I have been with my fiancé for 9 years, and we have always struggled with finances in our relationship. My fiancé believes that everything should be split 50% 50%, while I still take care of most of the household chores.

When we first moved in together, I was responsible for paying bills, credit card debt, and purchasing household essentials, while my fiancé paid the rent.

I managed the home by cooking and cleaning, and typically, when we would go out for fun or entertainment, he would pay(our outings can get a little expensive).

After I got a better paying job, I started helping with half of the rent, while he still paid for all of the outings. Whenever we went on vacation, I paid for flights, hotels, and rentals, while he paid for the activities, but he always complained afterward that he was spending more money than me.

Recently, I got a better-paying job. With my new role, I still make significantly less than my fiancé. I helped build his resume and helped him get a higher position as well.

With his new role, he still makes about 41% more than me with his base pay. He often times works over time and almost always exceeds his base pay so most times it’s a little over 41% more than me.

We recently agreed to purchase a new SUV, and he was to help with half of the bills and the full insurance, while I was to help with half of the SUV and a little more when we have outings.

Everything was going great until I wasn’t able to make ends meet for my portion of the SUV payment and he ended up not paying me his portion of the bills. I was fine with that because it was almost an even exchange monetarily.

When we currently go on outings, he pays about 60% and I pay about 40% but he says that it is still unfair.

I am feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, and I am not sure what would be a fair way to split our expenses. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Netizens’ comments

I cannot imagine being with someone who ostensibly wants to have a life with me, yet is perfectly OK watching me struggle financially so they can keep more disposable income in their pocket. Taking care of all of the housework while we both work full time would just be adding insult to injury.

I would never for a second do that to a serious partner if I was the higher earner. I’ve covered 100% of the household expenses when a partner could not work, even though that was never our plan, because watching them financially struggle while I did nothing is not what love looks like in my mind.

What might your long-term future look like with him? Is he going to insist on 50-50 if you have kids? If you have to go on mat leave? If you somebody become sick or disabled and can’t work? What is retirement going to look like? Is he going to enjoy a relaxing retirement while you still work and stress out about how to pay the bills?

I don’t think there’s one right way to deal with finances in a relationship, but I think what you’re doing right now is absolutely the wrong way. You deserve much better than this.

I just drank my own pee

As the title says I just drank my own piss. Not by choice however it was an accident own my own stupidity. I’d just gotten home from work and sat down to enjoy my food I stopped and grabbed.

Upon opening my bag I reached for my tea can I had just gotten cuz Im fairly addicted to the stuff.

Here is where my mistake was. The day before I really had to relieve myself after waking up and the bathroom was taken.

Like most gamer guys out there I reached for the closest bottle and filled it about half way. Back to today I grabbed the wrong bottle took a big swig and instantly threw up realizing what I was drinking.

My throat is sore and I’m no longer hungry. Thankfully I can tell I’m not diabetic however.

Netizens’ comments

1. “Like most gamer guys…” as a “gamer guy” myself, am I missing something. Never in my life have I done this.
2. I don’t think most gamer guys pee in bottles. Why would you do that if you have normal sanitary accommodation.
3. Today I am thankful I never had to pee in a bottle. Also that I am physically unable to do so because I am a woman.
4. I feel for you, but the fact you think its a normal thing to pee in a bottle and leave it there… strongly indicates some underlying mental health issues.
5. This is not a normal occurrence ” like most gamer guys” My husband and all his friends have been gamers for over a decade and play daily. Never has any one of them been disgusting and lazy enough to pee in a bottle.
6. If you’re so enmeshed with a game that you are peeing in bottles instead of getting up and going to the bathroom, you need an intervention and a life change.

Dealing with loneliness, boredom & lots of free time as a single 30-something male? (few friends, few family)

How do you guys do it? Looking for some advice from brothers or sisters walking my path!

I recently ended a long relationship of around 4-5 years. That’s another story in itself, but we mutually ended it for reasons. ‘Twas only after breaking up did I realize how small my social circle is or how little I had bothered to maintain my friendships. My long-term relationship was a panacea which basically papered over how few folks I had to talk to. Or even just hang out with.

It’s not that I don’t have friends, but I find myself either losing contact with them, or meeting them far less frequently now. My ‘closest’ friends are mostly old schoolmates from university and earlier. I’ve a few acquaintances here and there from working life, but they’re mostly situational and we’ve slowly lost contact as we changed jobs, moved around. I say ‘close’ because even for my closest buddies, we really only meet up a couple of times a year nowadays. (Is that odd for normal, well socialized people?). Although I know I can reach out to them anytime at a phone call’s notice for help, which is a blessing indeed. Personally, I’m a very ‘low-maintenance’ friend and that probably accounts for why my social circle is so small.

The pandemic really accelerated a lack of contact with friends and people in general, apart from my then-partner whom I spent the most time with. When I worked from home even after the pandemic eased, I didn’t go out or join people to hang out after work for drinks like I did in my mid to late 20s.

Now, I’m on hybrid working but I mostly just go home after work. It seems that my social life and social opportunities have settled into some kind of norm, a low baseline level. Like the Colorado River that has hit a 20-year low waterline and has never recovered since LOL. It doesn’t help that most of my friends are married, married with kids, going to get married or going to have kids, and so it’s increasingly more difficult to catch up.

I stay with my parents so I’m very thankful that financially I’m not stretched. Which is a blessing I recognize. My job is not cushy but decent and definitely comfortable enough for a singleton with no financial commitments, so I’m really quite comfortable at the moment. And more importantly, I have a lot of free time. I mostly spend it on solo activities like reading, other homebody stuff, and exercising. Typical boring, non-exciting pursuits.

I’ve little motivation to use dating apps because it just feels so tiring to get a match, sustain a texting conversation with people, going through the whole ritual-and-shebang of online dating. I feel like dating apps are something that early or mid-20 somethings can get behind easily, but draining for someone of my age. Every time I find myself reaching for my phone and scrolling through the apps, its because I feel acutely bored or lonely. And that is a problem in itself, because I don’t want a relationship just because I’m bored or lonely?

Any tips or advice on how you’d handle all this, in my position? BTW, I’m not really looking for romantic relationship advice. I’m more interested to hear how does a 30-something guy who’s very bored, comfortable (no pressing financial commitments), with few-ish friends and lots of free time, occupy themselves with pursuits or make themselves feel better? Whilst my life is by no means terrible, I can’t help but feel like I’m ‘standing on the spot’ (hentak kaki for those who know) and not moving forwards in life by normal Singapore social standards.

I regret having a family.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and will do everything I can to be a good mom and wife. But if I had known the actual details of how hard this life would be, I would have chosen differently.

Growing up, it’s made to seem like that’s just the way of life and that children are tough but worth it. Nobody talked about the realities of pregnancy completely changing your body forever.

Or the fact that your wants and desires no longer matter, because you’re family comes first.

Or the fact that you get judged and watched for every action you and your children make.

Society jokes about the super mom and how clueless Dad is, but the reality is that Mom had to reinvent herself to become supermom.

I had dreams that now have to wait until the kids are old enough to pursue. I just feel like I’m waiting to live and enjoy my life year after year and it feels like I’ll never get to.

I can’t get sick or injured without the whole entire family falling apart and spiralling into chaos.

My husband can’t handle the pressure of caring for the kids and home and starts lashing out when this happens.

It gets so bad sometimes that I wish I would die just to get away. But then I know my family would suffer and I’m afraid of my husband being alone to raise our children.

So yeah, I’m stuck and feeling guilty for even feeling this way.

Netizens’ comments

Hmmm this made me think about how much the internet has really changed how young people must view parenting.

I am gen X, and the only source I had about parenting, in my teens and twenties, were people I knew, and my own parents of course. I had zero idea how hard parenting would be because no one told me and I had no internet to use to search for other parents.

When I had my first kid, it hit me like a truck. The constant never ending work. I loved my kids, absolutely I did, but overnight, my life disappeared and was replaced by one I had no idea was coming.

Now every young woman can easily see how hard parenting is. No wonder many don’t enthusiastically embrace it like they used to. No wonder birth rates are falling with educated women.

I will say this, as hard as it was, I was fortunate to have a husband and family that helped me out. I can’t imagine doing it with no support at all.

When my first child was 6 weeks old, I took a class at a local university and had to leave my daughter with my husband for 4 hours a week alone. It was awful for him at first because she would just scream, but gradually, he got better at calming her and more confident. He needed the opportunity to become a competent parent. A lot of guys don’t have the socialization or confidence that they can do it, but they can. He needs to step up, and that means you need to push him a little to do it.

Book a hotel room and just leave for a few nights. He will figure it out, I promise.

Question for any lawyers in Singapore

I’m a videographer in Tokyo and was hired by a Singaporean agency last November to film an event for one of their clients here in Japan.

Six months later, they’ve only paid 1/4th of what they owe me and keep moving the goal posts on when they’ll pay the rest. Looking at their Google reviews, this is what they do to every freelancer they hire.

While I didn’t have a formal contract with them, I have every aspect of the transaction (explanation of the services they were looking for, agreeing on a price, acknowledging receipt of the finished files, acknowledging receipt of the invoice, acknowledgement of them missing payment deadlines, etc.) in writing between emails and text messages.

Would this be enough to hold up in a Small Claims Tribunal case, or are only formally signed contracts considered valid?

Netizens’ comments

1. I am a liti lawyer
   You don’t need a written contract for a contract to be formed, although it’s better to have terms recorded.
   You better SCT soon though I think there’s a 1 year time bar for when they do it.
   Once you get the judgment send a debt collector. Should be cheaper than going to a lawyer to enforce. Would only recommend lawyers only if it’s like at least 50k
2. tell them you will have to include their client in on this process. seriously. they will fold relatively quick. they don’t want the embarrassment. when i was living in japan (kinda still do), this SG company didn’t pay for a service rendered. we just explained we would start discussing with a lawyer and would be speaking to their client as the services also included them. got the payment within a week.
3. Unfortunately, this is how some businesses work in Singapore. They bank on not having to pay their vendors as a way to cut costs. That’s because it’s cheaper to write off the invoice than to hire someone to chase a bad debt. Got this from the CEO of one of largest meat suppliers in Singapore. He says he writes it off for that reason.

I might be falling for my co-worker

I’m very happily married. I love my wife more than anything. She is seriously is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I would never risk losing her.

But I started a new job 5 months ago, and I started developing a crush on one of my co workers. Whenever we’re partnered up on assignments, we just have a great time being in each others company.

We have so much in common and make each other laugh constantly. As I said, I’m married and she’s been in a serious relationship for years.

I just feel weird about the whole situation. Like I said, I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage, but I feel guilty being so happy and looking forward to spending time with this other woman.

I started thinking about her a lot more in the last month or so. I’ve had a few romantic dreams about her too. I think we just connected instantly and now my brain is taking it too far.

Netizens’ comments

1. So stop talking to her. Request to your boss that you not be partnered up for assignments. You don’t have to give a reason for it, just tell him you work best with others.
   If you HAVE to stay partnered, solely keep conversations about work — nothing personal, and no more than is absolutely necessary.
2. My friend, you know how the saying goes, don’t poop at where you eat. It’s absolutely fine and okay to have crushes and fantasies but make sure you don’t act on it, especially when you are already married and the other woman has a relationship of her own. Don’t be that guy.
3. I think the fact that you are feeling guilty towards your wife over this crush on the other girl shows that you are on the right track, don’t do anything to jeopardise your own marriage and other people’s relationship and you’re fine.

I’m not a COE Expert, nor can I offer a solid solution, just a guy that got mad about the system and wanted to rant.

Here is what I think

I recently heard about a story of a couple who got married, moved into their BTO flat and are expecting their first child later this year.

Since their flat is not near MRT (cannot walk there in 10mins), they decided to get a car. (Not even a good car, just some wheels that can drive).

But since COE is expensive and all cheap used cars have their COE expire in less than a year, they are kind of out of luck.

We obviously still need to limit cars to avoid deadlock traffic. But I find it ridiculous that a new couple needs to fork out ~$100k for the COE just for the right to own a car.

Yes, you can have kids without a car, but one can’t deny the convenience of driving 20mins back home from work (rather than an 1hr on public transport) the ease of bringing your kid around without one.

The only solution I have is some process that people can go through to prove they need (e.g. children, elderly & disabilities etc.) a car before they can get some COE rebate…

Here are what netizens think

• At some point, we have to accept that Singapore is an expensive place to have a family. Is more like a place for you to work then take the money and go elsewhere.
  
• Take a bus? Cycle? Top up that 100++k and use it to buy a better house? At least the damn value won’t drop the moment your hand touches the keys? Tell that couple don’t bluff themselves, they WANT the car, everything else is just excuse.
  
• Repeat after me a car is a want in Singapore, not a need. You can afford it good. You can’t then save more or earn more. Short term lease, phv and taxis are way cheaper than owning a car.
  
  With a young baby in tow, most people won’t be making daily drives around Singapore bringing the baby around.
  
  Anyone who says they buy a car for their baby is talking rubbish. They are buying for themselves.

Company did a massive layoff. Currently not affected but likely to be affected in the next round in the next few months.

This normally wouldn’t be that big of a deal, as I’d just go out and find another job. But as I’m still in school (about a year left), it’s going to be a huge struggle to find something that provided the same kind of stability.

Finances are currently messed up, I spend when I’m stressed and the semester of school that just passed had me so stressed that I burnt basically all my savings.

I still receive a small allowance so I should be able to sustain my final year no problem, and honestly, I do have everything planned out (How to cut on spending, budgeting etc).

But the entire situation and the lost of control just completely destroyed my emotional capacity to deal with anything.

I’ve previously struggled with mental health issues, and it’s hitting so hard now and everything is just all so overwhelming.

Very broken now, not able to see my therapist for a while so just looking to hear from people who might have had similar experiences.

Also I’m just spiralling, things like, what if I can’t get a job after graduation, especially graduating into this economical landscape.

What if I can’t afford the remaining downpayment for my bto, etc etc. It’s really just all too much.

Netizens’ comments

Cut down on expenses: Take a hard look at your expenses and cut back on non-essential spending. Prioritize your spending on essentials like food, rent, and bills. Consider finding ways to save money, such as cooking at home instead of eating out, using public transport instead of taking taxis, or looking for free activities instead of paid entertainment.

Look for freelance or part-time work: While you search for a full-time job, consider taking on freelance or part-time work to earn some money. Platforms like Fiverr, Upwork, can help you find short-term projects to work on. You can also consider gig jobs like food delivery or ride-sharing, although these may have more uncertainty.

Network and seek help: Reach out to your professional and personal network and let them know you are looking for work. Attend industry events, connect with people on LinkedIn, and reach out to your former colleagues for referrals or advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice from those who have been through a similar situation.

Stay positive and keep learning: Being retrenched can be demoralizing, but try to stay positive and focus on the future. Use this time to learn new skills or pursue hobbies that you may have put aside in the past. Consider taking online courses or attending workshops to improve your skills and increase your chances of finding a new job.

Remember, being retrenched is not your fault, and you are not alone. With determination and the right mindset, you can overcome this setback and come out stronger on the other side.

My father is dating someone younger than me

Last year I discovered my father (64) is dating a 26 year old.

My father had just gotten out of a somewhat long-term relationship and had been talking about seeing someone new.

My siblings and I were asking him some questions about it because he had been odd about the whole thing.

One of them joking asked “Is she in her 20’s or something?” which he didn’t respond to. My stomach immedietly sunk, I knew I knew exactly who it was. I pulled her up on social media and showed her to him and of course it was her.

She is a year younger than me, we all went to school together. I was able to put it together so quickly because I was struck with a discomforting memory from school when my father was telling me how she had been messaging him on FB.

he mentioned how it was kind of odd but I remember being incredibly unsettled with how he said it. Like he was finding some odd enjoyment about being able to mention it.

My sibling and I didn’t have a good relationship with him, but we have maintained one at the very least. We are all mortified.

We were discussing this the other day and started putting together all these unsettling details that start to paint a more sinister story of this man.

Netizens’ comments

1. Bro been there in the same boat. It doesn’t feel good at all, especially if you are a girl. It feels creepy.
2. Your father should know better (I dunno how people can date others who are young enough to be their kids or grandkids). 
3. Don’t feel ashamed you know. I have felt ashamed all my life due to my fathers actions, not only was he a serial cheater but he wouldn’t pay people off you know. People would come to our house for bill/loan/money collection all the time. It was such a difficult time.
   And it left such a deep impact on me and my younger brothers that we pay up even before the due date now. We felt constantly judged. But the truth is that no one cares and that everyone has skeletons in their closet. Your friends with seemingly perfect families would also have issues you don’t know about. No one is perfect. Really no one is.
   You don’t have to feel ashamed for his actions. Only he gets to feel that. Don’t let his shame define you or make you feel smaller.

Hey all, I got a full brazilian wax before going for a trip with my friends because I didnt want to worry about shaving while we were there, but since then almost none of my hair down there grew back. Its been almost two months!

Ive always had kinda fine soft hair below, but it was reasonably dense. Now i have like, odd stragglers here and there that can just be plucked out. It didnt even hurt all that bad when i had it done! I’m so confused, i didnt know this was a thing.

Im probably gonna have to roll with it at this point, right? If so i think ill just book an electrolysis appointment and get rid of whats left. It would have grown back by now right?

I’m upset about it, i’m very petite and thin and dont really have an hourglass figure. I’ve got an “innie” as well. I’ve gotten a lot of “You look like a kid” crap in my life as well, and i like having a bit of a bush to make me feel like I look like an adult.

It was hard enough finding folks to date or hookup with who werent turned off by my less “developed” frame, or weird about the way they talked about it, this feels like one more thing that makes me look less like an adult, although at least it wont be visible to the average passerby i guess.

There’s nothing to be done, right?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m gonna need the name of the salon you went to please….
2. Wait it out!! It might just take a little longer!! I’ve been getting full Brazilians for years and just impulse changed to now having a little triangle, and in my experience it just takes time! During covid I got my full bush back in 3 months after taking it all off for years so there is hope don’t worry!
3. Professional waxer here. Just give it some more time. The average person will begin regrowth sooner than that but it is possible to take longer – especially if you had fine hair to begin with.
4. Waxing can damage hair follicles, making hair grow back sparse or not at all. It usually takes repeat waxes, though. You might just be an outlier if this happened after one.