Getting furious with my husband over how messy he left the kitchen counter and then exploding when he pointed out how “messy” I made the bathroom?

Last night my husband went out, drinking with his friends and got home at like 1 AM and decided to make himself a frozen pizza.

When I got up, it literally look like a bomb had gone off in the kitchen. I worked about 60 hours this week and as soon as I got home, I clean the kitchen because tomorrow I’m hosting my family for my dad’s birthday.

Even though my husband was hung over, I roasted him out of bed and was livid at what a mess he made. I don’t think I’ve been that mad at him in a very, very long time.

I can admit that he was hung over and probably not thinking straight, but when he said that before, I start yelling at him over, what a mess he made over the kitchen counter, I need to take a look at the bathroom counter because he can’t even and I “take a shit in there in the morning” without stepping over stuff.

I lost it.

Not only because the bathroom is messy because it takes me forever to to get ready in the mornings but the bathroom is my space.

That’s how he needs to look at it. It’s my place where I get to do what I want and be as free as I want and if it becomes a mess then, so what, no big deal.

We spent the better part of the morning yelling at each other and finally he told me he was too hung over to deal with us and he was going over to his brothers house and not to expect him home for my dad‘s birthday.

I’ve been angry texting him all afternoon and finally responded that if I don’t understand why I’m in the wrong for starting this whole thing, then I need to really “check myself.”

What is the basic standard of living for you?

Recently there have been a lot of noise in the social media space discussing about income and the standard of living in Singapore. Every other day you’d see street interviews conducted asking folks on how much they’re earning and if it’s sufficient to survive in Singapore.

Some argue that a salary of $5000 is not enough to survive in Singapore and you cannot even meet the basic standard of living, while another group argues that $5000 is sufficient if you choose to live a simple and modest lifestyle. There’s also another group who are earning $3000 and is able to live happily but one earning $8000 thinks that he is just scraping by.

Caveat: Understand that there are other factors into play such as single income breadwinner in a family of 4 vs a single man living with his parents.

But from your POV, what does the BASIC standard of living mean to you and do you think what you’re earning is enough to sustain it?

Netizens’ comments

1. As your income goes higher and higher nothing will ever be enough, for you at least. Your desires and basic wants change. At 23, you’re content with MRT+bus commute while at 35 you need a car, due to changing social situations (like getting a family), jobs and income. Forget that maslow’s hierarchy; really this is just a natural change in financial and social position.
   Many of my older people in my social circle even after they rake in 5 digit salary, they still live like they’re on 3k. For my peers who take in 3k, they live like on 1k.
   For high-income earners, I invite you to look back and see how you lived life when you had a fraction of your current pay; you’ll be shocked to find out how good you yourself are/were in saving!
2. Single man living with family.
   Basic standard of living for me is to have enough money to pay my bills (Phone bill and Online subscriptions (Disney+, Netflix, Amazon, HBOGO)), groceries, public transport and a monthly outing at a restaurant with my family.
   For me, overseas trip even to SEA countries is not a priority. I see it as a luxury cos travelling stresses me out lol. As for car, I don’t want to own one.
   So far my previous pay of 3.1k is more than enough for me and I’m happy with it.
3. Basic standard of living
   – Walk into hawker centre, eat anything without thinking the price (on average, most stalls. Less solo chill crab etc.
   – Go home take bus/mrt/walk usually. Once in a while take grab won’t feel too pain.
   – Groceries all buy basics, will catch discount items 30-40% of the time.
   – Still can pay utility bills.
   – Still manage to save 20% of income to investment. We all know that you won’t survive in retirement life with just CPF.
4. For me it’s simple:
   – As long as I have a house, a bed, water supply and electricity I have my safety needs fulfilled.
   – Enough to buy groceries or food which can cover 3 square meals.
   – Able to go out once or twice a week to enjoy myself. Yes money will be spent but as long as I can spend it then it’s fine.
   – Able to splurge on something once or twice a month. Whether it be expensive ice cream or a shirt as long as it makes me happy.
   – About 1-3 friends to keep me happy.
   Idk what is the minimum to keep this standard of living but $2500-$3000 a month should be enough I guess.
5. Unpopular opinion: a basic standard of living should also include mortgage/rent and savings. Housing costs are something that most will be paying for some time so it’s important to factor them in your calculations so that you are not living paycheck to paycheck.
   Keeping that in mind, 5k is probably comfortable for an average lifestyle for a single person, without having to scrimp or budget too much (can stay in a hdb that is not too small, go for holidays, eat at restaurants etc.). For a comfortable life with some luxuries e.g. condo, car for yourself (not shared by two or more people), the number is probably closer to 10k.
   I think the biggest determinant of how much is enough comes down to how many people you are supporting on your salary. A single person earning 5k a month may have more to play with than someone who earns 20k but is the sole breadwinner supporting 5 people.

A woman shared how her husband wiped out his savings to buy a luxury car and told her that it was to reward himself, she then questions the need to make such a buy when they are trying for a baby.

Here is the story:

“I’m so angry that my husband bought a luxury car and wiped out his savings in the process, and it’s going to be a lot out of our pocket every month.

We still have our joint savings that he didn’t touch, but I just felt like he was too impulsive.

I asked him if he ever considered that he wouldn’t be able to pay off the rest, and he asked why I was such a pessimist.

He explained that it’s something to reward himself, to push himself to work harder, and it’s probably the one and only chance in a long while before he buys something for himself since we are trying for a baby.

To be fair to him, he is always very generous to his family and friends, and has the mindset that money can always be earned back.

But I can’t stomach the fact that he willingly made such a huge purchase just like that, and the thing is he only drives probably less than 5 times a month as he doesn’t drive to work.

I just feel like the money can be put to much better use like investments and other stuff???”

Editor’s note: This is going to be one of those “oh I wish I hadn’t done that” moments a few years down the road.

I need serious intellectual advise here.

I bought my partner a box of condom consist of 12 pieces in it as my partner kept complaining each time we are doing it there’s an bad odor. Which I thought it would helped. But it didn’t, and my partner did not like the feel of using condoms during the intercourse. So in totality 4 pieces were used out of 12 during this whole phrase.

Moving forward, as couples we tend to have quarrels and arguments. So happened that when I was at my partner’s place, I asked casually where are the condoms that I purchased, my partner replied due to the arguments that we had, it was thrown away.

Subsequently, a few months later passed, I was searching for something and chanced upon the exact condom box kept in a table drawer which was not used frequently and I realized the balance pieces are only left with 6pieces. I have yet exposed or confronted my partner about it till now.

Now tell me, what would you advise or do if you’re in my position?

Here are what netizens think:

• Poke tiny holes in it and soak it in chilli pepper oil. In time the truth shall surface…

• The correct question is how many times your partner has been doing it without a condom.

• Leave him since he lied to u that he never use, somemore on someone else

• Maybe he used it on others to see if the bad odor was present.Maybe he wore it for fun.

• Never trust a person who lie if you confirmed is the same box.

• He makes animal air balloon out of it

• Maybe He chew it like bubblegum

• Buy a new box in case not enough for next runs.

• You should turn out all the lights and ask if he’s got a flashlight.

Noticed boyfriend/fiancé has a habit of glancing at girls back and forth multiple times whenever we are out together.

It’s quite apparent till the other girl has noticed, so it’s not discreet anymore?

Broached the topic of how it’s made me uncomfortable and embarrassed for 4 times this year already, and he kept explaining in his POV, he’s just looking at a general direction…

This makes me feel like he’s denying what he did and he told me to nudge him whenever I feel uncomfortable.

Am tired of this act cus it feels insensitive and disrespectful. And he’s denial makes me feel like he’s invalidating my feelings.

He tells me I should’ve told him immediately and nudge him if I feel like he’s making me uncomfortable. Honestly it makes me feel almost like I need to smack my pet in public when it’s misbehaving???

And it becomes my fault that I didn’t tell him or stop his behavior???

Does he get a serotonin high when he does it??

Madly disappointed. Why does he keep doing it and I’m getting tired I don’t know if this is a lost cause

our relationship has taken work but felt like a dream come true. This has turned Everything on it’s head. He was showing me something in his Photo App, and I noticed a thumbnail that was blury and looked like my body. I asked what it was. He said ‘oh yes, I took a video of us’ and I laughed it off in the moment.

Then my fear responses kicked in and I wanted to vomit. I had a panic attack.

Background: I am a previous victim of SA. He knows this. When confronted about the video, he first said “yes I took a video”. It then turned into “I took the video by accident, because my flashlight was on”. It then turned into “you should be flattered I want a video of my girlfriend, but I guess I’ll just watch other videos instead” and “don’t worry, I won’t ever want to do this again. I don’t even want to do it with you after this”.

I’m so much emotional pain, and suffering EXTREME emotional whiplash as only mere hours ago, our relationship was faultless.

He refused to reassure or comfort me, instead accusing me of painting him to be a predator.

Please help me.

Here are what netizens think:

• Wait until he’s relaxed and take his phone and make sure he doesn’t have more stuff hidden or backed up anywhere. Delete everything of you from his phone..then break up with this trash bag. It’s not hard to not record people without their permission.

• I’m so scared to ever invade his privacy like this. What if there are no more videos? How do I leave when just hours ago I was absolutely in love?

• You aren’t invading his privacy you are protecting yourself. Even if there are no more videos he has at least one that you need to get rid of (really make sure he doesn’t have anything backed up anywhere and make sure to delete the recently deleted folder as well). You were in love with someone that doesn’t exist. He certainly doesn’t love or respect you and it shows.

• He already invaded yours and then tried to gaslight you when you found out. Break up with this guy

• Pack a bag and go to your mom’s. Let her call the police and have him removed. He sounds dangerous.

A netizen shared how he is dating a girl who openly uses dating apps in front of him when they’re together and refuses to sleep with him.

He added that she would rather give her virginity to a sugar daddy for money than to him.

Here is the story:

“What should I do with my GF who uses dating apps while we’re together?

I’m a 160cm guy, got rejected by females way too many times and it’s hard for me to even find a girl who likes me back.

But well, I somehow managed to find a girl who agreed to date me but she openly uses dating apps in front of my face and often talks about her chats with the guys on there to me.

She would ask me what she should reply to them and even screenshot their chats and laugh about them to me.

She would swipe guys in front of me and almost every swipe was a match. My friends told me to break up with her but how could I, when I really want some affection from a girl and it took me so long to finally get a girl?

Breaking up isn’t an option, because as long as she’s willing to stick with me, I’m willing to do anything, even if it means enduring seeing her use dating apps and sugar daddy websites.

She said it’s because I don’t have money to spend on her, so she has to search for sugar daddies.

I swear this isn’t a troll because I know it sounds ridiculous – but she’s a virgin and doesn’t want to sleep with me. She would rather give her virginity to sugar daddies for the money. (she’s not even poor so idk why?)

She even told me “you no money what, unless you have money then you don’t come to talk to me about it”.

I feel hurt but I can’t tell her off because she told me “It’s my choice if I wanna use dating apps, you can’t control me. If you wanna date me, you have to accept that I’m gonna use tinder and I WILL continue to use tinder just so you know.”

She’s obviously threatening to break up if I try to control her…. and I can’t break up with her because I really like her and it’s not like I have other options…..

She’s pretty, fun to be with and although she doesn’t treasure me as much as I treasure her, I don’t want to lose her just because she is still on the lookout.”

Editor’s note: You deserve better bro, she’s clearly using you for the free meals and etc.