Mismatch in work culture, what should I do?

Hi all, seeking some advice on work. Im a 23F who has just landed my first job in a consulting firm. I have interned in other consulting firms before and have friends and family working in this field so I am generally aware of the normal culture of consulting aka working till late occasionally and possibly networking with clients and prospective clients etc.

My current job, it doesn’t require me to stay till late to finish up with work so far. Which is great. But my bosses expects us to stay and drink/play games, usually till 12am and sometimes up to 3-4am.

They say it’s important that we learn to bond with colleagues after work hours. Whenever I had to leave the office at 9pm or if i decline drinking alcohol, they would make side comments on why I had to leave early and why cant I drink just a little.

I’m just 3 months in this job and I am feeling so exhausted from my work interactions.

I feel that I’m not as close with my other colleagues as everyone always stays up in the office to play and drink with one another while I’m leaving early, their conversation would continue on the next day and no one would bother to fill me in on the details.

Hoping to stay at least a year in this job but not sure how to navigate my life around the office now. Send help

No, I don’t want to go to a bar/restaurant, or any other activity in the evenings. My commute eats up enough of my time.

I’ve already made up my mind to say “no, I have other plans” if this rears its ugly head again, and if my boss pushes it and tries to make it even semi-mandatory, I’m going to request time and a half pay, since I’m non-exempt and a work activity has taken me away from my home. That should end the discussion.

I am an escort and have been for nearly three years , I was thinking about retirement but after my last client , I’m not so sure anymore

Hey guys , I’m F22 , this is my first post here so excuse any mistakes lol .

The other day I met with this client in the hotel and he told me he’s a virgin . I can tell he’s the shy type of guy and he was so sweet , even brought me some flowers!

We got on the bed and started kissing and undressing each other .

And afterwards We then got dressed and cuddled together , and as he rested on my chest and I was rubbing and playing with his hair , he just cried .

I asked him what’s wrong and he said he feel really good loved and cared for with me (I always make sure I make my clients feel satisfied) and also told me that no one has made him this way before and it’s honestly sad to hear.

You’d be surprised by how many guys hire me just to cuddle and be affectionate with them , they don’t recieve much love and are so happy when they do and same with compliments , so I always make sure to compliment them . I wish I can give every guy a hug now lol .

Anyways , I reassured him and told him everything’s going to be ok until he slept on me lol .

So now I am at a crossroad , I want to quit and find true love (even tho that would be hard considering my past/present) but at the same time , I get to make so many guys feel happy about themselves , and I want to keep doing that . So idk what to do tbh , any opinions?

And thanks for reading

Surprised by how whiny a teen can be!

I recently joined a volunteer group and got in touch with youth, some of them are poly students whole some are university students.

One of them, a teen mentioned that he wanted to move to Korea and work there after he graduated because he love Kpop.

Another working adult in the group mentioned that he has been to Korea to work for 2 years and that it needs planning and some savings. Also he should pick up basic Korean if possible. (Because he doesn’t know Korean except for song lyrics and a few lines from Kdrama)

The teen suddenly got upset and blamed him for “ruining his dream”. And I was like… Huh? Why is that ruining his dream? I seriously cannot understand why he even feel that! Because I was about to tell him to do more research before committing to it too especially because he is going there because of Kpop and he mentioned to work and not to be an idol.

Am I be old fashion or what? I feel I don’t know how to talk to some teens these days.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s normal lah. Many of us, in our youth, have many pipe dreams and talk a lot of nonsense. It’s only when we are older that the harsh realities of life hit us like a mountain of bricks. From there, we gradually learn how to deal with it or simply sit on our arses while accusing other people of not being responsible enough to make our lives better.

• Most of them dream with their heads in the air but feet not planted on the ground.

• This kid think kpop is like popcorn. So easy to form a band and no need to think about finance and health. Heard its a gruelling process.

• We were once young. We think life is like this and that. Once we get old we’ll change eventually once we face challenges in life. The only thing we could do as adults towards youngsters who only knows how to take life for granted is teach them, guide them and protect them to prevent those mistakes that we once/twice/thrice made.

• student still living in their lala land. think that is everywhere speaks english. sometimes they need to fall face flat to learn reality

I got so damn lonely I hired a escort to drink with me

I just wanted to have someone to talk to and drinking alone makes me feel like an alcoholic. I’ve been isolating myself since I was injured in an accident that left me scared from head to toe and it left my face heavily scarred and my torso front and back.

I’m thinking about talking to a psychiatrist and maybe trying to become normal again but in the last 9 years I have socialized with maybe 4 people and that was probably less than 100 times all together which sounds like a lot till you spread it across 9 years.

As you can tell I’ve become anti social, bit of a recluse one could say. I used to go out and people used to stare at me or ask me about my scars and I don’t know why it bothered me so much.

Funny story just to show how interested people are in them, I once got 10 plus matches on a dating site just because they were curious of how I got the scars on my face. Hell, I can’t blame them I’d probably wonder too and possibly even stare

Since Covid I have been able to socialize a lot more though since mask were widely acceptable and that paired with glasses covered most of them

Yesterday though I actually broke down and hired an escort just to have someone to talk to at my hotel bar and for the first time in my life I felt normal again.

I hired her for 1 hour but she ended up staying 7 more hours with me till last call. It was sad to hear she also had similar trauma as I but also nice to see someone else could relate though that was not my intentions.

The experience gave me a new sense of confidence, like I can be normal and that I can over come this. Sounds stupid I know but I just wanted to talk a little bit about my night yesterday and today I’m going to a barbecue with my friend and a bunch of his buddies. Maybe this is the turning point for me

I just want to compare notes. Are there any ladies out there who feel uncomfortable about their father-in-laws? It’s apparently common for ladies to feel this way. Just Google it

My fil always stares blatantly at my chest area even though I’m not in tight-fitting or revealing clothes. If I’m in leggings, he will trace the shape of my thighs with his eyes so I’ve avoided wearing that to their house.

U know how those dirty-old-men at coffee shop love to leer at ladies up and down? There’s once I slung a bag across my chest and his eyes lingered very long on my chest because of the shape the bag strap was making in that area. Ever since then, I’ve never carried my bag that way when he’s around.

Please don’t say ‘How can you say that of your FIL??!!’ Rmb that even indecent guys can become FIL. If they don’t act upon their indecent thoughts, there’s nothing we can do either.

I’ve never worn shorts or sleeveless outfits to my in-laws’ place. I’ve even reserved ugly outfits just to wear to their house. I avoid eye contact when talking to him because I don’t want to peer into his eyes to deduce what kind of lewd thoughts may be crossing his mind.

My friend’s advice is not to be in the house alone with him. Of course I won’t!! Another friend joked that I’m younger & prettier than my mother-in-law, of course FIL is going to look.

Lest u think I’m overthinking, all my ex-boyfriends’ fathers had never given me any uncomfortable vibe like my FIL does and I had had meals with them and spent long hours at their houses before.

FIL has shifty eyes and a very untrustworthy vibe, and I find myself very often creeped out by him and his presence.

Uncomfortable with flirty colleague should I let my fiancee know?

I am quite passive in nature and this is something very new for me, I was newly posted to this site to manage a small team of 3 in a site office and one of my colleague has been making things quite awkward and difficult for me

2 of my staff are mostly out of office for site work and I am in the office with the other staff alone. This staff is probably 5 years my junior and she flirts with me quite a bit since I’ve started working in this site

She would come by my desk to ask questions and look at my screen – I am very uncomfortable with the physical contact. I have tried to move away but she would continue to press against making me feel uncomfortable. I may have given off the wrong vibes in the first week trying to be friendly since I was new and I find she is overstepping the friendliness – touching my shoulders and chest when we talk and I had to create distance to stop this nonsense

She would also constantly text me what time am I coming in, sending me irrelevant texts like her dinner etc and ask too many personal questions

I did mention that I am engaged and I have a picture of my fiancee and I on my desk – she completely ignores this and doesn’t seem to care. I have seen her trying to eavesdrop on my conversation with my fiancee twice now

I have kept things strictly professional but it feels very worrying to go to work daily now

I am also wondering if I should share this with my fiancee – we have a strong relationship but she is very possessive and gets jealous quite easily which leads to life becoming even harder at home

FWIW, I’m just a regular looking guy and I find it quite perplexing

I have told a couple of my colleagues from the main site about this and they asked me if I’m stupid to be complaining, they would cherish this – making me rethink of what I thought of their character

Kind of feelings stress to bring this up to HR, what should I do guys?

My (32M) Bf accused me (24F) of being a gold digger… He has no gold.

I live with my Bf. We are poor.

We live in a small flat with a bathroom so small I can take a shit, wash my hands and have a shower all at the same time.

I work 2 jobs to keep us afloat, I’m a bartender at night and a hairdresser by day. He’s a delivery driver that works flexible hours but I would say he only works 3 hours and spends the rest of his time “investing in crypto”.

I do not mind being the breadwinner, but that is what I am, I am the breadwinner hands down. Anytime I ask him to work more and earn money, he says he will and never does and its caused arguments recently.

Our landlord has increased our rent recently and I’ve asked for his financial help for OUR flat but he says he’s put his money into investments the “government can’t touch” and by that, he means his crypto scheme.

I eventually put my foot down and told him we don’t have money for investments. We need housing, electricity, water, food.

He told me that all I talk about is taking his assets, that I’m a gold digger.

I was so taken aback. I told him that I work my butt off for him and if I wanted to be a gold digger I wouldn’t be in this tiny shoe box flat with him.

That I wouldn’t be spending my evenings trying to figure out how to make dinner with what little food I found in our cupboards.

He asked me if I could go somewhere else because he needed space but we live in a 1 room apartment where am I supposed to go, in the kitchen sink?

The more I think about it the more angry it makes me.

Why is it so hard to find a job after age 40?

My uncle in his late 40s got retrenched a few months ago. We only knew last weekend as he approached my dad for job recommendations as he’s getting desperate.

Despite hundreds of job applications and help from career guides, he’s only gotten a few interviews and the only offer he got was from a SME with a >70% paycut and he did not take up.

Apparently he was told during interviews that they prefer someone more junior or he was overqualified even though the job more than match his experiences.

I knew it is not easy to find jobs but I didnt expect it is so especially hard for someone like him with relevant experience in the industry. And it is not like he stayed in one job all his life.

he moved around every few years early in his career and has been in the current (ex) company since his early 40s.

Im worried that I may meet the same fate as him at his age, with kids to feed and a huge mortgage. I think 40s is not that old with more than 20 years until retirement. Why don’t companies hire someone like him?

Netizens’ comments

1. Young got passion,lesser pay & exp.Easier to manipulate.
2. usually at that age, pple try to move to public sector, less likely to be retrenched
3. -MNCs don’t have enough senior roles here – these are all in their HQ in other countries
   -SMEs generally operate on a smaller scale and don’t have growth ambition
   -The job market is bad now
4. When interviewing them, I’m more wary usually due to IT skills. They cannot google for answers and needs spoon-feeding. In my previous job, these were the kind of people who kept calling me for help when printer refuses to print, their office apps cannot navigate, their pc got issues.
5. Honestly it’s true. I had a hiring recently and the candidates above 40… let’s just say I rather hire fresh grads. A lot of the older folks have this very boomer mindset and reek of desperation. I had one who broke down and teared during the interview when asked a simple question. Not blaming them, but it’s a cautionary tale to not be overleveraged and not make children.
   The working world is incredibly ageist. Why would I pay double the wages for this old boomer who will fight us at every step to get the work done?

I hired a prostitue on a whim, and ended up paying her much more than she asked for. I don’t know what I just did or why I did it.

To preface, I am a recently single (out of a 5 year relationship) 24 year old male software engineer, so I make quite good money and am single.

I went on a short trip to JB for a few days because I have been going through a heavy phase with my mental issues and needed something different, so I went to a bunch of bars, partied, etc.

I wasn’t even thinking of hiring an escort until my last night where I just started searching out of curiosity and it felt like I was watching myself do everything.

Still feeling numb from the whole thing, and I couldn’t really tell you why I got an escort in the first place as I wasn’t even necessarily horny at the time.

I don’t intend to tell anyone, and she was mediocre at best as I wasn’t really into the idea, but we had a great conversation about life and how she has a kid and she is also going to school for nursing.

We talk about music interests and her dreams. I ended up paying her more than twice what she asked, emptying everything in my wallet.

She could’ve been lying, but she gave me her real contact info and everything. I don’t know. But either way, I guess i’m wondering if it’s common to do what I did. It all felt so surreal.

She asked for RM350, I gave her RM1000. I told her that if she ever needs help in the future with money, to always feel free to ask. I guess I should’ve given her more but that’s all the cash I had on me.

I (f22) was talking to this guy from tinder for a couple months but we couldn’t rlly meet due to outside circumstances (distance + university).

we decided to meet up one weekend super last minute and he offered to pick me up. we went back to his place and did what had to be done.

i was laying on my back and he was choking me and making eye contact but it was my first time and i kinda got nervous so i thought it’d be funny to start playing dead.

i closed my eyes and turned my head to the side, stopped making noise, and became limp. i even stuck my tongue out to add to the bit but after some awkward silence i realized he either

a.) didn’t realize what i was doing,

or b.) thought it wasn’t funny.

i got rlly embarrassed and we went back to f-ing, and the day after he ghosted me… :/ i’m sooo embarrassed

Netizens’ comments

1. GIRL WHYYYYYY LMAOOOOO U CRAZYYYYY
2. Lol good work, got rid of that weirdo. Who chokes someone their first time sleeping with that person???
3. Would’ve been worse if he’d started pounding harder and finished 4 seconds later.
4. Guess he’s playin dead, too.
5. I think he may have thought that he actually choked you to unconsciousness, he probably was freaked out and then was relieved when he realized you were faking.
6. Let’s start with the positives:
   1)That sounds too funny.
   2)And you definitely dodged a bullet or more to say a future crazy ex.
   Here comes the negatives:
   1)Never meet a new guy or someone you don’t thoroughly know and head to their place for the first time. Its SUPER dangerous.
   2)You don’t sound like you’re into “rough play” so don’t do it or even entertan it. It saves you the boredom of having to lay there. Hook up culture is hook up culture but you’re allowed to say what you don’t like/not into or won’t do.