Husband acts like he prefers my daughter over me

I got married & gave birth when i was 18.

The marriage eventually ended & i remarried, bringing my daughter along when she was a teenager.

Now my daughter has grown up and married. However, my husband’s behaviour seems weird recently.

He will want to include my daughter in every outing or meal. I can’t go “paktor” with him anymore without him asking me to call my daughter to come along.

Once during dinner with friends, he chose to sit beside her instead of me, taking up the seat meant for her husband. When i asked him to move over & sit with me, he just said he prefers to sit there with his girlfriend.

I trust my daughter not to have anything of that kind with my husband, but i don’t trust my husband anymore. He would rather go to her for opinions and help everytime when he has a wife just beside him. I tried to talk to him about it but he always changes the subject.

Do i have the right to suspect him?

Here are what netizens think:

• Don’t call your daughter out la. Just say she wants to spent time with HER HUSBAND

• Yes..your suspicion is valid..he is up to no good..speak with your daughter so you can have a sense of her take on this..hopefully she is not already into a forbidden messed up rs with him.

• You siao ah, daughter mah. U old hag.

My (26F) mom passed away at childbirth, so it was pretty much my father (50M) and me, with the occasional visits from my grandparents (from both sides), since I lived with just him, I took on a more masculine style and likings, like ”one of the boys” but the only boy was my father. I was Rexy (for T-rex, because I was obsessed with them for years), I had no barbies (he bought me a few but I was like ”ew), and I had almost 0 dresses or skirts, he also did my hair really awful every time.

When I was around 12, he began dating this woman called Maria who had a daughter (15 at that time) named Stacy, while Maria was a total sweetheart, Stacy was horrible. She tortured me for not looking like ”a girl should do”, for liking ”man stuff” like cars, bikes and stuff like that, I have to admit that I also didn’t had many friends while growing up (neither female or males) so my person was my dad, and as I grew up I got involved with what he liked. To make things short, Stacy would often throw awful comments about me being a boy, a weirdo, etc and my dad would do these same comments in a slightly different way, but they hurt me more because he was confirming that while Stacy was ”his daughter”, I was his ”son”. What broke my heart was that he called Stacy ”Peach” like Mario’s princess while I was T-Rex.

I did a 180° in my looks at 15, I brought dresses, skirts and dyed part of my hair a sweet pink which made Stacy laugh at me even more and my dad was like ”woa! Pink? that’s for girls”. In my 16th birthday, Stacy put black dye in my shampoo and ruined my whole look, I guess it was the stick that broke the camel’s back because I cried so horrible to the point of not breathing and I told my dad in front of Maria and Stacy what she had been done all of those years, along with my dad awful remarks and subtly enabling Stacy’s awful comments.

In the end, he left Maria and Stacy because it was obvious there was no going back for me after that, he eventually married my now step-mom when I turned 20. My dad apologized, we talked about it and a year after that we attended therapy until I was 24 I don’t like to talk about it, I think it broke my relationship with my dad in a way we will never be able to fix, I know he doesn’t have my back.

Yesterday, while talking he tried to joke about it and I said that I didn’t want to remember it because I’ll never forgive him for joining Stacy in her terrible ways, he said it couldn’t be possible that I’m still holding a grudge, I say I am, and that I always will because he absolutely broke my heart and confidence, he tried to argue, but my step-mom said that he needed to let go because my feelings are my feelings. I still cry when I remember it, but he says I’m an AH because he left them and made amends with me.

“My boyfriend is a huge fan of buses and can tell what model is the bus by simply listening to the engine. He can even memorise bus plates and sometimes I tell him over the phone the number of the bus I’m taking, and he has the superpower to tell me the exact plate number and bus model of the bus. I suspect he has autism.

Well that’s okay with me.

What’s NOT okay is that whenever we go out, he likes to keep whatever rubbish we created and bring it home to throw! if we ate McDonald’s or KFC outside, he will put all the rubbish in his bag to bring home. He does not allow me to throw away a bag that is not full, so he tries to make it full using whatever rubbish we created outside. the house really stinks because the rotting meat has been in the plastic bag for several days. He also do not want to use the bin as the plastic bag does not fit any bin perfectly, so it is an exposed plastic bag. I have thrown up several times because of the smell and we argue a lot over the smell of the rubbish.

Last but not least, he does not want to hang clothes on any pole to dry as he thinks the poles are dirty from bird shit, dust or other people touching it. So all our wet clothes from the washing machine will be dumped on our bed. Some nights I have to sleep on cold, wet bed because the clothes have not fully dry.

He also does not allow me to sit anywhere whenever I come home from outside. I have to sit on “dirty” chairs and not simply any chair. I cannot sit in the floor too.

I’m not able to break up with him as he would threaten to kill me or my family or himself. He will also make trouble for me at my workplace. I feel so trapped and no one to turn to. I can’t tell my friends or family about this. I’ve turned to AWARE but they can only help people who are married. What should I do? Sometimes I feel like dying to escape from all these misery.”

Here are what netizens think:

He needs professional help.You need someone in the industry to find resources you can turn to.Keep asking around.Keep up the hope.Start by writing down your option on paper and clarity would come.Edit: there is no one agency or organisation that has all the answers. The most important thing is the mindset and not feel trapped.That’s why keep asking around and get options. Only then you can be empowered.Your own well being is important as that would also have an effect on the boyfriend. Whom I guess you also want to be happy. Although it seems like it won’t work out don’t mean both can’t have a happy life aheadEdit 2 threats like killing you or family or himself is constituted as criminal. Calling the police to seek guidance is one way.There are also hotlines to call.1767 samaritans of Singapore1800 777 0000 national anti violence hotlineGet options. Empower yourself. Then pull the trigger and stay the course of action.Lastly. If you have a trusted person. Be it a family member or a friend. Time to confide in them.They might not have the answers but the conversation is important.Societal pressures and norms might prevent you from doing that and that’s why journaling or writing down is like a conversation you have with yourself.Although best to talk with someone and best with a professional. Because professionals are trained listen and give advice best suited to your situationEdit 3I implore you to take the tiniest step today that would safeguard yourself and the ones you love. Have courage. A stranger here is rooting for you. 

I dont know why some ppl can find this post amusing. Pls keep all possible evidence of his violent and threatening behaviour( if it is verbal, take a note of date/time/place and content). File a police report, block contacts and end relationship with him immediately. Easier said than done, but for your safety, it has to be done

I found out a few months ago people change their underwear every day. I’m 24.

Apparently I am supposed to be changing underwear on a daily basis. This is not something I was ever told growing up and I had a very normal upbringing.

Neither parent ever pointed out I any issue when I would wear the same underwear for a consecutive day. I don’t know how this slipped through the cracks because it seems very routine for everyone.

For my entire life I’ve worn the same underwear for 1-2 weeks at a time. Apparently this is horrific. Thought everyone did this.

How do you people not run through underwear like crazy? I have enough of other clothes to not need to do laundry for several weeks.

EDIT: I should clarify after I found out a few months ago I do change underwear daily now.

Netizens’ comments

As I was reading I was expecting to read 1-2 days not weeks

I swear my GF is always checking out my brother when we are all together.

So I (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) still live at home and so does my brother (20M).

Whenever we are out together or at the dinner table I’ve noticed over my girlfriend and I’s one year relationship that she is always turning away from me the minute my brother starts talking but barely even looks at me when I am, regardless of how long.

On top of this when conversation has stopped she is continually looking at his features like, vascular hands and other features.

One time my brother and I were having a gym session and I looked back after I had finished my squats to my girlfriend staring at my brothers arms as he was doing bent over dumbbell rows.

Please let me know if this is probably me overthinking something here or I should be feeling a little frustrated or something about this stuff and how to go about it?

Netizens’ comments

The options I see are:

1. Suffer in silence
2. Talk to her about it
3. Break up

I have a lot of resentment towards my mother-in-law

She is not a bad person, in fact she is very kind and helpful from her heart. She is the type of friend who will go all out to help you no matter what problem you have.

However, her dynamic with my husband is bad… really bad. She was a single mom since he was 7 and she was probably too young to manage a child so he was on his own a lot. Then she was absent during his growing up years leaving him with relatives while she worked and also fall out with the relatives due to her easily offended behavior.

When he got into adulthood, he had to in turn take care of her like a parent which included managing her finances, taxes, her rental property, her medical appointments, basically she doesnt learn/know anything and depended on him a lot and sometimes I see how that stresses him out. They argue a lot when they talk too which is where all my resentment is arising from.

My husband is one of the sweetest man I have ever met until it comes to his mom. But being her only son, he cannot shun the responsibility so all the interactions stresses him and out and in turn stresses me out.

Next, I know she is easily offended so I am always cordial to her to keep the boundary. Means I give her respect but I can never give her love. I know she wants to love me like a daughter because that is in her nature, she has a lot of love and a lot of strong feelings.. but I just can’t because of resentment and boundary. I keep the boundary so that we will not have a relationship so we will not have a chance for conflict. In other words, I do not have any desire to be personal with her on any level and I think she can sense it.

Lately, the resentment got stronger because she said she is having anxiety and that also worried my husband. I have no sympathy towards her, I feel that she is weak and useless and burdening my husband. Additionally, I feel like a horrible monster because I have so much sympathy for even people on the streets, the homeless but I have no sympathy for her. I feel horrible and angry when I think of her. I dont like this version of myself.. Just ranting.

I have been dating my bf for a while but there are some points that I just cannot shrug off.

The expectation is that a guy should be at least a head taller than his girlfriend, but this is something that can only happen in my dream. The reason is he is only 2cm taller and not even 175cm, meaning that it feels like he is a sister/pal to me rather than an oppa. He is way too short for a guy and it doesnt give me a strong sense of security. I estimate he is in the lower tier of height range perhaps somewhere between 1.70-1.73m.

In fact, I would like to ask my fella ladies out there who are willing to date shorter guys or even marry them. What do you see in them? Dont you regret it after a while or will make this an issue whenever you start quarreling? There are plenty of bigger fishes out there and I am now starting to regret it.

Before you commentors start bashing me, I will be fair and point out some of his merits along with my concerns.

1. Yes, he is pretty good looking and has a nice heart. He often shows care for cats/dogs and feed them but I find this trait less manly and somewhat gross. A real man should be more aggressive, not like a beta gu niang that plays with small animals.

2. He often buys lunch for me and brings it to the secondary school where I am teaching. However, sometimes kaypoh students will come to me and ask  “Cher, your boyfriend ah? Legit? Why so short one?”- Not surprising since even my female students are taller than him. This is ridiculously embarassing. I even told my bf not to bring lunch to me but he doesnt get my point… He will just say ” If we are truly in love, we shouldnt care what others say”….. Yeah right you are not the teacher…

3. He will offer to carry the plastic bags whenever we go shopping. The problem is his legs are short so his hands are like in close proximity to the ground, resulting in some long plastic bags being dragged, even though I understand he doesnt mean it. This is pretty unsightly.

4. He is a mathematician and I remembered once he drew me a heart using math equations. This seems romantic to others but lame in my eyes. If he is sincere, he would have drawn the heart by hand, not indulge in these kinds of boring stuff. After all, how can all these math help him in his future prospect? I knew of a few friends already earning big bucks without knowledge of maths.

I do not not wish to elaborate any further because for every merit that I can think of, it is diluted by the negative aspects. They cant even offset his midget stature.

Unfortunately, all the good quality tall guys are already taken by the short girls, otherwise I would have ended this relationship earlier. I do not want my female besties to find out that I broke up, so I will just bear with it for a while.

My message to my fella sisters out there who are currently attached to the shorter guys. It is never too late to back out! Think of your future!

I (24F) met my husband (23M) met when we were 15 and 16 in secondary school. We found out I was pregnant shortly after we started dating and I gave birth to our son at 17. Since then our relationship was on a fast track and we got married at 21 after finishing school.

We wanted to bought a flat last year and my in-laws have not been super supportive of our decisions. They made constant jokes about selling their house to move in with us and bringing my husband’s 2 siblings(both adults) with them since they lived with them full time.

But it all changed when they tried to push us to buy a bigger and more expensive house (five-room) then we wanted so that we had room for the family to come to visit and stay. My MIL kept showing husband houses she liked and when he told her we were looking for something different she told him we had to “compromise for the family”.

They finally lost it on us when we told them we put an offer to a flat that is at the West side (They stayed at the East) (which was in an area we planned to move to all along we just never told them) and they didn’t handle that well. Telling me I’m taking their son and grandchild away from them. The offer went through and we moved in as soon as possible but had to deal with in-laws constantly coming to visit uninvited.

My MIL and SIL were showing up every weekend for months without calling in advance. Husband and I both tried to explain that we are constantly having to cancel weekend plans for their visits and canceling other friends and family visits because of them but they do not care. Making my home their second home, not listening to our rules, and constantly undermining me in my own home. Finally we told them if they didn’t call and ask in advance they would be turned away at the door and they stopped showing up.

2 weeks ago husband got a call from FIL saying that his job had laid him off and he would be short on expenses this month. That’s when MIL took the phone and suggested this be the perfect time for them to come move closer to us. They were already looking to sell their home and they could all come stay with us until FIL found a new job.

We told them our home couldn’t accommodate 4 more people nor could we financially support them. FIL insisted it wouldn’t be for long but he is very frugal and does not like to spend money unnecessarily and I feel like this is just an excuse to cut back on living expenses for them. I also want my son to have room to grow and have room for a second child sometime in the next year or so.

My husband is in the middle and understands why I don’t want them moving in but at the same time thinks we shouldn’t turn our backs on his family. I am torn because I think I have solid arguments for why they shouldn’t but it’s my husband’s house too and I don’t want to upset him.

How to settle?

Is it too much to ask for if I requested my future partner to have same earning as me?

I’m a 28 y/o full time working adult. Working since 21, did my part time degree in between. Currently earning 3.8-4K per month.

I ended my first relationship due to my partner was lack of financial managing ability. He spurs every single cent he earn. And he don’t believe in saving for rainy day. He don’t believe in education as well, and he thinks that degree is just a piece of paper. He’s earning 1.6k when we’re still in relationship. He’s very stubborn, he thinks that 1.6k is enough to start a family, so I decide to cut him off from my life for good.

Met 2nd guy, went out for couple of dates. He’s quite decent, but he’s quite reluctant to pursue further studies as well. He’s 34 this year already, but his job title is some assistant sort of, and he’s earning 2.6k per month. He only start work at age of 28 and sky knows what he did before that age. Btw, he’s just a diploma holder. He cut me off once I mention about how his low income might affect our future relationship.

Reason, why I take education so seriously, is because, society only recognise certification nowadays. And further studies is to keep yourself competitive and relevant in the industry. And qualifications is directly linked to your remuneration and promotions.

The fundamental of building a family is money. And to have better income, education is the fastest way to do it. That’s how I see it.

Is it too much to ask your partner to match your income? Or ask them to further study for a better job and income?

Here are what netizens think:

• If earning in a certain income range is your thing, then it’s your thing. But don’t date a guy in a lower income range then demand he gets a better job or further his studies. He’s simply not compatible with your requirements. Find someone who is.
• Money is very important in a marriage especially after having kids. Love alone cannot sustain. You’re very far sighted and that is a good thing. Your expectation of finding someone with similar income range as you is not unreasonable. But maybe forcing someone to go further studies may be a little too much. When you find the right one you wont have such problem. All the best.
• Does he spend within his means? Thats crucial. Is he willing to spend time and upgrade himself to be marketable and earn decent enough to start a family and kids with quality life? Thats crucial too.
• I think the same as you, I am your age and earn twice your salary. We are not a good fit.

My (F29) cousin Nicolas (M30) has always acted like he was better than me for as long as I can remember.

From primary school (we went to the same school) to uni, to my adult years, he always has something negative to say about me and what I’m doing in my life.

It has always bothered me, but I mostly always just take it and gritted my teeth.

Nicolas was always the golden grandchild, he gets everything because my grandparents love his mom (my aunt). My mom had me when she was 16, and sadly, my family has always thought I wouldn’t amount to much.

Thankfully I have, I make over $200k a year in my career in sales, but I still live modestly (I drive an old car, don’t buy fancy clothes or new clothes often, don’t really go to any fancy places, etc.). I keep to myself mostly, my family doesn’t know how much I make.

I went to birthday dinner at my grandparent’s house, and of course, Nicolas just keeps going on and on about how great his job is. Great company, great job, he’s set for life, blah blah blah. Everyone is eating it up.

What irks me when he talks about his job is that my aunt (my uncle’s wife) got the job for him (she works there).

She got him an internship, and he abandoned his position after a few months because he got bored. My aunt still pushed some people around internally and got him an interview for the job he has now.

He failed his interviews miserably, and again, my aunt twisted some arms and got him in. I had periodically asked the same aunt if I could work there, and she had always said they weren’t hiring. Whatever.

At dinner, Nicolas starts taking jabs at me, saying how it must suck to work in sales.

He says that I just beg people for money and it’s one of the worst jobs to have. He starts talking about how I couldn’t make it as a lawyer (I planned to go to law school but didn’t) and now I was stuck in sales.

Everyone is laughing along at his jokes at my expense. He tells everyone he’s making $100k a year, gets to take nice vacations, etc. Then he turns to me and says, “maybe one day you’ll catch up to me and can afford to take vacations too! And maybe you’ll be able to get rid of that old piece of lousy hyundai you drive!

I laughed and said, “Haha, I’m a year younger than you and I make $215k a year from a job that I got all by myself and managed not to screw up within 3 months of working there.” But hey, maybe one day you’ll catch up to me! If Auntie continues bootlicking enough for you, that is.”

Everyone at the dinner table started laughing, and he went to the washroom, embarrassed.

One of my aunts pulled me aside to say it was not cool to put him down for his past mistakes. I think he deserved it for being a jerk.