People don’t like me once they get to know me

I can make acquaintances somewhat easy, and people can easily like me on the surface level.

But whenever they get to know me they easily start to see through the veneer and that I’m actually a very judgemental, self absorbed, self pity wallowing, broken person.

My only solution to avoid the rejection is probably just to keep people are an arms length, though that’s hard because a penchant I have for over sharing.

It’s especially bad when it’s coworkers, who then just don’t want to be around me and it’s very obvious.

People really don’t like you that much when you are “just being yourself”

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m gonna try and remember to show this to my therapist… because same
2. So what? Don’t judge your likeability based on what coworkers think of you. The workplace is rife with competition & jealousy. Coworkers may not like you if they see you as a threat or a competitor, or if you possess skills or knowledge they would like to have themselves, but lack. Just because your coworkers don’t like you isn’t necessarily a reflection on your overall likeability.
   Adult friendship making isn’t as easy as it was when you were a kid. Don’t expect the same level of involvement or commitment, or ease of making friends. Again, not a reflection on your likeability.
   You sound like you are being very hard on yourself. Surely you have some good, positive traits. Focus on those. Nobody is perfect and everybody possesses to some degree the negative traits you describe in yourself. You can try to improve areas about yourself you think are lacking, you aren’t set on stone. Everyone’s a work in progress. Find something you want to improve, then work on it.
   At the end of the day, the only person who you should want to truly respect you is YOURSELF. Improve yourself for yourself, and don’t bother about others’ judgement.
   Good luck.
3. Well, people do want to be treated well and trust that you are being real with them.
   Have you ever considered working on yourself so you can heal some of these things? That way you could still “just be yourself” but a healthier version.

My (39m) partner (39f) of 20 years cheated on me. I want to kick her out but it would make her homeless. She doesn’t have a job. We have an 8yo daughter.

I have no idea what to do. We are not married. We have an 8yo daughter who is my whole world. My partner hasn’t worked for 8+ years as she never went back to work after having our daughter. We are jointly on our mortgage but I pay it (and for everything, she has no income at all).

Found out last week she’s been sleeping with someone. 2nd time. First time we went through therapy and I spent 2 years healing. Now she’s done it again and I feel like I can’t do that all again.

I want her gone but I can’t make the mother of my daughter homeless. I have no idea how to figure this out. Our home only has 2 bedrooms so she is currently sleeping on the sofa. It doesn’t feel sustainable.

[edit] I’m really looking for ideas/solutions that don’t involve just kicking her out. Thanks

Netizens’ comments

1. There is no solution, imo, based on the facts here. No extra bedroom and you don’t want to let her be homeless. Your daughter is in school, I’m guessing, so your ex should be looking for work so that she can take care of herself. If you keep feeling sorry for her and taking care of everything, she will never leave. A part time job while your kid in in school is a good place for her to start until daughter is old enough to not need a babysitter.
2. Even if you tried, I doubt that there would be any coming back from her cheating for a second time. Plus, who knows if there haven’t been other times you don’t know about. Your child, at 8, is in school for the majority of each day and, without a job, your wife has a lot of time on her hands. Time she has used to cheat on you.
   If she’s on the mortgage and the deed, I think it’s time you consider selling the house. It’s bound to be worth more than you paid for it, and the two of you can split that money, which she can live on until she stabilizes. She’s going to have to get a job, though. She needs to start looking today. Even if she has to clean toilets, she needs to get a job immediately. She also needs to start looking for an alternate living space. Renting a room would be ideal. But, remember, she needs to do this so she can learn to be independent again.
   You need to sit down with your daughter and tell her what is going on. You don’t have to mention cheating, specifically, but she is absorbing the tension between the two of you. She needs to be reassured that whatever happens between the two of you will never have any impact on how much you love her.
   Good luck. You kind of set yourself up for this by not demanding she get a part-time job the last time she cheated. If you had, she would be in a better position to start a new life. But, there’s no time like the present, so tell her to get on it.

I resent my husband for being praised as the best dad while I (mom) do the brunt of the work.

I (30f) and husband (35m) have a daughter (3). Since day one, everybody has praised my husband saying things like “You’re such a good daddy” or “she’s so lucky to have you as her daddy”.

Never once has anybody said the same to me about being a mom. Lately, it’s been eating away at me.

He boasts about being a good dad, and he is fairly good. But I still do the brunt of the work.

I rearrange my work schedule to accommodate everything for our daughter. I do most of the childcare except on rare occasions I run to the store and she stays with dad.

He acts like I’m dramatic about the stressful days but he hasn’t been alone with her for more than a few hours at a time since she was born.

I work from home and she stays home with me while I work… So I’m working my 40 hour a week job and being a sahm and running a small business from our house.

Just once it’d be nice to be acknowledged for all I do. I feel like I’m just going to throw up if I have to hear one more time how good of a dad he is.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do and I don’t know how to stop or how to tell anybody what I truly need without coming across as insane.

Netizens’ comments

1. Talk to him. Tell him youre very close to burnout and that will implode your family. Tell him just how overwhelmed you are. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and raw about it. Try not to get angry cause that never helps but ask him to step up. And be consistent. Do not step in if fcks something up or forgets. Send him to the shops with your child, take consistently time off. Do it for yourself and do it for your daughter. Happy mums make happy children. And just be sure it’s perfectly normal to feel this way.
2. Nah, you’re fine.
   I am the one in my house who takes the kids to the dentist. Just about every time.
   Every time my wife goes to the dentist, the whole place shuts down while everyone who works there (100% women) all come to talk to her about how lucky she is, because I’m the only dad who brings the kids in, and I do it every time, and how does she get me to do it, and my god that must be so amazing, she is so lucky to have such an amazing husband.
   My wife operates at 125% at all times. She does way more than me. Kids lessons are more than 50% her. Dinners are more than 50% her. I do a lot, and most of our tasks are split in some way, and there are a bunch of other things that only I do, and I will do anything else that she specifically asks me to do, but I simply am not as ridiculously productive and effective as her. I don’t think I could ever do what she does.
   The people at the dentist’s office don’t see that. They just see me showing up one day with two kids, and then her showing up another day alone. And they tell her how awesome that is. And she comes home pissed off, every single time.
   I get it.

Is it too late for University or career change?

Hi everyone

As the title stated, I (31M) am having a lot of thoughts whether is it ever too late go back to studying as I only hold a diploma.

I thought of writing this post would help me narrow down to a more specific outlook that’s based in Singapore itself as I felt Google answers are rather a little bit too “optimistic” in my opinion.

I work in a specific industry where I feel the skills are too niche and felt lacking in myself as I grow older.

I thought of changing my career to expand the skill sets that I have. In terms of salary, I feel like it’s barely sufficient for my age, but still managing well as long as I keep my expenses in check.

But every now and then, I tend to question whether it is as people around my personal circle tend to get higher and better salary with better company benefits when comparing.

Hence, one of the reasons why I am having these thoughts.