I told my gf’s friends that I would not date someone poorer than me, and I regret it

TL;DR: My gf’s rich friends asked a hypothetical question during dinner if we’d be willing to date someone poorer than us. They all said yes, but I said no due to practical reasons like financial stability. They all judged me and reacted negatively to that and made fun of me through the entire night.

I (27M) have a loving gf (25F, I’ll call her Ana). We’ve been together 5 years now (6 years in October). We had dinner with her friend group last night (2 girls, 2 guys, then me and my gf. Everyone else was single).

Ana’s friend group really likes going into in-depth discussions about politics, science, ethics, art, and hypotheticals, and I love participating in them. I’m not as progressive or intellectual as them, but they always say that I bring a “fresh perspective” because I always look at the topics from the eyes of an outsider.

To be clear, they’re really nice, cool people. They are never intentionally condescending, sarcastic, or patronizing towards me, and I genuinely enjoy their company.

The thing is, though, they all come from affluent families with generational wealth. Even my gf. However, Ana doesn’t really share their lifestyle. They’re the type of people who nonchalantly mention “Wanna go to Tokyo on Friday? I wanna go shopping” as if having a trip like that is just as easy as going to the mall.

When I say things like, “Oh yeah, I’ve studied the Louvre in art class back in school. Wish I could go there someday,” their response would be like “Meh, it was too crowded when we visited last month.” They also do that card roulette thing where they would pool their credit cards and the waitstaff would pick one, then the owner of the card would pay the entire bill. Things like that.

I, however, grew up in a lower-middle class family. We were not poor, but we did not have much luxuries either. There were days when I was a kid where we had to maybe ration our food or skip a meal (especially when my parents were between jobs), but it never got too drastic to the point of extreme hunger or homelessness. Suffice to say, I am on an entirely different demographic than the rest of them.

Ana and all her friends knew about this. Whenever we all go out, and they choose a fancy place, they always offer to pay for my portion. I always decline since I don’t want them to think that I’m taking advantage of them/Ana or that I’m a social climber, but they always insist and I often end up going along with them.

Ana always assures me that it’s not a big deal to her friends, and that through the years, they’ve accepted me as a “must-be-there” part of their group since they see how much Ana and I care for each other. Also, apparently they find me pretty funny so they like having me around.

Last night, one of the girls had a prompt for our discussion: “Would you date someone who’s from a lower socioeconomic class?”

Their answer was a resounding and unanimous yes, even Ana. They all had their explanations, but the gist of it was that for them, money doesn’t matter in love, as long as their feelings are true and all that fairytale stuff. Of course, I believe that too. That is, if you had the safety net like they do.

When I answered no, all of Ana’s friends had a really violent reaction. Everyone acted as if it was the most obscene and vulgar thing in the world.

I explained my side, saying that coming from a lower-middle class family, I have to be practical. As much as I wanted to prioritize “love” and other emotions, I have to think about financial stability as well, since I’m supporting myself and my brother who’s still in school.

I said that I know it sounds selfish, but of course I’m working hard to achieve a more comfortable life, and dating someone poorer might not help me toward that goal.

Again, I’m coming from a place where I know that my current finances is pretty poor already (I’m still living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to pay monthly bills, loans and debts, and my brother’s expenses), so dating someone poorer might mean someone I might have to support financially as well.

Of course, at the end of the day, my ideal relationship would be where there is mutual growth and no one is holding back the other person.

When I tried to explain all this, all of them, except Ana, seemed so appalled. She understood my situation. We live together with my brother, and she also contributes to our finances using the money she gets from her parents. However, Ana’s still doing her master’s so she’s not earning quite as much on top of that.

Her friends jokingly accused me of being a gold digger, and while I know they’re all just making fun of my answer, that still hurt. I really thought they’d be more open-minded since they were all so progressive and somewhat more in-touch with less fortunate people (like me) unlike the other rich, spoiled brats I see online.

I felt so invalidated and judged just because I wanted to prioritize my own well-being over others’. I mean, to be clear, I know it’s selfish, but I feel like it was still reasonable given my circumstances.

Throughout the night, they were making digs at me like “Ana, better watch your credit score or your boyfriend might break up with you” or “You should be thankful, Ana, you passed your boyfriend’s high standards” and similar remarks.

Again, I know they didn’t really mean to be harsh and were just giving me a hard time about it, but I just took it too personally, I guess. I might even just be reading too much into it.

Now, I think they’ve already moved on from the dinner discussion, but their reactions still linger in my mind. I feel like crap because I thought I sounded entitled, or maybe I didn’t explain my side properly. Or maybe I’m just flat out wrong. I don’t know.

All I know is I love Ana, she loves me, and I won’t leave her even if we had empty bank accounts. I mean, I hope we never experience that, though, because that would suck.

My manager let me know that it is my responsibility to find a replacement if I call out sick, so I’m quitting.

I just don’t roll with that. No “get better soon” or “I’m sorry to hear that”. It was just pure inconvenience and bitterness.

It is my first week working here and I do not know every one of my co-workers or have their phone numbers. At jobs where I feel respected and have the resources, I would absolutely try to find some cover before reaching out to my boss.

But that will never happen here because I am quitting and finding somewhere else that at least has upper management/HR (this is a small family run business that often uses the “we are a family so we put the team first!” excuse iykyk).

Anyways, this is just kind of a rant but I am sick and tired of managers who try to get me to do their job when I am sick and cannot work.

Nobody should ever have to put their job at a higher priority than their health. I can’t enable a toxic working culture like that.

Netizens’ comments

1. It is never your responsibility to find someone to cover you when you need to call in sick or for an emergency. Never take a job that requires that.
2. What’s your boss’s job again? Oh that’s right managing. I swear scheduling is a business management kinda thing.
3. Tell him: {Company} does not pay me enough to be a Manager, that is your job and it includes finding replacements or doing it yourself.
4. Don’t quit, just stop going, see how he likes that
5. I’ve had managers who tried this. Every time I tell them I don’t have anybody’s number and unless they offer it to me themselves I don’t want it and don’t give my number out either bc I will not answer to numbers I don’t know.
6. lol, no, it isn’t your responsibility. they’re the ones with the schedule, the phone number lists, and the ability to approve work. i had a boss pull that on me, i ended up being guilt tripped into working sick, and was miserable. never doing that again.

For the first time in our 24 years of dating and marriage, it will be “just us” in the house for the next three days. We’re not sure what to do with ourselves.

My wife was a teen mother, and that child was already three years old when I met my wife. She was six when we started living together. By the time that child was ten, we had her younger brother. Then we had her younger sister a few years later.

Now, our oldest has moved out, and our two youngest are going to their first camp away this evening. It’s just for two nights.

The only time my wife and I were ever alone at night was on our wedding night, and that was in a hotel and we were exhausted. We just wanted to sleep.

My step-daughter came with us on our honeymoon. It was more like a family outing.

So, for the next two nights, and half of the day today, all of tomorrow, and half of the day on Friday, my wife and I get to see what it will be like in ten years, when we’re empty nesters. We will be “just us” for the first time ever.

We really aren’t sure what we’re going to do.

Netizens’ comments

1. order expensive take out and don’t share it with your kids
2. Whatever you do, use protection or else you’ll extend the time until you ha e an empty nest by at least another 18 years
3. Do things you can’t do when kids are around. Get drunk together. Enjoy a grown up meal your kids don’t like. F each other if you want to. Get all the unhealthy snacks. Watch grown up movies. Sleep in. Read in peace. You don’t have to do everything together, but do consciously spend time together.
   There are also question games for couples to give you prompts to talk about and get closer again.

I got fired. I dislocated my shoulder. Two doctors told me it’d take 4 weeks to heal.

I told my boss my progress every week and he kept wishing my healing well. Come the 3rd week, I let him know I’m ready to come back next week and he let me know he’d already replaced me….

I feel so much anger for the work industry. I give them so much: a commited schedule, a good personality, good customer service, conscientiousness, promptness, attention to detail, good and careful driving, good communication, etc.

I get injured and no loyalty. F-ing replaced me while pretending I still had the job and only let me know when I’m ready to come back.

Ducking bastards

Netizens’ comments

1. This is why people don’t care anymore. This and low wages that don’t mean shit anymore due to inflation. Good luck out there OP.
2. And business owners and managers wonder why employees have no loyalty to their organization…..
3. These are the type of companies that cry about loyalty when people quit without notice. Then wonder why they have retention issues.
4. Companies do the “oh you are important” company cheering to keep people working. But the reality is they couldn’t care less and would literally toss your body out into the street. So, just remember, you work a job for YOU and what works for YOU. And when it no longer works for you, then quit and find the best situation for you. Period.
5. Well, look it isn’t the end of the world, and you learned something important. You can trust no one. Loyalty is the web of lies people spin to appeal to your sense of belonging to a tribe. We all want to be a part of something bigger.
6. Never allow yourself to feel like your employers are your friends. They are trying to take everything from you.
7. If the person got hurt outside of work and couldn’t make it into work, I thought you could be fired. I’ve seen this happen at other jobs in the past. Happy to know it’s not true!

I am in my mid twenties, male. I work full time as a Regular in the SAF and it’s been 1 and a half years. I find my work okay, it’s enjoyable at times but work is work, ya know?

I signed on very late because I took the longer route of studying. I went to ITE then Poly. In ITE and Poly, I made very few friends.. I am no longer in contact with any of them. I am weird and a screwup, I have been all along.

I have done things that deserve their hate tbh. And even after so many years, I have learned to live with those regrets but it still is very hard to do so. I am pretty sure everyone has that one thought of “Only If I had…” or “I”m very sorry to this person”.

I am poor, I am not good looking and my personality is unlikeable. It also doesn’t help that when I try to talk to anyone and their first impression of a Regular is also not good.

I am tired of people just looking at me as “someone with a stable job” or some uncle or auntie labelling all of us as “people who can’t study and signed on” or people who do better off than me and say we are “a waste of tax money”.

Why can’t people look at each other… At me as an another person and get to understand or at least look at me as a person and not like some number.

I also have been feeling sick to my stomach and just tired because I have been trying for too long to find someone who can also understand me in a relationship.

No one ever looks at me just for being me and I may not be a perfect person but deep inside when I ask myself truthfully, I know I’m not a bad person and above all things, I do my best to be accommodating and I have my own pride in my loyalty.

It always comes to who is more better looking, who can provide more, who is a better candidate to introduce to their parents, who has a nicer personality on the surface..

I think no one can deny all this because honestly, all of these are deciding factors that many of you reading consider regardless of gender. I’ve tried making it work out with those I’ve met over and over but I am done with being thrown away like trash.

It always ends with “You’re a nice guy but nahhh lollll” or “There’s another guy and you just don’t measure up to the standards I need and I have to make the tough decisions and be real about all this”.

I’m not a bad guy to any of them yet I am seen as worse than trash even tho they think it’s exaggerated. But then again, there is a difference between being thrown away like trash as opposed to doing it decently.

I visit escorts just to feel a little less lonely and useless even if they want my company for other reasons. I’ve even started drinking recently. It’s becoming a spiral..

What can I do turn my life around? Pls don’t ridicule, patronize and convince me otherwise of what I’ve typed here.. I would appreciate advice on moving forward and improving myself instead.

Ten of us left our work on Monday, and it feels so good. (warning: long story)

So, up until Monday, I was a lead shipper at my company. I supervised five people in my department.

Unlike many industries, we never shuttered and kept everyone throughout the pandemic. What’s more, nobody caught the virus during the time due to, well…due diligence on our part.

So, while the office staff was successful in negotiating raises to stay at home, we got to thinking: our cost of living has gone up. everything became more expensive, and we still have to come in, why aren’t we allowed a sizeable raise?

I mean, the sales staff only have to come in one every two weeks for half a day, why should they get a big raise when we still had to drive in each day?

HR came in twice a week at best, and our accounts payable/receivable person hadn’t been in the office for two years: trust me, we know.

Ten of us (myself, my five staff members, and the four janitors who somehow fell under my supervision, I don’t know how) sat down and decided to do something about it: we brought our concerns to HR.

We asked for simple things, really: a fifteen percent raise per person, as that’s the average rate that the office drones got.

We basically told HR that we were overworked, underpaid, and pissed off, and that’s not something they want the people who distribute their product or keep the facilities in tip top shape to be.

HR scoffed at it. Proving how clueless the department is. But when they said they didn’t have the money, that’s when s-t really hit the fan. I looked the HR rep straight in the eye and told her that being lead in the logistics department, I knew exactly what was coming in, what they paid for it, and what they were selling things for.

Yeah, I know Bills of Lading and invoices. She didn’t have a response for that outside of stammering, saying that there’s more it than that.

So, we left the meeting, not a dollar richer, and even more frustrated…but I did have an ace up my sleeve: one of my oldest friends from school was promoted to VP of logistics at another company: when I informed him of my issues where we were, he said that they were looking to hire new staff.

We started to discuss numbers, and after a week he was able to offer the ten of us employment contracts for everything we all asked for but was denied. Fifteen percent more than what we were paid originally, extra days off, and some neat perks we always joked about wanting, like an arcade machine in the lunch room, and free coffee.

Contracts in hand, it was a easy sell to convince everyone to sign. Within the day everyone signed, and had a two week notice letter drafted to HR.

I delivered them to HR, and after they got over the laughter, they said they wouldn’t acknowledge them. I explained that these were signed, and as I was their superior, I accepted them and wished them well.

They didn’t like that. HR thought I was full of s-t, and I left the office immediately. I told the crew that they didn’t accept the letters, but that wasn’t their problem…just carry on, do your jobs until the last day, don’t talk to HR (they never came to the back, because ew, it’s dirty and dusty) and on your last day, empty your locker.

Fast forward to Monday: Nobody in my department shows up for work. They find the locker room empty, my office is cleaned out, and everyone’s uniforms are hanging neatly where they belong.

I don’t care.

Fast forward to today: I find all our jobs posted on a few job boards: each offering the same rate of pay we earned before we left. I was informed in the office that the company owner is absolutely irate and wants to fire HR because of how this all went down.

At least three of his contracts cancelled and he’s dealing with a load of other issues stemming from this. Couple that with trying to hire and train the new staff and get the required certification and forklifts certs if necessary for the new staff.

I want to say I didn’t enjoy how this all played out, but I can’t. Sorry.

By the way, how did the manager find out? I told him that we all quit via mass email two minutes before we were supposed to start on Monday morning, detailing all of this. Every single person in the company directory: vendor, customer and all, found out.

My (31f) boyfriend (35M) left me for an 18 yo and now she’s pregnant

Our romance started out like a movie – I was the maid of honor at my best friend of 16 years wedding and he was the best man, as he is the older brother of my best friend’s now husband. Such a cute setup right?

We clicked instantly and began a relationship a week after we met. He was unlike any other I’ve met before, I’ve never had that feeling of finding “the one” but with him I just somehow knew and he had felt the same way.

I want to stop right here and just say he pursued me, he told me how I was “the one”, endless affirmations that led me to believe I could trust him and see a future together.

I am not a hopeless romantic and I’d say I’m self aware enough to know when someone is telling the truth. There’s so much more I could say but you get the picture.

About two months before our breakup, he admitted he had a problem with alcohol. I was fully supportive of him as I too had the same issue in the past. He managed to quit drinking. Then he relapsed and decided it was best to go quit again.

I did everything I could to show I cared and made myself available any time of day or night for him. He started telling me about girl that he met and how she reminded him of his daughter. He said he felt protective of her.

Again, he left detox but this time things were different. He started to ignore me at first for several hours to days at a time. Every time I’d finally talk to him he’d tell me he’s sorry and he’s going through something right now.

I told him I understood and I respect if he needs his space, but he does need to respect me by at the very minimum just letting me know he’s ok.

Normally, I’d be out the door if any guy did this to me but I figured he really is going through something incredibly tough and we had true love, so we’d get through it together. Ha.

On our anniversary (May 18), he was ignoring me again. I didn’t hear from him until 2pm. “Happy Anniversary Baby!!!!!!!!” He said.

What he said next shocked me to say the least. “Ok well maybe we should just be friends. Don’t sweat it” As if I were some random girl he barely knew, not the girl he had promised he’d love forever.

Everything spiraled after that. I found from my best friend that he cheated on me with the young girl he met. He told his brother he’s so in love with her. Then, she’s pregnant.

Life has been a rollercoaster for me since this happened. I go from heartbreak to anger back to sadness and regret. I gave my all for this relationship and was willing to sacrifice things to make him happy, I prioritized him above myself.

Everyone tells me I dodged a bullet, that it’s a good thing I found out his true side early on, that I deserve better. Sure, I can agree that that’s true. But nobody knows the happiness I felt, how my heart always felt full…nobody really knows.

We went engagement ring shopping. We were looking at houses together. We had future baby names picked out. We were the best part of each others days until we weren’t anymore. We could’ve ended amicably.

It would have stopped my heart from shattering to pieces, it would have taken away some of the hurt and confusion. I don’t wish ill upon him, in fact I hope he finds happiness that lasts. As for me, I know I’ll be ok and if I could say one thing to him… don’t sweat it.

Hypocrisy + rampant inefficiency rlly pisses me off

So I’ve been in army since Jan, and what really pisses me off is the “rush to wait, wait to rush”. All the sgts enciks and sirs always giving us damn early timings and expect us to be there promptly.

Then they fking stroll out of their office like 15min late like nth happened. But if one of us are late for anything, they make a huge ass deal out of it and threaten punishment charge blah blah.

I mean if they want us to not be late shouldn’t they respect our time as well idk lol.

Apart from that there’s lots of waiting which I feel could be avoided if the commanders bothered to put a bit more effort into actually planning the RO properly. What do u guys think?

Netizens’ comments

1. Looking at your username (chaokeng), I think you already know your way out of SAF. Before you decide to do it though, you’ll just have to suck thumb lor what to do
2. Often, one of the reason on why they have the mindset of always giving early timings is that to ensure everyone is “ready”. I’ve seen countless times when they alr give 10mins early timings but NSF can still forget to prep their things properly; a classic item would be a water bottle or a pen.
   RO are planned such that there are gaps in between activities for such incidents that an activity overruns, weather changes, movement from place to place, set-up, etc.
   But I do agree with you on how inefficient it can be, especially if you’re at the receiving end which are normally the men.
3. u suey bro.
   it rlly depends on the coy culture. one of my cmdrs got extra cuz he late to bring his plt to BF

Scary encounter with pregnant lady in Sengkang LRT, what to do in this situation?

Hello everyone. So some context : I have a 7 years old sister and because my mom is working (single mom), I usually have to fetch her after her school ends at 1-2pm. We would take the LRT west line home from Sengkang MRT.

One day last week, the LRT was crowded as usual and we were standing beside the reserve seat near the front door. A pregnant malay lady was standing near behind my sister leaning against a pole, while her mother maybe in her 60s was seated down on the reserve seat right by us.

When the LRT started moving, I noticed the pregnant lady lost her balance and almost fell down, immediately after she regained her balance, turned to me and my sister and shouted “YOU ALL PUSHED ME IS IT?”

We were just pretty shocked and said no, I mean like wtf why would we push a pregnant lady in a crowded LRT??? Then she started saying “You don’t lie I saw you pushed me” At this point my sister started tearing up in shock, and I had to console her.

The lady then proceeded to say all sorts of vulgarities like CCB, NB etc.. The pregnant lady’s mother sitting right by us also joined in and say she saw us pushing her daughter, and some scolding in malay which I dont understand

I just decided to alight at the next stop as I was just so scared and embarrassed at this point, and nobody stood in to help defend us.

I’m pretty sure that the pregnant lady was embarrassed after she lost her balance and just decided to use us as the reason.

Not sure if anyone encountered them before, it definitely traumatized my little sister as she has started to tell me that she doesn’t wanna take the LRT being scared that we may encounter these mother and daughter duo again.

Not sure how I can better handle this situation in future, and is there anything I could do about them?

Fiancé asked if he was the most satisfying partner. I gave him an honest answer. Now he’s unhappy about it?

My fiancé and I have been together 3 years. Great relationship, clearly the love of my life. In the bedroom things are fine.

Since there’s a problem with my answer. Obviously I have had experiences in the past that I would consider much better and a lover in the past who I would consider to be the best one I’ve had.

It is unfortunately not my fiancé. However. i don’t really care. He is fine in the bedroom. I don’t need it to be amazing for the relationship to be amazing. I don’t think there’s a problem with that

We’re on a vacation rn overseas and we have been f-ing like rabbits. We had a particular amorous night two nights ago.

When we were done he told me that he thinks that was the best of his life and he has literally never felt the way I made him feel during it. I told him it was fun and I enjoyed it a lot. Which was all 100% true.

But he started getting upset when I told him that I’ve had better, despite me also telling him that he was doing okay as well.

Netizens’ comments

1. “I told him that I’ve had better”
   I could deal with not being my partner’s best. But that statement above would end a romantic relationship for me.
2. lawd I hope dude never reads this post
3. How would you have felt if the roles were reversed and the guy you had the most amazing F with in the world was like.. “meh, I’ve had way better?”
   You’d be crushed.
   Now imagine you’re desperately in love with the dude and you’re planning on marrying him and he’s like “sleeping with you isn’t great but I’ve come to terms with it.. sometimes you have to settle”.
   Awful!
   You could easily have said something positive. Sleeping with someone you love and trust hits differently. You easily could have said that. “I’ve never slept with someone I’m this in love with.. it’s so beautifully intense to feel all these things while we fk!”
   You could have said “god yes, no one has ever X the way you do” or “it’s incredible! I LOVE the way you…”
   Instead you chose to be unkind, and the fact is that you’ve now blown it. He’s never, and I mean NEVER, going to be able to let go the way he did that night. He’s always going to feel less than.
   You can make him feel better, but he’s never going to unhear those words.
   You can try making a list of all the ways he IS the best partner for you.. to show him that it isn’t everything and that he is perfect for you in other ways.. but truthfully I think the damage is done.