I got together with my boyfriend after JC and I am currently in my 3rd year uni. My boyfriend just got in for his first year last August (yes we survived ns!)

And I am so happy we get to hang out in school. At the same time, I am also meeting his new friends in school. Somehow, I do not have a good impression of them.. some of them are like to draw attention to themselves, divide the group into two, some being very immature.. I asked my boyfriend, why not hang out with other friends in school? After all, they are new friends and if things don’t work out, you can always move on. Don’t let the toxic people affect you. However he says they need to do projects together and academically they can do well together.

I find it difficult to hang out with these friends of his and I don’t like him hanging out with them too. What should I do???

Here are what netizens think:

• What should you do? Leave him alone. He already told you why he needs to hang out with them. Unless his actions directly affect your relationship with him, you can talk to him about it else leave it alone. He doesn’t need another mother. Should this relationship continue to progress, don’t try to mother him further too. I’ve seen this happen so many times. Treat him like he is incapable of making decisions or doing things on his own, don’t be surprised that you’ll be frustrated in the end and wonder why he’s acting like a man child.

• Walao. Things like this oso u wana control? I can foresee he might break up w u in future cz u will control who he wana be friends with. Survived ns nia so both of u are just 20yo, really long way to go. College and uni frens dont mean will still stay friends aft grad, u know this right? U say his uni mates are childish, i think u r d childish one here. Its very normal things like this happen and its still happening at work, if everyone oso u dun like, he nonid to live edi. As long his frens dont gamble, dont do drugs, dont do crimes can edi la, why u wana be so controlling? Mind ur own taichi please.

• Why are you trying to control who he can be friends with? Are you his mother? He’s already told you he needs to do projects with them, and they vibe well academically. He has the right to decide who he wants to be friends with. And the same goes for you. You don’t have to like every single one of his friends and he’s certainly not accountable to you about them.

I just got together with my bf late last year. Everything is perfect and we are happy. He’s had flings with girls in the past when he was single and I accept that.

But he doesn’t know that I had flings too (and I was attached to my ex bf). Do I come clean? He never asked but assumed that I had exes not flings. I feel bad for “lying” but I think society judges women more than men and I don’t really want to tell him in case we don’t work out and he blabs about it to others. Is there an unspoken rule about coming completely clean on relationship history?

Here are what netizens think:

• If he didn’t ask, then no need to rock the boat? I mean what’s the point of knowing when both of you agree it’s the past? What can you change about each other’s past? So knowing will make you feel better or something? Or that it can be used as emotional blackmail or some other leverage against each other when you hit a rough spot in future? I don’t get the dating dynamics these days.

• Your intention to tell him is to absolve yourself of some guilt or you think it’s something that he should know about you? Think about your intent. Since you’re unsure, don’t tell. If both of you are immature, this topic will just be a form of ammunition during arguments.

• Bury the past. Telling only makes you feel good but might dent your r’ship so why be bothered about a long ago thingy?

I had written about my girlfriend’s terminal illness and whether we should get married.

I’m glad to say that we did manage to register our marriage, and even held a small reception with our closest family and friends. From her illness early stages, we try to create as many happy memories as we could, and did our best to fulfill as many of her bucket list wishes as time allowed. Unfortunately, we were unable to check off everything as she has passed on recently few days before her 24th birthday.

Since then, I have been grieving and mourning. Her absence is too overwhelming for me and I find myself lost, unsure of how to proceed with my life now that my wife is no longer here.

I really miss her so much. Waking up without her by my side, missing our shared daily activities, and no longer taking care of her has made me super empty and aimless. My closed ones keep comforting me telling me that my wife would not want me to be consumed by sadness and that I should try to move on but honestly, their advice is impossible. My Parents and Parents in law have been trying to console me but I refused to accept the reality.

Because of this, I’ve found myself pushing them away. My wife’s absence is really painful for me as we’ve been together since secondary school. I’m afraid that moving on will make me forget about her. Memories of her haunts me every day, and the thought of me forgetting about her has made me in denial. At this point, I can’t even bear to look at her photos or her belongings without breaking down. Even writing this is really painful. I have seriously lost all motivations in my life and I’m struggling to cope with the events that has happened. I feel like grieving and mourning will be my new normal activity. I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore. Life is so unfair to me.

I thought that writing in this space can help me to release some suppressed emotions, and perhaps those who have gone through similar experiences could offer some guidance or support.

Thank you for reading this.

here, the post about girls saying that guys has to earn similar or more than them. This is a follow-up post, and I guess you can say, “inspired” by the comments and discussions made on that post too.

Thanks for sharing your views regarding the topic. It’s nice to see so many likes on the post, I assume to be from people who support my view on that post. It’s also interesting to note that, with a quick scroll-through, you can see that about 20% of that post’s likes (excluding the 7 “haha” reactions) came from girls (out of 49 likes/reactions rn), while on the contrary, about 75% of likes on the top comment there (with 27 likes as of rn) about being resentful due to financial reasons after marriage, came from girls.

Just to be clear, I don’t think this topic is as simple as “love conquers all”, or a “love vs money” kind of thing. It is never that simple. Money is important. However, some people seem to fail to consider other factors such as integrity, loyalty, honesty, teamwork, and more, which is part of the point that I was trying to bring across in the original post.

Everyone has their own views on this matter, but what I will say is this. You can want whatever you want, have whatever “standards and preferences” that you want, you can choose to be the type to leave your partner (guy or girl) due to the reason of them not reaching your financial expectations that you have of them. But don’t cry foul if one day your partner leaves you for the same reasons.

Life has its ups and downs, and so is your income over time. You may lose your job and never find one as high paying, you may fall very sick and be unable to work ever again, you may choose to be a stay-home parent for your kids, and when you return to workforce, may not be able to earn anywhere near as much as your partner now, would it be okay then for your partner to leave you for the reason being that they feel resentful you earn so much less than them now? After all, to some people, integrity, loyalty, love, care, and sticking through thick and thin doesn’t seem to be as important as money. It’s your life, your choice.

When people say that being short is not a problem, I feel that it is a dogwater statement.

First, closely scrutinize your own surrounding. In your workplace, how many of your higher-ups are actually short?

If you ever see a short one, I bet that this guy had put in extra effort than the rest to get to where he is. The rest are just playing the corporate game on an easy mode. Also, what can be worse than being vertically challenged and bullied verbally by a taller boss? How many of you can actually stomach that?

Second, observe social media and the showbiz industry. Do guys of height (~170cm) form the norm, other than a few outliers such as Tom Cruise? Absolutely not.

Third, look at all those male insurance agents and survey personnels approaching you on the street. How many of them are not above 6 feet? Obviously this cannot be a coincidence. They are carefully chosen because they look good parading their own height and marketing the products at the same time.

Fortunately it is not too late. Short guys may be deprived of many opportunities but there is at least one thing that can be done. To all the short kings out there, get the highest education qualification and work hard. Not many people in the world have the ability to reach that level. You can avoid the situation of being bossed around in future with a good quality degree.

Here are what netizens think:

• You can be in the smartest in the room but if you lack eq, you won’t go very far either. You’ve shown that you’re close minded, lack confidence and thought of your lack of height as the only reason causing you misery. Most people don’t care about what you can’t control but what you can control. How you present yourself, are you well groomed, your confidence.Not easy to imagine that there’s a possibility that someone who wrote this can actually carry themselves well and leave a good impression at work. Your mentality usually shows in your behavior too. Make your height an issue and it will become an issue everywhere you go. Your biggest hindrance is your mindset.

• I beg to differ, it is your own belief and you live by it and therefore you are living what you are living.

• You should consider having more of a Napoleon-complex as opposed to having a short-sighted thinking.

Nice girls finish last. When girls are nice to me, it makes me not want to be with them. Really turns me off.

When you say you want to eat something, or watch a movie, I will purposely mention something else different that I want to eat or watch instead. And if you try to be nice to me by changing your mind and say you are okay with eating or watching the same movie as me, I rather date someone more feminine than you.

I want a woman who dares to oppose me and do something different from what I say I want. If I say I want to eat this, you better oppose and suggest something else instead. STOP BEING SO NICE AND SAY YOU OKAY TO EAT THE SAME THING I WANT!

Sometimes I like to purposely disturb the girl and see what she does. If I insult you a bit and you dare to insult me back, or be insecure about it, especially if I try to tease things about your insecurity, then it means you are not feminine enough. A feminine woman will not insult me back, and will not be insecure even if I try to disturb and hurt her. A feminine woman will show me that she can handle it and not be affected by me.

I don’t want to need to tell you what to do, you should know that whatever I tell you to do, you should not do. If not, then bye. It is not that we boys like to date bad girls, but bad girls are the ones who dare to oppose us and do what we do not want them to do. Too bad they also treat us like crap.

Here are what netizens think:

• yes, be guai lan to women first. after you get married, they will guai lan for the rest of your life.

• there are 2 ways to get ketchup out of the bottle. if you dont tell her, she may use the more painful method..

• Sticking arund to see the version with the changed pronouns…bound to happen

Just want some advices…

I got a job offer and was super excited to join the company, so I signed the contract without seeing the commencement date. When HR called me asking where I am on my first day, I was shocked as I told her in an email that I was only able to start in July and was not informed that my commencement date was pushed earlier.

She told me that she stated in the contract and I signed it. The only solution to this problem is to buyout my notice period as they need someone to start soon. So I told HR that I will buyout.

I managed to pay my ex company using my own money…but I would like to claim from my current new company. How should I approach her in this kind of situation? I understand that it’s mostly my fault for not reading the contract properly but the buyout payment is a lot.

I have asked my current HR twice in the email about claiming the buyout but I have not heard from her. What should I do now?

Here are what netizens think:

• You do not want to be seen making 2 mistakes, or you may end up jobless.

• Ask again and you will be left with no job and no claims. If i’m you, i’ll just suck it up and own it. Yes it might be a technique by the HR, but ultimately, your signature is on it. If i’m the HR, i’ll definitely terminate if you asked again.

• Own it, consider it your own expense. It’s your responsibility to be aware of whatever that is written that you are signing for. Be lucky that the current company needed people to start urgently and did not drop you immediately when you didn’t report on the first day. If I were you I’ll work doubly hard to create a good impression after this boo-boo. Best of luck.

• Honestly… a bit hard. Like u said, it’s ur own carelessness and u signed it. If wanna make a big fuss out of it, will not be good for u in ur new company, esp when u r so new. Just my personal opinion la.

Men of Singapore would you date someone who aspires to be a stay at home spouse?

I’m asking this as a bet with friends. Some terms and conditions.

This stay at home wife is fun but opionated , vivacious leaning on loud. Can cook and clean. Average looking and a little on the chubbier side (yes I know it’s 2023 but let’s be honest yeah)

Expects husband to drive a sedan and maintain at least a 4 room HDB, pay for household expenses and allowance.

UPDATE: I don’t think being SAH spouse is bad. If both parties are agreeable to one partner staying home then that’s ok. I’m asking how many men prefer their wives to SAH?

Netizens’ comments

1. If I have the salary to support I don’t mind.
   From the position of the wife, she have to ask husband for money when she ran out of allowance. Is that a good idea? Unless you are talking about japanese style where the wife take care of the finance and give the husband the allowance. I think that if only one partner have the only income, that person might have more say in the family which make it kind of unbalance.
2. I believe the bigger question is not whether the men are willing to, but more of whether they can afford to even consider this option in the first place.
   Financing a BTO hdb on single income is no joke. A 4 rm BTO goes for about $400K nowadays?
   Assuming its close enough, $400K amortized over 30 years at HDB’s 2.6% interest rate amounts to ~$1.6K a month.
   Meaning you need to earn enough to have $1.6K a month of your CPF contribution go to your OA, or you will be forced to top up in cash. Based on 62.17% OA allocation from 20%+17% employee + employer contribution, it equates to a gross pay of almost $7K.
   Meaning if your spouse earns less than this amount, it is very hard to consider.
   If the bet with your friend can filter out those who earn less than $7K, you stand a good chance to win, if not then…
3. A lot of people think being a housewife or househusband means shake leg at home.
   It’s a Payless job. Gotta clean, wash and cook. Manage inventory and all. Add kids and it’s absolutely a full time overtime job.
4. In the beginning of the relationship where there are alot of financial commitment such as housing down payments, renovations, marriage banquet and child birth, it is better for both to be working as it can be very very taxing to depend everything on one person (unless that person is earning so much that it doesn’t matter).
   Once the big purchases are gone, some couple will let one partner to stay at home to help in raising the kids during their tender year and go back to work once the kids are more independent. I have seen both gender do this and it is not that uncommon to see some dad taking this role now, especially when the wife are holding higher position in her work and earning more than the husband.
   Just take note that the stigma for guy to provide is still very strong, some people will gossip about it and it can be quite toxic and mentally draining to be gossip by others.

Where to get help on supernatural disturbance?

So I have a colleague that can sense “things” around her since she was young.

Apparently, it has gotten so bad recently to the point that some of those things are disrupting her day-to-day (e.g. fever for no reason, things following her back home from work)

For context, the workplace is around Suntec Tower and apparently, high activity during the night time as she OT a lot.

Our group has split opinions on this, with some just calling her bluff and paranoid, while others like us are, although not big into supernatural, genuinely concerned about her well-being as she seems distressed over these few months.

For you folks who are believers in the supernatural, what is your take on this and if there are any ways to get help?

Netizens’ comments

1. If she’s a believer, would it help to point out the entire Suntec was designed specifically with fengshui in mind for positive qi? Besides it’s also built on reclaimed land so not a lot of time for bad vibes to accumulate.
2. It’s probably a self-fulfilling prophecy. She feels there are ghosts because she keeps thinking about it. Our minds make things up when we keep thinking about it. Experienced something like this in NS but on hindsight it was all in the mind.
3. She could also be schizophrenic, late onset is rare but possible
4. Repeating what some others have said, it’s all in the mind. If she is starting to suffer poor mental health, then professional help is needed.
5. For the low price of $8888 I help her exorcise
6. I used to work at suntec in one of the office towers. I had a colleague who has the third eye and she saw things regularly in our office even when all the lights were on and there were people about. She said the worst was the car park.
   I didnt believe it at first but some of my ex colleagues who OT-ed experienced things like random paper falling when there was no one or no draft or just not possible for it to have happened.
   Had another colleague chased out of the room with vigorous typing on the keyboard and another who experienced something but I cant remember but he had a fever right after that.
   Despite the fengshui, im not sure why that area is particularly haunted but apparently its due to the reclaimed land.
7. Yeah you need to find a monk to help them close the ‘third eye’. If she’s Buddhist, maybe it could be as simple as praying to Guanyin with her request.
   Those with third eye is supposed to ignore and not interact, if I remember right.

What are some of the reasons where you quit your job without another lined up?

For some context, I have quit my job because I’m sent to customers’s site to attend to their requests without any true knowledge/training on the subject matter alone.

Where most of the time I can’t really resolve customer’s issue but I get called to attend their issues again often times without any rest or time for food. (working more than 12 hours a days without overtime). Plus having to travel the whole of around the world to deliver my services.

This is on top of my personal life where I have to attend to my PT degree classes and family.

So what are the last straws that broke the camels back for you at your previous workplace ?

Netizens’ comments

1. Actual migraine whenever I hear the MRT announce the station I need to alight at. Toxic workplace. Normalised crying, being scolded by manager. Constant race to reduce reduce turnaround time while increasing output/workload.
2. No respect shown. Things are done through word of mouth with no formal communication. Hence things werent done properly and I was expected to be ok with it.
3. i had a toxic boss and each time i wake up to go to work it feels like i wanna cry. also the boss toxicity i was on the verge of lashing out and i told my friends if i dont resign now and my patience runs out i might turn violent and if i did ill be happy going to jail if i make minced meat out of his face.
4. Constant roti prating and when things turn wrong ， blame falls on the subordinates but when it’s time to claim credit it’s all his.
5. Had a boss who was a jerk. Was young with savings and few financial responsibilities. Left a couple days after my last day for a 6 week trip. It was awesome.