My advice to guys thinking of settling down and getting married – don’t! You will regret it.

I too once thought I found the love of my life. That we will live happily ever after. I was so in love all the advice I’ve heard before fell on deaf ears. Don’t repeat my mistakes!

Someone once told me that the biggest reason marriages fail is because women think that men will change after marriages but they don’t. Men think that women wouldn’t change, but they do.

And boy do they change… Within a few years, I can barely remember the woman I loved. And I’m not just talking appearance – it’s the personality changes that scare me. Even her family commented that she is so different.

The once caring, gentle girl who was the light of my life is now my nightmare. Everything I do or don’t do is wrong. Everything I say or don’t say is wrong. Every wrong step she will dig up things from ages ago and stack them up.

Other than the 3 kids we have and love dearly, we are worse than roommates. Every time I thought we made progress, something trivial will trigger her and it’s worse than ever.

So think twice, thrice, and 100 times before you jump the gun.

Here are what netizens think:

• Talk about changes. Isn’t life full of changes? So you have 3 kids you expect her not to change and be like the light of your life who do nothing before marriage? Before marriage she do not need to do housechores, care for 3 children 24/7, take care of you 24/7, worry about bills, worry about how you see her, how the kids see you. So you expect all the glory without responsibility? Wow.

• If you are one that work and come home be like tua pek gong sit there do nothing. Only hiam this and that then what you expect? Daily praise u? Yes you are tired after a long day of work. Mind you working at home is also a long day of work. If a career working wife plus caring 3 kids is also damm tiring.

• I agree with what others said u sure you didn’t change? Are you still that charming gentlemen who bring her out regularly? Praise her? Buy her gifts and frequent surprises? Dating night whenever possible and tell her u miss her?

Singapore is a recycling bin for Silicon Valley rejects and weird overpaid europeans

I work in tech, and I’m about to move overseas so this is my sayonara text to Singapore: You guys don’t know shit about tech and you hire shit talent and overpay them.

Tech being the hottest industry right now, I get that it’s attractive to people from all walks of life. But that doesn’t mean everyone is suited for it. I am so sick of dealing with crap code from people who don’t know better, and all these crappy PMs/BAs that can’t do their work and still get high salaries, AND all the weird scrum masters whose jobs are so useless I don’t even know why we pay them to teach us how to ‘optimise’ our work when they don’t optimise our costs. Please stop buying into western methodologies if you don’t know how to use them.

The worst part? Salary discrepancies of locals and foreigners. You guys can try to defend all you want, most foreigners get paid more to live the high life here while doing a fraction of the work. Why do we pay these people so much more money? I don’t get it. What sort of value do they provide? Do we really need to drive our living costs higher with gentrification?

If they actually are better than local talent and provide value to the economy, sure thing, have a seat at the table. But here we are, dealing with foreigner supremacy when their quality of work is trash and all they do is talk and get the Asians to do the work and take the credit.

Am I xenophobic? Maybe. But those working in the industry will know the crap we need to deal with.

Singapore, please: Put more gates to check the talent coming in. There’s so many unreported cases of fake qualifications, biased hiring among certain races, and with the min salary of EP being 5k even for junior positions, it’s just a free-for-all for these people.

I’m not saying Singaporean talent are that much better, and the tech scene here is generally just sad and wayang. Singapore for Singaporeans needs to be practiced in order to nurture our own people. We’re being milked by fakes and you’re delusional if you don’t see it. Peace.

Boyfriend confessed he is bisexual

I have a boyfriend of 1+ year who just recently confessed to me that he is attracted to his male colleague.

He said that they only flirt and nothing else. He is asked me to let him explore his sexual orientation while still continuing to date him.

I am so confused. If he like guys, isn’t he gay? Or he is bisexual? It’s a little awkward for me.

I accidentally found out that they have been exchanging photos of their Pe.nis. i confronted him and he said it’s just part of his “exploration”. He say he can stop doing it if I am affected and that he still wants me to be with him.

Now what? Ladies, what would you do?

Here are what netizens think:

• What do you want from him? Family, kids, comfort, financials, independence, friendship, trust, etc. Plenty of people have open relationships and are happy. Others have no wish for kids while others just want someone to be with at home. Some just enjoy making other people happy. Stop asking other people’s opinions and figure out what you want. At least he’s honest and open. He’s given you a choice which is more than most give.

• If you’re dating to marry, move on. He’s pushing your boundaries now and will continue to do so the longer you stay together.

• Given that it is hard to tell Singaporean males and females apart, isn’t everyone in the country essentially bisexual?

• Nothing wrong with being bi-/exploring his own sexuality but it’s unfair for him to essentially be cheating on the side and still expect to keep you with him!

• Bisexual doesn’t mean he can have one male and one female partner. He may like both males and females, but when it comes to a relationship, he still has to choose one.

Office politics fail

I work in sales, not insurance or property, and my sales director is a young guy, under 30s, talk damn big kind.

He is always harping on our sales figure and being an arm chair critic. We salespeople are the ones on the ground and it’s extremely frustrating that someone high up the ivory tower, that doesnt do sales anymore, keeps telling us how to do our jobs.

So I lost it and talked back to him. He threw a challenge, to hit a certain kpi by end of q1 this year. Whoever hit the kpi first wins. The KPI is a stretch, but doable in 1 quarter. So I accepted his challenge.

Director cleared the 3 month KPI in 2 weeks, and of course won the challenge.

Now, whenever I enter the office, I am looked down upon by rest of my colleagues. Most of them agree with me about our boss but don’t dare to speak up.

Sales director seems to enjoy picking on me now. Keep asking me regularly how are my sales, my pitch and everything. And then keeps critisizing wdv i share with him, keeps imposing his opinions on me. He doesnt do that to other ppl under him.

Should I quit and start fresh at some other company?

Here are what netizens think:

• The old boss all behind laughing to the bank.

• Eat the bitter pill and tell yourself Boss is always right then you survive…Must repeat this every day.

• It proves a few things unfortunately;
  1) He doesn’t talk big, he does have that ability.
  2) You challenged him and lost. Why does he do so much better? He must be doing something right. Learn
  3) He deserved his position, and you should respect that.
  4) He has all the rights to teach you

• He wins because he got a better repo with them than u. Better be humble and learn how to build a better repo

My wife topped me in bed and I am still in shock

I am married over 25 years, my wife and I having a loving marriage with a typical life. About 2 weeks ago she got up at 3:00AM, and went into the living room to read. Not unusual when she has insomnia.

I wake up a short time later about with her on top of me, and she starts grinding on me. She tells me I’m going to f you like a girl. I’m still half asleep.

I’m thinking what the heck is going on?

She straddles me and holds down my arms and calls me by the feminine version of my name.

Just pretend you’re a girl, she whispered, I got so turned on. I won’t get into the next 15 minutes, but it sure was different and amazing.

I’ve never had desires or fantasies like this before, and I get embarrassed when I think about how much I liked it.

I want to do it again but I am also totally freaked out by it. It’s on my mind all the time now

Netizens’ comments

1. I need that type of passion in my 25 year marriage, please tell me how to get this type of passion.
2. you liked it? thats the most important thing, tell her how you feel that’s gonna encourage her to do it again
3. Maybe there’s a side of you that’s secretly dormant where you want to be manhandled (or woman-handled), and letting someone call the shots in bed, and it has been awakened.
   It’s pretty common though actually, there are actually a lot of couples in the traditional relationship where the man and woman have their roles reversed in bed. I think you might be into dominatrixes, you know those women who dominate men in bed?

My husband (24M) left the room while we were f-ing to watch to watch “adult cartoons”.

I am a longtime lurker and have always appreciated the advice here. I am here to ask you for some for once.

My husband and I have been together for five years, we got married a year ago. We have been enjoying blissful married life and a new honeymoon phase, as this is the first time we are actually living with each other. He is so perfect and attractive and I dont know where I would be without him.

However we now ran into an issue. We were f-ing and, after him seeming not as into it for a while, he suddenly got up, apologized and left the room.

I was really confused and after a while followed him. Turns out he was on our sofa in the living room watching japanese animated AV videos. Yup. And the tentacle kind.

This must be some kind of joke, I think, and just stand there. I finally muster up the strength to ask him “seriously?”, and he turns around and just asks me what the issue is.

We are great communicators usually but I was so dumbfounded, flabbergasted even, I just got angry. I asked him what he thinks hes doing and he got super defensive.

I pick my battles and just decided to go back into the bedroom and sleep it off. Its been a couple of days, I have been unable to feel attracted to him since because I am so disappointed in him and Im scared of bringing it up again.

What should I do? Im at my wit’s end.

Netizens’ comments

You should talk with him to have him explain his behavior. Ask him why he left the room to watch something, rather than communicating with you. If he’s addicted to that content, he will have to want to get help or things may get worse.

If necessary, and you’re able to, try to find a couples therapist who works with those who have this addiction. That way, y’all can work on communication and the therapist will know the challenges to expect from your husband.

You may want to find your own therapist as well, to support you for what may lie ahead. Hopefully, what he did was a one-time thing. But if he has an addiction that he can no longer hide from you, you’ll have to decide whether to stay in the relationship or not.

Struggling with my life in both work and love. Feeling overwhelmed and could use any advice.

29M here. Struggling very badly and honestly quite ready to give up. Very afraid of ending up alone, affording housing in the future, and super stressed about my new job.

I have never been in a relationship before, and never really felt what its like to be loved. I look at couples with envy all the time and I wish i could get a hug. On the outside people say im a friendly and nice guy, but inside im just really lonely and suffer from anxiety. I was in love with a friend for 3 years (and going now). I confessed a while back and got rejected, and we actually got closer after that and started talking daily. But nothing else came of it.

However she recently announced she had a BF this year which broke me. I still think about her all the time and i notice we dont talk everyday anymore. I could feel an immediate shift in our friendship. Her texts are now infrequent and dry, so i have to initiate convos or there wont be any. Part of me sort of understands, but the other part hates her for just suddenly changing so quickly after being so close for 2 years.

I did try using dating apps like CMB to try and move on, but i got only 1 hit which went nowhere in the past 2 months, which feels like a big blow to my ego. I dont even think im that ugly, just average looking but on the shorter side.

On my job side, I was struggling to find a job for months but finally got 1 this month. I’m taking on a new role and stressing out hard on this because they have high expectations and so far im struggling to keep up. My manager micro manages me a lot and I feel like im just drowning. Im also very introverted so its stressful for me to interact with people during lunch.

The mixture of all this is overwhelming me, to the point where i suffer from panic attacks that make me hyperventilate and vomit at times. At work, my stress caused my skin to break out in spots, and my hands shake when i think too hard about the future.

The loneliness has been crushing as well, but thats nothing new. I check my phone at least once an hour to see if the girl im still in love with has posted something new, or replied to my texts. She sometimes leaves me on read, or ignores my messages, which hurts even more. In my head, all i can picture is her ignoring my texts because shes too busy f-ing her new BF. I cant help how my mind goes to these places.

And since I cant stand the way i look, i started exercising more. I am obese and have to lose about 35KG to reach a normalish weight. So far i have lost 15kg. That is pretty much the only thing i am proud of.

Tbh idek why im writing all this. I dont know why im even waking up everyday just to put myself through this. I cant remember the last time i had a hug or felt happy. I’m literally crying writing this as I’m already dreading going to work next monday.

Where can I report an F&B doing loud karaoke at midnight?

A Chinese F&B shop beneath my residential place setup few dining tables outside of the shop, setup a big –s audio player outside and started doing karaoke at 9pm-1am.

When not singing they were cheering, shouting and clapping. I can still clearly their voice through earplug.

Tried calling police 2x and had the shop’s detail taken. It has been better for a few days, but today they start singing at 1am until now at 2am. I went down, took video, made another call today.

Any idea which agency should I make this report to? I have written to SPF with video evidence and NEA.

If they have license to operate entertainment and alcohol at midnight, shouldn’t the agency consider the residential complex around them?

Netizens’ comments

• If the police have acted. And they still same. Most likely they have a valid license to operate till late night?
  I cant imagine our police will hesitate to close “these” places… If u go out chiong enuf, u will always see police raiding places… But as long as these establishment is legal legit, the police can’t do anything unless something real major happen.
  • (OP) I had similar thought as well. Based on what I read, the license to operate entertainment and alcohol are issued by SPF, but there is a footnote that consideration of the surrounding will be assessed.
    I assume that police or any agency that issue the license won’t allow outdoor midnight karaoke at a residential building as it breach the permitted noise level. Another possibility is they play hide and seek. They usually start between 9-11pm, only today they started at 1am and packed up at 2am.
    • I’ve chiong for like 20yrs… In ur case ah, the police raid that place. If they got a valid license, they can’t do much… Juz most likely raid the place for illegal workers, study permit students etc.

In my final corporate job I asked for and received a sit/stand workspace. It was pretty sweet as far as a cubicle can go, but it wasn’t enough. I kept all surfaces empty except for one framed photograph of a random child that came with the frame. I made sure it stood out.

You might ask why. I noticed pretty early into that job that my manager was sympathetic to giving time off to people with kids and never deducted their pay or vacation time.

Thus I had a photo of a random kid on my desk and milked it. Before the arrival of this random frame, I was working 60 hours a week.

After presenting the stock photo kid – I had to go “pick up my kid”, “she has a doctor appointment” or a “school soccer game” that I can’t miss, etc.

Name anything you can think a kid could experience and me and my imaginary daughter got the time off, without penalty.

My pay remained the same but at around 30 hours per week. Once I traveled overseas for two weeks, but for work purposes my “daughter” had serious “hospital time” and my boss ate up the drama and believed everything.

When I returned I felt guilty about my massive lies about the imaginary kid, put all my files on the desk of my boss, rode the elevator down to the lobby, handed my key card to security and walked out feeling free.

Netizens’ comments

A friend of mine did a similar thing.

He didn’t turn up for work and they rang him. He didn’t answer. They rang up the second day and when he answered, he was watching some bull shit daytime TV talk show about a man who wanted to see his kids.

So he went with that. Told them he found out he had a 3 year old kid and the mother never let him know and messed with his head. His boss gave him the rest of the week off.

He said it was so exhausting because his boss tried to help and gave him all the information needed to gain access and visitation and would ask him how things have gone.

Getting bad anxiety and loneliness at work. How do you all cope?

So for context, I’m a 23M, ORDed last yr and job hunted for 4 mths and finally landed myself in a job in Dec 2022.

Honestly, I walked myself into this one. I was desperate for a good-paying job to support my family, and my diploma and lack of work experience couldn’t land me in local unis or proper FT jobs.

Wanted to go to SIM for a data-science degree but didn’t had the money. Then saw this company and decided to just screw it and try it out.

I didn’t think abt it hard enough even when seeing the working hours. I just needed to quickly secure a job and my family can finally be relieved that I’m finally working.

They didn’t even force me to work, I just wanted to help them because my dad is the only sole breadwinner. I can’t keep depending on him.

Now I’ve finished training and started to officially work. I nearly cried when I finished work a couple days ago. When I come to work, I get the crippling sense of dread and anxiety in my chest.

Suddenly being free for the week feels non-existent with the little offs I have. I don’t know why I feel like this. But when I’m at work, all I feel is loneliness, how I miss my mom, miss my friends, and it can get overwhelming.

My work being rly tiring isn’t helping. When I ended work and started to feel better, I told myself I need to look forward to work coming forward and just be happy because if I don’t, I won’t last. Went for work the next day and the horrible feeling came back.

I wanna know how to handle these feelings. I can’t imagine if I have to go through anxiety everyday of my life. I obviously am regretting my decision really bad and will be sure to really think twice when applying for jobs next time.