Men of Singapore would you date someone who aspires to be a stay at home spouse?

I’m asking this as a bet with friends. Some terms and conditions.

This stay at home wife is fun but opionated , vivacious leaning on loud. Can cook and clean. Average looking and a little on the chubbier side (yes I know it’s 2023 but let’s be honest yeah)

Expects husband to drive a sedan and maintain at least a 4 room HDB, pay for household expenses and allowance.

UPDATE: I don’t think being SAH spouse is bad. If both parties are agreeable to one partner staying home then that’s ok. I’m asking how many men prefer their wives to SAH?

Netizens’ comments

1. If I have the salary to support I don’t mind.
   From the position of the wife, she have to ask husband for money when she ran out of allowance. Is that a good idea? Unless you are talking about japanese style where the wife take care of the finance and give the husband the allowance. I think that if only one partner have the only income, that person might have more say in the family which make it kind of unbalance.
2. I believe the bigger question is not whether the men are willing to, but more of whether they can afford to even consider this option in the first place.
   Financing a BTO hdb on single income is no joke. A 4 rm BTO goes for about $400K nowadays?
   Assuming its close enough, $400K amortized over 30 years at HDB’s 2.6% interest rate amounts to ~$1.6K a month.
   Meaning you need to earn enough to have $1.6K a month of your CPF contribution go to your OA, or you will be forced to top up in cash. Based on 62.17% OA allocation from 20%+17% employee + employer contribution, it equates to a gross pay of almost $7K.
   Meaning if your spouse earns less than this amount, it is very hard to consider.
   If the bet with your friend can filter out those who earn less than $7K, you stand a good chance to win, if not then…
3. A lot of people think being a housewife or househusband means shake leg at home.
   It’s a Payless job. Gotta clean, wash and cook. Manage inventory and all. Add kids and it’s absolutely a full time overtime job.
4. In the beginning of the relationship where there are alot of financial commitment such as housing down payments, renovations, marriage banquet and child birth, it is better for both to be working as it can be very very taxing to depend everything on one person (unless that person is earning so much that it doesn’t matter).
   Once the big purchases are gone, some couple will let one partner to stay at home to help in raising the kids during their tender year and go back to work once the kids are more independent. I have seen both gender do this and it is not that uncommon to see some dad taking this role now, especially when the wife are holding higher position in her work and earning more than the husband.
   Just take note that the stigma for guy to provide is still very strong, some people will gossip about it and it can be quite toxic and mentally draining to be gossip by others.

Where to get help on supernatural disturbance?

So I have a colleague that can sense “things” around her since she was young.

Apparently, it has gotten so bad recently to the point that some of those things are disrupting her day-to-day (e.g. fever for no reason, things following her back home from work)

For context, the workplace is around Suntec Tower and apparently, high activity during the night time as she OT a lot.

Our group has split opinions on this, with some just calling her bluff and paranoid, while others like us are, although not big into supernatural, genuinely concerned about her well-being as she seems distressed over these few months.

For you folks who are believers in the supernatural, what is your take on this and if there are any ways to get help?

Netizens’ comments

1. If she’s a believer, would it help to point out the entire Suntec was designed specifically with fengshui in mind for positive qi? Besides it’s also built on reclaimed land so not a lot of time for bad vibes to accumulate.
2. It’s probably a self-fulfilling prophecy. She feels there are ghosts because she keeps thinking about it. Our minds make things up when we keep thinking about it. Experienced something like this in NS but on hindsight it was all in the mind.
3. She could also be schizophrenic, late onset is rare but possible
4. Repeating what some others have said, it’s all in the mind. If she is starting to suffer poor mental health, then professional help is needed.
5. For the low price of $8888 I help her exorcise
6. I used to work at suntec in one of the office towers. I had a colleague who has the third eye and she saw things regularly in our office even when all the lights were on and there were people about. She said the worst was the car park.
   I didnt believe it at first but some of my ex colleagues who OT-ed experienced things like random paper falling when there was no one or no draft or just not possible for it to have happened.
   Had another colleague chased out of the room with vigorous typing on the keyboard and another who experienced something but I cant remember but he had a fever right after that.
   Despite the fengshui, im not sure why that area is particularly haunted but apparently its due to the reclaimed land.
7. Yeah you need to find a monk to help them close the ‘third eye’. If she’s Buddhist, maybe it could be as simple as praying to Guanyin with her request.
   Those with third eye is supposed to ignore and not interact, if I remember right.

What are some of the reasons where you quit your job without another lined up?

For some context, I have quit my job because I’m sent to customers’s site to attend to their requests without any true knowledge/training on the subject matter alone.

Where most of the time I can’t really resolve customer’s issue but I get called to attend their issues again often times without any rest or time for food. (working more than 12 hours a days without overtime). Plus having to travel the whole of around the world to deliver my services.

This is on top of my personal life where I have to attend to my PT degree classes and family.

So what are the last straws that broke the camels back for you at your previous workplace ?

Netizens’ comments

1. Actual migraine whenever I hear the MRT announce the station I need to alight at. Toxic workplace. Normalised crying, being scolded by manager. Constant race to reduce reduce turnaround time while increasing output/workload.
2. No respect shown. Things are done through word of mouth with no formal communication. Hence things werent done properly and I was expected to be ok with it.
3. i had a toxic boss and each time i wake up to go to work it feels like i wanna cry. also the boss toxicity i was on the verge of lashing out and i told my friends if i dont resign now and my patience runs out i might turn violent and if i did ill be happy going to jail if i make minced meat out of his face.
4. Constant roti prating and when things turn wrong ， blame falls on the subordinates but when it’s time to claim credit it’s all his.
5. Had a boss who was a jerk. Was young with savings and few financial responsibilities. Left a couple days after my last day for a 6 week trip. It was awesome.

What can a 24(m) poly drop out do when he is lost in his life now?

Hi, I’m a 24 year old Singaporean who recently ORD and working part time and is also a poly drop out.

So my highest qualification is O levels and I got 17 points and that was 2017 After that I went to poly in 2018 and got removed from my course in 2020.

Reason besides lack of self discipline is also I never really had a goal of what I want to do in life. I have been interested in so many things but ofc law was one of my major interest which is too late for me to go back to. Also financial problems , as I was working on the side to pay my school fees and my daily expenses( i stay alone and I have no family)

i could never concentrate and skipped on a mod i was alr remodding. Also lost my father a year prior which I didn’t handle well as a teenager and spiralled. All these are 100% my own to blame and caused me to stray away from the once goal driven and ambitious kid I once was.

NS however was the reason i changed as a person. Right after i was removed from my course, covid happened and i had to wait for another year to be enlisted.

NS brought back my discipline and health and in a way made me a better man. However in that 2 years i could not figure out what i wanted to do in my life.

I was a mechanic in NS with a 8-5. Was it fun, yes but the army is just not the place for me.

I ord not too long ago and my plan is to work this year and do my diploma next year. However this is where my dilemmas starts.

1. Work-study diploma. still figuring out the course however when i emailed one of the course management on weather i needed work experience before applying as they only take in nitec/Higher nitec or company sponsored students which is hard for me as i only have O levels. They emailed back saying I needed to ask the company to help me apply and work with them which makes it harder.
2. Part time dip, only thing is what course would I want to do and while doing I need to find a work that’s the same as the course I will do if not a job that just pays me good till I find one.
3. Try and go back to my course i had and complete. downfall is i might not be accepted in, my interest for the course is gone, GPA was alr low which means harder for me to do my degree.

and these are my options so far.

I am currently thinking of going to the IT industry due to demand and pay.TBH i knw i want a job that is 8-5 and also something that is sometimes hands on as i liked my vocation which was a mechanic but i did not sign on due to toxic NS culture.

TBH im just very lost and im still trying to figure out what i really want and i want to make sure i do know and make a-decision by end of the month.

I knw my Hunger to study and do my best is there and I want to not just do the bare min but do my best. Honestly would love some life advice.

Lunch with colleagues?

Who do you guys eat with during lunchtime while in office? With a work bestie? Your team? Random office people? Alone?

I’m finding it so awkward to be always left alone during lunchtime (I’m new). Even if someone asks me out of courtesy but very close to lunchtime, I will reject. Just some anxiety over them knowing that if they didn’t invite me, I’d be eating lunch alone.

Just think it’s quite pointless to have to WFO on some days, but I can spend the whole day practically not speaking to a single person while in office. Might as well permanent WFH where I’ll be much happier and not realise how much of a loser I really am.

Netizens’ comments

1. Usually if im new i will just go along whoever asked me. It’s just to know company culture, welfare etc. if it’s other department then they will probably share their opinions of my boss.
2. Pluck up some courage and just say yes the next time you’re asked – before everyone stops asking because you’ve rejected everyone. Social anxiety is normal especially in new enviroments but do make the effort to get to know your colleagues a bit.
3. Having lunch alone is fine. Nothing wrong with that.
   HOWEVER your reason for rejecting is concerning. There’s an underlying insecurity and misplaced self-consciousness.
   When they invite you, there is no hidden judgement if you accept. They are NOT thinking “lol this person say yes? Must be damn loser sia would’ve eaten alone if not for us”. It is your own insecurity being projected onto them. The invite likely comes from a place of friendliness and inclusiveness.
   You are trapped in a vicious cycle because you reject lunch invites and end up eating alone, but at the same time you think that others judge you for eating alone. Only way to escape this cycle that you trapped yourself in is to accept the invites and give it a shot.
   You never know, maybe you’ll hit it off and click with them, or at least have a decent pleasant lunch.
4. OP am confused as heck. I don’t think having lunch alone defines a person as a loser – you may wanna look into that.
   it all depends on your company’s culture. for me, it’s either with my team mates, boss, other teams / department or alone.

demanding my coworker pay me for a ride to work after many months of giving her a free ride?

For the last fourteen months, I have been driving one of my coworkers to and from work. She lives on the way, so I’ve never asked her for money or accepted when she’s offered me money.

From my perspective, I’m going there either way, and her overall household expenses are higher than my own, so it felt like the thing to do.

Over the weekend, my car went to the shop. I told my coworker that I wouldn’t be available to give her a ride either Monday or Tuesday. She said it wasn’t a problem because her boyfriend is off this week and would give her a ride.

I asked if I could bum a ride as well. I even offered to walk to her home so they wouldn’t have to drive backwards. She asked her boyfriend about it and he said he would, but he wanted $20 for the two days.

I know it’s just $20, but that set me off. I declined the offer and said I’d find my own ride.

At work yesterday, she asked about my car. I told her I’d be getting my car Tuesday night after work, but that going forward I’d like $30 a week if she wanted to ride with me.

She was upset about this and said her boyfriend had only wanted money from me because by having me in the car he was being forced to drive straight home when he picked me up.

I pointed out that I’ve been happy to drive straight home to help her out for over a year and that it probably wouldn’t have killed him to show me at least some level of appreciation.

Today she said she’d no longer be riding with me after talking about it with her boyfriend. She said she felt disappointed with me for holding his actions against her and that I was being petty.

A couple other coworkers told me through out the day that her boyfriend’s just an a-hole and she doesn’t really have a say at home, but overall agreed with me that it was not my fault.

From my perspective, this dude directly benefits from me thanks to his girlfriend not needing a car of her own or spending on travel, and my coworker should have defended me.

Do you all think I’m being petty about this?

How are women in their mid 20s meeting guys to date or marry?

I genuinely need advice on this. I have a small group of friends who are pretty introverted. So there goes my chance of meeting people through friends. Workplace is mostly filled with ppl who are married.

I tried dating apps and it’s very overwhelming. Plenty of matches but the convo leads to nowhere or I just get uncomfortable meeting someone irl. So I’ve given up on that after a few months.

I like being single now but I don’t wanna be single forever. and the damn biological clock is stressing me out.

Netizens’ comments

1. I feel that for someone so afraid to even meet someone irl, going for groups etc won’t be helpful. I feel that most people join those not necessarily with dating in mind so it requires a lot of signalling to get to a dating outcome.
   Apps are still best. Lower the stakes. If the conversation leads to him asking you out, say yes to an errand date, ask him to go along (like buying a shirt / gift for friend, not like go post office and reveal personal details kinda errand). At least you did something in the process. And if a convo can happen you can get some coffee and see if you can talk more.
2. “ The key thing to realize is that friends and new SO will not fall from the sky. You’ll need to actively go out and find/meet new people.
   You can’t hide behind “oh but i’m introvert!” as an excuse.
   A positive development i’ve observed is that more people are realising this situation of high levels of loneliness and isolation faced by young adults these days. An increasing number of speed dating/friending events are being organized each week and they are either free or have a small participation fee to cover the logistics.
   Highly encourage you to attend those. I personally try to attend 1 such event every 2 weeks. “
3. Comeon… you are looking for a husband and you want to stay shy about meeting and dating?? You gotta do some self-change 1st mdm. You want something in this life, you gotta go and get it.
4. It might be a little embarrassing but you can always ask if your friends know anyone who’s also single & they think might click with you, or go for those neighbourhood events/gatherings and try & meet new people
5. Knowing what I know today, if I were in your position, I wouldn’t worry so much about it. Something happens when you reach your thirties, an awakening perhaps. You realize and understand what you want and start to not tolerate the things you don’t want.
   If that doesn’t assuage your fears, pick up a hobby that gets you out of the house. Or if you have a hobby, see if there are meetups related to it. Or start one. The key to meeting people is… well meeting people.
   One other thing you should think about. If you’re used to your single life as it is now, consider whether you are ready to let go of some of it. Example: My wife and I are both a bit introverted. Our single lives mostly involved a simple pattern: work -> game -> sleep -> repeat. When we got together (and even more so when we our daughter came into the picture), we found we needed to let go of our old ways and make more time for each other.
   I hope this helps.

My husband is Bi and cheated on me with a man.

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone on my last post for all the words and advice.

My husband recently told me he cheated and that it was just a bj. I can neither confirm nor deny that was the only thing that happened. It’s really hard to believe but it’s all I’m left with.

I found condoms and when I confronted him he said he used them for the BJ. I’m having a hard time believing him and he’s still sneaking aroun

Everyone is telling me to divorce him but it’s just seems easier said than done for me. I have one kid who I share custody from another relationship and we have a child of our own together.

Any advice on this would help. I don’t have much family. I grew up with my dad and had a very absent mother who has passed now and we grew up poor.

If I was to move in with my dad I’d feel like a burden because my dad only has a 2 bedroom apartment and has remarried and has three other kids living with them.

Space is a concern for me especially with two little ones. And my business has honestly been the one thing this year that has been holding me up and keeping me sane. I’m scared.

Netizens’ comments

1. My husband also tried the “it was only a BJ” … I was able to get more information out of him though.. it definitely wasn’t just a BJ 🙁
2. It’s challenging when you have children, there is no wrong answer, and stay or go is always your choice to make.
3. Get a consult with an actual divorce lawyer to know what your actual reality would look like if you divorced him.
4. Why do you have to leave the home? He’s the one who cheated.

Are Older Singaporeans racist towards Indians? If so, why?

We were at Ann Siang road shopping for some clothes. A really pretty navy blue dress caught my eye and asked the store clerk for that dress. He told me it’s 98 SGD which is okay, not too bad.

I said OK to the price and asked him if he had the dress in my size. He would ask me again,”Are you SURE that you want the dress, it’s 98 SGD. Very expensive.” I agreed once again.

He gave me the dress in my size and and then I proceeded to make the payment. I have 3 credit cards and 1 debit card with SGD on it.

I did not approve any of the credit cards for international transaction in case of theft and one of the credit cards has the same colour as the debit card and it’s quite easy to mix up the two.

I gave him the credit card and he told me that the payment was denied. I asked him to try once again and the transaction failed once again.

This is when I realise that I handed him the wrong card and apologise. He gives it to me and tells me,”I told you it was 98 dollars but you didn’t listen.” And proceeds to go to keep the dress back.

I stop him and give him the correct card to make the payment and left quickly. I was quite irritated at that point but didn’t say anything because I don’t like confrontations.

My family and I were at Maxwell Food Center. We went to multiple places to get food from because we wanted to try EVERYTHING. My dad and I queued up at Tian Tian to get some Chicken Rice.

We bought the ticket and my dad queued up at the pick up line. When he got the food, I went to help him to pick it up as we most likely would have more than 2 trays.

A man standing in the queue started screaming at me (he must’ve thought I’m cutting the line which is fair) but quieted down when he saw me help my dad.

As we were passing by, we heard the same man say Indians are so stupid and don’t know how to follow rules. Like???????? I did nothing to you man, and you even saw me help my dad, that comment was so unnecessary.

Why do some people choose to have children even when they are emotionally irresponsible or do not have the financial means?

As per the title, why do some people still choose to have children when they can’t even care for themselves emotionally and financially?

I come from a very big family and the adults never once provided me with enough financial and emotional support as far back as I can remember. I do feel fortunate to be alive to enjoy living now but looking back, it was a struggle to even live. From the beginning, I never had enough to eat and I never had a caring parent. I’m the type that doesn’t let my past define me but it’s very sad to hear that I am not the only one especially when I talk to people much younger people both online and around me.

Personally, I find it unethical to bring a child into the world knowing that they will suffer a lack of basic necessities and opportunities. Having a child is also a moral obligation to provide for their physical, emotional, and psychological needs from the time they are born and sometimes, unfortunately until the moment they die.

I find irresponsible parenting very very serious as it results in emotional neglect, which can lead to long-term emotional scars and developmental challenges for the child. Like myself, I have met other people who have had to go through this.. People should know better these days on the impact it can have on themselves and the child if they are unfit or not ready to be a parent.

What’s worse is the excuses that are usually given… Like “I need the child to provide for me in my golden years”. Or to” please my parents and relatives or to please my partner’s parents with a grandchild”. Like omg, what in the world messed their heads up so badly for them to think of those things as a priority. I find this kind of thinking ethically questionable as it neglects essentials aspect of what it means to be a parent in the first place.

Perhaps, some people might think my “standard” of being a parent is too high.. If I decided to become a parent, I would make sure my children would never have a thing to worry about any sort of finances and be someone who teaches what it means to be human, not take things for granted and always look at another person’s values.

Like it’s easy for me to say when I am not a parent yet but I really mean it when I say I won’t change my stance because these are the “standards” that I put on myself long ago. I think it will be crucial for me to always try my best and max it out to the best of my ability because I know I am responsible for another person’s life and possibly their entire life.

If my child needs a six-digit figure for a prestigious uni or to fulfil their dreams or for a medical treatment, I will make sure I will wring myself dry to provide for them and eat less meals everyday if that is what it will take. That’s what being a parent means to me, putting them first before putting me first, no matter what shit I need to go through. It may not be feasible if I were to have too many children too, so I might just only have one or two.

I also want them to be able to say that even if their old man wasn’t the richest, he was someone who always was there for them emotionally, is remembered as a good family man and never once said anything about taking care of him when he got old. I really expect nothing in return if I had children and I will plan in advance to retire based on my savings alone.

That’s the kind of parent I want to be. I want them to have a fulfilling childhood with lots of fun, things to eat and places to go to. I want them to grow up with at least with a “decent” quality of life, be able to explore different opportunities in education and be outstanding adults who know right from wrong.

What do you guys think? My family was of the sort that could never provide for me financially or emotionally in the first place. I feel very bad for people who had to grow up living in similar households. Furthermore, if someone is really that poor or really can’t handle having a child, it might be better to give the child up to someone who can provide for them. It’s happened around me and I am happy for them because they are happier