I’d love some advice :)♡

We have only been able to meet up once. When we first met and well jaja I was a bit taken aback because he wasn’t the man from the profile. But he said that it was for privacy reasons and I understood since I only had pictures of half my face or less. We were going to see each other 2 weeks ago but he rescheduled Friday to Saturday and a few hours before he said he was too busy with work. Something I completely understand.

I’ve never seen myself with anyone ever. I have always thought I’d always be by myself and just have kids in the future. I’m a very shy and study focused person and haven’t experienced much of anything. I’ve always wanted to be with an older person and I’ve had the same crush and on no one else (edit: celebrity) for the past 9 or so years.

But I made a split second decision 5 or 6 weeks ago and got on the site and met him. He reached out to me. We texted and it went well, so we moved to whatsapp. He has such a wonderful voice and voices are a big thing for me. I adore voices and personalities, so when I met him I really didn’t care about how he looked like. He was the complete opposite of the image on the profile jajaja.

I’m not in any way saying I’m pretty, I have a lot of body image issues so I can’t accurately tell how I look like jaja. But the best things I’ve been told by old HK movie lovers is that I look like a mix of some celebs. They may have been just saying that ti be nice but I appreciated it soooo much. 🙁

So when we agreed to having an odd partnership of sorts, I felt ok since it wasn’t a 100% marriage long term type thing. It’s odd to explain, but it brought me some comfort.

Well we have been making a plan since last week. Yesterday and last night I confirmed with him. He said where and since he was mainly free on Tuesday, he said I could choose the time. I am and have been extremely busy and final everything is next week. But I made time. He read the 4pm message and didn’t say anything.

I got ready today and got there at 3:30pm to buy some pants I needed to buy and explored. By 4:30 I asked myself why he hadn’t texted, so I sent him a Helloo. He replied with ” Hello baby” “How are you?” And I was in the fitting room so I texted 2 min later asking if we were going to see each other. He texts back 40 min later asking “how am I with time because he is running behind on some things”. Embarrassed and a little tiny bit hurt, I texted back ” You never confirmed and my parents just left and I’m stuck here with my brothers…” He just left me on read.

I was still at the place walking around and exploring because in my 4 months, I’ve never been to that mall. No one knows (not even my parents) about him, only my grandma. So feeling highly embarrassed I called my grandma at the mall and explored while telling her all the time.

She said I should end things immediately and that no gentleman would not give a heads up the second he knew he would be late. And proceeded to compliment me and tell me I’m to young and too pretty(idk if I believe that jajaj) to be with someone who doesn’t fully respect or appreciate me.

I don’t ever stand up for myself and when I do it takes so much effort. I care too much about hurting others feelings rather than my own. I hate im such a terrible person.

I want to tell him that it was embarrassing! He should have given me a heads up told me he wouldn’t make it or at least let me know. He knows I’m a very punctual person and have had a lot on my plate these past few weeks because of what I study and am doing in my free time for my career.

I’m an extremely loving person and absolutely adore giving love to others. I feel embarrassed. I love giving 100% and don’t mind the absence. Because life is different for everyone so I don’t care but still… it’s embarrassing.

I’m so embarrassed. If anything this only further proves that I shouldn’t be with anyone and my plan is better. Why do I feel more embarrassed than hurt or offended?

I should have stood up for myself instead of lying. These past two months have been terrible jajaja.

I very much wish you all well. Hope you and your loved ones are safe. Please take care and thank you very much for reading, I’d appreciate any and all comments.