Sleeping with my husband’s mistress’ husband as revenge.

Quick catch up to provide some context: I found out my husband was cheating on me with another woman, and so I slept with that woman’s husband in return.

I showed my bf all the messages (I will call him bf because his official title: my “husband’s mistress’s husband” is too long to type).

He was as distraught and hurt as I was. We know what we are doing isn’t optimal but what else could we do. Two miserable, jilted hearts that found solace in each other.

It is not about the bedroom activities anymore. We have become each other’s support and coping tools. My husband’s affair killed me.

It destroyed my self esteem and everything good I knew about love and my bf helped me build this back up. I feel beautiful again, wanted and desired. Judge me all you want because you will never understand.

My bf has just started his company and divorce would be the end of his career because she will take 1/2. He is hoping to be able to buy her out later on.

My husband and I both have good and stable careers and we have built a beautiful home together. We have been great at juggling work and parenthood (and affairs obviously).

If we divorce we are gonna need to work less and downsize. But maybe once the children are a bit older and they’re in school. So we are back to square one.

We stay where we are and make the best of our situation. One thing has changed though. My bf told me that he loved me and that he considers us the main couple now.

And that he finally started looking forward to the future again. I actually love him too. More than I care to admit. It scares me because now my heart is at stake if I lose him.

About my husband and his mistress, I don’t know if they love each other or not. The messages between them are way less firey now. This is for those who asked why we wouldn’t just switch. They wouldn’t want that. Especially my husband.

All and all, not a perfect situation but I’m hopeful

Recap

I 24F have been with my bf (25M) for about 4 years. Since I had my baby, it’s been nonstop inappropriate comments from his dad.

They come and visit us a few times a year to see their grandchild and In the past he’s said things like:

1. “you look like you workout all night”,
2. “you look good for having a baby”
3. “I wish my wife looked as good as you”, and
4. “I want you guys to get family pictures, but beach themed so I can see you in a swimsuit”,

literally in front of EVERYONE and he sees no problem with what he says.

It gets worse, but I’ll get to that. Anyways, I HAVE spoken up and been like “ that makes me feel uncomfortable please stop that” but yet he continues.

When I talk to my bf about how his dad is making me feel it’s always things like “ it’s a compliment, just accept it. One day you won’t get them and you’ll miss it.”

Which honestly breaks my heart because you’d think he’d be outraged by hearing this.

I really don’t appreciate comments like asking to see me in a swimsuit from a middle aged man who is supposed to be my future father in law, like it doesn’t strike you as inappropriate?

If you like swimsuits so much, maybe buy a swimsuit for yourself or make your wife wear the swimsuit for you, don’t talk to me about my body.

I’ve gone as far as talking to his Mom about how I’m feeling which again, I get brushed as “ I’m sorry, that’s just how he is.”

BUT TODAY, a big line was crossed. I can’t remember what we were discussing, but I had disagreed with what his Dad had said and he said, without hesitation,”I should put you over my knee and spank you.”

The room went silent. I was completely taken aback by this and I said “ don’t you ever say anything about my body in ANY way again. That is absolutely disgusting.”

I told my bf about this and he rolled his eyes and all he said was,” it was a joke. I don’t understand why you can’t take a joke.”

I was so upset, I asked him if he thought it was okay for him to do that and he said no but to just stop taking things so seriously because he won’t say anything because “hates arguing with his dad”.

I know I’m not overreacting, cause I feel like this is harassment of some sort because this happens EVERY TIME they come to visit and I’ve voiced how I’m feeling to everyone and I’m brushed off, from the stupid swimsuit comments to wanting to spank me.

I guess I’m just asking what to do about my bf not sticking up for me when this happens because it’s gotten to the point where I wear very baggy clothes, don’t do my hair or makeup and try to avoid his dad so I don’t have to go through this, yet it still happens and I feel so alone.

I just want my bf to understand how I’m feeling and actually stick up for me instead of brushing me off leaving me to defend for myself….

Not giving my co worker the money for the shift I covered for her?

My (16m) coworker texted me and asked for the money that I got for working her shift. This is my first job so I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.

I need money and was happy to pick up my coworkers shift when she asked me to. The day after the shift she texted me and said “I think they accidentally gave the money to you even though it was my shift, do you mind sending me it?”

I think she’s just trying to gaslight me into giving her my money but I’m not 100% sure. I asked my parents and my mom said give it to her while my dad said it’s my money so I’m at a stand still.

Edit: I told her I’ll ask the general manager what to do and she said no just keep it. I asked him anyway and he said he‘ll talk to her and that’s the last I’ve heard from either of them as of now

Edit: I think she got fired. After I asked the general manager she texted me and cussed me out for telling him.

Netizens’ comments

1. What is your mom on? It’s your money, you did the work. Your friend is acting like a pimp, maybe she is young and naïve but your mom should know better.
2. She wants to have time off and get paid also? She’s OK to try that with a co-worker. But if she pulled that stunt on anybody higher ranking, she’d be out of a job so fast it would make her head spin.
3. You worked the shift, you get paid for the shift. Covering a shift doesn’t mean you provide a free service to her and she gets paid. Why would anyone work if they could just get someone to cover for them and get the money?
4. NO, if you work the hours you get the money.
5. Do not give her the money. Do not even give her half as a compromise which she may try to ask you for. That’s just not how things work. You worked the shift, so you get paid. She’s delusional.
6. Your mom is kinda insane. That’s not how it works. They are trying to scam you. Now that you understand the person you’re dealing with, DISTANCE yourself. They are trouble.
7. Being paid is compensation for your time and effort. As it was YOUR time and effort, it’s YOU who should be paid. The person you covered didn’t use any of their time or any of their effort, so they don’t get paid. Simple as that.

Hi, this happened some time ago but it made me wonder whether people take advantage of young people/teenagers because of their age and supposedly “lack of life experience” that people like to target for.

About 2 months ago, my friend and I went bowling at a nearby SAFRA and we got a bowling lane beside some “professional” bowlers (they had their own bowling balls and shoes etc?).

So basically we were in lane i.e. 22, they were in 23 and a group of middle-aged adults were in lane 24.

Everything was fine until this 40-50 year old man came up to us and said we should lower our noise level and take turns to bowl, because apparently we were a distraction to their “professional” bowling.

I really don’t understand how we affected them, because lane 24 people were much more disruptive and the bowling alley in general is noisy af, I don’t know what else they were expecting because they went to a public bowling alley during peak hours.

We didn’t comply and the old man came back to us and said “i thought i asked you to bowl alternatively?” and my friend replied with “how are we distracting you?”.

He told him to open his god forsaken eyes, asked my friend to shut up and threatened to slap him.

We were two broke students trying to have fun during the holidays and he decided to intimidate us into complying although he didn’t make the same request to the other lane beside him.

Are there any other cases of adults taking advantage of young teenagers?

Netizens’ comments

1. Bowling etiquette is a thing. However, they booked a lane for themselves, not the whole alley. Hence, they are entitled to that lane, and not the other lanes. Distracting? Too bad, this is not their private event.
2. The short answer is yes, some older folks will try to “assert dominance” using their age, especially if they see that you’re young and less likely to talk back to them.
   As you said, there was a larger group of middle-aged bowlers in the lane beside them that was making more noise, yet he chose to pick on you and your friend instead. My guess is that he was frustrated by the distractions around him, but couldn’t confront the group of middle-aged bowlers, thus he went for the easier targets, i.e. 2 teenagers, then boosted his ego by telling your friend to shut up and threatening to slap him.
   A typical narcissist, in my opinion.
3. It’s actually normal bowling etiquette to alternate (let the guy on left or right, I can’t remember which, throw first if there’s conflict) so you don’t distract each other
4. If uncle want to fight, tell him come outside we settle

I was looking forward to catching up with my friend over a cup of coffee. I had known him for a few years and we had grown close over time.

We had been through a lot together and I always enjoyed catching up with him.

Told me that he broke up with his girlfriend because she was too immature, keep finding fault and creating problems

When I arrived at the coffee shop, I could tell something was wrong. My friend had a sombre look on his face and he seemed distant. He was usually the optimist in our group, so this was very unusual.

I asked him what was wrong and he told me he had just broken up with his girlfriend.

I was surprised because his girlfriend seemed so perfect for him. She seems mature, understanding and supportive.

They had been together for a few years and I had been expecting them to get married soon. I asked him what had happened and he told me that she was too immature for him.

He said that she was always finding fault with the smallest things and was always nagging him. She was always trying to control him and was not supportive of his dreams and ambitions.

He said that it was draining him emotionally and he had to make the decision to break up with her.

I felt so bad for him. He had told me how he was hoping to find someone who would be supportive of him and lift him up, not bring him down. I knew how important it was for him to have someone in his life who would be a source of love, strength, and support.

He told me that he felt he had done the right thing and that it was important for him to be with someone who was mature and understanding.

He also told me that it was important for all men to have a woman in their life who was supportive and understanding.

He also said that all men deserved to be with someone who could accept them for who they are and help them achieve their goals.

Of course he said that there is a need to be realistic in what we want also and not just pick on women who pick on us for the smallest things.

Why won’t his D go in and why is it painful?

So me and my boyfriend are both virgins, and we starting talking about possibly having intercourse about a month ago, and today we decided to do it. However, it went horrible.

Any time he tried to put his D in me, it just wouldn’t work, like wouldn’t go in anywhere.

So I tried putting it in where I thought was the right spot, but it was so incredibly painful (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance so it really hurt).

It never hurts when he fingers me or anything like that, so I was kinda confused why it hurt so bad.

He then tried fingering me again after that, to like try to open it up or something and I think I was just dry at that point because that also really hurt.

I’ve been told that the first time is supposed to hurt but that was extremely painful, so is that normal?

We tried for almost an hour for something to happen, and just nothing. I ended up just crying at the end cause I felt really bad that I wasn’t able to get it in.

My boyfriend reassured me that it was fine, but I just feel like I’m broken or something.

Netizens’ comments

1. This is actually quite similar to how my first time went. I’m sorry!! Definitely lube will help. Like, a lot of lube. Try to relax and not stress. I know that’s easier said than done. Definitely don’t underestimate fore play.
   Some people say being on top your first time is best so you can control the pace, but in my experience that just makes my muscles tense more, making the entrance tighter.
   Honestly, depending on how big he is, and your anatomy in comparison, it might hurt regardless during the first time.
   Using a toy a little smaller than him alone or together might also help. Also, if you or he can make you come before penetration, that may also help you relax emotionally and physically.
   That won’t work if all you want to do is curl up and sleep after orgasming, though. Good luck!!
2. Everyone is different, but most of your problem is likely the lack of lubrication and nervousness making you tighter so he can’t penetrate. Relax those muscles and don’t clench when he tries to slide it in.

As a foreigner living in Singapore, can someone explain the Buddhist paper burning to me?

I’m gonna be honest, this is coming from a place of frustration especially today 🙁

We stay on the second floor of an HDB block, and there have been people who burn on the grass directly below our window. There’s no designated burning bin there, but I’m not sure if that’s okay?

We’ve seen people setting up both the sticks (sorry I’m unfamiliar with the correct language!) and also burning the papers. I am also pregnant and the smoke is not great for both me and my baby.

Can someone please explain the significance of the burning? I want to ask people to move to a designated burning area, but I’m not sure if it would be rude for me to ask– since I’m not sure how sacred the act of burning actually is I’m not sure if I should interrupt.

Besides my obvious personal annoyances, I’m also pretty shocked at this regular practice considering how bad it is for the environment! Have there been any attempts to modify the ritual to make it more eco friendly over the years?

I hope I’m not offending anyone…just hoping to hear some personal descriptions rather than the general statements I can find on Google. Thanks all.

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s basically offerings to either deities or people who have passed away.
   It’s unfortunately not illegal what they are doing, though it’s highly irresponsible. I would suggest approaching them nicely about it and point out your pregnancy, and if you can find the proper burning bin area, direct them to it.
   Most people would be okay to shift their burning spot if asked nicely, so do just give it a try first before attempting to escalate.
   Practice is likely to die out in a couple more generations, but for now it’s just something that will happen.
2. It’s for the spirits/gods/ancestors/whatever.
   It’s entirely possible to do it in a considerate way. The Buddhist/Taoist temples/organisations and the Government have been telling people to do it properly for ages.
   But these inconsiderate people simply don’t care. They’re not the ones having to clean up the mess (the poor foreign workers do that).
   That said, if you are a foreigner, I’d advise you to refrain to telling them off. You don’t want an “incident” even if you’re perfectly in the right.

I’m going to leave my boyfriend because he refuses to work less

My boyfriend (26m) and I (26f) have been together for 3 years now. We have had a rocky relationship as I was fresh from a divorce when I met him.

After the first year, we kind of got our footing and the chemistry we shared was unlike anything I’d had before. By year 2, we moved in together. It’s been 15 months living together now and I am the loneliest I have ever been.

He started a new position when we first moved in together and quickly advanced with the company. He did so by working multiple 10-12 hour days every week, and working half days on Saturday.

He thinks if he keeps up the pace, he can have enough savings to buy investment properties and live off passive income within the next 3 years.

It’s a cool plan for someone who is diligent enough to do it, and i have no doubts he can. But he’s literally killing his body in the process.

He has had multiple abscesses start appearing all over his body, he is vomiting every morning, he sleeps 5 hours a night and i can see the tiredness in his eyes.

I have tried being a voice of reason, telling him to go to the doctor and to please just work a few less hours a week.

He’s in finance so it’s not like a life or death situation. He refuses to listen to me, that he knows best and that the time he spends working is worth it all.

I’ve also tried telling him lately how bad my eating disorder has been lately. He is refusing to listen when I say I need more one on one time with him and genuine connection with him.

Even with my asking, he continues with either his never ending working or he goes to hang out with his brother.

Last night our issues came to a head, and i couldn’t stay quiet. He went to a beautiful restaurant, alone, and i ate ramen at home.

He got home, and went straight to his emails. I said “wow can’t even say how was your day?” And he fired back immediately.

He said some pretty harsh stuff and I won’t say I’m innocent with my word choices, but he basically said “I’m giving everything I can to you, if you need more then go find it”.

and I think that’s when it hit me that I’m done trying to fight for him. It won’t change. He can not prioritize me the same way I do for him.

This morning (a Saturday), he went straight to work at 6am, and finished at noon. He then went out to eat with his brother.

I just wanted to get it off my chest that I hope he does become the successful man he dreams to be. And I hope I find the love of a partner that values emotional connection as much as i do.

Has anyone been scolded by aunties/uncles for not dressing or acting modestly in public?

Context

Got a piercing done recently and I have been thinking about wearing a skimpy outfit in public that will show it off.

Surprisingly, what really put me off the idea wasn’t being harassed by guys my age, but the thought of aunties pulling me aside to scold LOL.

I told my friend and she agreed it would be more of aunties scolding than anything.

Out of curiosity, has anyone has been scolded by aunties/uncles in public for not dressing or acting modestly?

I personally haven’t, but an auntie did comment to me about the way another girl was sitting (she wasn’t wearing a skirt or dress so it was still okay to me, but auntie didn’t think so).

Here are what netizens think

• I think Aunties won’t confront but they will comment loud enough for the whole bus to hear.
  
• Nah not for those reasons OP mentioned but did got scolded by a auntie just cause I pulled down my mask for 3 seconds on a bus to wipe my nose. I ran for the bus so was kinda sweaty and wanted to wipe my sweat.
  
  Auntie kept accusing me for being sick and blowing my nose on her. Almost got into an argument with her on a moderately crowded bus near 7am on a workday.
  
  Ultimately decided the drama wasn’t worth it but was kinda pissed off tbh. I just went to the lower levels of the bus but can still hear her b-ching from the top level.
  
• Only my mother, she used to keep telling me not to wear low-cut or backless tops (but super short skirts are okay with her, idk what’s her problem with my torso).
  
  I got sick of it and started saying things like, “Ew, stop objectifying my neh-nehs, I’m your own daughter,” and “Can’t believe I’m being harassed by my own mother, gross!” She was so disgusted that she stopped commenting on anything I wear lol.
  
  Oh also my actual aunt once saw me just sitting and talking with 3 male friends at a coffee shop and went to tell my mother I’m hanging out with men and she should marry me off. ???? Idk what sense that made to my aunt but my mother and I laughed about it.

Dating life is taking a toll on my mental health. Singles who are leading a fulfilling life, how do you do it?

Context

Have started seeing a therapist recently but am seeking some advice or just a listening ear here. Female in my 30s, have been single for the past few years.

While I don’t mind doing things (watching movies, eating out or shopping) on my own, I still desire very much for the emotional intimacy of a relationship.

Most of my friends are either married or very focused on their careers. For the past year, I’ve been on so many dates.

Been caught in a few situationships, met a couple of guys who were looking for something serious, and things seemed to go well until someone (usually them) ends things.

I’m able to get matches on dating apps every day and that led to me jumping from one guy to the next very quickly once something ends.

However this cycle of jumping and getting hurt so many times in the process has been hard on me emotionally, and I’m now completely drained.

I feel like I need a break from the apps, but my instinct is always to go in and swipe whenever I feel lonely.

Yesterday I went on a first date that I’ve been looking forward to but was so disappointed because he looked very different from his photos.

This morning I’ve also decided to stop replying to a guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months because I felt like it was turning into a situationship again, which is really disappointing.

I just feel really down. I used to suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, and recently the feeling is starting to creep back, which is why I went to see the therapist.

My work is fine, and I’m also taking a part time degree. I enjoy studying and learning but it has also contributed to the stress, and left me with very little time to pursue my own interests.