My girlfriend’s dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was going to break up with her.

I’ll try to keep this short–

I have been dating my girfriend for a little over a year now. We haven’t had any fights, there are no red flags or conflicts in our relationship.

Rather, I’ve come to see her as more of a friend than a romantic partner, and am no longer interested in continuing our relationship. I had been planning to end things with her and meet up with her to have this conversation about a month ago.

The day before we agreed to meet up, her father was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

I couldn’t tell her I was breaking up with her after that. Not on that day.

The past month has been a lot. I’m torn between wanting to be supportive, but also worrying that she will only grow to lean on me further and that when I eventually do break up with her and that it will hurt her even more in the long run. I’ve been trying to find a good time to break the news–and between the holidays and everything else on her shoulders, I realized that there might never be a ‘good’ or a ‘right’ time.

I’ve gotten conflicting advice, including some that think it would be better if I remain supportive for months until she is in a better place emotionally and mentally. Others have argued that it’d be leading her on and only making it that much harder for her in the long run. The other thing is that we don’t know how long her dad has left. It might be years. Weeks. Months.

I don’t know what the right answer is.

Long story short, my family has bad history with money. I’m really insecure about my finances and being able to provide enough for myself to live happily. What do?

Long story long, growing up, my family talked about money a lot. We were hit by an economic crisis just before year 2000, so my family lost a lot of money through bad investments.

After that and other unrelated personal problems (my parents getting divorced, for one), my dad never got a normal job again to this day, and my mom had been struggling, working maybe 60 hours a week to support us. I try not to dwell on it because I gotta work with what I have now, but they never let go of it. My parents and siblings never failed to let me know how bitter they were.

As a kid I lived with my dad in a small home. My dad wouldn’t stop talking about money to me, at ages 7 through 12, so I learned to be more careful in what I ask for.

Soon enough, mom got a place and we could live with her, but she was always working. I grew bitter because of it. I’m not proud of it, I think I was being stupid, but I hated my family for not being rich, that if they hadn’t had me they could be better off.

We struggled financially until I was older and suddenly I had to make a life for myself. I went to university, I was briefly happy, then lost all excitement as I was told by my own professors that not many of us would make it in life.

I have been praised in different job interviews throughout the years, only to be turned down in the end. They always found an excuse to not hire me. It’s safe to say my resume is severely lacking. The times I have managed to have money for myself that I could save up, I end up giving it to those who I think might need it more, mostly within my own family.

Giving it back to my mom to try and help some, sending my dad money for his food and medicine, spending on my friends. I hate myself for it because I need to save money for my future, but my anxiety drives me insane when I have it on me and won’t help someone who might need it.

Other times, I do think about myself and spend it stupidly on things that I want, then blame myself for it. I still struggle thinking up a future for myself because I have to think about money first. My every move has to be thought out around whether I have the money for it or not. It’s just self-inflicted torture over and over.

I understand that sometimes people make choices that drive them to bad conditions, that there’s also undeniable unfairness around money in general but I don’t want to go into that. I think that my family in particular were just more stupid with money than they would like to admit. I’m told I just have to try and do the best for me but I can’t help thinking that I won’t ever be able to have enough to live.

I don’t want to live in a world that focuses on money as a primary survival resource, when it is something so complicated. I wish I could make plans and carry them out without having to think of money. I wish I could just think of helping other people without thinking of how it could benefit my lifestyle. I wish I could think of the things I deserve too, without thinking of how I must be taking away from those close to me who need it more. I wish money wasn’t the way we measure who deserves to have a good life and who doesn’t.

I am 24 now and I feel like a failure because there are $5 in my bank account while I wait for someone to pay $100 they owe me. I don’t have enough to leave the house if I had to right now.

I could ask my mom for it, but it makes me feel worse every time I do. I have grown more anxious about it in the past two years.

I’m still living with my parents and I’m thankful that they want to help me now that they can, but it’s making me feel worse that this comfort zone has made me so afraid of striking out on my own.

I can’t make plans because I’m afraid I won’t have money, my insecurities just shut me down before I let myself imagine what I want to do.

Please, help me understand how to be financially stable. How do I stop hating the thought of money? I want to let go of the unfairness and disparity surrounding this issue because, as true as it might be, I just have to accept that this is the world, this is my present, and I need to focus on what I can do, not how I wish things were. How do I even begin?

The state of my gf’s home bothers me.

I’ve been dating this girl for the last few months and had visited her place for the first time recently.

Things have been going well since we’ve just started. She’s a nice girl and we haven’t had any major arguments yet. But I was very surprised at the condition of her place. Things are cluttered from floor to ceiling, from the living room to other rooms. It’s all cluttered and full of stuff piled up. My gf’s room has stuff all over the floor, on the bed, chair. Clothes worn and clean are stacked all together in piles on the floor, side of the bed, on chairs. So many parcels unopened or opened and still in the boxes stacked everywhere. Makeup everywhere. Many beauty products and clothes and bags here and there in her room. New and used.There are so many stacks of stuff till the windows are almost fully blocked. She doesn’t seem bothered or concerned inviting me over so I wondered if this is normal for some households.

The living room had a clear narrow path to navigate around the house but other than that it’s full of stuff. Even the TV view is slightly blocked because of the things around. The dining table is more than half filled and stacked with things so only two people can eat at one time on that table.

I don’t know how to ignore this and I’m afraid to talk to her about it. I’ve since avoided visiting her place. Her family members are not in any profession that requires them to store large amount of things so I’ve evaluated that they are just hoarders. Is my gf one too? Should I be concerned?

She’s very neat when she visit my place. She does put things back and wash her own dishes. So I don’t really have to clean up after her when she’s over. She dresses neatly too. I just can’t tell her persona would be different from the state of her place.

My parents went behind my back to make a “dating” profile

I’m gonna be 30 in 6 months. My parents are absolutely NOT happy with the fact that I’m single. Every time it’s the same conversation.

They’re old fashioned and care deeply about class and caste. They’ve seem to absorbed the idea that it’s my last chance, that everyone my age is married or whatever.

I argue I’m not ready for any of it until I’m OK. My needs are very different from theirs.

I found out that they made a “marriage” profile with some dating site thing for me. They’ve used my name, obviously- my LinkedIn pictures, my credentials, everything. Everything I didn’t want to be put out. To say I’m angry is an understatement. I don’t know how to approach this subject.

I’ve also been told (by them) that I overreact a lot.

What can I say without hurting their feelings but also making them aware that I consider this a serious broach of trust.

Idk if I’m right I’m feeling this way or that I’m overreacting. I have no one irl I can talk to and I really can’t tell what a “normal person’s” reaction to certain situations would be.

Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.

clearly hearing my mother’s voice in my toilet only for her to come out of her room, how do you explain that?

So I heard knocking at my door that woke me up, I investigated it when I opened my door, it was four am in the morning.

I knocked on the door and heard my mom saying “I’m just getting your clothes give me a minute!” And I was like okay, then Not a minute later, my mom came out of her room holding a basket of clothes

I looked at her confused and asked her if she was in my bathroom, she shook her head as she said “I was in my toilet getting my clothes”

That made my beard skip a beat, and I told her “but you were in the restroom just now” and again, she shook her head “no I wasn’t I was in my bathroom”

I just looked confused at her and for the rest of the night I stayed awake, and eventually went to sleep at 6 am in the morning today

So who’s voice was it that I heard? It was just us two at home at the time…

小三

Here’s the story…

小三 is in her mid 20s, graduate from a well known university in Singapore with major in accountancy. She’s currently working in a company of car rental business. She had a fiancé which they had gotten BTO and gonna married soon. However she is somehow unsatisfied with her own relationship.

She gets to know a married man from the company she works in, who have a new born baby. She knew he’s a husband and a father, yet chose to develop the relationship into illicit affairs and break up with her fiancé. She is so shameless that she keeps 纠缠 that man and did not want to let go even when that man’s wife called her as well as parents went to look for her to tell her off.

This home-wrecker has successfully breaks the family and causes the innocent baby to grow up in a broken family. Don’t understand how could she being so shameless and insist to be a home-wrecker when she knows the man’s whole family hates her and will never accept her.

Hope their relationship will not ended well.

Here are what netizens think:

• Guess you are the wife and it’s your hubby that entangled himself with that 小三。To me it’s all your hubby fault! Period! He is a married man and he should know how/when to put a STOP but instead he allow it. So this man is worthless to cling on to and you just got to let go and move on.

• I presume you are the betrayed wife. Its normal to have the kind of reactions that you’re having. I’m sorry this happened to you.

• Instead of focusing all your emotional energy on the other woman, look at the man you’ve married or are about to divorce. A home cannot be wreaked by an outsider unless the spouse made the choice to wreak his own home. An affair is not the cause of the failure of the marriage, it is a symptom that there is something wrong in the marriage. It may be something that you aren’t or are aware of.

• If there is no chance to salvage this marriage, please put your baby as main priority. Take care of yourself too. A child needs a happy home and that’s more important than having 2 unhappy parents living together.

• It takes two to clap, so don’t just blame the woman. If the man keeps his pants zipped, noone can force him to take it off, right?

No one wants me and it’s killing me

I’m 26 (F) and I’m lonely. I have reached a point in my life where I yearn for love and companionship but not getting any.

I have dated before and been in one serious relationship which was emotionally and psychologically taxing.

I feel like I’m undesirable because no man wants me, and those who do just want to bed me. I do love myself, my friends and family love me but that doesn’t take away the fact that I wanted to be loved and wanted by someone I can spend my forever with.

I have tried dating sites before, but most of the men i meet there are either looking for something that’s no serious or they say they’re looking for a long term relationship but will make zero effort to know me or blatantly want me to pursue them.

I’m just tired. I just want to be loved and love back. All my friends are either married, engaged or in long term relationships (I don’t wanna compare but seeing them happy makes me realize how much I want that for myself as well). Sorry for venting.

Netizens’ comments

• You are still so young! I promise you that the one for you is coming, just wait. Trust me, and mark my words in 10 years from now one. When i was 29 i found the love of my life. Happy new year!
• But you are only 26. Please don’t think this will never happen. Don’t try and think to hard about it because before you know it, you will find that person.
• One advice don’t compare yourself to your friends that is never good because you will only be punching yourself. I would tell you find a friend group where you have stuff in common things you maybe go to events or maybe out door activites. find new people friends and from there everything else will come. Happy new year and hope everything works out 🙂
• I’m sorry that you feel like this and I know it’s hard. I would honestly say to maybe seek therapy because if it’s a pattern it may have been something in your life that happened. I’m not trying to be mean, but this could help you a lot.