Is it just me or do many Singaporean young men want kids

I’ll start by saying that this is purely based on observation/interaction with the people around me, and that the views may not be representative of all young adults in Singapore.

I’m 24F, graduated from university last year and have been in the workforce since then. I’ve met a couple of guys around my age (24-27 years old) either from school or other social events but none of my relationships have worked out thus far because I’m not too keen on having kids (I don’t mind though I’m leaning more towards a no at this point in time) and all the guys that I’ve dated so far want kids (it’s a must for them because they want to leave something behind for the world when they die).

I’ve spoken to many of my other female friends my age who are single (and working) and they have been saying the same thing. They find it hard to find a guy of a similar age and in a similar phase of life as us (aka working and not studying) because guys our age (or slightly older) who are still single generally want kids. Not quite sure how true this is and hence the question. Maybe my sample population is flawed.

Netizens’ comments

1. do you have any guesses why guys your age arent working yet
2. are you sure? guys prefer a more laid back life. having kids is more work and responsibility. some men don’t even want to cook or do any chores let alone change diapers, teach or feed someone.
3. If I don’t have to suffer 10 months and can offload the shitty part of child rearing to the wife/mother/grandmother and not have my career affected by having a kid, I also want la.
4. Me I want kids. If my wife comes from a very rich family, then I’d like enough for an 8-men section.
5. Easy to say they want a football team when they’re not the ones dealing with the body destroying work and you have a baby to take care of after.
   That being said my kid has been the best thing to ever happen to me and I would do it all over again but god damn it’s a hard do not recommend. The first 1-2 years getting a solid 4 hours of sleep was a luxury, social life is gone, you literally see you become a shell of your former self from the lack of sleep. It’s heartbreaking. But the joy. The love you experience and the wonder watching the little human become themselves is something that makes everything worth it.
   You really, REALLY need to be sure you want this before anything else.

Coworker Got Laid Off (a.k.a. Fired) Today – Management Got Pissed When I Left For The Weekend

My company had a round of layoffs today. Unexpected considering the company is profitable and they just hired people. We do IT Project work with the current project due in about 45 days and we’re ahead of schedule.

Anyway, my coworker was called into a meeting, terminated, told to grab his stuff, and walked out. This happened to about 10 others at my company today as well.

My boss came over to tell me this was due to “rightsizing” and I was pretty much speechless.

About two hours later he tells me I need to stay tonight (Friday) to wrap up tasks my coworker was working on then come in on Saturday for a team meeting to discuss splitting his tasks starting Monday.

When I told my boss I was leaving since I had personal business to tend to this evening and weekend (I really do) he said that this would look bad on me Monday and that he was extremely disappointed in me.

I told him I was disappointed in the company and would see him Monday. And they wonder why workers are not loyal or “don’t want to work.”

Netizens’ comments

1. Guess they probably should have figured all that out before they fired your coworker. Sounds like its above your paygrade to put a plan in place for their mistake.
2. They get away with this stuff because after a round of layoffs most employees cower to their demands even further as they fear they too might lose their job soon.
3. “Wrapping up THEIR tasks/ dividing THEIR responsibilities is not my concern. I’m not paid 2 incomes and moving forward I won’t be adding any tasks to my workload as it wasn’t MY decision to “right size” the team. Have a great weekend”
4. “Rightsizing” implies plenty of remaining employees so that overtime & weekend work is unnecessary. OP, they have unintentionally made you very important and I hope you adamantly refuse any extra hours.

I need to end my marriage.

We more or less sometimes enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes, because the other times I am getting yelled at for ridiculous things.

It’s been about 10 yrs or so since we have been intimate with each other. We sleep in different bedrooms, rarely kiss, and rarely have any physical contact.

I finally went to therapy this year, I know I should leave this relationship, but I stay for my daughter. My daughter is the only reason I am still around, she is my world.

She is my wild child, my princess, not only am I her Dad, but also a good friend to her. We have a lot in common, she shares quite a bit with me, talks to me, knows I don’t judge, always gets the benefit of doubt, and that I will listen.

I treat her like I would want to be treated at her age. My wife gets mad that I have a better relationship with her than she does and expects me to yell at her when my wife antagonizes her.

My wife expects me to defend her. She is all about control, constantly, and if she doesn’t get her way she gets angry, starts yelling, screaming until either she get what she wants or shuts herself in her room or straight up and leaves.

I am dependent on her for a lot of things because I am disabled.

I am thinking of finally leaving, I hope I can go through it. I know I should have left sooner, but I couldn’t, would have had no chance to get custody of my daughter.

I also didn’t want to tear my family apart, I never thought I would have one, that I wasn’t deserving of one, then I got one, and I really tried to work things out, but she was against marriage counseling, therapy, or anything that help.

She expected me to change, but not herself. Nothing is her fault, all mine. I hope I can go through with leaving, I need the strength to do it.

Told I was a terrible employee but also I was screwing them over when I put in my notice

Just needed to vent this. Worked at a small firm, no working remote or hybrid, hated my boss, hated working there, barely saw my kids. No benefits, no real plan to the whole place.

Finally get a new job near my home with people who actually care that I have a family.

Put in my notice and these guys LOSE it. I was expecting a reaction but it was nuts. They immediately demand to know if I had told my new job not to talk to them.

Had to explain why they wouldn’t just contact my current employer out of the blue. Then told that my work had been substandard and sloppy, I don’t work hard enough, and I had been lucky not to be fired already.

THEN they told me that I was screwing them over because they wouldn’t have anyone to replace me and they would take a financial hit.

I asked them which is it; do I suck or was I screwing them over by quitting? They went on to ask if I was making more money at the new job (I didn’t tell them but yes), as well as accuse me of using confidential work product when I applied for the new job (no way).

And then they ask why I didn’t tell them I was looking for a job (I didn’t even really know how to explain that one it’s so obvious).

The entire process definitely made me glad to be leaving that toxic place.

Netizens’ comments

1. We had a person resign at my job. I took on a couple of tasks they usually did, as I had the knowledge/skill and was going to apply for the role.
   Part way through one of those projects I was told I wasn’t getting an interview. Cue shocked pikachu when I told them I wasn’t qualified, per their determination, to finish the project.
   Which is it? Am I good enough to do the job or not? Had I gotten an interview and not gotten the job, I’ve got no issue.
   But slam the door in my face, a natural consequence is I’m not gonna keep being helpful in that role. I like my workplace, but even the good ones are just trying to squeeze everything they can out of you.
2. I know it’s stressful but enjoy the salt. They have no leverage over you now and it’s making them lose their totalitarian minds. Any manager who gets personally insulted by a worker leaving is deeply sick!
3. Me quitting is screwing you over? Damn bro sounds like you should have hired an adequate number of staff instead of a skeleton crew.

In my husband’s will there is a letter addressed to his mistress

Me (45) and my husband (42) had been married for 16 years. Not the best marriage. I worked day shift while he worked night shifts.

He cheated on me 2 times, but I always forgave him because it was in both cases a single encounter and when I found out snooping through his phone the text had stopped weeks before. (He had the habit to not delete any chat).

I wasn’t really active in the last year of our marriage cause I wanted kids before but he didn’t, stating that he still wanted to live child free and have fun without the responsibilities that comes with a child.

After I turned 39, my doctor confirmed that I couldn’t have children anymore, so I reduce our intimate life to one time every two months.

Four years ago, he cheated on me for the third time, but this time it was different. He met this girl extremely younger than him (she was almost 19 at the time, he was 38) whom I’ll call Lana (fake name).

They have been together for one year, when Lana realized that he was lying and the number he constantly received calls from wasn’t actually his sister like he said but was me, his wife.

So she memorized my number and one day she called me and told me what was going between them two. We also met one week after and she showed me all the text between them as proof, stating that she didn’t know he was married and that she had immediately cut contacts with him.

Those messages were particularly hurtful to read, because unlike those with the other two women, this wasn’t only physical but strongly emotional too.

He kept telling her how much he loved her, kept telling her that there was a ring coming for her and the most devastating, apparently he tried multiple times to get her pregnant but she didn’t want to be mum at 19.

After I confronted my husband with all the proofs, he broke down and admitted the affair, but unlike the other two where he cried and begged, this time he seemed way less remorseful.

I told him that I was willing to forgive him again but this time we had to do couple counseling. Two days after suddenly looks at me and tells me that he loves me, but loves her more and wants to separate and try to get her back since she had cut him out.

At that point I let all out and said many bad things to him and lay on the floor crying and screaming, in disbelief, asking myself how could I have wasted all these years and telling him I should have left him the first time I found out about his affair.

Angry as I was, I called my family and told them everything. Word spread quickly, as the next day he received a call from his family that made him come back to his senses.

He came clean, apologized with me and agreed to couple counseling. The next year seemed to go better, especially our intimate life. But I could still sense he wasn’t fully happy even though he told me the opposite.

One year and a half ago he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I’m not gonna spare all the details, but this has been the worst year of my life. Seeing him this weak and sick had me crushed. He died one month ago and I’m devastated.

Last week there was a meeting to discuss his will. He left me and his sisters everything. Then the lawyer pulled out a letter titled “to the love of my life”, so I ask to handle it to me as I guessed it was directed to me.

But instead they told me that the letter was directed to Lana. My heart sank, I left the room and went to cry like a baby. After 10 minutes I composed myself and got back into the room.

I asked to give it to me so that I could call her and give It to her myself but, my husband had specifically request to organize a meeting with Lana to make sure she received the letter since he was sure that if I was the one who had to contact and give her the letter, she would have never received it (and he was right).

I don’t know what to do. I would like to ask to be present but at the same time I know that whatever is in that letter will hurt me deeply and right now I’m already devastated.

She was hiding the fact she is an alcoholic and constantly drunk, I grew to care about her a lot.

I unknowingly fell in love with a drunk basically.

I got her some help and her drinking has reduced significantly. The problem is the difference in her personality is night and day.

The sober her is a very boring person, it’s like talking to the wall.

I don’t enjoy being with her when she is sober. I also know if I leave she will start drinking.

Any advice? Should I leave?

Here are what netizens think:

• Reduced significantly is not the same as sober. I can only speak from my experience but I was so much worse as an addict trying to reduce my intake and things finally made more sense once I quit for good. Any amount of drinking puts me back in that cycle and the only way to stop was to not start again.

• If she’s full sober, things just take time to adjust and learn better coping mechanisms. For me, I drank heavily and hid it for 20 years, those habits don’t just erase themselves because you stop drinking.

• You need to do what’s best for you and if the relationship isn’t working out then you shouldn’t stay. Focus on the issues of why the relationship isn’t working (or what does work) and stay away from sober vs not sober when you communicate with her about it.