My elderly divorced aunt is having an affair with a married man.

Since my aunt (late 60s) divorced her husband 20 years ago, she has been having affairs with married men of similar age. All her past and current boyfriends share similarities like poor health, being financially stingy, low income, or retirement.

After her previous married boyfriend died from a heart attack, she found a new one quickly. As for the new bf, he is retired and has a wife and will come over to sleep at my aunt’s house some days each week.

The problem with this old man is that every time we go for dinner and family outings, my parents will have to pay for him and my aunt. He never once offered to pay for the meal, and when he previously visited my house during Chinese New Year, he would disrespect my family by smoking in the house. I told him before not to smoke, but in the subsequent year, he would secretly smoke on my balcony and throw the cigarette butt out the window without considering my neighbours’ safety. I shouted at him to stop smoking at my house, and since then, he gave me an attitude for half a year; until last week, he spoke to me nicely.

My mother will have a large-scale birthday party soon, and I know he will tag along with my aunt for the free food and free flow of alcohol at my family’s expense. Hence, I want to take this opportunity to settle this nonsense by expressing my true feelings to him and telling him to stay away from my family (aunt not included).

Please comment as much as you want, and any suggestions are welcome. Thanks.

Here are what netizens think:

• Pls talk to your aunt instead of confronting her bf directly at the party which could cause a scene and get ppl upset/ embarrassed. That would be the respectful way of handling things.
• Don’t invite her and the bf at all. Since the bday celebration is being hosted by u, u have all the rights to invite and not invite who to come. U can also reinforce to your other family member not to inform this aunt as well.
• I think ur aunt just want a companion partner but it comes with baggage (sick, bad habit etc). All of us has this baggage now or when we get older. I feel u should just leave your aunt alone unless she was abused by him. Let her enjoy her life.
• Call his wife to come collect her trash.

I find myself working longer and longer hours with WFH. My manager has an annoying habit of scheduling conference meetings in the evenings and even late at night.

She assumes that just because we WFH, there is more time flexibility to when we can hold meetings. Her rationale is that whereas last time in office the work hours were all taken up by meetings and discussions which disrupted real work from being done, now we can just focus on doing work during daytime, and schedule all the meetings in the evenings.

This means higher productivity for everyone.

Conveniently forgetting or purposely not mentioning this means much longer work hours for everyone, while the company has announced a pay freeze and no bonus for the next 2 years at least.

To make matters worse, the company is rolling out a new initiative where every employee needs to report our work progress every 2 hours to our direct report, together with screenshots of what we have been doing for the past 2 hours. To make sure we don’t slack off while WFH.

Who says WFH is better? Home is supposed to be where we unwind from work. But now I’m miserable, overworked and feeling trapped in my own home. I’m really desperate to go back to office life.

At least there was some kind of clear work vs home separation.

Here are what netizens think:

• This kind of people they will do whatever they can to lick their bosses’s boots
• This one angkat until cannot angkat, wayang number 1. From experience wayang people only climb to a certain level and they get stuck cause no new substance.
• Sounds like my last time General Manager at Jurong

A netizen has reached out to Singapore Uncensored stating how the company he is employed at is forcing office staff to work in the warehouse to avoid paying the warehouse workers any overtime wage.

The man said that he is not covered by the law for overtime payment and neither is he getting any off days from his company for working beyond his regular working hours.

Here is what the netizen said:

I am working in a company that covers a wide range of services and logistics is one of them, whenever a project gets rushed in or a screw-up happens I have to go work in the warehouse. This means I have to both finish my official duties and also go to the warehouse and help move goods.

I am not complaining that a warehouse job is hard, I am stating that it is very “black” of them to do this to avoid paying their workers more and I am not getting fairly compensated.

This often ends up with me working till 8-9 PM. This is not a one-time thing, I have been keeping my mouth shut for the past few years as I could not risk making a complaint and getting targeted by the management.

If this happens rarely, I most likely will not make a fuss about it. But this happens almost every day for the past 3 years.

My boss would release the warehouse workers at 6 PM as they are covered by the workman law and they are eligible for overtime pay. Then my boss will ask the office workers to stay back and complete the job who are not eligible for any overtime and we are not given any off days as well.

I know many netizens will tell me to expose the company, but as far as I know, there has not been any company who are punished and told to pay their employees millions in Singapore (Meaning I still have to work).

So even if I complain or call MOM also no use cause ends up with me getting a bad appraisal and I won’t get any increment (kena mark).

In other words, I only can search for another job. But due to the competitiveness of the market, I have not been able to find a job at any other company.

All I can say is that it is an MNC from overseas and they are so famous almost everyone has heard of their brand before.

Boss requires me to accept his social media request

I just started a new job and am eager to jump in and do great work. The only problem is my new boss sent me a follow request on Instagram.

I ignored it for a couple of days but he confronted me yesterday about it. I politely said I don’t follow people from work at all but he said he requires all his employees to follow him (and for them to follow him) for the first six months because he’s had problems in the past where people aren’t really who they claim to be outside of work

(he mentioned people aren’t as professional outside of work because they party, drink, etc) so this is his way of making sure new employees are “upstanding citizens” in their daily lives during the 6 month probation period. I work at an accounting firm.

I’m honestly shocked as I’ve never heard this or thought a boss can make you follow them on Instagram. Can I go to HR about this without my boss finding out?

Netizens’ comments

1. This is a red flag for: micromanagers and narcissists. Don’t stop your job search, this one isn’t gonna work out in the long run
2. OP should email the boss and state, clearly and explicitly, “I have received a follow request from you on instagram, you said it is required for me to accept it. I am not interested in connecting with you or anyone else working at (employer company name) on any social media. I will not accept the follow request. Please do not ask me to accept the request. I am not interested.” CC’ing HR, and CC’Ing OP’s personal email address.
3. “No. You only pay me for my time on the job, not my time off. You have no right to my personal time.
   Don’t skirt around it and change your account or something like that, he needs to know there is a thick black line between on the job and off the job. If you don’t address this now it will only get worse. Personally I’d start looking for another job immediately: this is a massive red flag. Expect a micromanager and no respect for your work/life balance if this is how he is out of the gate.

Requesting my wife speak to her boss about having photos up of her in his office?

Context: My wife 29F works at a smaller company and mainly works from home. They have to go in once a week. A few weeks ago I came to her office to have lunch with her. She was showing me around when we walked past the director of her departments office. She popped her head in to say hey and introduced us.

Well I glance in the office and immediately notice that a picture of my wife is on his wall. I don’t say anything but mention it at lunch. For more context before he was the director him and my wife worked more closely together so they do have a friendly relationship.

My wife said the picture was an inside joke because his office is right by the printer and bathroom, she said she’d joke that she always feels like she has to say hey when she walks past so they are constantly saying hi. Something like that, she printed a picture of her waving saying that she now doesn’t have to do it anymore.

He hung up that picture. He also has a picture of her holding a birthday sign with other coworkers but her face is middle. So really two pictures. He also has other random things hanging up. And a picture of his wife on his desk.

I tried to let it go but I just think it’s weird and bordering inappropriate. Like what are people without context thinking? I explained to her and said it makes me uncomfortable and if she could maybe talk to him.

She claims that would be making it something it’s not and make work uncomfortable. They’ve never chatted outside of work and have a professional relationship. But I feel like if she won’t talk to him maybe I should. She is saying I’d be AH to do that, and potentially hurt her career.

is this as inappropriate as I’m thinking.

Story of my family’s encounter with a ghost pretending to be my mom

The following story were told to me by my grandmother a few years back. She was visiting us a few days ago when I asked her to re-tell us the story. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I believe her, being a person who believes in ghosts, spirits, god etc. It goes as follows:

It was when my mom was in 6th or 7th grade. The year was 1991, I guess. All my grandma’s daughters (a total of 5 sisters, including my mom) plus her son were home.

My granddad was at work at the time. It was around 9 pm at night, all my aunts, including my mom, and my uncle were all huddled in the bedroom with my grandma.

Then, there was a knock on the door. My grandma, being the brave woman she was, went to answer the knock. Before she opened the door, she asked who it was.

And to her shock, someone said “It’s me. Let me in”. The only catch was, it was my mom’s voice. ah ma (that’s what I call my grandma) was shocked to hear it. It was obviously not possible that it would be my mom, as she was sitting inside.

Now, after hearing the voice, my ah ma knew something had to be done to protect her kids. So, she told everyone to grab a weapon. When everyone was armed with either kitchen knives or long wooden sticks , they went to the door and my ahma shouted “WHO’S THERE? I KNOW YOU’RE NOT MY DAUGHTER!”.

There was silence, and then, they heard a very, very, VERY creepy laugh. WAY creepier than any horror movie.

They waited a few minutes, then my mom, being the oldest, got fed up and opened the door. There was no one there, except a piece of thread worn on the feet.

The thread was not there before, my ahma told me, and the front gate was locked. Everyone was spooked out and they went to bed. Nothing has happened since.

My mom doesn’t remember anything, but I guess its a given, since its been 31 years since this incident. She’s 43 now

Would it be unwise to have kids without getting married?

My partner believes marriage only benefits women especially in Singapore and refuses to get married. Both of us want kids.

I was indifferent about marriage until I started thinking about if we decided to have kids. Besides the father not being able to take paternity leave and family care leave, what downsides are there to being an unmarried mom?

In general, do Singaporean men share the sentiment of not wanting to get married even when there are kids in the picture?

I am starting to see many risks now especially seeing how tiring it is to be a parent. Would being unmarried mean your partner is limited in his ability to take care of the kids?

Edit: No, my partner isn’t married – we’re living together at his place. Long story short, we’re an interracial couple and I got kicked out of my house and disowned for being in a relationship with a non-Chinese.

He’s been wonderful to me but has unusual and perhaps cynical views of relationships and marriage. I appreciate the discussion this is generating but please try not to make assumptions about our relationship.

Netizens’ comments

1. Regardless of his opinion on things like the woman’s charter, having kids out of wedlock putting your family at a big financial disadvantage by losing out on housing, subsidies and inheritance. Even countries where people normally have kids before marriage like the Nordic states, they still tend to get married eventually.
2. I don’t know how to put it… he doesn’t want to give you the benefits that women can be guaranteed under marriage? I see it as essentially him not wanting to give you the assurance which marriage brings when things break down, he is essentially telling you he wants to be able to pack up clean cut and leave you with whatever. It’s important you find out what are the guarantees you benefit from under a marriage and see if you are ok to leave without these guarantees when things break down.
   If 2 people, live however you want, but if there’s a child involved you need to consider the rights and standard of living guaranteed to your child under marriage.
3. No this sentiment is uncommon. A guy who wants to have a family with kids should bear the burden and legal responsibility that comes with it, one of which is the bind of marriage which will give the spouse and kids the protection and legality of inheritance, alimony etc, should anything happen (divorce, death etc). This could be different in liberal countries like Scandinavian country where “partners” can also be accorded legal status. In Singapore, don’t even think of having kids with a man that doesn’t want to get married.

I put in my 2 weeks notice. Got asked to make it 4 weeks notice, then got fired.

I got a new better paying job offer closer to home with benefits about 4 months ago. I told my manager I was going to take this new job opportunity and the manager and the boss gave me a raise to stay

Fast forward to today. The new job offer raises their initial offer and now I want to take the new job.

I let my manager know that I was going to be taking this job and putting in 3 weeks notice as my job is in a busy period and I wanted to help out ad we were already short staffed. Manager asks for 4 weeks I say ok.

10 minutes later I get a call from my manager saying the owner wants today to be my last day and to finish up what I’m doing and leave for the day and not come back.

Been 2 days now and no one other than my co workers have reached out at all.

I’m feeling shocked and disappointed at how this ended up I had good relations with my bosses and spent 2 years with them, worked really hard and dedicated so much time to them. I don’t know why they were acting like that.

Just wanted to have a professional departure and help out when needed but now because the staff is already short they would rather have me not there and struggle than have me there helping because I’m leaving.

Could it be because I took the raise to stay and then I’m leaving months later after I got a better offer? Shouldn’t they be happy for me that I’m trying to better my life? Just making me feel really bad about myself is this normal?

Straight guys of SG, what are some activities y’all would nvr do if you were not attached?
Question
I’ve my fair share of guy friends (mostly straight, some gay), and what I tend to notice is that straight guys tend to lead fairly simple lives & have very stereotypical hobbies unless they’re in a relationship.

Like most local straight guys i know have these same hobbies/activities they do if on their own or with their guy friends:

1. gaming
2. work out/sports
3. surf internet
4. go out eat (usually not cafe or more fancy restaurants)

Some of the activities I observe straight guys would never do/very unlikely to do unless attached & kena dragged by their gfs:

1. cafe hopping
2. picnics
3. any workshop that involves painting/pottery/embroidery
4. cooking/baking classes
5. any of those festivals like iLight, XMas Wonderland
6. *add on if you can think of any others

Is that because those activities are considered more feminine.. & so if you do it on your own or with your guy friends, it’s considered ‘gay’ or not masculine?

& if there’re straight guys out there who actually enjoy doing those things I mentioned above without having to be dragged by your gfs, pls prove my supposed misconceptions wrong too!

Netizens’ comments

1. This is the most Singaporean thing I’ve read all day
2. F here and I wouldn’t have done the same activities if no one drags me. Not interested in coffee or cafes. Workshops are expensive, rather follow youtube for free if I’m doing alone. I have male friends who like to go to festivals too, they go to the same festival twice if they are attached (once with group, once with partner).
3. those activities you listed that straight guys would never is not limited to straight guys. other than “picnic”, which depends on execution, all of them are expensive af, esp compared to your list of “sterotypical hobbies”
4. I’m a curious kind of person, so I’ll do almost any activity, even without a girlfriend/external pressure. For instance, I used to do Netball casually (it’s a supposed “feminine” sport) and when I was a kid, I’d enthusiastically help my mom sew stuff. I don’t feel less straight and if any of my friends were to judge me, I wouldn’t count them as my friends.
   Life is too short to be picky or judgy about hobbies. I feel this is just social constructs, like for example: football (or soccer) is seen as a women’s sport in the US (usually school soccer teams are women only), but in SG it’s a sport that is stereotypically played by guys.

A netizen shared how he finds it thrilling to get women who are attached or married to cheat on their partners by sleeping with him.

He confesses that he is a relationship wrecker with a “success rate of 25%”.

Here is his story:

“Hi. Just wanna confess that I’m a relationship wrecker. I find it thrilling to get attached/married ladies to fall in love with me and cheat on their partner.

Obviously, once I got them to cheat, I would end up losing interest and ghost them because hey, mission accomplished?.

The thrill is just isn’t there anymore.

Boasts of “success rate”

Not easy and I would say my success rate is decent at best (25%~). Used to feel guilty at first.

But anyway, if they cheat it’s their fault right. Still, I wouldn’t try it on my close friends’ relationship. At least that’s one line I wouldn’t cross.

Obviously, I never tell them any of these because I wouldn’t wanna lose them as friends. So I’ll just post my confession here.

Thanks for hearing.”