Met 2 guys from dating app around the same time, now both are starting to hint that they wanna date me exclusively. But I don’t know who to choose

So Guy A is totally my type in terms of looks. Due to similar upbringing and educational background, we have a lot of common conversation topics and on top of that he has good sense of humour.

We also share a liking for one particular sport which we do together weekly. He lives in HDB and doesn’t drive, his family is not rich but lives a comfortable life. He was a scholar back in uni and now holding a managerial position in MNC.

He is very capable at work, generally street smart and carries himself well around people. Only weaknesses I noted so far 1) He doesn’t show much concern when I have a bad day or when i am sick, not really sure if he doesn’t know how to comfort me or just can’t be bothered. 2) He doesn’t like to plan dates so usually is either I plan or we do things impromptu. He does try to accommodate to my love language that is quality time and we spend quite a lot of time together despite his busy schedule.

Guy B is not bad looking too, although not exactly my type. He comes from affluent family, owns a condo and drives. He holds a decent job, but I happened to know he is actually a uni dropout and got the job through his parents’ connections.

He is not as smart / capable as guy A but personality wise he is more warm and caring. He is very talkative so there is never awkward silence between us, but as time passes, I notice he does most of the talking and we don’t have much common topics to talk about.

We also have no common interest. He is very generous with gifts and he brought me to nice places for dates. He openly tells me he is serious about me and hopes to settle down with me soon, something that guy A never brought up before. He even brought me home and introduced me to his family although we are not together yet.

In short, I feel like I get along better with guy A and more attracted to him as he is smarter and more capable, but guy B seems to be a better guy to settle down with given his financial stability and caring nature. Hence the dilemma. I am approaching 30 soon and hoping this relationship will be my last.

Just wanna get the crowd’s opinion on who you will choose and why.

Here are what netizens think:

• Choose neither. You’re a red flag yourself. Poor lads. No matter who you choose, you will pin for the other one whenever you have problems with the first one. No man deserves such a woman who will keep thinking she could have chosen better whenever a problem arises.
• So hard to decide..Cos we don’t even know you nor them personally.Follow your heart.. It’s what keeps you going when the going gets tough!
• Instead of comparing the two, have you figured out what kind of a partner you want for life? In terms of vision, values, financial goals etc. I think if haven’t , better figure out first.
• What are your values? What are their values? After all the looks, materialism, jobs, status are gone, what else is left is what you should think about… Marriage is till life and not till all you are ‘happy’ or ‘have’… Without these values, not only are you doing a disservice to yourself but to them as well…
• Lol. This rs won’t be your last. You look at looks and money more than anything else. You’ll just keep changing to the next better one. So you best stay single. Don’t waste other people’s sons times.

I haven’t met my ex in about 6 years and honestly I’m quite relieved. I’d thought at the time we’d see each other more often as we were going to the same course in uni and I guess working in the same sector, but thankfully I haven’t seen her since.

She cheated on me with some guy she met on tinder, and it continued until one of her friends told me about it. I found out later that the friend was also sleeping with the guy and she just wanted him for herself.

The guy was in NS at the time and I was waiting to enlist. So ironic that this was pretty much a reversal of whatever usually happens in the stereotypes.

I only found out because someone else wanted to sleep with him. I couldn’t sleep that night and that next day I asked to meet her. Surprisingly she asked to break up with me the first thing she said. Apparently I wasn’t good enough for her in various aspects and she even said that I was “too small” for her. She said that I was “lame” and unlike her new guy who’s like fit and has a cool role in the army as a medic my clerk job was embarrassing but like who even says that? Isn’t that just looking for any excuse to break up?

I heard she continued sleeping with the guy for a while up till about midway through uni. I haven’t dated since. It was hard enough to get a girlfriend the first time and honestly I don’t have much faith in it anymore.

Life’s a B.

Here are what netizens think:

• I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I work on cars for a living, Sometimes the size doesn’t matter, but a 6.3 liter AMG is an unforgettable ride. Some are 3.8 v6 twin turbo that murders the life out of a 6.3 na.. so size doesn’t really matter, just up your turbo size, if a 2.0 fitted with a big enough turbo, anything is possible.. then there are the 1.4 non turbo cars..  just need to find the right driver for any of the cars.. if you once drive a 2.0 turbo and suddenly you drive a 1.4, do you think you will miss the 2.0 once awhile? 
• Dating is a process of developing familiarity as a means of gauging if the other party would make a suitable life partner. In your case, this process culminated in the exit of a cruel and spiteful cheater from your life. Isn’t that a good thing?
• Everything is relative.What is small for a volcanic opening, is perfect for a container of spice.

A netizen shared how because he goes to the gym “quite a bit”, his chest is bigger than his girlfriend and he is wondering if he should break up with her.

Here is the story:

“Hi guys, I need some genuine advice. Am a dude in my early 20s and in a relationship for abt 2 years.

She is kind and I appreciate her character and our chemistry. But there is one thing that is bothering me greatly.

Though I have not seen it, I am super bothered by the fact that my GF’s chest seems smaller (super flat) compared to my chest (I gym quite a bit + naturally big chest ).

I know we should not be superficial and ought to look beyond physical beauty and bodily imperfections but I am afraid that I will not be aroused (or even make her feel inadequate) when we sleep together in the future.

What should I do? Should we talk about it? Should we break up?”

Editor’s note: Dude, are you serious…

Here are what netizens think:

• There always solutions out there such as finding a new one.

• You sponsor her go plastic surgery and upsize lah.

• Wah piang you think what sia

Solutions

It’s important to approach this situation with care and sensitivity. Physical appearance is just one aspect of a person, and it’s not fair to judge someone solely on that basis. Here are some things to consider:

1. Reflect on Your Feelings: It’s natural for people to have preferences, but it’s important to understand that attraction goes beyond physical appearance. Take some time to reflect on why this is bothering you so much and if it’s something you can work on internally.
2. Communicate Openly: It’s crucial to have open and honest communication in a relationship. If this is bothering you to the point where it’s affecting your relationship, you might consider discussing your feelings with your girlfriend. However, you should be extremely sensitive in your approach and avoid criticizing her. Focus on your feelings rather than her appearance.
3. Focus on the Bigger Picture: Remember the qualities that attracted you to her in the first place – her kindness, character, and chemistry. These aspects are often more important for a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
4. Consider Self-Reflection: It’s also worth considering why physical appearance plays such a significant role in your attraction. Sometimes, these feelings can be tied to deeper insecurities or societal pressures. Self-reflection can help you understand these feelings better.
5. Seek Professional Help: If you find that this issue is causing significant distress, you might consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to approach the situation with your girlfriend.

Property Agents and their false listings

Started looking for a property recently. Am shocked that some of the agents like to list false pricing to attract enquiries – is this normal? We’re obviously enquiring for the price offered on the listing…

Example: saw a listing for 550k, enquired, an hour later it was changed to 688k. My agent who contacted the selling agent later told me the agent said they listed the pricing wrongly, was actually 720k. ?! I saw him changing the price in-between so how is that a listing mistake.

I just wish the listings were more accurate… Because we’re obviously enquiring for the price offered in the listing. I don’t know why they think later dropping a way higher price would entice me further. It’s just wasting both our time, and makes me doubt the legitimate listings.

Netizens’ comments

• one agent even had the cheek to say if she didnt list that price would we have contacted her
  • You should report her to the site/cea for that. It’s against their terms.
    When I was looking, I had agents list units below the area’s asking and when I contacted them for a viewing they’ll say okay but come up with so many excuses why now is not a good time. Then they’ll start sharing their “actual” listings and ask if I could like to consider viewing those instead.

• That’s good for instant blacklisting. Now you know who you cannot trust.

I won’t lie, I’m a gullible person. Due to this, I’ve been in quite a few terrible relationships. And yes that includes being cheated on.

So you can imagine my thoughts when I woke up at 2:14 am hearing moans in the house.

Previously the night before my bf was very pushy about me going to sleep. To the point, he held me in place till I got bored enough and actually did.

Well back to the matter at hand.

I woke up in bed alone while hearing moans coming from outside the bedroom. I told myself not to panic until I heard.

“Yeah you like that.”

To which at that point I did panic.

As I opened the door I had a clear view of the room next to it since the other door was open.

All I saw was this man sitting in his gamer chair (the room next to our bedroom is the game room), head leant back, pants at ankles. He was going to town with a picture of me in his free hand.

Here’s where it gets sad because I walked in at the end I scared him so he couldn’t aim where the… the rocket would aim. It got right on his forehead all while he was trying so hard to hide the evidence at hand.

I now know the rotating pictures he keeps of me on his desk are for… fun time. I also now know the huge bottle of moisturizer he keeps on his desk is not for his hands.

He wasn’t cheating but the situation was too much for me so early in the morning I just went to the couch we keep in there and went back to sleep.

Now that I’m awake I still can’t process it.

We both decided to pretend I did not just walk in on him.

So I (29M) have been seeing a girl (26F) for a couple of months now.

We started hanging out in mid March, and things have started to feel pretty serious. I’ve been seeing her exclusively since we started a relationship, We’re hanging out 2-3 times a week, including staying over. She is popping by my job to say hi, bringing food for me and my coworkers, and she’s pretty much been on track to meet my friends. Every time we hang out it’s tons of laughs, smiles, and lots of physical attention. She’s mentioned several times telling her friends and family about me, and she has met a couple of my friends. We text or talk on the phone every day.

There’s been some weird red flag stuff though, for example I’ve never been to her apartment and she pretty much refuses to let me see it. She always just comes to my place. The other is, we haven’t really ever had a “real” conversation. Any time relationship level conversations come up, the subject is changed or we go into jokes. We have had lots of other conversations, and we talk a lot, but it’s always avoided when it goes there. Whatever I suppose, she wants to take it slow?

Well I’ve been feeling strange about the whole relationship. Today she fell asleep and her phone was next to me. I know I shouldn’t have looked through it. I feel really guilty, I know it’s an invasion of her privacy, and it’s an overall lame move. But, I picked up her phone and searched my name in her texts.

There were a hand full text threads that had my name mentioned, but I picked the most recent one and a second one from a friends name I recognized from her stories.

The first one was two weeks ago. The girl I’m seeing sent a screenshot of a guy hitting on her, and I guess it’s a long time crush of hers. Her and the friend she sent it to make lots of lewd jokes, and she said something like “I like OP, but let me know if you bang ___”

The other thread was at the end of March, right around the time we started seeing each other and the first time she stayed the night at my place. Basically, she was describing our intimacy as extremely awkward, she was telling her friend that my manhood was small, and they laughed about my lack of game. Then the friend asks “Do you like OP?” To which she replied, “As a person, yeah. But I’m not into it.” Then they both casually mentioned the few other guys she’s been seeing and sleeping with and how they’re bad.

I feel embarrassed, but also extremely confused. I put her phone back immediately after reading the second thread and shut it. There was more to read, but my hands were shaking and I felt so stupid.

That conversation was a month and a half ago, clearly she’s continued to see me, and she is always extremely enthusiastic about intimacy and she’s often the one initiating. We’ve had conversations about our intimacy, and she has always been overwhelmingly positive to me.

I’m feeling neutral about her seeing other people. We’ve never had a conversation about this being exclusive, so I didn’t expect her to be, but I also didn’t expect what I saw. More than anything, my jaw dropped about how she was talking about me. I couldn’t imagine speaking about an intimate experience that way to my friends, let alone being so derogatory.

I’m trying to sort out if this was just an instance of her talking shit with her friends, but it also seems so unlike the person I’ve been seeing for the past couple of months.

I know it’s not fair of me to judge someone based on an isolated text that wasn’t even meant for me, but I am also feeling incredibly insecure and hurt over this. In equal amounts, I’m feeling large pangs of guilt for going through her phone.

After a few minutes of trying to process, it was midnight and she said she had to leave at that time. So I woke her up and walked her to her car. She mentioned twice that she was upset I didn’t wake her up earlier, because she wanted to get down to it. That made my stomach sink, and I laughed it off. I was obviously being really weird.

She sent me a text apologizing for sleeping so long, and asked if I wanted to see her Wednesday.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure how to feel, and I’m not sure how to approach a conversation with her about this, or even if I should at all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long. Typing on mobile if format is poor. Throwaway because I’m embarrassed

A guy said to me, “why are you here alone? Have no friends?” and I nearly broke into tears because he was right

I went to an event yesterday for fun, by myself, because I had no one to go with me.

A lot of people liked my attire so I had a few conversations, but then I was chatting this guy who seemed fine at first, but then he just said THAT.

And it was awful because he was right. I lied and said my friends were in the bathroom, and excused myself. (I should add that this guy had some buddies with him and I don’t think he was awkwardly offering companionship, but maybe he was, I’ll never know what went through his head after all. )

It ruined my afternoon and I think I’m going to stop going out to events like that because it’s just going to make me feel like a more of a loser than I already am with that comment in the back of my head.

Netizens’ comments

I know you may not be looking for any responses given this sub, but I am perfectly happy going to any events alone and there are many people who are the same. If you are enjoying yourself that’s all that matters. Don’t let anyone get in the way of you having a perfectly good day enjoying things alone!

Also he could have been joking in order to try to talk to you. Anyway, don’t stop going to events alone, it’s perfectly normal to go solo!

Newlyweds haven’t slept together (f24) (f27)

This might be pretty crazy story. But my husband and I got married not too long ago. We are both from conservative families so we both waited until marriage.

The honeymoon was awkward… he wouldn’t really initiate at all. We like barely tried once it didn’t really work and never again after that.

To this day we still never did anything. I started to feel like he didn’t love me, like im not pretty enough. I would cry at night.

I started feeling just awkward if that makes sense. And it’s not only because we didn’t sleep together but I just feel like he doesn’t care for me. I opened up to him about this twice and he says “I’m not good enough for you” “you deserve better” I try to comfort him and think that I’m being too hard on him.

I’m very sad most of the time now. When he asks why do I look so sad I just say “idk” I told him before about the lack of intimacy but he said that he just doesn’t know what he’s doing and I kind of gave up asking.

Now, I just tell him that I feel like I’m not pretty enough but he just always tells me that he loves me so much, I’m his world, I’m the prettiest girl and all those things.

I’m just so confused because he says all these things but I don’t feel it you know. I don’t feel loved. I’ve asked him if he was gay or if he’s watching AV or something to satisfy himself and he said no to both and even was disappointed that I asked.

We’ve been married for almost half a year now and the most we do is kiss. We don’t even change in front of each other. This is just so sad to me because I never thought marriage would be like this. I feel awkward in front of my husband and I don’t know what to do.

He’s very gentle, kind and tells me that he loves me he cuddles me alll the time but that’s it. Idk what to do and I feel like I’m not enough. Has anyone ever been thru this?

Edit: we have showered together once on the honeymoon. Nothing ever escalates to the next step. I’m so embarrassed to talk to anyone about it, so I pretend everything is ok!!!

Just got fired for refusing to cook at closing time.

I work at a somewhat decent restaurant, but we always have people ordering up until closing. Now the kitchen hours are 4-10.

Tonight I get a ticket at 10:00. I refuse to make it since the kitchen is closed, and everything is shut off. My boss comes to me and tells me to make it, and I said sorry the kitchen closes at 10:00, not during 10:00, not after 10:00, at 10:00.

She goes off on me telling me that I have to make food, up until 10:01. This is all new to me since, I’ve been leaving at 10:00 for years.

Am I in the wrong here? I’ve always assumed if a kitchen was open until 10:00 they closed at 10:00 on the dot.

Netizens’ comments

1. Worked in a kitchen for years. I shut shit down ten till after telling front of house. No one ever complained
2. F the customer and people agreeing, bunch of momos in here
3. Understandable hope you find a new job soon
4. I had a GM many years ago that insisted that our hours were “we SEAT customers from 15 minutes before opening to 15 minutes after close”. So technically the customer could sit down at 11:14 pm, bullshit and have drinks for half an hour, then order dinner, which didn’t happen all the time, but when it did, not a damn thing we could do about it. But that was our store policy, and told to us when we were hired and trained. It still sucked though.
5. Anyone that comes in within like 5 to 10 minutes of closing time and expects to sit down and eat an entire meal while make everyone stay longer to clean up afterwards should also expect spit in their food, let alone coming in at closing time and expecting you to turn everything back on for a single customer.
6. Never worked in a kitchen, but I always followed “last call” at bars rule. IE, Bar closes at 2am, last call is always 1:40-1:45, maybe 1:50-ish on a slow night.
7. If the kitchen is closed at 10 orders should stop being taken at like 9.30/40. It’s not last orders at 10. it’s CLOSED at 10. As in no more food is coming out.

Is it normal having no one to talk to?

Exclude people from work and family members, how many people do you have that you can talk things about? (e.g. your day, latest movie you watched, etc) I feel like most people would say their partner if they’re in a relationship and if they’re not, they’d probably have a few friends to talk about something.

I used to have them but for the past few years, I’ve had more conversations with myself than actual people. Even when I’ve had people to talk to, they don’t really stick around. I know it’s a thing as we grow older, our social circle gets smaller but is it normal to just be on your own with no one to talk to?

Netizens’ comments

1. I kinda enjoy not talking to anyone for periods of time everyday. I like to focus on my own things first before “connecting” with others.
2. It takes effort to maintain conversations and relationships with people. So yeah it’s normal to eventually have people leaving, no one to talk to. Until you decide you want to have people in your life again, then you make the effort to reach out
3. it’s great you have work friends and good family members. It’s not easy to make friends but you can always try!
4. Difference between being alone and being lonely with people. Part of Success involves finding a tribe/community that you can excel. This is the not the way to go long term.
5. Normal. I kinda prefer not talking to anyone because the efforts I put to sustain the conversation/friendship always get unreciprocated so why bother right?
6. From someone who had voices in the head, please go out and make friends. Find your community or tribe that appreciate you. 
   Im not saying you should find a partner so that your can talk to. Last thing you want is to depend on one person for conversation. It could be sports, hobbies, culture. And if you have social anxiety, discord chat or voice call is fine as well. Do not normalise this. It will kill you in the long run.