I ate a guy’s lollipop over the weekend not knowing he was married and his wife is threatening me now.

Context

I met a guy while with some friends at a bar. We all went to another place and sparing the details I ate his lollipop. We exchanged phone numbers. This was Friday.

Sunday he texted me, telling me he couldn’t believe I made him release twice and he’d love to get together again. I told him I’m glad he enjoyed it, that I had a lot of fun too, and we’d have to see about getting together again.

Last night, I got a very angry text from a strange number and it was his wife. She told me if I’m going to be a ‘chicken’ and suck random guys ‘kkj’ then I should have the courtesy to make sure that they’re not married.

The thing is – I did talk to him about this. We discussed how I just got out of a long marriage and am divorced and he told me he never got married.

I told her I did ask him, and he wasn’t wearing a ring, and she just kept calling me a ‘chicken’ and I turned off my notifications and went to bed.

This morning, I woke up to 20 messages. They were all from the wife and the contents of the message was just calling me a ‘chicken’ and a homewrecker, how they have kids and I’ve just ruined their poor babies lives.

As far as I’m concerned I did nothing wrong, I went out to a bar, I asked him and he lied to me. Should I call the police?

I don’t think she has any way of knowing where I live, she just has my phone number. I don’t think I ever told him where I work, but I’m not positive. I also don’t have Facebook or anything.

I haven’t replied. I’m considering telling her once again that I did ask him, he’s the one you need to be mad at, and that I’m blocking her number and I’ll tell the police if she contacts me again, but I’m not really sure what to do.

My girlfriend and I had decided to take a weekend trip to Johor Bahru, and we checked into a hotel which we previously booked for us to stay for 2 nights.

She was looking at the hotel’s website and she realised that there was a ‘popular’ spa inside the hotel and I suggested we go there for a massage session.

Brought her there and realised that the spa is not a normal spa and the crowd were all men

It seemed like a good and a luxurious way to relax after a long drive to me, but little did I know that this place wasn’t exactly what it seemed.

When we arrived and was talking to the reception, my girlfriend immediately felt uncomfortable.

While the receptionist were relating the packages and prices to me, the crowd inside which were all men, were giving her ‘chikopek’ looks.

We did not know what was happening at first but after a while when we saw some girls of different nationalities walking out, we started to realise why this spa is only full of men and why it was so ‘popular’.

I had accidentally brought my girlfriend to a spa inside a hotel where men go to ‘relax’ and enjoy services which the women working inside provide for them.

I was so embarrassed of the mistake I made and I grabbed her and left the place. I had failed to realised that this spa was not what it seemed, and that made me feel like a complete fool.

Luckily we did not pay the receptionist yet or we might have some trouble taking the money back.

I should also have noticed the signs when my girlfriend and I approached the counter, the female receptionist gave me an awkward look and a smile with the ‘are you sure you are doing this’ face.

They were probably also holding back from telling me about the type of nature of this spa as even though a lot of spas there operate in this nature, no one blatantly spells out what the business is offering.

Thankfully, my girlfriend did not bring the matter up with me and believed that I made an honest mistake.

My thoughts are in pieces because housing and family hood is such a big and complex issue. But would like to seek your advice on how you’ve overcome this obstacle in the past.

Context

Coming from someone who graduated during Covid-19, i am affected by the skyrocketed prices and long waiting BTO duration (I’ve bid for 8 times and just finally got my BTO queue number but I’ve to wait till 2030). Of course, younger me would not have foreseen such a huge housing availability issue being a first obstacle on my journey in adulthood.

Options

I am turning 28, and will be 35 by the time I collect my flat. I am now presented with 3 options.

• Wait till a few years (maybe 30) when the housing market cools and we have greater savings to get a resale flat? However this would means that I have to sacrifice the BTO selection. But this may bring a whole new set of uncertainties.
• Stay with my parent and my sister and invite my partner to stay over. Only shift in after 35. This has its pros for financial capability but it breaks down the norm of having a flat before settling.
• Renting a flat after marriage while waiting till 35. However, the rental price currently is insane I might consider paying my parent the rental fee rather than other landlords.

Would like to also seek your views if there are other alternatives to my options.

Concerns

My main concern comes from the long waiting time. 7 years is around 1/10 of our lifespan only to wait for a flat and it really will affect all the family planning. Or maybe I should change my mentality that it is okay not to have a flat to start a family.

Most of my friends are single but I don’t see many of them starting a family at my age as well. It seems like alot of them (around me) a encountering each of their own issues.

Background

My partner is 1 year younger than me. We are both working for the government so i consider our income as average (if this helps).

Personal (More feelings than thoughts)

I can’t believe after getting my BTO queue after so many fails, felt more concerned than happy. I know life can’t be all glamorous and fair but it feels really daunting that all I could do is wait if I am opting for the traditional housing route. 

In hindsight I should have started bidding earlier but not many have that foresight. I bidded for a mixture of mature and non mature estate but it took me 8 tries to get a number within queue. I am not sure if this is the norm as well.

Thanks for any inputs and really appreciate your time. Adulthood is tough

Here are what netizens think

• I see so many of these posts.. why don’t you buy a resale 3 room? What’s with the idea that you need 5 room right off the bat. Are you gonna pop 3 kids year after year, or are you hoping for that bto lottery?
  
  I got a 3 room resale in Serangoon, and now I have a 3yo kid, and I try to bto nice locations when they appear atm. Heck if I don’t get it in a year or two, I’m upgrading to 5 room across the road once MOP is up so that I can get a maid and a second child. Meanwhile, life is good with low loan repayment (no cash) and my wife and I get a separate room for our work/play. Our CPF has also grown tremendously (above BRS) compared to when we had to rely on grants to get the 3room. Rightsizing applies to your first home too, not just retirees.
  
  Adulting isn’t as tough as it is. Your expectations make it tough. And living without parents is the best thing ever.
  
• If you are both ok, and parents ok then stay with parents. Many parties involved tho and can turn from ok to not ok.
  
  “Easiest” is rent. Only both of you involved (plus landlord). Paying rent is just what it is. It’s not wasting money, but actually reality. Have to give up some comfort to make this work e.g. smaller place, share with friends/other couple/live in landlord or move further away.

Boyfriend (m28) insists on releasing all his load inside me (f26).

Context

I have an IUD and he usually finishes inside me. But I’m tired of being messy and having to deal with it after he leaves. I told him I don’t want him to finish inside me anymore, and he began to panic.

He says that ‘helmets’ are too expensive, a “waste” of money.

I have a skin contact allergy to men’s load so he can’t finish on my external body parts.

And I suggested he finish on a towel or tissue but he shot that down immediately.

Now he’s saying we might as well be ‘pure and virtuous’ because there are no other options.

I used to enjoy him finishing inside me, but in practice it gets so messy, over my clothes, linens, and underwear, takes forever to come out, and generally just smells bad.

What are the other locations where he can release his load? Any suggestions?

Here are what netizens think

• As a guy who wears ‘helmet’, for the exact reason of not making a mess, tell him to wrap it up. Those excuses are crap, and he knows it. You’ve set a boundary. He needs to respect it.
  
• Mouth. You could also shift responsibility for clean up to him. If he wants to finish inside he’s going to be helping you clean up.
  
• I understand unprotected s- is more appealing than having s- with what feels like slimy cling wrap on your ‘kkj’, but it’s not something worth throwing a tantrum about.
  
  Find a guy who will wrap it up or at least aid in the clean up. I can’t imagine ever leaving my partner to clean up a mess I’m partially responsible for unless told otherwise.
  
• If your main complaint is the mess and there are no other concerns like pregnancy, there are ways to fix the messiness!
  
  We keep towels in the nightstand to grab as soon as we are done so I can immediately put it between my legs while I make my way to the bathroom.
  
  Once there, I put a panty liner on to catch the remainder. I can’t stand it slowly trickling out overnight. Hope this helps.

I’m a 28 year old male and I am losing physical attraction for my 28 year old wife.

Context

We have been together since she was 19 and I was 20, we have the deepest connection I have ever felt with any other human.

In the last few years she has gained nearly 45 kg and also developed a number of open skin lesions and scarring from excessive itching all over her chest and backside – at first this didn’t really matter to me.

However, it has now gotten to a point where I love her and can find her face the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on but when our clothes come off, I can’t stay turned on and can disengage mentally from s- or close my eyes to enjoy it more.

I feel awful about this and I have been hiding it by faking enjoying s- sometimes and just not bringing it up.

I screwed up in a time I got really emotional and was crying and she kept pressing me on what the issue was and I kept mentioning it was things I push away mentally (which I do very often and is something I’m in therapy for).

However, she then pressed me on an example and I was emotional and this was the only one I could think of as I was crying and I feel horrible to have let her know this. I have no idea what to do now to repair her self esteem and our relationship so looking for advice.

Also looking for advice on how I can make myself care less about her body or help her to get healthier (I’m also worried about my life partner being obese and the accompanying health issues).

This is not the first time I have brought up her weight in a health context but this is the first time I’ve communicated how much it is affecting me in the bedroom.

Here are what netizens think

• 45 kg is a lot, is her mental health ok? Is she on any meds? That kind of weight gain is often a sign that someone is not ok.
  
• The least of your concerns should be about losing attraction towards her. Look at the root of the problem. Eating disorder? Hormonal imbalance? Depression?
  
  Just honestly talk to her and ask her what can you do to help her. If you really truly love this women and know deep in your heart you will not be the same without her, help her. Be there for her and be patient & kind .That’s the best you can do to understand why she is in that state now .
  
  Much luck to you both.

My twin brother’s gf video called him, but I answered because my brother was unavailable. The gf thought I was my brother / her bf and showed me her bottom hole. Now my brother hates me.

Context

My brother and I are twins in our 20s. Not only do we share the same face, but we also share the same apartment.

Yesterday, like any other day, my brother had to poop. While he was pooping, his phone rang. He always leaves his phone charging in the living room, which happened to be where I was at the time of the call. The caller was my brother’s new gf.

She was trying to video call him. I answered the call to see if the gf would know it was me and not my brother. My intentions were harmless. I was just having fun. The gf was calling from her accommodation in Bali, which is where she went for a holiday.

The connection was really bad. We struggled to communicate. I repeatedly said my name and explained that my brother was in the bathroom, but it was unclear how much of that she understood due to the delay and us accidentally talking at the same time.

Yeah, I was done playing guess the twin. The bad connection made me skip to the part where I was trying to inform the gf that I was not her bf. I had no idea what she was able to hear, but at some point the screen froze during our video call.

It was only frozen for a few seconds. When there was movement again, I noticed the gf was spreading her bare bottom cheeks in front of the camera. I quickly ended the video call. As soon as I heard the toilet flush, I knew what had to be done.

My brother seemed somewhat confused when he saw me standing outside the bathroom with his phone in my hand. I said “you’re gonna hate me” and explained what happened. He was livid. He wanted to know if I hesitated before ending the call.

Even though I said no, he wanted me to tell him how long I hesitated. He literally wanted numbers… 2 seconds, 5 seconds, etc.

I was feeling pressured, so I said 2 seconds. Without wasting time, my brother called his gf and explained the situation before handing me his phone and telling me to apologize to her. I apologized. The gf accepted my apology.

It seemed like the air was clear between me and the gf, so I asked her what was the name of the song that was playing in the background during the final moments of our video call. She laughed and asked which song. I said all I heard was “whaaaa wha wha.”

My brother grabbed his phone from me and walked away without saying another word.

He’s been avoiding me since yesterday. I think he’s immune to all my apologies now.

I fell in love with a colleague who left his gf of many years for me and now wants to be with both of us, because he cant turn off his feelings for her or me.

Context

I (32) have been in a relationship for 4 months with a man (43) who left his girlfriend of many years (>15) for me.

Supposedly nothing was bad in their relationship and everything was perfect, but he developed feelings for me.

I quickly fell in love with him, we were on the same wavelength straight away and since he was living with her before, he moved out and in with me as that was the easiest solution.

He was honest with her and with me from the start and nothing happened with us until he ended his relationship.

He is also a work colleague, at a job I just started, just before we met.

He has been at a point 2 times where he doubted so much that he wanted to break up. He couldn’t turn off the feelings for his ex.

I understand that because it takes time after such a long relationship and feelings don’t just disappear.

But I thought that it takes time and when the house he and she share is re-rented and he has found his own place, we can focus on us.

He has found a flat that he can move into soon and we cleared out the house at the weekend and moved the furniture into containers.

As of now, their house is newly rented and I was very happy about that. Moreover, it was very intense and beautiful with us in the last time and I had the hope that everything would be fine.

Nevertheless, I constantly had a bad feeling that something would happen and he would leave. And last night he finally told me that he can’t and won’t turn off the feelings he has for his ex.

But that he also has feelings for me that he can’t and won’t turn off. But he can’t go on like this and be with me, but not with her. And the other way around. In short, he wants both.

I am totally overwhelmed and don’t know what to do now. Of course, this has shocked me and I feel sick at the thought of him being in a relationship with both of us at the same time.

On the other hand, I wonder if I’m not open enough and should give it a chance because what we have is incredible.

Also, this is the first time I’ve been happy with a job and I absolutely don’t want the situation to ruin that for me.

This all sounds super absurd and feels weird to write and I feel stupid for getting into such a situation, but maybe someone here has been in a similar situation and has a tip or two to deal with it.

I told my parents I liked men to avoid their arranged marriage proposals.

So I’m pretty straight, maybe slightly bi if we count femboys. Let’s get that out of the way first. I’m also an Indian male around 28 years of age.

My parents have been trying to find me a partner because apparently it is ‘time’ for me to settle down

I have been here for a few years while my parents are still in India.

I’d also like to clear up some misconceptions around arranged marriage. A lot of non Indians seem to think it’s literally your parents choose who you marry and that’s that, but that’s not really the case.

Instead it’s more like your parents tap their network to find potential partners for you, if you like each others pics then you guys meet in person and then you decide whether or not you want to get married.

So basically your parents are Tinder and you get a meeting or two to decide whether or not you want to get married. It’s not quite as bad as many of you think it is, but the whole process feels super rushed and I’d rather date someone before I figure out if we’re compatible or not.

Anyways, my parents have recently been getting on my case about getting married. Apparently I’m getting older, need to settle down and give them grandchildren or something like that.

Basically every time I see them or talk to them online they have a new potential match for me, a picture of some new girl and ask me if I’d be willing to meet her.

​It’s honestly super annoying, but I’m too non confrontational to really put my foot down and say “I don’t want an arranged marriage”, after all if I do there’d be an argument or at minimum some interrogation about why I don’t want one.

​Anyways, I was thinking of ways I could get them to stop harassing me about getting married and the idea in the title popped up in my head.

Decided to tell them that I like men to get them off me, but end up they try to find men to matchmake me with

I decided it’d be a lot easier to just come out and say that I like men then to explain why I didn’t want an arranged marriage.

My parents were fairly conservative but weren’t the types to disown their kids, and if I just said I like men I’d have a solid reason to not get an arranged marriage – I didn’t like girls

​Soooooooooo that’s what I ended up doing last time I was visiting back in India. They were showing me pictures of some girl and I just looked them in the eyes and said “Mom, dad, I actually like men”.

They got really quiet and awkward and asked me if I was sure and I said yes. My mom told me they’d love me no matter what and to do what makes me happy. My dad was a lot more awkward and quiet but later gave me a similar talk about how he was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but recognizes that times are changing and I should do what makes me happy.

​Overall I did feel kinda bad because of how genuinely my parents seemed to respond to me, but was happy with the result, they stopped giving me arranged marriage proposals and stopped showing me pictures of girls

​That is until last weekend when I went back to India again. I visited them as usual and was greeted by my mom who was more excited than usual.

She sat me down and pulled out a binder with a bunch of pictures of guys. Apparently my parents had spent the last month or so looking for any and all Indian men who I could potentially marry.

So now I guess I’m dealing with the exact same crap but instead of being greeted with pictures of cute Indian girls I get to see pictures of Indian dudes instead.

FML lol

​At this point the plan is to find a girlfriend and tell my parents she totallllllllly turned me straight or just find a friend to act as my bf idk