Should I ever call the police on my own brother?

The arguments between my brother and dad is starting to get overboard to the point that both of them are about to get physical with each other soon and I dunno what will happen next.

He has been out of job for 2 years, took a course in crypto coding kind of stuff to change jobs, and now cannot be bothered to get a job, everyday just leaching off parents at home, demanding for his meals and stuff, and giving a lot of stress to my parents.

He has other selfish spoilt brat comparison tendencies such as always trying to make sure he orders more expensive food and having more than me each time we go restaurant as a family. My parents has been catering to him the whole time everyday and things havent been going well at home.

Its getting to the point of too much on them and they are really tired of pampering this 37 year old grown ass at home who does not know how to cook his own meal at least, buy food and groceries for the family, boil water, do housework, or to make himself even the least useful for the family. He even steals my dad’s credit card to buy his own games, even though he have his own savings from working 10 years ago. Each time my dad tries to tell him off to go and get a job, they will argue big time. My brother claims hes trying to build up by self learning things at home . But we dont see it. All of us sees that he totally cannot be bothered, everyday eat sleep and play games and has not even applied for a single job. Dad and brother has been having countless of arguments recently

My brother has violent tendencies and cannot control himself when he gets mad, and since I was a kid and he had previously scratched and hit me over things when young, the scar on my chest still remains till now even 20 years later. And just now there was an argument over a small matter, brother got triggered because Dad told him off not to ask stupid questions regarding my aunt being in hospital now. And brother yelled at him first and not even respecting my dad.

No doubt he got triggered but he doesnt even have basic respect for my dad and yelling at him was clearly wrong to begin with. And they argued really badly till the point that my brother had his fist up and looked as though he wanted to punch my dad. It was really scary and emotionally traumatising for me because I really dont want anything to happen. Now dad wants to stop buying lunch, cancel his card to prevent him stealing stuff, and stop tending to him already to teach him a lesson on basic respect, after the latest argument just now.

I told my parents I would really call the police if things goes overboard. Dad was okay with it, but mum strictly refused me to do anything of that sort and told me not to get involved. And that if I call the police it would ruin his currently already ruined state of life forever. But how am I supposed to not get involved if its going to end up punching or even knives next??

I have been really emotionally worn out over this on top of all this work stress that is still ongoing with colleagues and stuff, my workplace future and stuff. I am clinging on to this stressful job so tightly because I cannot afford to lose my job or anything in this family mess as I am the only one supporting the family. I really want to walk out of all this totally.

I see most girl have a boyfriend with car. I am currently single, travel by public transport most of the time, I have no intention of buying a car in Singapore, but I see most girl seem to be attracted by guy with cars. Is having a car essential for dating? what are my chance of getting a girlfriend, if I just meet the girl in mrt station? I am in my 30s btw. Is it a must for guys to have car in my age?

Here are what netizens think:

• I have no car, I think a car boosts your chances to get a gf especially if you are young, Good luck.

• No car better, so you know at least the girl likes you for you and not your expensive materials.

• Come to think of it, there was this hype for guys to have the 5Cs in the past. But nowadays I hardly hear ppl talking abt 5Cs already.

• The problem is you’re in your 30s and still asking this kinda questions.

• No need. Find girls that drive will do.

• Find a gf who don’t need you to have a car, not a princess who has legs but can’t walk

• Girls on mrt also has bf. Just that their bf don’t need to chauffeur her around. They commute on their own.

• I prefer someone who has savings and without a car RATHER thn someone who has no savings and living with a car. If you have the means to get it also doesnt mean you need to get it unless its a neccessity such as your job requires you to have one or the workplace is out of the way. Perhaps you could start with getting a license and you could rent a car on special occassions. 

• That’s the facts now, your generation and younger generation all looking at practicality … If you no car, just stay at home and play games … you will feel better .

• Left kar and right kar. If your middle kar long enough then you can have 3 kar 

My brother-in-law 45m often demonstrates a lack of respect for personal boundaries in various ways. For instance, he insists on paying for every meal we share, even though my wife and I would prefer to split the bill. Additionally, he often engages in preaching, using grand gestures and behaviors that he cannot consistently maintain.

Recently, I organized a birthday celebration for my wife and invited nine guests, including my brother-in-law. During lunch, he offered twice to pay for the meal. He even asked again as the meal was coming to an end, and my wife also declined. Despite my explicit request not to pay, he went ahead and paid the bill of $458 at the end of the meal.

I was pretty angry and frustrated and I refused to engage in conversation with him, walking off to my car and leaving a family chat group we share in case my anger got the better of me.

Later, my wife texted him and repaid the amount through a bank transfer after some discussion with him and without discussing my feelings with me.

Since that incident occurred a month ago, my brother-in-law has been acting as if he is oblivious to the situation, calling my wife daily for casual chats. Today, I reached a breaking point and asked my wife to stop enabling this charade. I’m unsure whether he feels guilty and calls daily to see if he will learn something or if he is simply oblivious to the impact of his actions.

A few years ago, he evicted my wife from his house because she fell in love with someone he didn’t know (me, duh). This behavior was extremely egotistical and contradicted his supposed care for her (evicting someone for dating someone he doesn’t know). Since then, our relationship with him has been strained, and he often treats us in a patronizing and condescending manner, as if we are socially inferior to him.

I need advice on how to manage this guy and navigate this challenging situation. His mom and wife haven picked his side and they’re calling us names. Very immature.

Hi all, in my late 20s now and with my current bf for a year plus or so and it’s getting really depressing. I don’t know why guys put in so much effort at the start only to act like this as the relationship progresses, literally only doing the bare minimum to keep the relationship alive. I have talked to him about this multiple times and it’s getting sooooo tiring. He always changes for awhile before reverting back to his usual self with work as an excuse.

Question is should I break up with him? I feel like almost all the guys are like this and it’s also very tiring to change bf so many times. I’m so lost as to whether should I give him more time to change or should I just be decisive and break up with him?

Guys if you see this and your girlfriend is complaining that you are not loving enough please take it seriously, maybe one day we will just give up and stop complaining and that’s it.

Here are what netizens think:

• If you changed bf so many times and the end result is still the same, the problem might lie with you. It’s the choices you made and you’re probably attracted to the same category of guys. Don’t believe in words but in actions, if a man truly loves you he will show you via his actions. You won’t even need to ask if you should break up.

• when you ask question like that it is already in your mind to break up.. perhaps you should ask yourself if you want to be with a guy like that instead..if you’re tired of relationships then stop for a while a year , two years or more and rebuild yourself then when u found a good one then you start again.

• Sounds like you are the problem, why don’t you stop complaining, manage your expectations and be the loving gf that your bf deserves

• Perhaps you could work with understanding each others love languages. How he wants to love you might not be how you want to be loved. How you WISH to be loved might not be how he shows as well. since you are at your 20s, you still got a wide selection to choose from but if you take too long, you will end up also selecting the remains from the lot. End of the day, red flags being red flags jus require both parties communication, listening, working tgther to make the relationship work. Lower your expectations will allow you to have less disappointment. Sometimes the things in your head are just nonsense and stop overthinking and keep yourself busy when you are away from each other. Love yourself as much as you would love to be loved. Dont hurt your mind. Also, have a btr approach when telling him things you like or dont like, no need for lady tantrums. After some time, the guy also sian.

• It’s obvious you are demanding and you expect every single one of them to abide to your orders, you sure your father not adolf ah?

Sometimes I feel that filial piety is a blank check that is misused.

I have friends whose parents retired early and make their children support them. Some even have to support their grandparents who are still around. Talk about being the ultimate sandwich.

Why do parents feel entitled to “claim” so much?

Ironically, it’s often the parents who were poor who demand a lot from their children. Like, using their working children to escape from their own humdrum jobs. Asking their children for overseas trips since they never had the chance to go.

To those who happily give their parents a lot, I would like to know why.

Here are what netizens think:

• Yr parents won’t be there forever and if you have to support them for a very long time then it’s actually a happy problem. Good luck.

• when i started working in the 80s and earned $170, i gave $100 to my mother and worried not enough to support her. I will give her my 1 month bonus so that she can make preparation for CNY and i was happy that i can contribute. I have seen how hard my parents worked – everyday no rest and long hours from young, i learned to cook, iron and do many household chores to lighten my mother burden at age 7. After my O level, i quit school to work and studied part-time at night to get my diploma, degree and master. I have never, ever, blamed my late parents or wish i was borne to rich family. I didn’t care whether my older siblings contributed their salaries or not, i am doing what i wanted to do. My late parents had never requested anything from us, no matter how hard life were for them, they just kept on providing what they could and all i have is gratitude and nothing else.

• it is not the children faults, why? Many people said today children are different, but i realised children are different because of their parents. I have met so many ‘cannot’ parents, oh, my kids cannot do this, cannot do that, cannot go to school by themselves even though it is only 3 blocks away, parents drive them to school, or i booked taxi if they cannot do it by themselves. at age 14, cannot boil water because it is dangerous, etc…… Parents today like to show their children how successful they are. what the children sees, oh, my parents drive, work in office, laptops, handphones, travels. they didn’t see how hard their parents need to ‘act’, ‘fake’, work hard in order to survive. If children thinks that my parents got easy and success life they only care for themselves and wanted more from their parents.

I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve ever been in

I (21F) have cheated on every partner I’ve had since school, being roughly 6-7 relationships. Some were impulsive, some were carefully thought out and planned around my partners, others stemmed from selfishness, being too scared to break up and some I felt so guilty about I confessed. I’ve either had multiple partners or emotionally/ physically cheated on the one.

The reasons range from insecurity, boredom, ego, in the heat of the moment, or resentful towards my partner.

My last relationship was probably my most relentless, with both me and the boyfriend cheating on each other tens of hundreds of times over a period of 2 years.

Since that ended, I’ve sticked to casual hookups and nothing more. I hate the person I am when I cheat on someone that at the end of the day, was just looking for love like me. I also hate myself when cheating on a partner who did it first instead of leaving.

I decided not to date until I can understand my behavior and work through my insecurities, even if that takes me years of therapy and self reflection.

My ADHD also plays a role (NOT an excuse) on my behavioral actions and impulses, so I want to learn how to control that as well before jumping into the dating pool.

Before I close, I want to add two of my strongest opinions from being a cereal cheater:

All cheating is cheating, no matter how minor. Girls kissing girl friends, friendly flirting, etc. Whether I was dancing with a stranger in a bar or making overly-friendly small talk with a coworker, I knew what I was doing.

If someone cheats on you, THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU. I’ve told countless partners I loved them while cheating knowing I didn’t.

Cheating is always enacted from pure selfishness decided against your partners wishes, knowing it will cause hurt to them. That’s something you do when you don’t love someone, and love has no room for selfishness.

That is my confession, thank you to anyone who took the time to read.

It’s exhausting being the “adult” amongst everyone almost my whole life. A long read, but, please do read if you wish.

I really don’t know how to rant here without making myself sound arrogant and a “know it all”, I guess there’s no other way. But I deserve to rant about this. I deserve a break.

I’m the youngest in my siblings, and the only boy. All of my older sisters are mentally special, if you know what I’m saying. Because of that, growing up, although I’m the youngest, I have to trained myself as if I’m the oldest brother instead. I have to look out for my older sisters all the time, cause they couldn’t even rely on themselves, and they constantly got bullied from others cause of their condition. My parents always talk to me like an adult, teach me to use logical thinking and not emotions when it comes to problem solving, and generally just teach me how to be a mature individual, while also be smart. All my life, I’ve lived in survival mode. All for my sisters and parents’ sake. There’s no such thing as cartoons, or toys, or fun fair in my childhood.

Both of my parents passed away due to an accident when I was 11 years old. All property and whatnot passed down to me by their final will (not sure how though). I divide some for my sisters just in case. I had no time to grieve them. I immediately think about what’s next. Following my aunt’s advice to invest, for me and my sister’s future, and work part time anywhere at the same time, while also studying. I had to do all of this alone while making sure my sisters are safe.

But growing up…those times I was in primary school, I suffered a lot. Dealing with kids, dealing with immature teenagers later on, with irresponsible immature teachers who always gets so emotional over the smallest, solvable things. I was labeled as an “old man” cause of the way I acted like an adult. I got discriminated cause apparently I’m so “boring” and “too logical”. When I was 12, I remember I told other kids to stop being childish and immature. Yup, a kid, telling another kid, to stop being a kid. It’s exhausting seeing them create problems cause they’re so bored with their life. I was also told by the teachers that I’m “too mature for your age” and I need to start behaving like a kid, and I told them that they’re incredibly immature for theirs and they should be an adult that kids look up too. I got myself in trouble for saying that, but, I stood my ground since I was already taught how to stand up for myself and argue with logics. Only the principle knows my real situation and dismissed the case. He told me that once I’m an adult, I’ll be a lil happier.

Years passed, I’m now 30 years old. And….I’m still exhausted dealing with people. Bunch of adults my age still behaves like a child and always use their emotions for everything. They’re irresponsible and never take any accountability in life. It’s really exhausting to be dealing with people like this.

I’m just…all I want is to be a kid. A kid that’s so dumb and learning things very slowly. I deserve to be immature and stupid for once. I deserve to be the kid that I never was. I wish my older sisters are born normal so I can be that annoying little brother to them. I wish my parents are still alive too so I can have fights with them but also take care of them. At my age, if my sisters were normal, they would’ve been married and have kids, and I’d love to be that cool uncle to my niece and nephews…but I guess they’ll be unmarried, and I guess I will be unmarried too. Cause I don’t have the mental capacity to take care of another person, even worse if I have my own kids. I have 4 special sisters to look after, and that’s my only life goal. I had to reject even my own crush….but my crush says she wants to go through it with me…but, with so many betrayals from both sides of my family about my parents’ property, and about taking care of my sisters, I just…couldn’t anymore. She say she’ll wait for me….maybe, she’s the one? But I don’t know….for the first time, my logical mind couldn’t do its thing.

And for the first time, I grieved my parents and the childhood that I missed. And I’m crying right now as I’m typing this. I love my sisters. They didn’t ask to be born that way. I never blamed them for taking my childhood away. I have no other choice but to do it for their sake. I could’ve abandoned them but , I chose to take responsibility.

Most of you have the life I wanted so bad.

Please don’t take it for granted.

My (30F) BF (30M) finishes almost instantly

Some background: So we got together quite recently, technically still in honeymoon phase. Seems my libido is much higher than his.

That is not the issue, I’m fine with solo play when we don’t see each other. However when we do get together and the conditions make for a good opportunity to be intimate he seems hesitant even though he gets hard easily.

Now I suspect it is because he knows that he won’t last very long. At first we blamed it on his not getting intimate for a very long time but the situation repeats.

The only two times I managed to finish was riding him and it was either second time or in the morning. It doesn’t mean it’s a success because sometimes he just goes soft before I even get to sit on him..

Or if I do he almost immediately finishes. We tried missionary and he also was done in three thrusts.

I’m at the end of the rope here because he doesn’t really try to finish me off in any way. I feel like he’s sort of ashamed or disappointed with himself. I’ve never made him feel bad for it, I get it, stuff happens but kind of work with me here?

So people, especially men – how do I approach this topic to come up with a solution? Pun very much intended

I don’t want him to stress over it, that won’t help in any way, but we need a happy ending to this story… oh dear I did it again lol!

Yours sincerely,

A VERY FRUSTRATED WOMAN

Netizens’ comments

1. Is the bigger problem how quickly he finishes or that he doesn’t do anything for you? I ask because I’ve seen some women post that they don’t really mind when the guy finishes quickly as long as he’s willing to satisfy them some other way.
   Even if the quick finishing is a problem for you, I would start by talking with him about needing to keep doing things for you even if he’s finished. That’s just an essential part. It’s not over until both people are satisfied (or say they want to stop).
   It’s possible that once you’ve worked on that, the other problem will get at least somewhat better too.
2. Get him to make sure you get yours first, then even if it’s only 3 seconds, you can both be satisfied.
   Most guys who are known for being good in bed make sure the woman gets off at least once before them. You just need to figure out what you 2 can do together to make that happen.

I have a friend (A), he has been diagnosed with high functioning autism. He is a genius.

When posed with a situation, he is able to assess the situation, think of all possible outcomes and assign probabilities to all the possible outcomes and thus choose the course of action that benefits him the most. As a result, while all of us are still hustling in our career, he’s semi retired, living an extremely comfortable life with millions in the bank. Acc to “A”, he chose to retire because “people are stupid and he doesn’t wanna deal with them.”

We usually go to him for advice and so far, all these years, all his advice has been solid.

Recently, another friend (B) wanted to venture into an investment, “A” advised against it, “B” went ahead anyway. The investment blew up and “B” is facing bankruptcy from creditors. “B” went to “A” for advice and was ignored. “A” eventually agreed on the condition that “B” follows every instruction from “A” without question. “B” decided to not take “A” up on his offer and “A” just shuts up and left. “A” tends to do that when he has said enough.

We all tried talking to “A”. All “A” had to say was…. “Let him die, since he didn’t and doesn’t want to listen.” The thing is… this is the first time one of us went against his advice and it seems a little heartless. It is normal to feel uneasy? Coz no one but him was able to identify the flaw in the investment but him and “A” is punishing “B”

Here are what netizens think:

• I am a high functioning autistic person. I think we tend to focus on ourselves and not impose our will on others unless they are very close to us. I think you should not judge yr friend a this way, Help you is out of good will. Don’t help you is not being heartless, Anyway he did offer help but b did not want then what else do U expect a to do?

• I think you feel uneasy with how A draws boundaries, but there’s nothing wrong with that. You and your friends are doing B’s work for him in sorting out B’s issue.

• I don’t find A heartless. It doesn’t matter what talents he possess, no one is obligated to help B/you when the advice has already been ignored. The sense of entitlement is very strong here. A don’t owe anyone anything.

Why does work make you feel bad for being so sick you can’t work?

I am livid at the response i received from my Deputy Manager for being unable to work today. Can i help having an inflamed throat, fever, cough and migraine? NO.

Yet she still said i didn’t give “enough notice” (over an hour before my shift started) and saying “Now i need to find a full day cover for you!” because another massage therapist is sick too.

Well i wonder why??? there’s a flu going around that i contracted from my co-workers, family AND clients!! don’t get me started about them coughing through a full body massage in an enclosed space!

This “well-ness spa” they like to advertise, makes you sick! They would rather have you coming in, spreading things around, or having sick people come in and making you feel awful.

Add that with 6 hours of treatments is disgusting!! At the end it’s all about money for them, which i get but they just book too many clients in and not enough backup. F THEM.

Netizens’ comments

1. Some companies will force you to work so hard under such high stress over such a long period of time that it makes you physically ill.
   And then they fire you for taking the time off to recover (that you were entitled to via your work contract).
2. Workplaces everywhere are like this. Try to make you feel guilty for taking a sick day when you’re Ill… Wanting you to come in for that bottom dollar.
3. Because, to them, you aren’t a human. You are a resource for use in making profit. You ever get frustrated or angry when a computer or something else isn’t working right or breaks when you need it? That’s how they feel when you get sick and try to take a day off.
4. You are definitely not the only one. As to why they do it. Thats simple without you they cant make a wage.