A netizen took to social media to ask for advice about being an ugly woman, says she wants love but is always surrounded by beautiful women.

Here is the story

How can I handle being an ugly woman?

On campus, in bookstores, on the bus, I am surrounded by beautiful people. Brilliant and fresh and interesting. I read novels about lovely women, all of them beautiful. Even the ones that are “plain” (Jane Eyre, for instance) are slender, fine-featured, and have a certain elegance to them. I am tired of looking like myself. I am tired of being myself.

I berate myself for my superficiality, but it is only because I have nothing else to offer. I am not intelligent or insightful, not particularly outgoing, unable to contribute anything of worth.

Why, on top of that, do I have to be so unpleasant-looking? I can’t believe that people have to interact with me on a daily basis.

I cannot fathom anyone having romantic thoughts about me. Nor should they deign to. I wouldn’t want to burden someone with my presence.

Yet I want these things so badly. I want to offer something pleasant to the world, to bring beauty and intellect and interest. I want someone to want me. I must remind myself, though, that I deserve none of that, and I should accept it.

I apologise for this rambling post. Any words of advice would be appreciated.

Netizen’s comments

This is going to sound very blunt… Get yourself in counselling or therapy. Your perception of yourself as a burden with no worth is absolutely the root of your problem. And you deserve so much more for yourself than to feel like that. You absolutely deserve those things, and if I could find whoever/whatever put those thoughts in your head I would burn it all to the ground. I am so incredibly sore over the fact that people anywhere feel like this, and your post breaks my heart all over again.

Invest in yourself. Take the things that interest you and run full tilt towards them, devote yourself to learning the things you wish to do. You deserve good things in life, and in doing those you will boost your confidence and you will find love. The best recipe for success is to love and nurture yourself, always has been.

I went on a second date with a cute Korean guy I met online. He’s a Korean expat.

Last year I started learning Korean. Covid was driving me insane and I picked up some new hobbies because all my regular hobbies weren’t possible during lockdown (lap swimming, board game evenings at the local café, etc.). One of those hobbies was learning Korean. I wanted to learn a language with a different alphabet, and Hangul is really easy to learn. I picked it up for fun and am not very good at it, it’s slow going, but it is going.

The first date was really basic, and my learning Korean didn’t come up. We just had a fun time and the conversation flowed naturally, so I didn’t think to halt the flow to say it. I didn’t think it mattered, it’s not like I’m any good.

Yesterday during our second date, it did come up. He forgot an English word and said it in Korean, and it happened to be something I learned during my vocab stuff, so I translated. He was really surprised. When I said I knew some words and was slowly picking up grammar stuff, he seemed really frustrated. He wasn’t angry but he seemed angry, he spoke in an accusatory tone and asked me why I didn’t tell him I was learning Korean. I told him it didn’t come up last time, and it did now. I asked if it was a problem, because I didn’t understand the reaction.

He cut the date short after telling me I should’ve told him I was “one of those girls.” I don’t know what that means! I wasn’t going to use him for linguistic purposes or anything, and I have a good job here so I don’t want to emigrate over there for work or anything.

Is there some cultural boundary I crossed?

Here are what netizens think:

• You’re definitely not the ah for learning a language. I think he might be paranoid that you might be one of those girls who are obsessed with kpop and a koreaboo. I’ve seen many stories were girls were dating Korean men for the kpop aesthetic. It’s very weird and think maybe that’s where his mind went.

• k-dramas and k-pop music are a thing, so there’s tons of people who are… like that. he might think you’re talking to him because he’s korean so you can pretend you’re dating an idol or call him oppa or something. 

I, am a widow, I lost my husband, to brain cancer in 2017. I’m currently with my boyfriend of 2 years. He used to have his own car but he crash it and got injured as well, I started driving him to places and for so many times, he commented on my husband’s car pendant that I hang on the rearview mirror. he called it “old” and “distracting” which annoyed me a lot. He suggested I replace it with more elegant mirror charm, but I refused and told him to respect that this is a setimental item that I want to keep.

I found out yesterday that he took it and threw it away, I had it with him and went off on him for nearly 30 minutes while he tried to explain he didn’t think it was pretty or useful and offered to get me something else, something more elegant and appealing. I loudly told him he overstepped and that from now on out he won’t be allowed into my car and I won’t be driving him anywhere. He said I can’t do that because he lost his car, he has an injury, he needs to be transported, and needs someone to drive him to his dr. appointments. I suggested his brother but he ranted about how I was overreacting and going to the extremes to punish him for just wanting to take part in decorating my car. I said it’s not his car, I don’t go around throwing his stuff out despite it being his car.

He huffed then asked me to let him cool off because I was stressing him out.

He’s whinning about my decision to ban him from my car and is saying I’m being cruel to him

Me and my husband have been married for over six years, living together for nine years and we have a one-year-old child together and two beautiful dogs.

I have been back at work (approx 30 hours a week), since our son was 3 months old due to my husband losing his job due to the pandemic lockdowns back then. My husband has successfully acquired a new position working 38 hours a week since then earning more than enough to support us three comfortably

Long story short, I am feeling burnt out from both sides of the candle and I am unsure if I am projecting my frustrations on this laundry task. I am solely responsible for being the primary carer for our son and all of the household cleaning and maintenance as I work 8 hours less than him a week. Yes, he does cook dinner 4 nights a week- but it’s like a hurricane comes through the house when ever he cooks… that’s another story.

Anyways, over the last several years I constantly find myself rewashing his clean clothing. I wash, hand out to dry and neatly fold his clothing neatly. His only job is to put them away in the draws, but here is the kicker. He will put them on the floor and the dogs will lay on them ( we also have a pug that loves to piss on anything that’s out of place…). I’m sick of “nagging him” to put away his clothing and I refuse to do It for him as he “likes the clothing put away a different way than what I do it” (he has ADHD & BPD)

So, as of the last three weeks I finally followed up on my threats and I haven’t completed any of his washing, I left what has been washed on the cloths-horse and he got mad at me tonight as “I don’t work as much as him, so I should have more free time to do his laundry”

Was it wrong of me to make a point?

What kind I actually expect from a girl in a relationship? This is a genuine question. I am all for woman empowerment. Women have the right to enjoy life and be successful. In the past, females would do household chores, take of children, cook, etc. whereas the guys would do the earning, in charge of protecting the family, etc.. Now, everyone says that it is suppose to be 50-50 so everything is split and I am totally all for this. However, it honestly doesn’t feel that way.

I am going to generalise a little here based on my friends, what I read and my own personal experience so don’t get offended. LOL.

In general, in the courting stage, personally I feel that guys have to do more work – pay for first date, try to impress the girl, plan for the dates, must tolerate the girls bs (some girls literally put that on their dating profile), have to be more successful in career (yeah, even successful girls seem to want someone who is equally or more successful than them), still do the protecting, etc. Girls don’t need to plan for dates, just come to the date and expect the guy to carry the conversation (not all girls like that but a lot of them are), expect guy to be humorous (when they are not humorous themselves), etc. The worst thing is that sometimes they complain about the date or complain about the conversation flow without putting any effort into the date or conversation. The best part is that are expecting me to guess what kind of date they want by doing mind-reading.

In the steady relationship stage, guys still do more work, still planning dates, planning and spending for special occasions, etc. When a guy’s planned date goes horribly wrong, it is my fault. Everything is my fault. Earth is a sphere, yes, it is my fault that it isn’t cube. Just kidding.

I am in a relationship and I have to put in a lot of effort to maintain it. The worst part is that a lot of the effort goes unseen. I understand that it isn’t going to be even but I don’t feel like my partner is putting much at all. One day, I asked my gf if she can try a more sexier style for me and she said no. I asked maybe just wear for dates (not change your style everyday) and she downright said no and said that I was objectifying woman. I am a visual person and I have preferences but if she is uncomfortable, then I told her that I won’t force her and I backed off. I asked if we can try some spicy stuff in bed and she said no. Fine, I backed off again. I asked her if she could do some planning for dates as I was really busy with work. Her dates were bare minimum effort and weren’t thoughtful about me but in her mind, they were amazing. After a few months, she was complaining to her friends that she didn’t feel like a priority to me, so I started to plan again while juggling my stressful work.

Planning a date while having 9 to 5 job is way different from having to plan a date while doing OT till 9pm almost everyday.

Barbie is my gf’s favourite character like ever. Normally, I would tell her to watch with her friends and she would be fine with it. Since it was her fav character, she wanted to watch with me. I was really not interested in watching the movie. I wanted to watch Oppenheimer with my friends. She said that I valued my friends more than her because I am choosing my friends instead. So I have to make the sacrifice.

The best part in all of this was this particular dinner. I was having dinner with her family. First, she complained that I was dressed sloppily. To me, I already met her parents a lot of times so I wanted to wear something casual and comfortable. So I am not allowed to comment on her style while she can control mine. Then, I blabbered something to her parents (something about her work) which she told me not to tell them. It was a honest mistake and I apologized to her. She said that I cannot keep secret and needed to think about our relationship, basically, considering breaking up with me. I am not going to downplay my actions, yes I hurt her and it wasn’t right but considering breakup….seriously?

I have made so much more sacrifices for her than her and I put in way more effort than her. Girls expect guys to be successful in our career but complain that we don’t put in time for our relationship. Now, she can just break up with me and all the years of effort becomes nothing instantly.

In summary,

I cannot ask her to dress in a certain way for me or I cannot ask her to try spicy things in bed because I am a pervert and misogynist. I cannot ask her to plan or put in effort for dates or conversations. I cannot ask her to plan Valentine’s day for me instead because traditionally, guys are suppose to be the ones doing and all her friends have awesome dates planned by guys. I thought we threw traditions away and replaced it with equality? Basically, I feel as though they choose everything that is beneficial for them and ignore everything that is non-beneficial for them.

I just want to know exactly what guys can ask or expect from a girl to contribute in a relationship? What is their role in a relationship?

I just pass the most important exam of my life after three years of studying every day (plus all the years of uni) for it and because of it I just got an offer for my dream job, if I failed this exam I would have to wait at least another year to try again and the job offers would have been really bad.

Almost two years ago I asked a dealer to put me on the waitlist for my dream watch, to be honest with you I thought that they would never sell me one but yesterday I got a call from the dealer, perfect timing, a reward to myself for all the hard work.

When I told my fiancee that I was going to buy it we had a big fight, she told me that I shouldn’t spend that kind of money on a luxury item and that I should be saving every dollar I have to buy a house when we get married like she is.

I told her that I’m going to start making a lot of money and that It’s okay if I treat myself with this, also if I don’t buy this I would be an idiot, the price on the used market is three times the retail price. After I told her this she said that I should buy it, but that I should sell it after. I told her that I’m not planning on selling it and she was not happy about it. She doesn’t understand that I want to treat myself with my dream watch, also that watch is something that I’m going to have for the rest of my life as a reminder of all this years of hard work.

Is it wrong of me for spending most of my savings on an expensive watch?

Info, the watch is $10200, around 80% of my savings.