Feeling jealous over SO’s career

SO of 2 years recently started a new role with a pay of around 7k. Although I was really happy for him, and for us, can’t help but feel this tinge of jealousy when he innocently shares about how great the role /company / pay is.

Hearing about his job triggers this sense of discontent about my current situation and makes me feel like I’m underpaid, although I know perfectly well we’re in different industries and his tends to pay higher (around ~60% more).

Any advice on how to not feel jealous about SO’s higher pay / “better” career? I want to be genuinely happy for him. I know I should be seeing us as a team instead of him being a competitor. please help!

Netizens’ comments

1. Sharing this as someone coming from the opposite POV (your SO’s).
   Recently landed a new job that bumped me from a difference of $1K from my partner to ~$5K. When my SO heard the news, her first reaction was joy for me that turned to exactly what you felt – jealously, discontent and sadness, despite us being in totally different industries.
   We had a long chat about what this meant for us moving forward, and dug deeper into our feelings about it. What came out from it were exactly what the others mentioned – we’re in this as a team, together. Its not about me VS you, but more about US VS others. Along the way, also figuring out why does this bother her – for us, it was ego and insecurity – and so, this unfortunately meant swallowing our ego at times and working on ways we can contribute otherwise and open better communication.
   We worked out an agreement that money should not be an issue between us, and not assign the value of our contribution based on monetary terms. If I was to pay more monetarily for things (more spare income) – so be it, she can make up for it in other ways and not let it be an equal measure of our contribution to the relationship.
2. You’ll have to be an adult and look at it from the correct, mature perspective. Your partner is not a peer or rival per se, but someone who will be partnering you in financial decisions in the long run. Do you know how many people have to tank the family finances on their spouses’ behalf? Look at it as a win for you both as a couple, not just for him alone. And don’t forget to celebrate the new job together with him, not just be happy for him.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years now and have a daughter. The first time I was invited to dinner at his parents’ house, we had just started dating and only just got together.

I will never forget that day in my life and I am still ashamed of it to this day. Even before we got there I had a stomach ache. His mother made his favorite cocoa for us with extra cream.

Even back then, my stomach couldn’t tolerate dairy products, especially with so much fat. I drank the cocoa anyway because I didn’t want to be rude.

It started shortly after. I had extreme stomach cramps and before I could even stand up, my underwear was completely covered in my liquid shit.

I stayed put because I was afraid that more would come out. My mother-in-law suddenly started yelling at my husband and asked him if he wasn’t ashamed in front of women so disgusting to fart.

He said it wasn’t him but that he smelled it too. At that exact moment I couldn’t take it anymore and shitted everything that was left in me in my pants.

I ran straight into the bathroom and I felt the shit dripping down the floor. When I came back after 40 minutes, all I saw was a huge brown stain on the sofa and my mother-in-law’s face.

She asked me if I wanted another cocoa…

Netizens’ comments

1. So is the stain still there? Did you offer to buy them a new sofa? Did you say yes to the second offer of Cocoa? Still so many questions…
2. I’m glad you’re still together and married, I’d probably be too embaressed to even go on a next date. I hope no one felt the need to share the story of how you met the parents at your wedding
3. I clogged my MIL’s toilet a few years ago. I blamed it on my husband because he pooped 3 times while we were there that day.

In my late twenties and I’m tired

Yeah I understand our society is not meant to work 40 hours a week. I’m exhausted. I recently had to leave a toxic workplace that was quiet firing me.

Started a new job and doing my best, but feel like I’m walking on eggshells. When will the ball drop? Tired of being in survival mode.

My husband and I aren’t saving anything. We’re in a small overpriced home (2k per month). We tried looking at other options but none of them allow pets or have laundry.

We want to have a family but it feels unachievable right now. We have a combined income which barely pays our bills.

We cook most of the time and don’t spend on frivolous things. We have loans and payments to deal with every months, barely. So how can we buy a home and start a family?

Like what is the point lol. Everything is so expensive. The future looks so bleak.

Netizens’ comments

1. Not accusing you of it, so please don’t take it that way, but many people in this country seem to have a problem with living above their means, even to the point of putting themselves in debt to uphold the image.
   Perhaps reevaluating what you pay for everything and getting rid of luxuries that are actual luxuries could help you realign your finances to help you work toward your goals (like owning a home) better.
2. Now is probably the worst time in the last 100 years to benchmark your progress. None of us thriving, we’re all tired, we’re all surviving, just trying to stay employed and keep a roof over our heads. The cost of living is through the roof, bills are astronomical, we’re in a recession….just focus on surviving so that when you come out the other side, you are in a strong position to move forward.
3. To be honest and it likely isn’t something you may want to hear or maybe you have thought of but put it past is stepping up your game to learn a new skill and get a higher paying job. this goes for both you and your husband.
   you may think that this may be a bit late now that you are in your late twenties but there are just times when you seem like you are doing all you can to save money, living frugally, etc etc., and yet you feel like you still don’t have anything to show for

I (29f) am thinking of leaving my disinterested husband (29m).

I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, married for 3. We own a home as well as multiple pets, but are strictly child-free. I am needing advice on 1. if I am being extreme and 2. how to break it to him.

I am a go-getter in life, and have climbed the corporate ladder with zero schooling and simply hard work. My husband works a job that has no growth, no raises, and no interest in him as a person with drive.

He self-proclaims he is “content,” while I have to work hard to support us with our huge salary gap (I make double he does).

As time has passed and we purchased a home and other landmarks, he has refused to try and step up in any manner to help me.

At one point I asked him if he could at least maybe pick up on more chores to help me out since I was desperate to feel any sense of fairness in our day to day.

He refuses to do any extra work, all repairs/services/any sort of issue in our lives falls solely to me since I am “better at figuring things out” than him.

All phone calls, scheduling, problems all fall to me to handle, while his day to day consists solely of video games.

I have even tried to get him into other hobbies (I’m a gamer too, but I think you need to spread your wings passed JUST that), but he claims he has no other interest in life.

I have had MULTIPLE conversations, and by multiple I mean practically every 3-4 months for 2 years, I have these “come to Jesus” talks, trying to get him to step up his game.

We don’t even do holidays anymore because I would buy him gifts, where he would get nothing and claim he “didn’t like what I asked for.”

We spend absolutely zero time together outside of getting food or small talk throughout the day, even though we both work from home.

I am getting to a place where I’d rather hang out with my online friends than spend any alone time with him. I make up stories about him and I having “good times” to my friends, so that they don’t have concern for me and they can “like him.”

He is happy to have me go to my best friends for all my emotional support since it’s not his forte. We don’t text, and when I was away for a week he literally did not message me once.

I went to him after an anxiety attack two weeks ago, and he didn’t even give me attention until I called him out for it.

When we talk, I have to actively ask him to say SOMETHING, or else he will just sit there spacing out, not acknowledging my speaking at all.

Our physical relationship is zero, now I am beginning to wonder if I am just incredibly unhappy with him. I feel like I have given it every chance I can, have tried to set him up for success time and time again, only for his laziness to win out.

I have had all the counseling conversations, but I’m always met with, “I’ll try to be better,” only for nothing to change.

Is this a lost hope? I dropped the bomb last week telling him I was on my last chance, and he’s been trying this past week to be better. Even with his efforts, I feel so apathetic to it all and I have zero trust that it’ll be fixed this time.

He’s been so happy and jovial, it hurts me to think that I am going to drop the “divorce” word on him and hurt him.

I know he loves me and considers me the greatest thing to happen to him, but I can’t help but feel he’s something that’s holding me back.

Any advice on 1. what to do here and 2. if I SHOULD separate, how to talk to him, would be greatly appreciated.

I (28f) had a panic attack after my husband (30m) finished inside me.

My husband and I have been discussing the idea of starting a family for quite some time now, and it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for me.

Let me give you some context: My husband is absolutely thrilled and ready to dive headfirst into parenthood. He’s been excitedly talking about the prospect of having children for a while, and his enthusiasm is both heartwarming and a little overwhelming.

On the other hand, I’ve been on the fence about it. Don’t get me wrong; I love my husband dearly, and I can see a beautiful future together with a family.

However, I’ve always had some reservations and fears about becoming a parent.

Last night, we decided to take the plunge and try for a baby for the first time. My husband’s excitement was infectious, and I wanted to share in his joy and start this journey together.

But shortly after our intimate moment, I was hit by a wave of panic and anxiety. It was like a sudden storm of uncertainty, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I might not be ready for this life-altering step.

I’m sharing this here because I desperately need advice, reassurance, or even just to hear from someone who’s been through a similar situation.

Is it normal to have doubts and fears when trying for a baby, even when you love your partner and want to start a family? How do you navigate this emotional turbulence?

My husband has been incredibly understanding and supportive, but I can’t help feeling like I might be letting him down.

I want to be a good partner and potential mother, but I’m struggling with my own insecurities and anxieties. Has anyone here experienced a similar panic attack or moment of doubt during their journey to parenthood?

Been to Singapore and Malaysia, I prefer to live in Malaysia much more than Singapore

I am Chinese living in London. I have been looking to relocate to South East Asia, and both Singapore and Malaysia are on top of the list.

I have spent some time in both countries, I prefer to live in Malaysia much more than in Singapore. True, Singapore is a more developed country and is perceived to be very safe.

However, if this is what I want I would stay in London, Singapore has not reached the same level of development as London yet.

My wife has worked at Goldman Sachs in Singapore for three years. We all agree Malaysia is where we would actually love to live.

1, Cost of living is much more affordable than in Singapore, this is a very big factor

2, Malaysian are much more friendly than Singaporeans

3, Pace of life is slower in Malaysia, Singapore is too hectic for me

4, Singapore is too small, and there is more to do in Malaysia and more variety

5, I can actually own a car in Malaysia, and this is almost impossible in Singapore

I am currently looking to apply for a residence permit to live in Malaysia, which is a big obstacle for me. However, both I and my wife have made up our minds to relocate to Malaysia probably in 2024.

What do Malaysian think of Singapore?

I grew up in a village in mainland China and lived there for 18 years. I know what corruption and poverty looks like FYI.

Netizens’ comments

1. Been to Singapore to study + work. You are right.
   However, many Malaysians cross over to work in Singapore simply because the currency much more powerful.
   If $$ is no issue for you, anywhere is paradise really.
2. I think Malaysia is better if you’re already rich – you probably have more upward mobility in Singapore relative to Malaysia.
   I’m a foreigner that’s visited both places extensively and I prefer Malaysia because I’ve already acquired capital.
   If I were starting a career in the region though I’d pick Singapore any day.
3. If you’ve big salary here in Malaysia, absolutely. But unfortunately, many Malaysians go to work in Singapore because they don’t have big salary.

just broke up with my fiance whom I share a joint account with. Am I the asshole for asking for 100% of the money in our joint account because I think he should compensate me for my time wasted on him?

I have been dating my fiance for 3 years and we have been working for 2 years since graduating. He proposed to me last december and since then, I have been asking him to plan for our wedding, which I would prefer to be held as soon as possible because I am tired of working and want to be a housewife.

He told me he would prefer to have the wedding next year because he needs some time to plan the wedding but I want it to be held preferably by end of this year. Since he has agreed to stay at my parents’ house after marriage then there shouldn’t be any issues at all.

I just cannot understand why he wants to wait until next year to have the wedding because actually I was asking for a very simple wedding.

I only wanted to invite our friends and relatives to a dinner at a mid-tier hotel like Pan Pacific and to get very affordable wedding bands like Cartier. He certainly can afford them because he has $30k in his personal savings account and he earns $5k a month.

I’m not even asking for much because I know there are way more expensive places to hold a banquet and way more high-end jewellery brands to get wedding bands from. But he thinks that the wedding bands and hotels I chose are too extravagant even though I have offered to help him pay 20% of all expenses.

Because of all these issues, we quarrelled a lot and eventually I decided to break up with him because I realise he’s a very selfish person who doesn’t even care about what I want at all. Even the engagement ring he got for me was a small 0.9 carat which cost only $9k although I have specifically told him that I wanted a 1.5 carat.

Now that we have broken up, we are in the midst of discussing how to split our joint account money and he said he will give me half of the money inside, which is only $10k.

His excuse for giving me only half of the money is that he was the only one contributing to the joint account. He did contributed to 100% of the joint account but I was the one who encouraged him to save up. Whenever he wanted to buy useless things like Nintendo Switch, I stopped him from buying them.

Without me, he wouldn’t even have savings at all. Moreover, I wasted 3 years of my life on him so I think I deserve more than $10k.

Honestly, even if he gives me all the money, which is merely $20k, I still don’t think it’s enough to compensate for the 3 years.

But he seems reluctant to give me 100% of the money and kept giving me all sorts of lame excuses. Should I continue to ask for $20k or should I just settle for $10k? I’m so tired of fighting over this.

Hi Singapore, I visited your country a few months back and stayed in one of your famous and old hotels, but I shan’t name them for privacy purposes.

So the local legend is that the hotel has “guests” that never checked out, if you catch my drift. If you don’t, ghosts okay? I’m talking about ghosts.

So with it being a legend and all, I paid no heed to it because I figured they were all just stories meant to spook people for entertainment purposes.

I also spoke with some of the locals who told me that they knock on the hotel room door first before entering, but I didn’t because where I’m from, we just don’t practice that custom.

I was told that it was apparently to “inform” whatever was inside the room that we were gonna be entering and not disturb “them”.

So the first night, I was sleeping alone in the hotel room and the bathroom light inexplicably turned on by itself, and I brushed it off the electrical circuits malfunctioning or something.

I got up and went to switch off the lights, before going back to bed.

This time, the showers turned on by themselves, and the rational side of me is trying to explain the happenings as electrical and plumbing issues.

But they happened about minutes apart.

So I went to the bathroom, turned on the lights to look at the showers, there was nothing out of place. I switch off the running shower and looked at the lever that turns on the water – you had to turn it to activate the water, and I didn’t know if it had any electrical mechanisms involved.

By now all kinds of thoughts were running in my head, and I am getting very, VERY spooked, and I didn’t want to be alone inside that hotel room.

And I also couldn’t check out of the hotel because it was about 1am and it would be really troublesome to look for another hotel at this timing, and I was really reluctant to go outside and roam the streets until the morning.

The first thought I had was to hire an escort for an overnight “activity” session, so I wouldn’t be alone.

I went on *website name redacted* and hired this beautiful asian girl for a whole nighter, about $700 to spend the night with me.

We didn’t do much sleeping that night *winks*, but there was one instance where the bathroom lights turned on by itself again while we were “busy”.

Anyway, I checked out of the hotel the next morning and went to another hotel, and the weird happenings didn’t happen again.

I must say, that was an interesting holiday…