I just got married less than a few months ago. I accidentally saw some screenshots of a influencer on my husband’s phone. I confronted him about it, and he apologised saying that it is habitual. I forgave him and reminded him that he is now married with a wife. For context, we’ve been together almost 10 years before we got married.

Few days passed, and things went back to normal. But my gut feeling says no. I know it’s bad but i snooped his iphone gallery. I know i’m looking for trouble at this point but I just needed confirmation. The photos are no longer in his gallery, but it’s under the Hidden folder. My heart sank when i saw thousands and thousands of not only screenshots of influencers, but also sneaky photos he took of his friends who are girls.

Some butt pics, cleavage. Some of these girls, he went out with without my knowledge after I wished him goodnight, after cross checking the dates of these outings with our past messages. There were also photos of absolute strangers at the gym, on the plane which he sneakily took. While these photos were not recent (like within this year), it all happened within the course of our relationship.

I am very disappointed, hurt and disgusted. Now i am in a dilemma. Do i confront him about it even though it’s mainly in the past (except for the recent ones he screenshotted) and risk our marriage? Because I snooped around without his permission. Or do I close one eye and pretend everything is okay, but knowing he could likely do it again? It’s definitely going to cause trust issues between us both for both scenarios – i can’t trust him anymore with his predatory behaviour, and he can’t trust me coz of my snooping.

How do i go forward?

Here are what netizens think:

• He’s going to be the father of your children. Think hard lady. There’s no going back. People like this won’t stop even when they’re caught. You should collect evidence to his criminal act and report him to the authorities.

• Considering that he has done it through the course of your relationship, it is likely been going on even before the relationship started. With that, it is a dark secret that he has never told anyone and for that, there was no one who could stop and help him. That’s why even till today, he is still doing it. At this point, one he is doing isn’t cheating, though very close but more on addiction that has grown to such a point. We have to take into account that he still likely loves you, but he is also torn against an addiction that no one knows hence could not be prevented and it became the result of what you see today.

• I think that if you want him to come clean and change his ways, he has to. Make this changes himself. But to have that courage, the person he loves and trust must not judge him so harshly. You can be disappointed and angry. But if that is all you are going to give and he knows it, then be sure he will clam back into his shell. The first step is to finding ways to get him to confess his dark secret of his own. Since it has already be establish between you two in regards to his behaviour, try to speak to him as to why he is addicted to it in the first place. When he provides his answer (if he does), there should be a mix of understand, anger, sadness and love.

• Eh girl, which guy not tiko? You born yesterday ah. Even if he don’t keep he also go internet see. Everyday see your sour vege face he also need something fresh to maintain his composure in the relationship

Hi, I been feeling quite drained at work since months ago and have almost reached to one year of working at my current workplace. The thought of resigning has been occuring in my mind.

It does affects my mental health in some ways as I am not doing the work that I enjoy, don’t really enjoy the whole company culture/environment and not being treated respectable by clients/colleagues as they deemed that I am not meeting their expectation consistently which I do felt uncomfortable of the vibes from them. I do not have much support from my team as well as this is mainly a solo position posted to the client site.

However the thing is, I would have a bonus (~10k+) at the year end but I would require to stay on for few months, which adds up to around 6 more months to endure (*counting from current month).

Would you suggest if I should find another job (for the sake of not wasting more time on not doing something not considered as growth in career learning/enjoy in it & mental happiness state) or should I “force” myself to endure 6 more months just to entitle for the bonus payout..?

Thank you all.

Here are what netizens think:

• I left my gov job for a career change at Nov and forgo at least 3 months bonus at Dec and “potential” promotion next March. I used to love my job, and worked there for 9yrs! But the management was disappointing and I’ve spent roughly 3yrs on on-and-off job hunting. Back then I was married without kid but tied down by hdb mortgage. The uncertainty was scary, the way to unlearn n relearn was challenging, tbh I’ve cried several times questioning is it worth it. Now I’m earning more than before, upskilled, widened my horizon, better wlb and found myself a better boss. Find a better and happier version of urself, u urselves worth more than that 10k. 年轻就是本钱, it’s easier to start over if you don’t have more liabilities.

• I used to be like you being a year or two in a company and have this kind of thought. Im still at this company after more than 6yrs but had a different and more positive mindset. Its really up to you to decide for yourself.

• Why cannot use the 6 months to look for a job, Jiak the bonus then go? 

• It’s pretty hard to be fired or laid off. Just choosing to not be the A student in the room is a lot of reduced stress.Not saying that it’s about enduring, but you can quiet quit if the bonus is safe.

A netizen shared how she refused to let her boyfriend’s sisters and her friend sleep at her home because of her bad track record and it was late at night.

Here is the story:

Woke up to a call at 1am last night from my BF’s sister. I missed the call because I was super groggy and didn’t pick up in time.

She calls my BF, and asks if her and her friend can sleep at our place.

I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want them to come, it’s 1 am. We both have to be up at 5 am for work. We have two active puppies that get excited for company.

In the past when my BF’s sister has sleptover, the dogs barked all night. It’s not a good fit in my opinion for us to have company at the moment, just until we can set up a bedroom, or the puppies grow old enough to be calm.

On another note, I don’t trust the friend that would be crashing as well. She steals and she just is a impulsive person that really just thinks about herself.

I’ve been on a family vacation with her and she has zero respect for anyone else.

One night she was up at way past 3 am blasting music, and didn’t turn it down even though I asked her politely. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable with her being in my house, unattended, after my BF and I leave for work.

So, my BF told her no, and they ended the call.

He was really upset with me, and made the choice to call her back and say she could stay over. In that amount of time, she found a place to stay.

This morning he woke up and was upset with me. I explained all my reasons for not wanting them to stay over. I know I should be kind and help people, and if it was an emergency, without a doubt I would help.

But it was an impulsive thing and they have plenty of family and friends that she could ask for help.

I can’t have intercourse because it’s too painful. Any ideas on how or why?

So basically the title. I(18f) have been with my boyfriend(19m) for over a year and in the past few months we decided we’re ready to go to the next step and sleep with each other.

Prior to that we only kept to hand and mouth stuff. We are each other’s first, no prior experience for neither of us.

Here’s the deal tho, we tried doing it a few times (used protection, lube, set the mood, all that stuff) but whenever he is inserting inside me i can’t take more than let’s say 5 cm because it hurts TERRIBLY.

I wouldn’t say the cause is his member being too long or girthy (i’d say he’s packing around 15 cm to 17 cm?)

Is this normal? Should i go to a gyno to get checked up? What’s going on?

Netizens’ comments

1. This could be nerves that go away with time and foreplay. Either way, it’s good to get checked out just to eliminate concern
2. Yes, definitely have it checked out. Keep in mind that it stretches A LOT when giving birth, so you shouldn’t really feel that much pain when trying to have “use it”. Specially when you said everything else was fine. So yeah, have it looked at by a professional.
3. Definitely see your gyno. It could be you still have part of your hymen intact, and that’s causing your pain. If that’s the case, then it’s actually fairly common, and not too difficult to deal with, so don’t worry. It’s entirely possible it may be psychological, as well. Do you generally feel completely relaxed and comfortable? Or do you have any anxiety before or during?
4. Go see a gynecologist. That’s the only way to understand what’s causing pain.

How do you get over the anxiety when switching jobs?

When you switch jobs, there usually is a push factor from your current company. But I’ve heard many stories about how people jump and their new company mistreats them or is like shit.

Don’t you think this is a risky move to switch jobs? Are you not worried that the new environment is too stressful ? Or does your hatred of your old company overcome your anxiety ?

Netizens’ comments

1. Good increment can dispel all my anxiety. I am a money slave.
2. Life is unpredictable. Whenever you do something, there is always a risk that it will not turn out the way you expect. Are you just going to live in fear for the rest of your life?
   If you don’t like where you are, then you have to be willing to take the plunge and try something new. And that means accepting the risk that it might backfire. Do your due dilligence, of course. If it works out well, then great. If it doesn’t, then suck it up and learn to adapt.
3. Changing jobs is inherently risky. That’s why people get a pay rise when jumping boats
4. New company lousy then faster start looking for jobs and switch again. Don’t be one of those who think they have to stay 1 year.
   Of course best way to avoid this is to do research on the new company before hand.
5. If you’re leaving a shitty job, what do you have to lose? If the new company is crap just resign during the probation period.
6. The anxiety lessens with each interview and job hop. You’re dealing with humans just like yourself. There’s always a risk factor, but sometimes companies give themselves away during interviews, ask questions and spot red flags.
   The unknown always seems intimidating until you get there.

Wife can only get intimate if we shower before we f, it makes life difficult for me.

I have only been with my wife so I don’t know how others do.

My wife has a rule that she can only do it if we have showered before. This makes it difficult to find time for it specially because we have three young kids and busy lives.

Quickies are a no because we have to have showered just right before doing it. Not just wipe or something like that it has to be a shower

It takes a lot of planning to make time for it and it sucks but I of course want to respect her rule but I’m curious about how common it is.

Netizens’ comments

1. After dealing with UTIs and yeast infections in previous relationships, my husband and I always shower before an after and I’ve not had an infection since.
2. She’s just one of those woman who likes it clean and fresh… could be self conscious & or she’s just wants to be clean when doing it.
   I don’t know if it’s common for most woman, im a woman & I don’t shower every time before BUT for the most part I shower everyday so I’m clean most of the time before we do it.
3. My wife and I enjoy starting foreplay in the shower. It’s nice to know we are both clean and it feels good washing each other’s bodies. We don’t have kids though, so I understand where you are coming from with the schedule aspect
4. It takes 2mins to have a quick shower, I’d suck it up and shower
5. My ex husband was like this. I don’t really care if a partner has showered just before, as long as they are not really stinky. If the shower was earlier in the day, and we both worked or did other things before a shower, I won’t usually go down, but PIV is fine.

Job accused me of being too sensitive, I’m pissed

Im a manager in a small cafe. We got a new guy recently and he’s been nothing but trouble. He’s got a huge ego and is hostile and rude to me.

I put up with it for a month, then 2 days ago he got extremely snarky with me, full on yelled at me in front of a customer, then walked out to take a break without asking in the middle of a rush.

When I clocked out I texted my boss saying I’m having problems and asked to talk the next day.

Without evening asking me to clarify she lost her shit and sent an extreme text attacking this guy. She assumed she knew what the problem was (she was incorrect) and said that i accused him of things which I never said.

The guy said I was lying to undermine him and she then got mad at me. My relationship with him was already strained and this made me feel backed into a corner.

She then called me and said I am overly sensitive and that we are having a meeting all three of us the next day. She also asked the owner of the company to come.

I show up and we sit down and they all start digging into me. All three of them went off about how I’m sensitive and the guy is just used to old school kitchens.

At no point did they hold him accountable for yelling or walking out, I was 100% the bad guy. I’ve worked here a year and a half with a lot of difficult people and never raised a problem so I felt like this was unfair.

At this point I felt like the relationship couldn’t be mended, and I also felt pretty hurt that these people I’d worked hard for had all turned on me and wouldn’t hear me out.

I told them I won’t do it anymore and I’m going to start looking for other jobs. I promised to put my two weeks in once I found one and keep working hard until I left.

The whole situation has been so demoralizing though I’m not sure how I’m going to do it. My shift that day was extremely awkward and I wanted to walk out the whole time.

The only positive I see with how it all unfolded is that I feel completely assured that this is the right choice and these are not people I want to spend 40 hours a week around. I still feel hurt

Growing up, I was taught to prioritize accountability, responsibility, and hard work. “Let actions speak louder than words,” has always been my core belief. However, after spending a couple of decades in the workforce, I’ve realized that good things come to those who take them, rather than those who wait. If you want it, ask for it, and take it. Most importantly, saying no to most people and standing firm in those decisions is paramount. I’ve spent my fair share of overnight hours and weekends laboring to build someone else’s castle. I was known for my hardworking and accountable attitude. All my colleagues knew that I wouldn’t give up until the last minute. If someone quit and no one else could pick up their work? People knew I would take it on, ensuring no delays. But I suppose, I won’t be taken advantage of anymore. It’s time to build my own castle instead of others’. If your castle falls because of your poor planning, I ain’t going down with you, for I know I can always build my own castle, anywhere, anytime.

And for those just starting out in the workforce, know that your relationship with your job is purely transactional/ give & take. There’s no such thing as you’re blessed by the employer with the job. They need something from you i.e your skills/capabilities thus they give you the role.

Here are what netizens think:

• Being transactional at work is not a bad thing. It prevents/limits one from getting too emotionally attached with the job. The job is not one’s identity. One does not stop one’s role as a spouse, parent or child after leaving or changing jobs. That’s the wrong perception to have.

• Nothing wrong with accountability, responsibility and hardwork, for me we are paid to work, so long work i can get it done within the 8 hours, i am fine. I had been a pain to the management, i always challenge their unfairness and injustice and even though i am really really good with everything i did, they will throw works to me last minute when other colleagues were assigned but cannot make it. I am ok with no promotion for years as i know i don’t suck up with them. I completed tasks that were meant for people who are much higher ranks than me and I am proud of myself. I live by my principles with no regrets. Life is never fair and that is life, we cannot control others but we can take charge of ourself.

• Colleagues who prioritise accountability, hard work and responsibility make the workplace, a place we spend most of our waking hours, a much better, happier, safer, and less hostile environment.

• That’s the reason why they said work smart, not hard

Did I fail as a man?

We are married for close to three years now and my wife told me she wasn’t getting satisfaction in bed with me. I have been trying hard since this is not the first time we have had this conversation.

She has previously as well, and now with reinforced confidence stated an alternative to this situation by opening our marriage to get her urges fulfilled elsewhere by other people.

Even though I am unopposed to the idea of third or perhaps fourth wheel I somewhat blame myself for this situation.

Netizens’ comments

1. Does she already have a specific person in mind?
2. Has she given you any specifics on things she’d like you to change/improve on? Cause if she hasn’t, I don’t know how you’re supposed to just guess.
   You haven’t “failed as a man”, imo. You seem kind, giving and willing to learn and please, and that’s everything anyone can ask or hope for. I’ve had a variety of partners, and the best ones were never the ones that boasted about how awesome and experienced they are, it was the ones that simply paid attention to my feedbacks!
3. Not really bro. It’s nowhere written that as a “man”, you need to be a King Kong in bed. Every person has a different meaning of satisfaction and it’s majorly solved by communication. You can say you failed as a partner, maybe? Because this feels more like a communication issue than a masculinity issue.
   But again, a lot of it depends on how your wife is in the communication part and if she has unrealistic expectations from you or if she’s actually interested in you!
4. “Fail as a man”? Probably not— you may have failed as a partner. Has she communicated what she would like from you to bring her satisfaction and have you made an earnest attempt at doing those things if they don’t cross boundaries?