

The plan was to travel to Penang for a week-long vacation. I had already booked the flight tickets and accommodation, and we were all set to go. However, my girlfriend had other plans in mind. She wanted to fly Singapore Airlines, claiming that it was the only airline worthy of her high class status.

Needless to say, I was not happy. Singapore Airlines tickets were much more expensive than the ones I had already purchased. I tried to explain to her that it was a waste of money, but she wouldn’t budge. We argued for hours and finally, I gave in and booked the Singapore Airlines tickets.

The next day, I was furious. I had gone out of my way to make this trip special for both of us and now, my girlfriend was demanding more. So, I took matters into my own hands and decided to surprise her. I booked a bus ticket to Penang instead of the Singapore Airlines flight.

When my girlfriend found out, she was livid. She accused me of not caring about her and not understanding her needs. She said I was trying to make her look bad in front of her friends and family. I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t about money or class, but about us enjoying our holiday together.

Eventually, she calmed down and agreed to take the bus. We had a great time on our trip and I think it was a good lesson for both of us. We learned that sometimes, it’s not about money or status, but about enjoying each other’s company.

Since then, my girlfriend has become more realistic about her expectations. She still enjoys the finer things in life, but she’s now more open to different options. We’ve had a few arguments since then, but I think we’ve both grown from the experience.

My girlfriend may think she’s high class, but I’m thankful that she’s now more willing to travel via different means. I’m glad that I was able to surprise her and show her that sometimes, the bus can be just as fun as the plane.

I just ended a 2006 days relationship with someone I was planning to propose to. It hurts but I know the correct advice is to move on.

I still remember the day I first saw her, our first date, the first time we held hands. The bits and pieces of us we leave behind in our rooms or belongings. All these memories are now reduced to objects.

How does one move on from this when one gets blindsided by it? When they are told it would be better and healthier for them to move on. When they know their partner is already contemplating on pursuing something with someone else.

Is it my fault that I took too long before proposing? Or that I thought we could go through anything as long as we stand by each other?

My friends tell me to not lose confidence in myself and that she just decided she wanted something else. Sound advice though a tough pill to swallow.

I believe nothing would change her mind anymore but I hope this reaches her since she might come across this.

I would like to wish you the best in life and thank you for all these years. I’ve loved you deeply and might always have a little place in my soul reserved for you. Be happy with whoever you end up with.

061230 JL^2

Here are what netizens think:

• The OP needs to understand some facts. Focus on your career and the women will come. A man who is successful in his career and takes responsibility on his own health and fitness is attractive to women. She decided to pursue someone else because she can’t see any future in you. Nothing about proposal in specific. If she sees a future, she won’t mind waiting for that. And this future is usually the fundamental male achievement like the ones i mentioned. And on the other hand, you are right that a Good girl will go through thick and thin with you. So seeing through her predilections early will save you a massive load of heartbreaks in future. Welcome to singlehood; The state better than being with the wrong person.

• 5 year plus and still nothing changed in the relationship. Planning to propose and actually proposing are 2 different things. You got too comfortable and had been ignoring the signs that’s why you think you are blindsided. The next relationship you will likely propose sooner than you are ready for. So be mindful of that.

I’ve been dating this sweet guy for a few months and today while we were getting intimate he was looking into my eyes and I just got so emotional and overwhelmed and started crying and he was all like “are you okay? Did you remember something bad?”

And I tried to explain that everything is fine, and told him that I’m just not used to being treated so gently and carefully, and how new it is to me to have a physical relationship while also forming an emotional bond with someone.

My past is kinda complicated, and while I won’t go into detail, I will say it has affected me and I’ve been healing and working on myself for the last year.

nd when I met this guy I told him I’m not ready for a serious relationship because I still don’t feel whole as a person, but one thing led to another and now I have this amazing, supportive and understanding partner.

My approach towards love and emotions has always been cynical due to my upbringing and other reasons, and it’s difficult as fuck to truly open up to someone, and it’s scary but freeing.

So right now I’m in his bathroom while he waits for me in bed, in two days we’re going to celebrate my birthday and I think I’m starting to really love him.

I just wanted to let this off my chest.

Yesterday, and while I was about to do the laundry, I grabbed his work pants and dug my hand in its pockets to empty them before putting it in the washing machine like I always do. People that look the laundry will know what happens if there is tissue paper.

My husband just happened to walk by when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down.

I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it and then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn’t be getting my hands on his things. I was genuinely dumbfounded I told him to take it easy I always do this before laundry.

He lashed out saying I had no right and should’ve come to him and asked him first because he was worried about important documents getting lost like the one I pulled out. I said important documents shouldn’t be inside his pockets and asked to see the paper but he said he won’t show me. I asked why and he said I don’t get to ask him after I disrespected his privacy.

I almost laughed because what privacy does he have in his pockets? It wasn’t like a stranger was digging into them.

He refused to speak to me and later brought a new closet with A LOCK and moved his clothes inside of it. I asked if he was serious and he said this will teach me to respect his privacy and deter my snooping. Then went back to not speaking to me.

I’m genuinely confused

Here are what netizens think:

• Checking pockets for things that don’t go in the washer is one of the first steps of laundry, it’s not snooping. That’s a really weird reaction.

• Confirm something fishy going on, sure is cheating

• Maybe got receipt from expensive restaurant with ANOTHER GIRL

A degree graduate recently shared on social media about the difficulty of getting a job without any experience. Which made the graduate think if the “piece of paper” is worth it.

Here is the story:

We all know that studying for a degree is not cheap for both public and private schools. Some courses can even go to almost 6 figures. But is it really worth it?

I recently finished my Bachelor’s program and I have been job hunting for several months with zero responses. I am not picky at all, I applied for jobs that are above $2,000 which is not something of a high standard

I am not from a rich family, but my family has always been against me going for part-time jobs which resulted in me having zero job experience records in my resume. The only job experience I have is an internship that is pretty much useless.

What I want to bring across is that degrees are not as valuable compared to my parent’s time. Back in the 80s, a diploma was a big deal and my mom managed to get a job as a bank manager.

But in current times, a local degree also can’t get a job and a private one is even worse.

So my question is… Is it worth it to get into debt in order to get a degree?

Here are what netizens think:

The degree has always been a piece of “backup” nothing special.

Try applying for Govt job if you have a local degree, chances are they will take you.

You are right, in this day and age a degree is nothing more than a piece of paper. Job experiences are for the win.

How much do you guys typically spend on a weekend trip to Japan? Total expenses. I see a lot of young couples my age traveling and I can never convince myself to part with spending more than $1000 over a weekend even though I make six-figures in tech.

Perhaps also an out-of-line question, do you guys not worry about your retirement? Like since I was in my first year of uni I had dreams of retiring at the age of 40-45. I’m saving every cent that I don’t absolutely have to spend and still it seems like I’m not saving enough. But then I see my peers going to Japan one weekend, Korea another, and then Europe. I am 28 and I just hit 6 figures last year. Am I behind in income for my age?

How much of your disposable do you typically end up saving per year? I save around 50% of my after tax income last year. My parents saved a much higher percentage when they were still working. Do people just not save?

Follow up question: I am saving up for my first rental property. Is this a goal of every young person or are there far better stores of wealth that I’m not aware of?

Here are what netizens think:

• Money is only yours if you can spend it…….no point saving up when you’re not sure when you’ll leave earth….have some fun enjoy life a bit …. work so hard dont enjoy whats the point of living…

• There needs to be a balance. Whilst planning for retirement is important, i do believe that living a reasonably enjoyable life (and not scrimping on this and that) is also key. What if we’re hit by a car or diagnosed with a debilitating illness tomorrow? Wouldn’t we regret not having enjoyed life a bit? Retirement saving is to insure us against outliving our savings, but enjoying life is to insure against a short life spent in misery.

• Practice FIRE. I enjoyed life & spent every single cent & never thought about marriage until mid 30’s then I started saving. Now retired or semi retired I would say, embark on a job to just earn enough to cover expenses …no more stress.