Dark family secret = unbreakable chain of dark bad life experiences

I’m in my 30s. I have been living on my own for 6 years ago and am really trying to get my life back on track and permanently stop this reoccurring evil thought once and for all.

I know that one major holdback has got to do with my family history.

I had an immense hatred for my dad. He’s mostly unemployed all his life. Close to decade a ago, a younger sibling claimed that she was raped by him. There was one night when I just felt different too. No one told me about it and apparently, they think it’ll cause me to go mental. They got separated for a while. He claimed that it wasn’t him and it was his “black magic” partners or some spirits of some sort pushing him to do so. And now they are happily together again.

I am slightly mentally unstable and am finding it hard to stay in a job for at least a month. Some narrow-minded people are always asking “where’s your family”, “go back to them” and worst of all when I was homeless, everyone start spitting judgemental comments like “you ran away from your parents, that’s why all these are happening to you”, “that’s why you stress”.

Would appreciate any advice from anyone who had an unfortunate background like mine. Going back to them is not an option. I am the black sheep, the quiet, chronically introverted one. But I know all these stuff swept under the rug are toxic, and so are they. Why would I want to be around a rapist and his human clan? No one has been or can support me in any way. Why would I want to suffer in silence? I’d rather hang myself than to go back to them.

Just want to get these out off my chest as I can’t really let anyone know what really happened behind closed doors AND how religion can stupidify people/people who are quick to judge.

May with this confession, I can completely let go of this dirty secret, not feel guilty anymore and move on.

Here are what netizens think:

• the very first thing to tackle i would say is how you perceive other people’s opinions especially about why you moved out. my case is not so serious but i get the same comments and people’s unsolicited advice as to reconciling with toxic parents. i have come to terms that i am doing this for my own sanity and i am the most impt person in my life. if i am happy, my life will be better. no single person can truly understand what you are going through so try not to go back and forth thinking that you are wrong to split from your family. also, you don’t need to justify to people why you are doing what you did. if you are happier and at peace now, you are right.

• Life can be bright and full of love. It’s also short and you don’t deserve to waste it away like this.

The past year had been filled with stolen glances and secret rendezvous, but never had I thought that this would be the way it would all end.

I had been married to my wife for over 10 years and never had any indication that she was suspicious of my actions. We had a good life and things were going well, or so I thought.

Suspected I was cheating, got a PI to find out

Little did I know that my wife had been keeping tabs on me and had even hired a private investigator to follow me and document my movements.

When the private investigator informed her of my mistress’s identity and that I had been meeting with her regularly, my wife came up with a plan to confront me and my mistress.

She asked her to come to our house and when my mistress arrived, my wife was ready with a speech to expose our affair.

My mistress was horrified, but I could tell that she was also relieved that the truth was finally out. Despite the shock that she was feeling, she still had the courage to confront my wife and ask her why she had chosen this particular way to reveal the truth.

My wife calmly replied that she wanted to be sure that I was aware of the consequences of my actions and that I would be held accountable for the pain that I had caused her.

Got me to choose between them

My wife then made me choose between my mistress or her.

The answer was obvious, no matter how much I was fooling around outside, I still will choose my family that I have built up over the years.

With that, my mistress took her leave and as I watched her go, I knew that this was the end of our relationship. I had hurt my wife, and I had hurt my mistress. I had broken my own heart in the process and I was not sure if I would ever be able to forgive myself for my mistakes.

My wife and I spent the rest of the evening in silence, both of us unable to process what had just happened. I knew that I had broken her trust and that our marriage would never be the same again.

I had betrayed her and my mistress, and the guilt was almost too much to bear.

I had been so consumed by my desire for something more that I had completely forgotten about the people I was hurting in the process.

I had caused so much pain and suffering to my wife and my mistress, and my marriage was as good as over. I had let my own selfishness and desires take over my life and there was no going back.

A netizen shared a story on the decisions made by many people do not make sense and it often destroys the future of their child.

A mother in Malaysia told her friend that it is more important to buy luxury than to give the utmost care to their child.

Here is the story:

I recently visited my friend in Malaysia and I was shocked that she is more interested to show off her fake life online than taking care of her child.

We had a meal and we talked about what life was like after the lockdown.

She started saying that she got a new job as an insurance agent and she has been doing better, she started to talk about her dreams of getting a BMW.

But she said that she is still saving up on it and saving on whatever she can so she can buy it.

Here comes the punchline, she also said that her child is not doing well in school and she cannot afford to put him on extra tuition lessons cause of her dream.

I did not want to intrude and question her if she should put her “dream” on hold until her child get proper education.

She said that her child is a burden, She said that her husband left her and they divorce after he started taking drugs.

I was surprised that she was divorced and she started asking me if I have any other Malaysian friends to introduce to her so she can fulfil her dream more quicker.

Well, I do have a lot of Malaysian friends but I did not feel like introducing it to her as I don’t feel comfortable with her behaviour.

I don’t want to judge, but she came to me for “more business” to get money for a car instead of her child, which definitely turns me off or disgusted.

Mother-in-law not happy that I don’t work

Just seeking an advice from all married couples here.

I am currently living with my in laws and my husband. My husband is malaysian and I am Singaporean. Due to my liver disease, low blood sugar and unstable health, I can only work part time (2-3 days in SG), the rest of the days I am staying in Johor.

Lately my MIL have been starting to mind that i don’t have a full time job and only staying home to do housework. Earlier just a few mins ago, she said it quite nastily that I only know how to feed on my husband like a worm.

She say I expect my husband to pay for everything in the house. I do give both in laws their allowance, on top of that I also have to give my parents in Singapore their allowance, while I am only earning like 700-800 per month. To be honest I do not have savings, because of giving allowance.

These days I wash my husband’s clothes and ironed them. My mil said I stole her job. The same thing happened last night when I cooked for my husband.

MIL have openly said that she prefers the other daughter in law, my husband’s brother’s wife. She said she is pregnant with her grandson and working full time 6 days earning RM2000. My husband and I have no plans to have children.

I will like to ask, so being sick and unhealthy is also my fault? There were times I fainted at work, and woke up either at KTPH or TTSH. I do not know how to find a full time job given a body like mine. I have also friends in Singapore whom mentioned I am just feeding on my husband, slack at home and do nothing.

Should I complain about my mil to my husband? I do not want my husband to get sandwiched btw him and his mum. My husband have plans to buy a house after chinese new year. The thoughts of my husband is he doesn’t want me to get a full time job, he only want me to be a housewife. He is doing quite well near to 5 digits per month.

Appreciate all advices given here.

There was always someone special in my life that I admired from a distance, though I was too shy to ever make a move.

Buys a present yearly for her but don’t dare to give and confess to her

Despite that, every year on her birthday I still managed to buy a present for her. I had been doing this for several years now, and I never dared to give it to her or confess my feelings.

It started when I first saw her in class. I was immediately drawn to her and felt like I had known her for a long time.

I started to pay attention to her more and more, and eventually I decided to do something special for her on her birthday.

I was too afraid to approach her, so I figured buying her a present would be a good way to show my admiration.

Year after year, I picked out a present that I thought she would like. I usually went for something small and meaningful, like a book, make up, or a beautiful piece of jewelry.

That way, even if she never found out that it was from me, she would still appreciate the gift.

I was so nervous each year when I bought the present, and I would always make sure to buy it a few days before her birthday so I could wrap it up nicely.

I would spend hours imagining what it would be like to give her the present and confess my feelings. But each year, I just couldn’t work up the courage to give it to her.

Eventually became friends but still don’t dare to confess

I eventually got to know her a bit better and we became friends, which made it even harder for me to give her the present.

I felt like it would make our relationship awkward if I suddenly revealed my feelings, so I decided not to tell her.

But, I still look forward to buying her a present each year and I still haven’t been able to give it to her.

I don’t know if I ever will but right now I am contented being like this.

I (26M) ran 1 hour for my IPPT 2.4km run and disgraced all Guardsmen.

For context on how much I’ve changed since ORDing from the army, I used to be really fit and had 6 pack abs during my NS, and my uniforms were all sized XS.

I was from the elite Guards unit, and the gruelling training was more than enough to toughen me up to the absolute zenith of my physical abilities.

Back then I could score Guards gold easily, where the requirement was 90 points for IPPT. I used to max my push ups and sit ups, doing 60 for each station before running 9.30++ for my 2.4km

But after I ORD and left the army, i became so busy with work that I completely stopped exercising. I picked up heavy drinking because my boss at the time kept asking me out to drink, and how do you say no to your boss?

Not surprisingly, I failed my first IPPT after ORD. But I only failed by a few points and I was still considered quite fit. When I went out drinking, girls would still take a second look at me. I wasn’t horribly fat, yet.

But then the pandemic happened soon after, the circuit breaker kicked in and I lost my job because my boss was having cash flow problems.

I started spending all my time looking for a job and had completely no time to exercise, I soon found a job and threw myself completely into my work because during my unemployment period, I exhausted my savings and had to earn it all back.

I didn’t attend IPPT or RT because it was cancelled at the time due to the pandemic and they gave NSMen a waiver, i didn’t get charged for it.

But as I fully immersed myself into my work, my size ballooned from S to XXL. Yes, I jumped 4 sizes and even XXL is now starting to feel a little tight.

So anyway back to my IPPT misadventure, it was about 1 week before reservist and I realised that I haven’t taken my IPPT yet, and this time I wouldn’t have any waiver and would be charged if I didn’t take the test.

So I really bopian, headed down to my old camp and took my IPPT, and really tried my best. The result?

Push ups: 13 (0 points)
Sit ups: 27 (12 points)
2.4km run: 59.59 mins (0 points)

Just to be clear, I didn’t literally run for 1 hour to cover the whole 2.4km, I only ran 2 rounds and just fell out because I was so fat and I was literally feeling dizzy, and they gave me the maximum timing.

I feel disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror now. I don’t have time to exercise and lose weight because it’s all work work work for me, but a huge part of me feels like I disgraced my entire unit of Guardsmen.

Thank you for listening to my story, hope it can inspire you not to walk down the same path as me.

Images source: Reader submission (left) and The Singapore Army Facebook (right)

I (24 female) just found out my (29 male) boyfriend has spent a lot of money on olyfans. We have a relationship for 4 years now.

He has a business and I recently started working for him as an administrative worker. He asked me for the first time to pay a bill for him with his card, which i then did via online banking.

I see multiple bank accounts for his multiple business, so I pick the one with his name on it. I assumed this was his main business account since I chose the business one on the banking app. I start looking in his transfers to search for the company I had to pay the bill for…..

While I was looking I stumbled on transfers with the description of “OF”, then I became suspiscious. I see every 5th of the month a transfer for $10+ to “OF”. So I knew it was onlyfans and I realised I gained access to his private account. It wasn’t on purpose and I never have looked through his phone or something like that. But I couldn’t help myself to check further

I scrolled down and I see that in november he paid 150 dollar to onlyfans and in december on a random day again 150 dollars

To give some more context, in some way we have a traditional type of relationship where he has very stong values of what a man and woman do in the relationship. But it’s also not traditional in the way he is very successful and always has been honest with me that he doesn’t want to be “limited” in our relationship.

I don’t find it easy but I love him with my whole heart and accepted it. Under the promise he always has to be honest with me. And he never took the step to actually do something with someone else. He gives me time to adjust to it and would love me to join in one day instead of him doing it alone.

Now back to the values, he strongly believes that pleasuring yourself as a man is not good for you. So I was surprised when I found the onlyfans payments. I am not bothered by the subscription because I think it could be possible he doesn’t use it often. But what bothers me is the 2 payments for 150 dollars on random moments

I don’t know how I should talk to him about it or how I can bring this up. I want to know why he tells me what his values are when it seems he doesn’t follow them himself. And he will think I searched his private bank account on purpose

How do I proceed? I’m lost.

Hello. If you scrolled through my past posts, you’d see that I really am having lots of trouble with finding a job that I can perform at and fit in.

Honestly, I don’t even think the problem is me not wanting to work hard – I hold several part time jobs rn in retail and F&B industries just to make some money to cover my living costs and save a little, and my managers love me. I guess at the very least, that should prove I’m not a slacker?

I quit my last full time job in Dec last year without securing any job offers. Back then, the economy was already bad, but I’d assumed people are holding on for their AWS and companies are tightening budgets towards EOY, and that everything would be better once 2023 starts.

Now that I think about it, I truly regretted making that decision, but it had to be done as I was having a mental breakdown every other day on the job. So I quit my job, travelled solo, and told myself I’d start my job hunting when I’m back in SG (after CNY). Well, it seems the economy has instead gotten worse.

I scrimped and saved when I was working, so I do have savings that could tide me for months or even years. But knowing how others’ savings accounts are growing exponentially while mine remains almost stagnant is taking a toll on my mental health too.

So is receiving all these rejections from companies, especially the most recent one where I spent hours to research, and thought I did well at the interview, only for the HR to forget to inform me that I did not even make it to the second round of the interview (I called to check on the interview outcome). That’s… wow.

do y’all have any advice for me? Will there be a time when I can finally land a job? I really am not sure what the issue is – is it me, or is it the economy? Was feeling pretty confident about my resume and interview prep skills, but now…. Lol

Edit: I heard also that most people aren’t leaving their jobs now bc bonuses usually come out in March, and people tend to leave after that. Is that true?

I was brutally honest with a woman I went on a date with

We met on a dating app. We hit it off immediately so decided to meet. We met at a cafe. Nothing too fancy. She was very pretty and very nice.

However, when I sat down, I smelled something foul.

At first I thought it was something being cooked. It was not. I quickly realized the horrid smell was wafting from her.

It wasn’t just a mildly inconvenient stink either. This was a legitimate make-your-eyes-water STENCH. So I pretended not to notice and continued making conversation.

the date ended and we went our separate ways. I was finally free to breathe in some fresh air.

The next day, she texted me asking if I wanted to meet up again. I said that I didn’t think I’d be able to make it. She understood.

Then a few days later she asked again and I said I wasn’t feeling up to it.

Then, after another few days, she asked if I didn’t like her or if she had said something to offend me. My parents always taught me to tell the truth, so I said that she was a perfectly nice person, but I informed her that I did not want to meet again because she smells really bad.

I have not gotten a reply. It has been 8 days.

Netizens’ comments

1. What did she smell like
   • (OP) It’s hard to describe. It was kind of like a garbage dump mixed with some kind of genital stench.
2. Was it her breath or a body odour? You did the right thing to say something. As long as you weren’t rude.
3. She’ll be hurt and upset. But hopefully she’ll realise that you did her a favour in the long run?