I [F21] slept with my BFs [22M] friend before we met and it really bothers my BF, what can I do to help him if there is anything I can do?

To add a bit of context, my boyfriend and I have only really been seeing each other for about 6 months total and dating exclusively for 3 months.

Before we started dating we sort of stumbled upon the subject of his friend (21M) because said friend asked about me at a group hangout.

I felt that I had to be open and honest with him so I told my BF that 2 years before we met I had a one night stand with his friend and that’s why he may be asking. I didn’t want to lie to him about it because I think it would be worse if his friend said something before I did.

My BF said it was fine and that he was happy I was open with him but he seems to bring it up a lot when we are arguing and it’s always something that comes up.

Doesn’t help that he sees that friend like once a week when they play sports together and I feel like it’s always a constant reminder for him.

The friend hasn’t brought me up since my BF and I started dating (to my knowledge) but I can still tell it still really bugs my BF.

He is really passive aggressive towards me about it and I don’t know what else to do other than to be empathetic to his feelings and try my best to tell him that my past is my past.

I have really strong feelings for my boyfriend and I really see a future with him but I’m feeling kind of lost right now. I don’t know how to help him and make him see how important he is to me and how unimportant his friend is to me.

Any sort of advice or similar experiences and help is greatly appreciated!

I’m part of the Gen Zs, so objectively, this is the best generation to be part of currently, although our future is uncertain (That being said when has it not been?).

Maybe it’s because I have a romanticised view of the 80s to 90s (summed up by this song) , but I’d like to have been born in the same generation as my parents, aka the Gen Xs (those born from 1965 to 1980).

They grew up in the years when Singapore was still developing. When life was slower, more carefree, and more “genuine” (Or so I’ve been told). They were able to enter the job market, buy homes and settle down before things got too crazy. They got to enjoy “old Singapore” and the current “modern Singapore”.

However, like my generation, their future is also a little uncertain, especially with regard to retirement and life after that.

But nonetheless, I’m grateful to have been born in the 2000s. Although there might be “better” times to be born, there sure as hell are “worse” times to be born.

Netizens’ comments

1. To be honest, most of them were born after the war (ww2 ended in 1945 and the first boomers were born the year after) so they don’t even really have the war memories other than “my uncle was killed by the Japanese”
2. Those who are in their 40s to 50s now. They have access to many jobs opportunities and can pwn the next gen with high housing cost
3. Tail end of boomer generation (those pushing 70 now), they could buy landed property on a single salaryman’s salary while still raising 3 kids, and being able to travel the world frequently. Some of their jobs had benefits that lasted even through retirement (e.g. my father in law worked for SIA all his life and iirc until he dies he has 1 free return flight a year to anywhere in the world with SIA for him and his spouse). Consumer and medical technology had also advanced so much in their lifetime.

He left me cause I told him he’s bad in bed

Honestly I’m wondering if I did something wrong ..i had a conversation with my bf about his addiction to adult videos because he would waste all his energy on it.

and he was understanding then promised me to try and fix the problem, after that conversation we had several more because there was no effort to change himself.

a year later I had enough and was so frustrated cause to be honest he wasn’t satisfying me in bed at all at that point so I told him that he needs to stop watching those videos and pleasing himself because it’s affecting his performance badly and it’s tiring for me.

like what is the point of promising me then just not do anything about it? Felt like he was just wasting my time, plus I have needs , so I was honest cause there was no other options left.

He took it as if I am telling him he is not a man enough and broke up with me. I’m not sad tbh just confused ,, like why some men be so immature. And why men attach being amazing in bed to being a real man.

you can be a good real man yet be bad in bed and try your best to better your skills for your partner or maybe even you might have medical problems. I don’t see the correlation. Stop being time wasters.

Netizens’ comments

I’ve been there. My ex boyfriend watched adult videos everyday while at work, driving, even just sitting watching tv.

By the time him and I would attempt to get intimate in bed, I was easily the 1,000th woman he had seen that day. He became desensitized to seeing me. Our bedroom activities was garbage because of this.

When I brought it up he became incredibly defensive. Then he told me “maybe the reason I can’t do it with you is because I want kids and you don’t. So I know you’ll never give me what I want and it’s messing with my brain.”

I left him shortly after that.

How do you cope with rising prices?
Question
Let’s share your views.

Prices are rising, and wages are unfortunately stagnant. How to cope with the rising cost of living in this competitive (almost dog-eat-dog-world) society?

I know some will say why not increase your salary by getting a degree or going for further studies. Not everybody can afford to do that – our parents don’t print money and we have to pay bills and feed our families. Not everybody can afford part-time studies too.

Changing jobs may be an option, but job markets don’t look good atm.

Netizens’ comments

Personally, I don’t have much of a social life apart from meeting my partner. Thankfully I’m introverted so I don’t mind more personal time

My partner and I got a BTO, we chose a fairly low floor unit at a non-mature estate, so it’s cheaper. We once considered 3rm flat but figured the super tiny space will make us miserable, so picked 4rm. Very happy w what we chose, it’s not like we are sian that we had to pick that flat at that location! Also, not planning to have kids, so that’s a huge weight off my shoulders. Ofc money isn’t the only reason why we don’t want kids.

Wedding will be quite simple (no hotel banquet, no church wedding), but not too bare to the point where I would regret. No expensive rings either, might consider CoupleLab

We are choosing to hold our wedding after the flat is in move in condition, because our families expect us to live together after wedding. No one here thinks living w in-laws is a good idea. So we will just stay put at our own parents’ hse til the flat is done. No renting either

I share costs with my partner for stuff like bubble tea (which we usually buy once or twice per week), we share 1 bubble tea, $1.90 becomes $0.95 per pax

That said, we don’t cut down TOO excessively on things we enjoy, such as food, which is a nice reward in between work weeks. But not that we go high-end restaurants. Once in a while we go Genki Sushi, Astons, Shake Shack, cafes, etc

I monetise my hobby (drawing), but at a sustainable pace so I don’t end up hating my hobby

I try to upskill using free methods, like YouTube tutorials (but ofc depends on your profession)

I sell stuff that I don’t need anymore, on Carousell

For entertainment and unwinding, find cheaper or free options (free entry events, go to parks/beaches, etc)

Prioritise needs over wants. If wanna buy a ‘want’, give yourself a waiting period to see if you’ll change your mind

Getting out of a PruActive Saver plan

Hoping to get some advice on getting out of an endowment plan that I realised I don’t need:

My mother wanted to set up a plan with her savings due to a terminal illness, and at that point her FA recommended Prudential’s PruActive Saver plan.

The plan was supposed to start under her name, but for some unknown reason after her passing a few weeks after talking to the FA, I was informed that they did not execute the plan under her name successfully, and convinced me to take over the plan.

I was traumatised by the passing at the point and didn’t think hard about it.

It’s been the second year from the start of the plan today, and as I looked deeper into my finances I realised that this plan was going to require a longer payment term (12k per year) for 5 years instead of 2 as I assumed.

Is there a good way for me to get out of this plan, given that the circumstances that I started it was quite shady?

Netizens’ comments

1. What do you mean by “did not execute the plan under her name successfully”? Meaning Prudential rejected the proposal? If so, there should be no need for you to take over because there never was a plan to begin with.
2. You should call prudential HQ. They will investigate. I thought there will be a payout when you mother passed away for typical policy? If there is no activation of the policy, it can explain why there is no payout. But if that the case, why need you to “take over”? Also what did the past premiums paid go to?
3. Actually if I am not wrong, this policy has death benefits computed based on a percentage of premiums paid — e.g. 105% of premiums paid. So if the policyholder (i.e. the mother) passed away, there should be a payout if the policy was in-force at the time of passing. Hence, there would be no need to “take over” the policy.
   I think the representative may not have laid out all the options to the TS. This is quite poor conduct. If so, I suggest lodging a complaint to initiate an investigation. Send the complaint to Prudential and MAS so MAS can monitor.
4. Hi, I suggest you find another FA to advise on this. This may be a lapsed policy that require servicing or a scam.

Wife made a comment that hurt me more that I would expect. How to get past that?

Recently my wife (together for 6years) was a bit tipsy, in a good mood and casually comments that apparently she thinks I have small balls and goes on with ”I’ve never believed I would end up with a guy with so small nuts”.

I replied that it was a strange comment and we didn’t discuss further.

I know she loves me and she’s naturally not together with me because of my genitals. I always had the impression that she was quite happy with it (normal sized). And I’m not usually easy to hurt.

But they way she said it still hit me way harder that I would expect.

I completely lost the desire to sleep with her or even cuddle. She is starting to notice it.

Not sure why it affecting me and what to do about it. Maybe I just need time?

How do I get past this?

Netizens’ comments

1. It was mean thing to say… but honestly I’ve seen long balls (I’m a nurse) and the senior men’s hit the toilet water when they sit down. I’m sure yours are just beautiful
2. Gonna hop on this train too. Male nurse here. Seen some large balls on people and gotta say there’s never been a time I thought, man if only mine were like that.
   Although i get your sentiment, as it was a strange criticism, I’d much rather have a smaller pair than a larger one. As this other nurse stated, big ones have their downsides.
   But now that I think about it, idk if I’ve ever heard a woman comment on nut size and I’m curious on what people think about the topic now.
   Anyway, i think you should ask for clarification, just for your sake, but I wouldn’t be that concerned about it if it were me.
3. I get the impression your hurt has less to do with having small balls, and more to do with her saying “I’ve never believed I would end up with a guy….”
   To me, that sounds like she’s saying she’s disappointed with who she ended up with. And I’m sure that’s not what she meant, since you say she loves you. But if I’m right about the phrasing, I think that’s your ‘in’ to dialog. “The other night when you said you never thought you’d end up with a guy like me, it made me feel like you regret being with me, or that I’m not living up to some sort of standard you have”
   I think if you phrase it like that, it’ll give her an opportunity to understand that the hurt isn’t just about small balls, and a chance to ease your mind by explaining what she really meant.

Recently discovered I love having my n–ples sucked

I (27F) love when my partner (28M) sucks on my n–ples….I would easily go for an hour or more if he would do it. I feel a bit embarrassed asking for it because I am worried he might think its weird.

So far we have only done it for 10 mins or so at a time and only during or before intercourse. It feels so comforting but it also makes me so turned on and soaking wet pretty much immediately.

How do I go about asking for him to do it more and for longer? I dont even want him to do much licking and squeezing or playing with them (although im open to it!)

i just crave the feeling of him sucking on them gently, just relaxing and being so peaceful.

I have no interest in lactating and im usually very submissive in bed. Does this make me weird?? How would you feel if your partner felt this way?

Netizens’ comments

1. ladies, you really over think with us dudes. we are simple. simple simple simple. when it comes to wanting something done to you in bed, just ask.
2. I personally like it when my wife asks me to do something she likes me to do to her. You just ask him. My wife is also submissive, but, she she frequently asks me for to do different things she likes.
3. It sounds like most guy’s dream. Personally, it would be a huge turn-on if my partner asked me to. I think you just have to let him know your really like it. My guess is you will both enjoy it.
4. It has all the pleasure related nerves to them and it’s more pleasurable. You should convey him that you enjoy it
5. Literally, just ask!! Your other option would be to moan, thrust your hips a little bit and let him know how much you like it.

Why are most Singaporeans cynical and bitter?

23M Singaporean aspiring artist here.

For the majority of my schooling days, I’ve always been somewhat of a social outcast in terms of my passion and ambitions, with exception of a few teachers and friends who have been very encouraging and supportive.

I initially thought it might be the fact that kids can be harsh and narrow-minded due to the lack of exposure.

But as it turns out, I’ve come to realise that this problem is not limited to students but also adults. I find that with unconventional endeavours, Singaporeans generally (in my experience) tend to be really cynical, like they try to talk me out of it or they end up humblebragging about their own paths and fitting in to the norm.

And even when I make progress and achieve little successes, people here tend to be quite critical of how things can be, instead of seeing what got me here in the first place and what potentially lies ahead.

I don’t know why exactly, maybe it’s the herd mentality or the overly-competitive nature. I don’t understand why most Singaporeans find it a need to have opinions on something they have no idea or prior experience things with, and how they intentionally/unintentionally discourage people with the things they say rather than to be truly happy for people enjoying what they do and making progress, whether mainstream or not.

Why is it so difficult for people here to be happy for others and to embrace individualism?

Or worse, invalidate their work and to get them to prove that it’s worthy?

Netizens’ comments

Big city problems. We are raised in an environment where your entire worth as a human being in measured in material wealth and social status. As a guy growing up, no matter be it school, NS, work, it all revolves to a few things people almost immediately size you up with: Do you have a car? Do you have a girlfriend/wife? Do you have active social life? Do you have your own house? How much are you earning a month?

Rarely do people instead focus on what you like, what you find fun in doing. Because the only thing that matters to them, is how to size you up in relation to themselves so that they can find a way to prove they are ‘better’ than you.

We are in a competitive society that also values face a lot, so people have a need to justify themselves and present as a worthwhile person to others. Obviously, they do it the wrong way, since they think worth is determined in things like salary etc. “If you do not think of hustling your way to the top you must lack ambition and are a boring individual/ lazy.” is a very common phrase.

Individualism doesn’t matter, its all about rank and standing in their social circles. It is not just a Singapore thing. Go to any major city where the economy is developed enough to enable competitive workforces. I’m sure you have heard countless stories of Korea’s discrimination and bullying if you don’t present yourself as the upper class. Japan, China etc.. Its all the same. When we are put in large social circles in a stressful city environment, our societies develop an emphasis on pushing others down so you stand out more.

In order to cultivate a society that values individualism and appreciation of the arts, it takes a lot of effort. You need to change the societal stigmas and mindset. Culture, etc.

When people invalidate your work and life choices, its almost always because they feel that you work far less hard than them in their opinion, and they need to justify their own efforts. They also do not like to acknowledge that their worldview is not the best view.

I’m 26, just fresh grad from uni and drawing 3.4k monthly, and the amount of scrutiny and laughs from my peers who earn 4-6k asking me why I lack to ambition to topple people over and take higher paying salaries can be irritating. But you do you. Don’t be disheartened. There are still plenty of genuine people out there, its just that the loud ones are always the a-holes.