No one wants me and it’s killing me

I’m 26 (F) and I’m lonely. I have reached a point in my life where I yearn for love and companionship but not getting any.

I have dated before and been in one serious relationship which was emotionally and psychologically taxing.

I feel like I’m undesirable because no man wants me, and those who do just want to bed me. I do love myself, my friends and family love me but that doesn’t take away the fact that I wanted to be loved and wanted by someone I can spend my forever with.

I have tried dating sites before, but most of the men i meet there are either looking for something that’s no serious or they say they’re looking for a long term relationship but will make zero effort to know me or blatantly want me to pursue them.

I’m just tired. I just want to be loved and love back. All my friends are either married, engaged or in long term relationships (I don’t wanna compare but seeing them happy makes me realize how much I want that for myself as well). Sorry for venting.

Netizens’ comments

• You are still so young! I promise you that the one for you is coming, just wait. Trust me, and mark my words in 10 years from now one. When i was 29 i found the love of my life. Happy new year!
• But you are only 26. Please don’t think this will never happen. Don’t try and think to hard about it because before you know it, you will find that person.
• One advice don’t compare yourself to your friends that is never good because you will only be punching yourself. I would tell you find a friend group where you have stuff in common things you maybe go to events or maybe out door activites. find new people friends and from there everything else will come. Happy new year and hope everything works out 🙂
• I’m sorry that you feel like this and I know it’s hard. I would honestly say to maybe seek therapy because if it’s a pattern it may have been something in your life that happened. I’m not trying to be mean, but this could help you a lot.

My wife is dead. The best Christmas present I could have gotten.

At the beginning of 2022, I caught my wife having an affair with one of her exes. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, I was not the perfect husband I will admit. But, I did my best. I put effort into the entire 5 years we were together. I put my all into the relationship. Her, I could not say the same.

I was forced to confront the reality of who she truly was shortly after I caught her. She kicked me from our shared home, tried to get me fired from my job, and tried to turn all of my friends against me.

Some of these succeeded, while others did not. She has made my life a living hell since the day I asked her for the divorce and has planted her heels into the ground over our separation to try and drain all my finances and emotional strength from me.

The only upside is we had no kids for her to use as weapons, but I soon found out that her policy of strict birth control with me did not extend to her suitor as he got her pregnant 5 months ago. I thought maybe this would help speed along the divorce, but it only rallied her in her efforts to destroy me.

On Christmas eve, my wife died.

Her parents called me up distraught yesterday. Acting as if the last year had never happened and offered their full support to my funeral preparations for her.

My confusion here was beyond belief, but the apple does not fall far from the tree when it comes to my wife. I told them if they want a funeral, it was coming out of their pockets.

I will pay for her to be cremated, and deliver her ashes to them in the cheapest urn offered if they desire. They called me horribly, but after only 4 minutes on the phone with them, I hung up and blocked every one of her family’s numbers.

I’m going to be taking a few extra days off work to start my life anew. I don’t know if there is a god, or if this was just karma, but I truly believe now that I have come out on the other side of the storm.

I had the worst NYE of my life last night.

I am an alcoholic. Already been through rehab, been sober for about 5 years. I drank last night. know that’s really bad you don’t need to tell me.

My idiotic alcoholic brain convinced sober me it’s okay. Once again I know that’s not right.

My girlfriend has been wanting to go partying for quite some time and I’ve always had a hard time because I struggle being around people who are drinking and drunk.

She has been patient. Before I went over to her place to meet her friends, I drank, a lot. I wanted to be fun for once. That’s the only reason I can think of as to why I did it.

I ended up outside of the bar in the rain with my girlfriend consoling me while I spouted a bunch of drunk nonsense which I do not remember most of.

Someone else had to come pick me up and bring me home. She has ended things with me and I feel awful.

Hungover, anxious, down. I know I messed up and there’s nothing I can do now. Just have to get it out. Thanks for reading, I appreciate each and every one of you.

How to completely let go of someone that was never mine to begin with?

I met him through a dating app. We got along quite well. We were like best friends. We texted and hung out with each other everyday. We slowly picked up hobbies together.

As time goes by, I fell for him but I never knew how he felt about me because I didn’t have to courage to ask him. I was too hesitant to.

After a few months of knowing each other, he never made any moves so, I thought he didn’t have feelings for me until 9 months in when he suddenly proposed to be together. He told me it wouldn’t be a committed relationship because he will be away for a few years. He also told me he’s not a committed person after his previous relationship experiences.

I was ok with it because I never have high hopes that a relationship will eventually go into marriage. It’s more of “we’ll see how it goes.”

He always liked a S relationship (found out he has a lot of previous flings too) but I’m more of a reserved person and it takes time for me to build up that trust to give it to someone. He broke it off 2 weeks later because he couldn’t accept it anymore (I couldn’t give him what he wanted) and he said we weren’t compatible. He was leaving. But because I didn’t want even to lose him as a friend, we still continue to hang out together even after he had moved away until the relationship becomes kinda like FWB because he started to do all those couple stuff to me.

I was confused at the same time because he always asked me to move on. He told me he never loved me even when he was able to do all those stuff to me. He started to slowly drift away from me as time goes by. One day, he decided to cut my off completely after he said he had someone else in his life already. He told me he was serious about the relationship. He only met her for about a month. He cut me off from all his social media but he still wanna remain ‘friends’.

I don’t understand how that friendship is a friendship already. I don’t know at that point of time, he was telling me this just to push me away or he really met someone because he previously told me that he takes time to really know someone before he decides that someone is for him. I know this eventually will happen and I can’t keep someone who wants to leave. I was devastated by the news but I still wish him well. I know I was being treated as a spare tyre here and having to hear all those bullsh*t just for him to keep me in his life until he finds another. Maybe I was silly to hope that I was able to change his mind as long as I hold on but what can’t be changed will not change.

I waited for him to come back but he never did. 6 months has since passed. I still miss him until today but not as bad as in the beginning. I want to let go of him completely but I still see bits and pieces of him sometimes. Tbh, I couldn’t even see couples around at first because it reminded me of what he did to me but they were just things that he did without having any feelings towards me. I guess men just have this ‘superpower’. Sorry for hearing my rant but I hope this can be a lesson to all the girls out there.

My mother-in-law (MIL) is selfish

This is my rant. If I rant to hubby, it will affect our r/s. If I rant to others, especially those who know her, the words may get out and get twisted. I have been trying to internalise what hubby said, that parents are old already. How long more they will live, we should make them happy (by giving in). True! except that he has been saying that for the past 12 years.

Before married, I see hubby as a good family man, which got me chose him among other men during courting period. He’s the youngest in the family. After we got married, I got to know that he is the favourite child. When I was pregnant with my first, MIL had said she will not help if we have babies, that’s totally fine. In fact, I’m good with it. Initially, when hubby expressed his desire to someday live with his parents, I welcomed the idea. I lived with my grandpa in my growing up years, and we had a good r/s before he passed away.

I never have any problem with FIL. In fact, I enjoyed his presence. I enjoyed chatting with elderly because they usually have so much stories, although it’s the same old ones.

But alas, things started to get ugly when MIL came and decided to “help” when my baby was around 3-4 months old.

Each time she came over, she would stay a long period of time. I thought treating her like my own mother, even better than my own mother, would help. But no, she complained about me to hubby. Hubby took side with her. She twisted what happened, she used my words against me. Often times, she took only certain part, and ignored or cut out other facts. Me and hubby fought over small things. It felt lonely and painful. When I prepared food for my baby and sometimes for everyone, she said it was wrong. When I let her prepare in her own way, she said I’m lazy. I started to understand why she had problems with other daughter-in-laws in the past. Which is a fact they (hubby and his family) tried to hide.

She told us, we should take care of her because children are indebted to parents. It’s not wrong though. But then, she also demanded that we should prioritise her. She has the right to decide because she’s The Mother. Hubby being the youngest and favorite child, is so close to her. They chat everyday. She demanded a room dedicated for her, although we have to squeeze. He said she’s innocent and “cute”, which baffles me until now. She asked hubby to buy tickets for her, send her around, and asked him to help other siblings pay their housing instalment and other things. The thing is, she has her own money and properties, and it’s a lot. We never ask her for money, and we have our own needs esp with children around. We have mortgages too. We live decent in a small apartment, I don’t even buy new clothes or shoes. I don’t have any makeup like I used to anymore.

It was so stressful each time MIL came to stay. Mind you, each time she came, it would unnoticed. Nobody can ask her the dates she would come and go. Because then she would take it as a rejection. Each time I tried to share with hubby, he would brush me off. Even when I told him that MIL opened my wardrobe and kaypoh, he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it. MIL thinks she has the right to cross boundaries. I got depressed, but didn’t know what to do. I have tried to suck it up, but eventually, I pent it up until I exploded. We fought so much until one day, when I was pregnant with number 2, he chased me out of the home and shot vulgar words.

When MIL is not around, we were generally fine.

But each time MIL came over for a long period (up to 6 months). I kept thinking of divorce. Recently, I told hubby bluntly that I cannot stay with MIL, it’s either she’s out or I’m out. I will live on my own. Which of course upsets him. I’ve compromised, but they think they are the ones compromised more. It is so frustrating. It’s like them (the family) vs me. Finally, MIL moved to one of my BILs’ home. But she left crying with drama. And hubby gave me a disgusted look.

Anyway, it’s my husband. It’s in one package. The good and the bad. Other than MIL problem, he’s imperfectly perfect. I guess each r/s has its own unique problem.

Divorce is also not an easy option. Not just it requires money, but also the hassle of going through the nitty gritty especially when the kids are involved. It will also hurt everyone in the process. I have looked and researched this option, weighing the pros and cons. I’ll see how long more I can stand.

Thanks for this platform. At least it helps.

My wife’s pimple-popping has seemingly ruined our marriage

We’ve been together just under 5 years and the whole time, I’ve had to endure her poking me with tweezers and pinching me.

When I complain, she tells me to take it because I’m a man. I frankly shouldn’t have to but I have so far.

Yesterday while casually in bed, not even up for the day, she mentions that she wants to pop some pimples.

Totally not in the mood for that, I say it needs to stop. It hurts and the scabs are disgusting. She took it as me calling her disgusting and hasn’t talked to me since, except for that time she yelled at me.

This isn’t the first time she’s flipped out and ruined our day for some completely random comment I made. She’s so unpredictable.

My New Year was ruined because of pimples and I just can’t take it anymore – I didn’t do anything, nothing to warrant all this anyway.

Now I’m sleeping outside because she has music playing in our room – knowing full well I can’t fall asleep when music is playing. All because of pimples.

I (m21) slapped my girlfriend (f20) out of reflex when i woke up

I feel horrible for what i did. How do i even start this?

Let me just start by saying that i would never slap her intentionally. Let alone hurt her in any way. My girlfriend has a very libido unlike me and therefore she is the one to initiate most of the time.

It took me a few years to fully trust her but she was such a loving and caring person who understood my trauma and was always able to control herself.

Yesterday evening she wanted to get intimate with me and i told her i wasn’t in the mood right now and then i turned around. I woke up in the middle of the night and she was trying to go down on me.

My heart started beating really fast. All the anxiety i felt came back and before i realized i slapped her so hard she fell of my side of the bed.

I immediately realized what i just did. The only thing i thought about was that i slapped her. She held her cheek while looking at me with a shocked face before starting to cry.

I wanted to comfort her and apologize but she ran out of the room into the bathroom where she cried her eyes out and then she went to sleep on the couch.

I apologized repeatedly but she refuses to talk to me. I feel so bad. I know i am a horrible person and there is no excuse for this. But what can i do so that she speaks to me again? Is there anything i can do so she forgives me?

Is it normal to be unemployed for 2 years?

Just curious since I am friends this person (26M) who, since graduating from university with a double degree in finance and accounting, has yet to find a full time job.

Is it normal for a university graduate to be jobless for 2 years and going? What’s the rate of employment for local graduates?

Ps he graduated during covid times I guess

Netizens’ comments

• No. That’s a long time. What does he live on? My fresh graduate days is 10 years ago la but all of my friends are employed within a few months even if doing something unrelated to the degree. Most are related but one took up a teacher/counsellor role I guess that’s her passion/calling.
• Two years is a long time, but I suppose immediately after graduating is probably the least weird time to be unemployed for that long. But that also kind of depends on what they’ve been doing.
  If they claim they’ve been job-hunting for these past two years then that’s definitely not normal.
• Did you ask him the reasons for being unemployed for 2 years? I have a relative who is jobless for more than a year, coming close to 2 years. Was in some covid traineeship program after graduation but after the traineeship ended, he realised the sector related to his degree is not for him. He became “lost” and unsure of what kind of job to look for, and has been jobless since. I am not sure if he is even trying as he always avoid talking about it when asked.
• 2 years is really long. What has he been doing the past 2 years then? Is he actively applying for jobs or busy with other stuff (eg. family business, does trading online, health conditions)? Considering that he has a double degree in finance and accounting, I would expect him to land a job quite easily, unless he has way too high expectations of salary and work conditions.
  Note that the gap in his resume will definitely be questioned by interviewers too. Hope your friend has a good answer for that.

As a working parent, I have always taken pride in my ability to juggle the demands of my career and family.

I have been able to be a successful professional, while also being an attentive and involved parent. But there was one area where I had to admit defeat: housework.

After my son was born, I quickly realized that I simply couldn’t do it all. My husband and I had full-time jobs and were already stretched to the limit. We needed help around the house, but we were reluctant to hire a “stranger” to take care of our son. So we decided to hire a maid.

At first, the arrangement worked out great. The maid was helpful and seemed to genuinely care for our son. She was always punctual, dependable, and efficient. We even gave her a raise after a few months, as a sign of appreciation.

Son calls maid “mama”

But then things started to take a turn. My son, who was only two at the time, began to form an attachment to the maid. He started to call her “Mama” and would cry when she left. I was taken aback by this sudden change, and I began to worry that we had made a mistake.

It wasn’t just the fact that my son was calling the maid “Mama.” It was also the fact that we were essentially abdicating our parental responsibility and throwing it onto the maid.

We were allowing her to become the primary caregiver for our son and in the process, we were neglecting our own parental duties.

I started to think about how I could be a better parent and take a more active role in my son’s life. I decided to take a few months off of work and spend more time with him. I also made an effort to do more around the house. I cooked meals, did laundry, and even helped with bath time.

My efforts paid off and I noticed a change in my son’s behaviour. He was more affectionate and attentive towards me, and he started to call me “Mama” again. I was relieved and happy that I had taken the time to be a more present parent.

At the same time, I was also aware that the maid had played an important role in my son’s development. She had provided him with the love and attention he craved, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

My experience taught me an important lesson: being a working parent doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent. You just need to make an effort to be more involved in your child’s life. And if you can’t do it all yourself, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a parent to be a parent.

Reading all the recent posts on girls expecting gifts from their boyfriends really makes me feel very blessed that my girlfriend is a very down-to-earth person who doesn’t expect anything from me.

I grew up in a low-income family where my dad earned only $1200 as a factory worker. When I was 13, my mom divorced my dad and soon remarried.

When I was 18, my dad suffered from a hereditary brain disease that caused him to be paralysed. As a result, he wasn’t able to work. Fortunately, NTUC income gave him a sum of insurance payout which helped us to handle our bills and expenditure. My dad’s medical bills were also highly subsidized. But we had to hire a helper to take care of my dad.

Soon after I got enlisted and had to contribute most of my allowance to the household expenses. After NS, I found a temp admin job before starting university.

I then met my first girlfriend, who works in the same department. She was a fresh graduate. She’s also from a low-income family so we could relate to each other.

She had to pay for her own tuition loan, household expenses and even the mortgage for her parents’ house. Despite all of that, she always offered to pay for our meals. Of course, we could only afford to eat at coffeeshops. Once in awhile, we would spoil ourselves with a big cup of gongcha and a movie at the cinemas.

I often felt very insecure during the early stages of our relationship because we had to keep our rs a secret. Afterall, office romance is frowned upon. It didn’t help that there were a few permanent staff who tried to pursue her. They would often buy drinks and breakfast for her and ask her out for dinner.

The worst thing was those permanent staff were seniors who earn at least four times of my salary. I often felt very relieved whenever I see her rejecting their advances.

Sometimes I would feel very insecure and ask her if she would go for those rich guys at the office. She would always reassure me and tell me, “It doesn’t matter if a guy is rich or not. What matters most is the guy loves you or not.”

Fast forward to today, I have graduated and found a job which pays well. I credit all of my achievements to my girlfriend. Because of her constant support and encouragement, I managed to do well in uni and secure many internships, and therefore able to secure a good job.

She could have chosen to be with those rich guys who pursued her but she chose to be with a poor guy like me. Sometimes I really feel very lucky that I found such a great girlfriend.

Despite her own financial struggles, she always offered to pay for all our expenses. At times, when we share a plate of cai png, she would purposely give me all the meat and lie to me that she is on a diet.

Even till today, whenever I ask her if she wants me to buy a bag or clothes for her, she would call me crazy for wanting to spend money. She always say old clothes are more comfortable and as for bags, one or two bags is enough already. Even on her birthday, she would make me promise her that I won’t buy her a gift. How silly of her. I really feel thankful to her for enduring all these years of hardship with me and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.”