So I’m writing this to get it off my chest and maybe gain insight as well. I have been married to my husband[29M] for 2 years and let me tell you, it has been rocky. We have several issues that plague the marriage and they have all been my fault.

One of the issues, is intimacy level. I have a lower S drive coupled with depression on top of that and have not had much desire for it the past couple months. I feel terrible because he has expressed how much it hurts him, and it sucks. I’m just at a point in my life where it is hard for me to even want to wake up in the morning and to keep up with basic activities such as personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning, etc let alone get fired up for intimacy. This has caused a huge issue and my husband is over it.

Second issue, he wants to start smoking now. When I first got with him, he used to smoke years before I can along but he changed his life around and was no longer interested. When we started dating, it had been 3 years since he stopped. We have been together for 6 years and with life changes, he has decided that’s what he wants to do. I have never been comfortable with the smoke. If a friend or someone else does it, fine I don’t pay it much mind because that’s not my business and I don’t have to live with them.

Now, since my husband wants to do it. I have been not comfortable because I prefer a smoke free household. We discussed and I tried to have him just do vape as a middle ground since it was about the same without the stench. He tried for a couple of months and determined that was not enough for him. We have had several arguments about it as I am trying to cope with these changes and I feel bad since it’s me causing this issue and not just being okay with it with no pushback. Now, there have been instances where he has done it behind my back which we are also dealing with but this is also my fault because he felt he couldn’t talk to me about it.

The third issue is that he feels I don’t believe in him. Put it simply, he is the type to go off of faith and I am the type to go off of numbers. This doesn’t mix well. He feels as though I hold him back and gets frustrated because I don’t just go with things with ease and excitement. For example, when he was needing to purchase a new vehicle, his previous car worked fine but it was simply getting older. At the time we had just purchased a house 2 months prior and I wanted to get used to the higher bill first before adding on another. He was ready for a new vehicle asap.

So we worked out numbers in the budgeting sheet and it came out in a deficit every month. I told him let’s hold off until our income changed, I had a pending raise at the time but didn’t know how much yet and also wanted to wait for a work bonus to come in which would have been a month later. My husband didn’t want to wait and was going to proceed forward with getting the vehicle whether I agreed or not and was upset because I didn’t have faith. I am questioning all my decision-making now and really thinking I should have had faith because flash forward to now, Financially we are going great and never had any issues.

Sorry for the long post. I just need to get it all out.

I think my FWB might have a new girlfriend

We’ve been FWBs for around a year and a half now I think. Yesterday I got on Facebook, and he posted a selfie with the caption, “I’m yours. 🤗😘”

The first comment was a woman asking, “Who is she?” He said, “I’m a slow mover, but she knows who she is, I think.”

Everyone else was making comments like, “I’m glad you found someone to smile about,” “She’s the lucky one to have found you,” “I’m so happy for you and wish the best for you and your queen,” etc.

He was hearting all the replies. With that said, he refused to answer who she was.

So I texted him, “I gotta ask based on your post, did you actually find someone or are you just joking around?” He replied, “Maybe both”

I said, “I’m confused. Is that a yes or a no?” He read my text but didn’t respond.

I said, “I’m trying to figure out if you have a new girlfriend or something, because people keep congratulating you on your new girlfriend.”

Still no response. Maybe an hour later, I called him, and he didn’t answer. So I texted again, “Since I can’t get a straight answer from you, I’m going to give you some space, since you probably found someone.”

Still no answer. A couple hours later, I said, “You didn’t say no in your comments or to me, so that tells me all I need to know.”

He instantly texted back, “We can still f on Fridays.”

I asked, “You have a girlfriend, right?”

He said, “Nah I don’t lol.”

I said, “I’m confused. Explain?” But he never answered.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to act with him now? Where do I go from here?

Netizens’ comments

1. Why are you sending him so many messages when he clearly doesn’t give a damn.
2. Just cut him loose. He obviously has someone he wants to make his GF, but it hasn’t moved to that stage yet. And he’s playing games with you now. He doesn’t want to cut you loose in case things don’t work out with her. He won’t be honest and straight with you, so have some self respect and move on.
3. Why are you debasing yourself by texting and calling someone five times in a row after they leave you on read each time? Even if he were to be sending you a magical homing beacon that he wants you to be his girlfriend (I am positive that that’s not what’s happening), he’s communicating in such a cryptic manner that you’re obviously incompatible as you clearly need things spelled out more literally.

Balding / Being Bald As A Singaporean Guy

So I have been balding since 20s. Affected me really badly in my 20s . Now I am 37 and shaved off everything since last year .

Had lots of unsensitive remarks over the yrs which further dampens my confidence .

My qn is any bald guys here and how to cope with the stigma ? I am fit but it doesn’t seem to help . To make matters worse I am short too at 165cm.

It gets better now that in my 30s but I can’t seem to think my prime is gone .

Netizens’ comments

1. I have the same situation, found out I had receding hairline when I shave my hair off for BMT, it affected me throughout the years, the mental struggles.
   I decided to get a HT and managed to get a successful HT from a renowned surgeon in SEA region.
   What I didn’t do in my earlier days were to start on medication. Minoxidil and Finasteride.
   Forget about all the B101 or other “natural” treatments. To be really seeing results – medication and HT. I spent time and money on “natural” supplements but ultimately it’s pointless.
2. Nowadays everybody go Thailand hair implant already bro. Technology is advanced enough to be safe, efficient, and affordable. 5k sgd can basically turn you from 地中海 to Aaron Kwok (hair only)
3. personally I don’t think the bald look is bad, and it says something about a person who accepts the situation and takes the bold move to just shave it all off. it’s also a sign that a person takes care of their appearance, as I suspect it is quite a bit of work to keep it shaved.
4. As a female. It really does not bother me at all. Just rock what you have and be confident in who you are. And you are not short, you are normal 🙂 and there is nothing wrong with being normal.
   Don’t let it bother you, cause I’m sure there are people out there that can see beyond a hairstyle. If they can’t, they are not worth your time.

My husband and I both work fulltime. He recently got a promotion and he now makes twice what I do. Since he got the promotion, he has been pressuring me to quit my job and be a fulltime housewife.

The reason that my husband is into this idea is because that would make me responsible for all the cooking and cleaning.

Right now we split chores evenly since we both work similar hours, and I like that arrangement. My husband is not a fan, he hates having to do chores around the house.

I admit that I would love to not have to work, but the tradeoff being offered is not appealing to me. I suggested that my husband should use some of the extra income to hire a maid service, and then neither of us would have to do the chores.

He accused me of “just wanting to coast off of his money without doing anything” and has been annoyed all morning that I suggested it.

Netizens’ comments

• So he says you are “coasting off his money” but isn’t he wanting to “coast off your labor”. And whatever you do, don’t quit your job. Ever.

• “Since he got the promotion, he has been pressuring me to quit my job and be a fulltime housewife.”
  First red flag, that’s a big nope, good buddy.
  “Right now we split chores evenly since we both work similar hours, and I like that arrangement. My husband is not a fan, he hates having to do chores around the house.”
  Why do men think women LOVE cleaning? We do it anyway because we’re adults and not disgusting animals.
  “I admit that I would love to not have to work, but the tradeoff being offered is not appealing to me.”
  You are smart. You would lose the freedom that comes from having your own income, connections at work, and the ability to continue to grow your career, which will likely become stalled if you quit.

A man called the fact that I wouldn’t date him ‘discrimination’

‘Do I look like an equal opportunity employer to you?’ is what I wish I could have said. But I couldn’t, and we all know why.

Instead, I had to make myself small, stay ultra alert about my surroundings, and continuously enforce my boundaries, all whilst being terrified. (I was walking alone at night)

Girls and women, I just want you to know that ‘no’ means ‘no’. No matter who it’s from or whatever reason you may or may not have. No should be enough and it’s the end of a complete sentence.

“If a man says no, it’s the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it’s the beginning of a negotiation.”

Netizens’ comments

• Gross. Did he say why?? I guess I should just be able to get anyone and if not I’m being discriminated against? Make it make sense….
  • He accused me of being classist and only dating ‘wealthier’ men. He also accused me of being spoiled, and for having certain physical preferences. It honestly didn’t make sense to me.

• Dating is inherently discriminatory, or at least should be. Wonder if he considers it discrimination to turn down dating women he considers unattractive

i’m just another foreigner struggling to find a job in Singapore

So I recently graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Media & Communication and I’m a Burmese national. When I was on Student Pass, I worked a few jobs with ease, part-time then full-time until the expiration of my pass. Now I have applied to more jobs and went to interviews that went really well until I see the interviewer’s face drop when I told them I need a Work Pass. Instant no.

The obstacle is…well, very inescapable and I’m constantly disappointed at the fact I may have gotten a job if it wasn’t for my foreigner status. Not gonna cry about it, obviously, there will be a local preference and I don’t do anything that’s high in demand. And often the companies I apply to have no foreigner quota.

I come here to ask for advice. What do I do? I cannot go home to Myanmar. I don’t have the option. There is no possible way to advance a career there at the current state, let alone find a job. I had the option of going to university in the UK until I decided over 20,000 pounds a year was way too much for a path I wasn’t even terribly excited about. My goal is to literally just support myself in Singapore, to pay for rent, food, survive, yanno?

Is there anyone on the same boat? Would appreciate any advice. I keep on applying to jobs, aiming for bigger companies but there isn’t a lot I qualify for although I think I have a decent portfolio and amount of experience. Thanks everyone.

EDIT: Most of you guys were very helpful but there are one or two people who are…pissed? Claiming that I took advantage of Singapore. I don’t know if their fierce “love” for their country is a common thing but geez, calm down. I truly valued my time here and worked really hard in my course. If you’re just hopping on to say “boo hoo, it’s your fault”, move on. I am not asking for sympathy. I literally asked for advice, and received it, thankfully. I already explained myself in the comments below.