Me (25m) and my gf (23f) are planning a weekend away in Malaysia.

Found out my gf lied to me about her past before proposal

About to propose to my gf of 3 years and we’ve haven’t done it. in the beginning she said she was a vir, never seen a naked guy before, never seen D etc.

Recently was using her email to send some documents to my email and I couldn’t find it and accidentally click on the filter by date from oldest to newest button and what came after was a shock.

Back in 2010 where I presume whatsapp etc was not in existence yet, she and her ex had exchanged email about her performing H jobs etc. Idk if they were fully doing it but what killed me is th fact that she had to lie about it.

What are the rationale behind lying about it? I never once forced an answer out from her. I am about to propose soon but this incident made me reconsider everything. I know her past before she got to know me is okay as it is her past but I cannot understand why lie?

Pls help a bro out. I’m stressed and caught in a dilemma. I can’t even confront her as she doesn’t know that I discovered the emails. Can’t help but think God is sending me a sign.

Here are what netizens think:

• If you’re uncomfortable with her lying to you about her past, then let the relationship go. Forget about the proposal and heal before dating another woman. For the next one, just tell her to be candid about her past and decide if you want to continue with the relationship as well.

• Everyone has a pink lie (dark secret) to hide. Ask her about this and talk things through in a mature manner (dont blame, dont judge and dont get emotional). If love overcomes yr pride, then make sure this issue will never resurface again after marriage. If pride wins over the 3 years, then i wish u all the best finding someone who is as pure as ur heart, body and soul.

• If you cannot accept her after reading those emails then leave her. Don’t even think of continuing this relationship let alone propose or getting married. If you still can’t decide, let her know you found out about the emails. Her response should give you an answer how to deal with.

• The lie is definitely a mistake on her end. See if she choose to defend herself first or acknowledge her wrong, follow by her explanation first or even asked you why you went through her emails first. There’s differences in all above mentioned and hope you get it

I remember the day when my boyfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I wanted a ‘toy’, something fun and add some spice to bedtime.

He didn’t ask any questions, just said he would get me one.

Little did I know that my boyfriend had something else in mind when he came home with a cactus. I had no idea what he was thinking and was a little taken aback. He had gone to the store and bought me a cactus, instead of the ‘toy’ I had asked for.

At first, I was a little angry and confused. I felt like he had not listened to me. I asked him why he had chosen a cactus instead of the toy I had asked for.

He told me that he had thought about it and decided that a cactus was a better fit for me since I was so itchy can ownself play and cure the itch

He said that he wanted to get me something that I could keep around and take care of, something that wasn’t just a ‘toy’ that I used at night.

I was touched by his thoughtfulness.

He had gone out of his way to get me something that he thought I would really appreciate. I was also surprised at how well he knew me, that he had picked something that I would actually like.

But at the same time, it is kind of a mean joe.

So I decided to keep the cactus. I named it “Cacti” and I take care of it every day. I water it, give it sunlight and trim it when it needs it. I love it, and it makes me smile every time I look at it.

So when ever we have our special time, my bf will say “Time for me to insert the cactus”.

i don’t really know how to act in this situation. i am doing fyp project with an acquaintance.

initially we hit off quite well, some similar interests, humour etc. but slowly i realize that he has some issues such as laziness, dishonesty. i try to withdraw my friendship with him and talk only when i have to regarding our project.

he senses my withdrawal of emotions and he started telling me about his suicidal ideations.

he says that he plans to dash across the highway. i was very shocked when i heard that so i tried to be nicer to him even though i am really tired of him pushing work to me.

a part of me eventually stopped believing that he is suicidal for real. i felt that it was a lie just to garner my sympathy so that i will help him to do his work. i felt very disgusted when i think about it. the worst part is he is very scared of pain (even a paper cut will make him squeal. yes i am working with a fucking weirdo) so i am not very sure if he will choose such a painful way to die.

i know i should never downplay another person’s plea for help as i may be the last line of support. but honestly, i felt that i am doing myself a disfavour if i put his wellbeing before my own.

i am feeling very drained having to deal with him.

Here are what netizens think:

• Report to your supervisor and get him sent to UHC for treatment.

• You are such a soft hearted person. Don’t be trapped by his behaviour. Be firm and report him to the authority if he ever threaten you with suicidal ideation.

• You have no obligation towards him. He’s responsible for his own life. Just inform the school about his suicidal tendencies and let the school deals with him.

• Sounds like a narcisstic and manipulative person.

Workaholic boss

Im in a marine lubricant business support unit, my boss is an extremely workaholic person… he can blast emails anytime, anywhere… he sends email and calls even he is driving, he sees every enquiries like gold…

our KPI is to respond to every enquiry within 3 working hours… after working hours, he will still call or text asking for the costings… it is endless…

I joined this company last year Oct… still less than 3 months, but i have been trained to work like an old bird, ot everyday… the first 2 weeks i already couldnt take it, no work life balance at all, i have to work on weekends as well… i wanted to quit but i was bonded by recruiter’s contract hence must at least fulfilled 3 months employment otherwise to compensate 1 month pay… #FML

i was told this is a 24/7 standby role however it is never a “standby”, it is literally working 24/7… the enquiries never stopped, the workload is extremely high, one word – endless… I took up this job because the package was good (at least i thought it was good, 25 days annual leaves, 2-3 months vb, work location near my house) now i regret max, my previous job was a much easier role and it was just 20% increments than previous job… still my annual pay is less than 60k, working for 24/7, totally not worth it…

I hope my boss will see this post (i doubt he has time to read any others thing than his emails) i wanted to tell him to treat his staffs like a human, we are not robot (even robot needs to re-charge) everyone has a life, dont think so big about the penny he is paying to us can buy 24/7 of our time… 25 days annual leave is overrated, cant enjoy fully…

Here are what netizens think:

• Better to have wasted 4 years than 4 decades if you still go in with both eyes closed. Now you are smarter. Yay!

• Some people do change for the better but not all. It’s good that it’s only 4 years and no longer than that.

• Take the time to work on your personal finances and allow that guy to do whatever he wants xD

Why hb watch P… and still dare to say they love their wives

I don’t understand..what is in their mind..would they have liked it if their wives did the same. I always wonder anyone who can’t be faithful to their spouse should not marry.

My spouse can buy things without consulting me ( big items like car, house etc) and yet i can’t as i am a sahm.

So ladies either you don’t stop working after marriage ( for kids) or really insist they must have joint account.

It is sad that i feel so cheated after 22 years of marriage.

Well all he can say is sorry and repeat . He doesn’t seems to understand the pain he causing me and the family.

Here are what netizens think:

• I dont mind my bf to watch P, I even encourage him to do so, we even watch together and i myself also watch P and he knew. Watch P doesn’t mean we cheated our partners, sometimes we just need a faster way to “get the business done”. To me porn is the easiest way.

• Why wife can watch kpop and fantasized having a unrealistic romantic relationship.

• This just shows that after 22 years together, you don’t understand your husband at all.

• It does not matter where a man gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home.

• Have joint account then you can control how he spends the money he earns, even though he brings in more than enough for the family to have a comfortable life? Lol

• Sad on not consulted as it is a joint effort on all family matters. Important to discuss especially on big purchases.
• ( Agree that wife ought to have earning power to be appreciated by husb unfortunately; however kids do suffer as a result coz of less attention from parents

I am thinking to work as a private full time tutor first after leaving my full time job.

Just wondering if the society will view young people (late 20s) who work as full time private tutor negatively?

I am also concerned if being a full time tutor (for like 3-6 months) will look bad on my resume and infront of my future potential employer.

Can advice me?

Here are what netizens think:

• Yes. It will leave a void in your resume and most employers may not view it positive.

• Lots of very well to do low profile private tutors around.

• What’s your reason for wanting to be a pte tutor, instead of finding another full time job ?

• It is ok to be a tutor … honest living … no shame about it. You get paid for what you work. If you are hard working enough, probably you may earn even more than your peers

• If can be unstable as during holidays, there would be lesser tuition assignments. Also, the parent can cancel the tuition anytime, especially at the start of the year.

• Good private tutors can make more than school teachers with less administrative stress. It depends on how good you are and what your goals are

• U worry a lot when all ppl care about is money. It won’t look bad to your future employers if you declare your income properly as a self-employed person.

• It’s a decent job in a decent industry, If the employer is so negative about this – then that’s already a red flag no?

• As someone who hires, NO it wouldn’t. Just shows you are enterprising and making good use of your time while looking for a suitable job that really interests you

• Why do you care what other people think of you? Are you Super Care? Most important thing is to put money in your pocket and provide food for your family.. No?

I am a foreign student studying in Singapore, and I am graduating soon.

There is a very friendly janitor in our uni, we have lunch/tea together and chit-chat from time to time.

He knows that I am graduating and leaving Singapore soon, and he asked me to give him a red pocket to thank him for cleaning for me.

I am not sure about this red pocket culture thing, but to my understanding people give red pocket during Chinese New Year? And only married couple need to give red pocket? I am single, not married.

Can anyone explain a bit more to me? I don’t mind giving it, but it is a bit awkward to only give to the uncle who asked me for it. I would like to know who should I also give red pockets to before I leave.

he directly asked me for it. Actually it is the second time he asked me for it.

The first time was around last CNY, after shopping in fairprice, I got bunch of of red envelopes. Since I have no use of it, so I asked if that uncle wants it, otherwise I will just throw. He said he prefer an ang pao with money in it instead of an empty one. I thought he was joking last time. Anyhow, he took all the red envelopes from me.

But this time, he does not seem like joking.

Here are what netizens think:

• He straight up asked you for an ang pao? Very forward of him.

• I think he’s trying to take advantage of you because you are a foreigner and assumes that you are rich. Anyway, you are not obligated to give him anything, but if you want to be a nice person and leave SG feeling good about yourself, you can most certainly give him one. Give what you feel comfortable with, but I think him outright asking for one (multiple times) is in poor taste because that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

• If he’s a janitor, chances are he is very poor in SG. He is probably doing is best to make ends meet. My personal take is that if the small Ang Bao / donation doesn’t mean a lot to me in terms of money, I’ll still give it… I’ll like to see it that he doesn’t have the ill intention of taking advantage, but more like he is in need of money due to his circumstances.

• It’s okay to give an ang Bao as a gift/ token and as an expression of thanks/ gratitude. It’s just something nice to do. Out of your own accord. But in this case, he asks for it? That’s a bit tasteless. I wouldn’t bother if I’m you

Resources for people who overspend

Are they any resources for people who overspend and have no savings?

I am have been working for 5 years and I have no savings whatsoever.

I always spend my savings away. Every time I save a lump some of money, I feel tempted to spend it on frivolous things (like clothes, beauty, etc). I do earn pretty decently but every time I get a pay rise, I still end up spending everything by the end of the month.

I have tried sticking to a budget but whenever I start having some money I feel tempted to spend it. Albeit on gifts for my family/friends, holiday trips, clothes, etc.

I am looking to settle down in life now but my SO isnt too keen about my spending habits. I need to start saving so that I can pay the down payment for a flat. I tried saving more carefully last year and I managed to save up till 10k before I ended up spending everything on some beauty treatment. I think I need help but I am not sure what kind of help I should get.

Thanks in advance

Here are what netizens think:

• That’s a sign for insurance agents to approach. Allocate a fixed monthly GIRO payment for some endowment policy.

• Since you are looking to settle down with your SO, why not open a joint account, let your SO take charge of it and deposit all your salary in it. Your SO will give you monthly allowance from there.

• 1) Cancel your credit cards
  2) Quit online shopping
  3) Transfer 30-40% of your monthly salary to another bank and lock your card away if you want to save more so you can settle down fast.
  4) Limit your shopping and social activities to only 3 times a month with a specified budget to spend.
  5) Already spent your budget on 2 occasions in a month? Then just decline invitations and stop going out until the next salary crediting comes along.

• There are lotsa options to this. Strong discipline is important. If you are serious in settling down you will have to change your spending habits. All the best!