Why do children have to suffer when it’s the parent who married the wrong person? Why can’t I have my own life and my own happy family? Why can’t I get married without feeling guilty?

My mom has been dropping the bomb every now and then saying things like she will be alone in future after my siblings and I get married, nobody to care for her etc, while not putting in any effort in her own marriage.

I have been her part time husband since young, accompanying her everywhere in the absence of my dad, and I grew up wondering WHY do children have to be the ones who suffer when it’s the parents marriage that failed. And it’s not even like my parents are divorced, they are just not putting in any effort to even communicate properly with each other. It’s frustrating.

My siblings and I even have to be the ones passing messages between them at times. Cant they just talk properly???

Why is it that you don’t have a happy marriage and you want to stop us from having ours? Cant you let us get married without feeling guilty for being unable to spend as much time with you? Why???? Why would people be unhappy and choose to pass on that unhappiness to their loved ones?

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I am sure I won’t be a parent who wants my children to be unhappy if I am unhappy so I don’t understand why would my parents be like that?

Here are what netizens think:

• No, you’re not wrong in feeling this way. You are not obligated to fix or make either of your parents happy in their marriage. Having said this, you are still their child and you still have a responsibility towards them. Make them happy by treating them well, visiting them often after you’re married, taking care of their well-being, etc. Especially towards your mum. Most of the time she may not realise her words are guilt tripping you. She’s probably just really lonely and sad…she has lots of bottled up feelings and no one to express it to but her children. Deep down, like every woman, she just wants to be loved and cared for and guess what? She deserves all that and more.. the years of sacrifice as a mother is unimaginable… So though her words might annoy you for the most part, be patient with her and constantly reassure her that you’ll be there for her…

• It seems some mothers are the ones who engaged in emotional blackmail and causing a gulf between child and father. You need to tell her nicely to live her own life and no longer use you as a crutch. You will still visit her but now she has to live her own life and you yours. Watch out so that she don’t sabotage your relationship.

• Your parent problems are not your problems. Both their expectation and ego could have caused their communication breakdown. Stay away from their problem and choose the life you want to lead and don’t let their problems affect your life. Be happy.

• You are past of the problem. When one gets support elsewhere, one becomes even more reluctant to make it work. Tell her you have a life elsewhere. If she complains, tell her it’s time she reconciles.

A man shared how he can’t take spicy food but he then went to a restaurant with only spicy food as it was his wife’s birthday.

Here is the story:

My wife’s birthday was this past weekend and she wanted to go to this specialty Sichuan restaurant because she is from that region. Sichuan food is known to be really spicy, and is a lot more than I can handle. She knows I can’t do spicy, and we’ve been trying to work on my tolerance with her cooking, but it’s still not that good.

I told her this and suggested we go to a regular Chinese restaurant, but she claimed it’s not the same. She said there will be non spicy options and at worst, she can ask them to make it not spicy. She clung to me and gave me those cute eyes that I couldn’t say no to, so I gave in and agreed. It’s her birthday so I didn’t want to ruin her day.

Well turns out I did anyway. We were at the restaurant and the entire menu was in Chinese. They had an english one but it didn’t really tell me what was spicy and what wasn’t. I let her order a few dishes, the food came, and it was all spicy. Even the ones she said weren’t. I tried to eat it, but I couldn’t so I asked her if she can ask them to make it less spicy.

She told me to take it slowly and to eat more rice. But I wasn’t enjoying it and asked her again. She got a little huffy but called the waiter over. The waiter kind of gave me a look, like one of those confused “why are you here?” looks, but took a dish back. It came back out and it was not as spicy but still has a kick. I think it was the sauce they’re using or something.

I told the waiter it’s still spicy for me, and the waiter said they can’t make it any less spicy than that. My wife was getting embarrassed I think, because the tables next to us were all looking now. When the waiter went away, I asked her if we can go to another restaurant. She said she didn’t want to, since we’re already here and we already have food on the table.

I started getting frustrated and saying that we’ve been out all day, and I haven’t eaten and now I won’t be able to eat because everything is spicy. She told me to just eat the rice and we’ll get something for me after.

I got really offended by that and got up and left, walked around for a bit to cool down then came back to see her by our car. She was furious and said I embarrassed her. I said she knew I couldn’t handle spicy, and she said I shouldn’t have agreed to the restaurant.

In hindsight, I could’ve probably eaten the dish that came back with a lot of rice…but I wouldn’t enjoy it. I don’t think I can get used to spicy food.

Why do some Singaporean parents like to tell their kids to “keep quiet”?

Was at a stadium for a jog just now and a family was chilling by the waiting area. When the kid started talking, his father told him off starkly, “keep quiet!”.

It happened twice or thrice. Not sure if it’s a common phenomenon but I have observed this many times. In places like library, yes thanks for keeping your kid quiet. But at the stadium!?

If I were a parent, I wouldn’t do that to my kid(s). Or is it cos I haven’t experienced kids + work stress + small HDB + other life stressors?

Netizens’ comments

• what i notice usually is that kids either talk loudly or in a super high-pitched tone, if not both, to warrant the 2 words.

personally, i would say something similar to my kids because tbh it IS noisy (and annoying). i wont say “keep quiet” per se, but i would definitely ask them to lower down their volumes and/or say something to them to avoid whinning.

(i may have misinterpreted this but from what i understand as your last sentence) – adding on to the hdb. when people use the lifts, their voices can echo throughout nearby homes and the noise can be clearly heard from the house/room. imagine also hearing whinny kid or some high pitch screams, plus all the screams from the nearby parks AND playgrounds. there will never be peace (and quiet)

• Sometimes you’re just at your limit. Maybe they’ve been chattering non-stop and the parent needs a break. Maybe the kid is whining about ice cream or some nonsense that was already nicely dealt with 5 times already.

I try not to judge.

My wife and I have been together for about 5 years in total. Last year we kind of broke up/separated for about 8 months. She dated someone else, and I had some hookups but nothing serious. We have a daughter together, and she has a son from her previous marriage who calls me dad. Due to the family we had I agreed to give her and I another go.

For sake of the people reading and to make this short, I’ve left out a lot of details. In short, the guy she dated after me, to be honest, was better looking all around. Way taller than me, in way better shape, had a lot of stuff in his life that I don’t amount to.

It was emasculating, to say the least. Like we have been trying 2 months to work things out. At this point, although my insecurities have really gotten to me. Honestly, I don’t wanna do this anymore. I love her more than anything honestly but I don’t know the fact that she went out and got “someone better” just weighs on me too much. Anytime she and I “do it” it makes me feel sick.

Makes me feel insecure and depressed with a lot of bad emotions.

I’ve tried to end it several times in the last 2 months. But she either convinces me to stay, or I have a hard time letting go.

I can be on my own I’m cool with that 100%. Matter of fact it’s better for me, I have a lot of things as a man I need to work on in order to be who I want to be, and the constant bad vibes from this I feel Like is going to hinder my growth.

I just don’t know how to leave her for good. I am going to have to see her every week for the next 15 years. It’s gonna kill me to see her with someone else again, but I just know deep down this is making me miserable.

We do have a great connection when I’m not in my head and thinking about her. But it’s to the point where I’m losing weight and sleep from stress. My OCD that I pretty much put into remission when u was alone is back into full force. Feels like I’m losing myself. Similar to when she left.

I’m looking for any advice. Also it was nice to just vent.

Here is what netizens think:

• The best advice I’ve ever gotten in terms of a relationship is that when you have something and you want to keep it, you try to fix it instead of throwing it away. Has she said anything about the other guy being all around better or is that your anxiety filling your head with these thoughts? If she has, leave. You really need to think about this since you’re in such a position with having a child and all, you could work on yourself while still being in a relationship. Think about what will truly make you happy and go with that decision.

• Maybe it’s time to write out a long calm list of pros and cons of being involved with this person any further. Keep it unemotional. Such as the fact that you enjoy your daughters company. (I assume as much, although you haven’t stated so.)

• I don’t think you should leave a relationship for the reason you gave. That’s self hate/ self sabotage. That low self esteem is coming from inside you, not from her, so it will follow you post break-up. I think you should consider staying with her and working on you simultaneously. Think of that other guy like you would any other previous relationship she had before you ever met her. That relationship ended and then she chose you. You’re obviously pretty damn good in her eyes.

Am i cheating

I’m a F. Got into a rs with someone I met on CMB on the 2nd date. Been going out for about 4dates now (it’s been a month since we matched), holding hands and hugging. Feeling a bit of a regret now for taking it too fast. He’s a very intelligent guy but I feel that he isn’t very interested in knowing more about me. Not sure if this is just his character or he’s really not interested. During our dates I’m always listening to him talk about his stuff and when I share about myself or my day, there’s little response or interest in wanting to know more. I feel like there’s a s-ual incompatibility too.

Recently been chatting with another guy on dating app and we are in the same line. We have met up once and have arranged to meet up again next week. Should I break it off with the first guy before going on more dates with the new guy? Am I cheating if I go on more dates with the new guy and not break it off with the first?

Here are what netizens think:

• Just end things if you feel that you’re not compatible with this current guy. If he’s not taking an interest in you, there’s no point continuing this situation too.

• Lady. When you get into a “relationship” with someone on the 2nd date, it’s usually anything but a genuine relationship. It’s more like a wham bam thank you ma’am. A meeting of raging hormones. And that first guy is probably discovering he isn’t all that into you after hearing you talk. It happens. If his attention wanders when you are telling him about yourself, it means he is losing interest. If you are now fixated on the second dude, then just tell the first dude you “don’t see things working out, maybe we can remain as friends”. Easy.

• Why waste time with the first when he’s all about himself only

• Break off first lah, what do you want? Backup spare tire? I swear most of the times people over complicate things, or it’s just plain selfish wanting options.

• Are you exclusively dating him or he’s not exclusive yet? If he’s not exclusive,I don’t see what’s wrong in meeting other people simultaneously. Have you made any promises to him? Or has he made any promises to you? No? Then yes you’re not cheating if you get to know someone else too. Plus.. it really baffles me when people say “Oh we are sexually incompatible but I’m still dating him”. Why? To disappoint yourself further? Don’t do that to yourself. You deserve to be with someone who can please you the way you want to be pleased. Why the hell spend even a second with someone you know is not enjoyable and solely interested in speaking bout himself? I’m surprised you didn’t walk away from the table. I’d be like ‘I need to excuse myself” and vanish through the back door and block all communication with him. Don’t second guess yourself. Deep down,you know the answer. Life is too short to spend it with someone who dosen’t fulfill you.

I feel like this is a common struggle for most of us in a relationship. While it’s not the end of the world, it would be nice to not be the only one cleaning, doing laundry, taking the trash out, tidying, etc.

He has the audacity to get mad at me for using a towel right after I shower (just barely even dressed yet) and putting it on my chair because it needs washed. He said he couldn’t dry his hands. Meanwhile, there are fresh and clean towels under the sink. Who put them there? Me.

Our agreement since we moved in together years ago was since I hate cooking, he cooks, he hates cleaning, I clean. Well, that’s not working out because he doesn’t cook enough, maybe once a week or two.

Of course, I’ve brought this up when we communicate, but being told “if you want something done, ask me and I’ll do it” isn’t enough. I’m not someone’s mother, no one likes to nag, and no one likes to be nagged. It’s not fun for either party. Just do the thing. If you’re an adult, you should know if something is messy and if you have a minute, tidy up, right? You shouldn’t need a manager.

We were out of laundry detergent so I asked if he can order more. There are two laundry baskets in our room full of his clothes that haven’t been put away in 2 weeks. I hate putting away clothes too but we only have so much space in this room.

He collects two laundry baskets from the room and brings them to me. … I’m studying right now. There are clothes sitting in our dryer. How does it not cross your mind to put our clothes in a basket before you bring them to me so I do it? It’s okay, you go play the drums and I’ll stop studying to put clothes in a basket.

I’m a musician too so that’s not a problem, but holy can you please prioritize and be somewhat considerate.

Here are what netizens think:

• I’m a big believer in my partner not asking to help in his own home. This is a shared space, and the cleaning is a shared task. One thing I learned is to stop being angry in silence and hope they notice and make a change. Be loud about it. Stop cleaning, let the chaos build up. You’re not a house wife, you’re his partner. Until he starts treating you like one, don’t give in.

• I stopped cleaning and now I live in a dust filled, dirty flat

• This feels like reading my own thoughts out loud. Like, I love the man but damn, I need a break from being the only one to do any chores.

A couple of days ago my wife had a dream where I cheated on her and later leaving her to live with the other woman. She told me about her dream in the morning, clearly distressed. Trying to defuse the situation, I decided to create a funny origin story of the girl I was seeing in her dream. I named her Barney (like the purple dinosaur), and no one actually has this name in SG and I thought it added volume and certain mystery and funny to her character.

The next day I posted a funny comment on a Facebook page, and received a Haha reaction from a user named Barney. I thought it was hilarious and showed it to my wife, who promptly sent me to sleep on the sofa and accuse me of cheating.

This is ridiculous for getting blame for a stupid dream she had. The worse part of this, the person who commented was a guy…

What should I do? She refuses to speak to me.

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell your wife to grow up, tell her you dream she cheating with a purple dinosaur see how she reacts

• I once had a GF who dreamed I cheated on her. She got mad at me, because she claimed it meant I must be doing something to make her subconscious tell her that I was cheating. After we broke up (unrelated to the dream), I found out she had cheated on me several times.

• Normally when someone thinks that their parthner is cheating they are the ones who are cheating and I dare to say it is 90% of the time.

• I have dreams of my bf cheating on me all the time. I just wake up kinda sad and go cuddle him. Having super relastic feeling dreams suck but you can’t take it out on others. I feel the pain of it usually when I wake up but come to reality quickly and just go cuddle. What else is there to possibly do?