I (24 female) just found out my (29 male) boyfriend has spent a lot of money on olyfans. We have a relationship for 4 years now.

He has a business and I recently started working for him as an administrative worker. He asked me for the first time to pay a bill for him with his card, which i then did via online banking.

I see multiple bank accounts for his multiple business, so I pick the one with his name on it. I assumed this was his main business account since I chose the business one on the banking app. I start looking in his transfers to search for the company I had to pay the bill for…..

While I was looking I stumbled on transfers with the description of “OF”, then I became suspiscious. I see every 5th of the month a transfer for $10+ to “OF”. So I knew it was onlyfans and I realised I gained access to his private account. It wasn’t on purpose and I never have looked through his phone or something like that. But I couldn’t help myself to check further

I scrolled down and I see that in november he paid 150 dollar to onlyfans and in december on a random day again 150 dollars

To give some more context, in some way we have a traditional type of relationship where he has very stong values of what a man and woman do in the relationship. But it’s also not traditional in the way he is very successful and always has been honest with me that he doesn’t want to be “limited” in our relationship.

I don’t find it easy but I love him with my whole heart and accepted it. Under the promise he always has to be honest with me. And he never took the step to actually do something with someone else. He gives me time to adjust to it and would love me to join in one day instead of him doing it alone.

Now back to the values, he strongly believes that pleasuring yourself as a man is not good for you. So I was surprised when I found the onlyfans payments. I am not bothered by the subscription because I think it could be possible he doesn’t use it often. But what bothers me is the 2 payments for 150 dollars on random moments

I don’t know how I should talk to him about it or how I can bring this up. I want to know why he tells me what his values are when it seems he doesn’t follow them himself. And he will think I searched his private bank account on purpose

How do I proceed? I’m lost.

Hello. If you scrolled through my past posts, you’d see that I really am having lots of trouble with finding a job that I can perform at and fit in.

Honestly, I don’t even think the problem is me not wanting to work hard – I hold several part time jobs rn in retail and F&B industries just to make some money to cover my living costs and save a little, and my managers love me. I guess at the very least, that should prove I’m not a slacker?

I quit my last full time job in Dec last year without securing any job offers. Back then, the economy was already bad, but I’d assumed people are holding on for their AWS and companies are tightening budgets towards EOY, and that everything would be better once 2023 starts.

Now that I think about it, I truly regretted making that decision, but it had to be done as I was having a mental breakdown every other day on the job. So I quit my job, travelled solo, and told myself I’d start my job hunting when I’m back in SG (after CNY). Well, it seems the economy has instead gotten worse.

I scrimped and saved when I was working, so I do have savings that could tide me for months or even years. But knowing how others’ savings accounts are growing exponentially while mine remains almost stagnant is taking a toll on my mental health too.

So is receiving all these rejections from companies, especially the most recent one where I spent hours to research, and thought I did well at the interview, only for the HR to forget to inform me that I did not even make it to the second round of the interview (I called to check on the interview outcome). That’s… wow.

do y’all have any advice for me? Will there be a time when I can finally land a job? I really am not sure what the issue is – is it me, or is it the economy? Was feeling pretty confident about my resume and interview prep skills, but now…. Lol

Edit: I heard also that most people aren’t leaving their jobs now bc bonuses usually come out in March, and people tend to leave after that. Is that true?

I was brutally honest with a woman I went on a date with

We met on a dating app. We hit it off immediately so decided to meet. We met at a cafe. Nothing too fancy. She was very pretty and very nice.

However, when I sat down, I smelled something foul.

At first I thought it was something being cooked. It was not. I quickly realized the horrid smell was wafting from her.

It wasn’t just a mildly inconvenient stink either. This was a legitimate make-your-eyes-water STENCH. So I pretended not to notice and continued making conversation.

the date ended and we went our separate ways. I was finally free to breathe in some fresh air.

The next day, she texted me asking if I wanted to meet up again. I said that I didn’t think I’d be able to make it. She understood.

Then a few days later she asked again and I said I wasn’t feeling up to it.

Then, after another few days, she asked if I didn’t like her or if she had said something to offend me. My parents always taught me to tell the truth, so I said that she was a perfectly nice person, but I informed her that I did not want to meet again because she smells really bad.

I have not gotten a reply. It has been 8 days.

Netizens’ comments

1. What did she smell like
   • (OP) It’s hard to describe. It was kind of like a garbage dump mixed with some kind of genital stench.
2. Was it her breath or a body odour? You did the right thing to say something. As long as you weren’t rude.
3. She’ll be hurt and upset. But hopefully she’ll realise that you did her a favour in the long run?

Cheating Husband wants a smile

When my husband want to be respected yet he continuesly cheats on me not once, twice, thrice, 4 times and more.

He wants me to smile at him the way his girls outside do. How they’re excited to meet him.

I keep forgiving him and then he would say “I saw somewhere that a beautiful woman said that if her husband cheats it’s on her because he will not cheat if his happy at home”.

is it really my fault? Should I just accept him and allow him to continuesly disrespect me? Kissing me when he have lipsticks from another woman? Giving the stuffs I gave him to them?

Him and his different gfs will mock me and talk bad about me and everytime he’s caught he will blame me for everything he did.

I was always there when he needed me even when I’m so upset with him. Maybe I’m at fault as well, I became different when I caught him cheating.

I just want him to geniunely apologize and not do it again. He keep saying he loves me and don’t want to lose me yet he say the same thing with different women.

It’s like an expression now for him, how could I believe him? How could I trust him again when he’s not changing? How long should I forgive when the blame is always with me? How long should I accept that even when he’s with me I can hear the customized ringtone of his gfs?

Of course I’m not saying that I’m good, I say mean stuffs when I’m so hurt but how long should I have to suffer? Today is even my birthday but I was insulted and mocked.

I proposed to my girlfriend and she said no. I feel so stupid

I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for five years. I love her so much. Not to get into it, but I lost someone I loved so much when I was 23 and I was sure I’d never love like that again.

It took a while but then I met my girlfriend and I fell again. We understand each other so completely and I’d do anything for her.

The only positive, I guess, is that I proposed at home so there was no public embarrassment.

She started crying when I pulled the ring out and told me that she couldn’t and that it wasn’t my fault, she loves me, on and on.

She was sobbing so hard. I was crying too, which is even more humiliating I went to stay at my sister’s. I can’t talk to her about it yet, it’s only been like two hours. I feel so dumb and unlovable.

When I was 23, when I lost that person, I thought that was the worst day of my life. It still is, but this comes so close. I’ve been chain smoking and I haven’t smoked in years.

Netizens’ comments

1. Buddy. Put that cigarette out go brush your mouth out. No need to start smoking again. Quitting sucks lets not do it again.
   Im sorry she said no. That would be shitty to hear. You should give yourself a couple days to mourn the future you thought you had then talk to her and decide what the next step for you two is.
   You are loveable. You’ve got this.
2. God five years and she said no? Man, I hope y’all have a chat and can work things out. Maybe it’s a “not now” type of thing. Wishing you the best
3. I am so sorry for you. I proposed to my husband partly as a joke, partly serious and was extremely hurt when he said no. It took him a couple of years to get his thoughts sorted and now we have been happily married for more than ten years. He proposed.
   Sometimes it is difficult to admit that you love somebody so much that it hurts. The fear of being rejected is terrible, and this might be the reason she declined.
   Take a few days and talk, talk and talk. The situation is probably as horrible to her as to you.

I just celebrated my first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend of 8 months. I was very excited leading up to it, because I’m 25 and never had a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine’s Day but now I want to break up with him.

I’m a big romantic girly girl. I like romance movies, love poems, public displays of affection (nothing graphic, just stuff like holding hands and kisses on the cheek), romantic dinners, and affirming words. Red roses are my favorite flower. All I wanted was a bouquet like the ones my dad gets my mom every year. My boyfriend knows this, but if he doesn’t like or care about something then he thinks nobody else shouldn’t either.

If I try to hold his hand or kiss his cheek, he pulls away and tells me to wait until we get home. I can count the number of times he’s called me beautiful on one hand. He likes to act like a jerk because he thinks my reactions are funny.

He got me some daisies and made a big stink about never getting me flowers again because he thinks they’re stupid. He got me dark chocolate bars and I don’t like dark chocolate. One of them had a love poem printed inside the wrapper. I thought it was sweet until he said he regretted buying that one.

We watched tv for a few hours instead of getting intimate, but I’m honestly fine with that because he’s terrible in bed. His idea of foreplay is squeezing my boobs so hard that they bruise.

And if that wasn’t enough, he still hasn’t told his family about me. We’ve been exclusive for 8 months, he has met my parents, and all his family know is that he’s “talking to some girl.” I found out because he invited me along to pass his parents something but told me to stay in the car. He didn’t want his parents to see me, but sure enough, they saw me sitting in the front seat because they’re not idiots!!! But I guess I am for staying with him for so long.

He couldn’t stop being a belligerent a-hole for one day. I can’t do this anymore. If he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating, then I guess we don’t need to be dating. I’m done.

EDIT: Wow. I did not expect this to blow up like it did. I’m reading through all the comments and want to thank everyone for their kindness and reassurance.

A lot of ya’ll are asking why I’m even with him, so I figured putting it in an edit would be easiest – I started dating him because his personality was completely different. He was sweet very affectionate with me, if a little shy. He was so eager to become exclusive, claimed to agree with every value I had, and was the first one to say “I love you.” It’s like his personality slowly started to change (or I guess the mask was slowly pulled away) after I fell in love too. I figured work was stressing him out and things would eventually get better. And they are getting better, for me at least because I’m breaking up with him. I don’t need a man, and I don’t want one who doesn’t make my life better.

1 year ago, I (26M) and my wife (34F) decided to take a break from each other. Now we are trying to get back together but apparently she slept with over 30 men during our break and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I( 26M) have been married with Lisa (34F) for 8 years. 5 years ago, we had our daughter, Ann.

Around 2 years ago, me and Lisa were having some problems with each other and 1 year ago we decided to take a break from each other and try to fix our marriage and become better people.

Her issues with me can be summed up in: I was too cold and apathetic. Since I was a kid, I had been thought that it was useless to whine and rant about problems that cannot be fixed. If our family had a problem, I would try and fix it in any way possible. If the problem cannot be solved, I would simply accept it and move on. It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s that until recently, I didn’t understand the pro of spending time venting on something that cannot be changed. I was also the kind of person who bottle up his feelings. I always thought that my problems and my negative emotions were something I should have dealt with myself, without anybody else’s help.

I know now that this kind of mentality was a problem. I went to therapy and it helped me understand that being able to vent and talk with someone can help you deal with your problem and lessen your stress. Now I’m not perfect but I’m surely better than I was 1 year ago.

My issues with her are not important for this post. Let’s just say she isn’t the most responsible person in the world.

When we decided to take a break, we agreed that we were still married so we would act accordingly. This break was to allow us to grow as people before trying again as a couple. We agreed Ann would spend time with us 50/50 and we agreed to see a therapist together twice a month.

A year passed and we decided to get back together. We agreed on one final session to talk about it with our therapist before actually doing it.

During this session, he asked us if we had dated someone else during our break. I said no, as to me, even though we were not living together, we were still married. She tried dodging the question but ended up admitting she has dated other men and, under mine and the therapist’s insistence, she admitted that in the past year she slept with over 30 men.

I cannot describe exactly what happened next but I think I had a panic attack (never had one before so I’m not sure). I felt like I couldn’t breath and I had to rush out of the therapist office to get some air.

I went back inside after some time but the rest of the session was basically her trying to explain her actions and me staying silent and trying not to crumble into pieces.

I’m actually in a self-employed job but things haven’t been going well for me in this line of work.

When I first started I had difficulty finding clients, and I also feel that it could also be a problem of me being too nice of a guy in this industry, according to my colleagues.

I have a friend who said that he wanted to be my first customer, but later, he did not settle his payment and to top it off, he also borrowed money from me which he failed to pay and kept delaying the payment from weeks to months.

He also gave me the expectation that his referrals to my business helped me out, but out of the 5 people he referred to my business, i’ve only managed to clinch a deal with 1 of them.

I wasted a few months with this friend and as a result, my production ended up being terrible with no luck in my prospecting methods.

I hate to tell people about my problems but I really don’t know what I should do as im currently down to my last month of expenses and i’m drifting from my very own goals.

I feel that I wouldn’t be in this state if i’d actually made the right decision from the start if I didn’t lend him the money.