Elder generation

I hate my parents and generally anyone who is born in the 70s and below.

I grew up with 4 siblings and for some reason my parents thinks it’s ok for the older kids to care for the younger ones. And the hell doesn’t end there, all the never ending pleasing and everything is never good enough for them . Expecially growing up and being punished. Ask to explain why we did this, reply : say we are talking back , dont reply : say we are guilty and dont know how to talk, ask what they want us to reply: punishment x2 . Either way we are getting whack .

Every elder thinks that we have no place to talk just because they eaten more “salt” then us or how we are the blessed generations what is there to complain, mental illness is a fake thing etc etc. Now as a full grown adult having my own home my own family and sadly had to make the choice of letting my parents stay with us for a short period of time . My life turned into a living hell, feels like being a teenager again . If I work late, I will get cute messages saying working late again must be nice not going home early . If I drink I will get remarks like how it’s unlady like to drink without your husband or to drink because you’re a mom now . If I work on weekends or go out on weekends I get interrogated and get replies like must be nice not caring about spending time with your family. When in fact I dont want to work and I only meet my friend probably once every couple if months.

If I dont clean up immediately because honestly we all have a hard day at work and sometimes I just want 10mins mindlessly scrolling through FB or something I get very cute messages asking us to clean up as we dont have a maid at home when in fact I do 90% of the cleaning and cooking in the house .

Yes she does help out because she can’t stand the meaning of cleaning it later everything needs to be clean now this instant .

On the brim of packing my bags and leaving my own home or sometimes all I want to do is just let something bad happen to me and I have to be hospitalized, but I love my children too much to do it..

Honestly old people , take a break and stop trying to tell me how last time we can’t get away with this, how if I did this last time my father will throw me out of the house , how I’m lucky because I get to study , how him lucky because I dont have to go through war. Blah blah blah . Each generation have our own problem stop belittling it just because you are not going through it.

So do me a favor SHUT IT!!! IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY JUST DONT SAY IT .

Thanks for listening to me rant .

I have a certain type.

Doesn’t mean that I don’t like other boys but I tend to prefer boys who are my type. At least for now.

Two of the boys I have dated are my type and they had the same looks etc.

And because they were handsome, I tend to put them on a pedestal as well.

But I’m not pretty in any way. 6-7/10 at best. (not my personal rating but my siblings) 7 is personally stretching it imo

The other guys who used to like me and some whom I dated are handsome as well. But I find that the more handsome someone is, the higher likelihood of ghosting.

I have to admit I have ghosted in recent years as well so that may just be karma.

Friends and Family do keep me very fulfilled but I’ve always felt there’s a missing gap somewhere. I know I’m trying to reach the stars at this point but I haven’t had much luck dating in recent years.

And as I progress to the next stage of life, it becomes much tougher to find a suitable mate but I’m thankful I’m still young (mid-20s)

Advice/thoughts?

Here are what netizens think:

• The longer you stay single, your taste in men will likely evolve. Don’t be so fixated on looks and type. You have to be honest with yourself too. What do you have to offer? Are you gf material? Are you wife material? You may run the risk of staying single even longer if you are not sure of your strengths and weaknesses. And that will further decrease your chances of finding a mate.

• Unless you have fixed plans when to settle down, start a family, just enjoy the ride and work on being a better person than you are yesterday. You’re at your prime. This is the best time to travel, see the world and experience life.

• Everyone has their own individual value system. If you feel like your looks are not great enough to compete with other girls for the good looking guys you like, hopefully you have other things to offer and are willing to put in the effort. Some of those good looking guys aren’t just looking for looks.

• Someone can have a 10/10 look but a 1/10 character. You should focus on character more than looks, it’s just temporary. You would rather choose capable partner to have a good future together, or someone with 10/10 looks but cheats with others ? Or have many suitors because of the looks. Prioritise your options

I just gave birth a few months ago and my husband was supposed to be called up for reservist near my due date. He got to defer it since it’s near my due date.

Fast forward today, my husband got called up for reservist again. This time he cant defer it since baby is already born. I’m fine with that.

But what totally pisses both of us off is that we don’t know what his schedule will be like for the next few weeks while he is on reservist. He is one of the main caregivers of my newborn and is very hands on. I need his help as well because baby is quite a handful. If i don’t have his help, I would need to find a nanny on some days & basically plan for the days when he is gone.

He is usually informed of his schedule on day 1 of reservist. Well he reported there in the morning at 930am, did nothing till 3pm to receive a slip of paper with his schedule.. BUT not everything is confirmed. Then he was told that he has to report to another location on Day 3 to confirm the rest of his schedule. So on day 3, he has to go somewhere again just to get another slip of paper. So much public funds spent on upgrading gahmen IT system but even reservist schedule cannot email. Must waste people time on day 1 and day 3.

Oh and btw, day 2 was also spent on cohesion to play bowling which my husband said is a waste of time since he doesn’t know anyone from the batch. They can choose not to participate but they still have to stay throughout the whole thing.

I don’t care if you need to call up my husband for reservist but at least tell us the schedule ahead of time so we can plan for the care of our kid, and dont waste his time by making him wait around hours for a piece of paper.

Gahmen wants us to have kids but even things like reservist schedule cannot do properly. Everything you want mother to do is it? FFS.

Majulah singapura man.

Unpopular Opinion/long rant: i don’t see a point of working extremely hard for the future

I’m a fresh grad in my 20s and i don’t see a point in mindsets like $XXXXXXX by 30/40/50/60 etc. Instead, i am very against of saving money – to the point you live semi-miserable (eg. Wants to hang out with friends but spending quota met/unable to buy things to make you happy on a sad day)

I do save money –

40% goes to savings, 10% goes to investments, 8% goes to my parents (working adults that didn’t even ask for my money) and remaining 42% goes to my expenditure. Honestly i’m not even sure if I’m spending too much, but i think it doesn’t matter because if i have to or want to i will still tap into my savings because i’m not out here to live sadly for a not-guaranteed future. Why not-guaranteed you may ask. Because we may all die, anytime, unexpectedly. And when that happens, what’s the point of working so hard and living so miserably if you can’t even spend the money?

You may think, then what happens if i’m met with an accident and don’t have enough money for treatment? Bold of anyone to assume i’d like to continue living or what happens if I suddenly lose my job? I’m sure that if i see signs of me losing my jobs i’ll quickly find a new one, and ensure i have a back-up plan before it happens.

But all in all, I’ve realised i’m not a passionate person. I do not work extremely extremely hard to get a promotion. But i do do my best at my job, just not go out of the way. And i do admire and feel jealous when i see people being driven passionate about their job/a topic/a hobby. Because i’m not sure when and where, i lost them (passion, extreme will to live, drive and motivation) all.

Maybe its because:

-i’ve had a very depressed and suicidal time during my education period (not those attention seeking kind, but the kind that would actually act on it and has to go for therapy)

-or when my parents slapped the shit out of me when i didn’t want to go Sec 5 for O’s (in the end i did my O’s but it was the most miserable and depressing time of my life because no matter how hard i studied, i didn’t do well.)

-or when my grandma unexpectedly passed on and i (her only grandchild), couldn’t say my last goodbyes

I think these experiences added up and shaped me to just live in the moment. What future? Who knows maybe i’ll get into a car accident after this. And if there’s any family members or loved ones out there keeping me around for my assets if i one day passed, they have bad judgment.

I’ve to admit i’m blessed that my parents has a stable job and a retirement plan. I never had to work for money during my studying period. But sometimes i wish i had it in me to work extremely hard, because passionate people seems so attractive to me.

That’s all i wanted to put out there.

If anyone’s curious about what i tap into my savings for:

-treating my friends during meals (that are unemployed/studying/NS)

-buying my partner something he really liked that is out of his budget (that is something he needs and i think the price and quality is worth)

-lessons for fun (i signed up for sign language class! just like CPR i feel that its a skill that is good to have although you don’t know if you’ll ever use it)

-driving lessons (because i hated seeing my family get mad for not having a grab ride LOL and hated leeching off my relatives during CNY)

To those that a driven, motivated and passionate, i hope you don’t lose that fire in you. But make sure you’re living happily, because what if we all died tonight?

Being a local seller in Singapore and the customers you meet

I am a shopowner running a small business relating to house renovation.

Recently I have met with a customer (a couple) who purchased their electrical fixtures from me. As they have no interior designer( for a condo) ,they requested me to provide them with a contact number of installation company .

As I have been in this line for a couple of years ,I know of an electrician whom I have worked with (we are not partners and I don’t take a single cent from him for introducing his service) , just that I saw it’s a first time owner ,I told them to contact the installation company themselves and check with them on the price themselves as my company doesn’t do installation. (I wouldn’t know the cost of the installation as I do not take a cut from introducing and I just do it out of goodwill)

In the end , there was some extra works to be done and there was extra cost incurred .I replied I’m in no way involved in the installation as I purely only sell the product itself and if they are not comfortable with the extra charges ,they can choose not to use the installer and find someone else.

But they probably find it too troublesome and proceed with the installation. At the end of the installation ,as they have no outlet to vent their frustration,the customer called me and scream at me and message me to inform me they left me a very bad review of my business on google .

Sometimes I feel very baffled and puzzled by the fact that people can make use of our kindness to their advantage. The feeling is like ,you thought u were doing a kind deed to help someone by going out of your way to provide a contact point ,but they blame it on you when there is a charge incurred from them not communicating properly with the installer.

I feel like telling them that if they don’t use an interior designer ,at least make the effort to ask the installator to come up and view your house and give you a proper quotation instead of blaming it on others when things didn’t go their way. And you can’t expect someone to do this work for you as this is your own house.

I feel like after this experience ,I have the fear of helping others again.

Can someone please enlighten me ?

Is there such thing as being “too grateful”?

I was born poor. There’s many points in my life where I go to any dumpster nearby a restaurant just to eat cause most people just love to throw their unfinished food away.

I’d be lucky to eat a piece of unfinished bread from a housing area. Only had 2 pair of apparels and washing it with rain water. I only had shoes when I found someone threw it away. Pretty much, I was homeless.

So anything that’s deemed normal, for me, will always be luxurious. Like buying clothes, buying food to eat, being in a car, etc.

Long story short, I was blessed with an opportunity, and worked my way up.

Years passed, and I moved to Singapore, have a high paying job, with a decent home. I made some friends along the way but..

All of them seems to be ungrateful.

All of them always complained about their food “not being right”, about their clothing doesn’t match their pants and shoes, about not being able to go outside cause it’s raining, about not having good looking accessories for their gadgets, etc.

Is this…a normal thing for everyone? They say that I’m “too grateful”.

They also say to me that with the huge money I earned now I could buy a huge house, but instead I chose to reside in a decent small house. With that money I could buy 2 cars but I choose to walk or use a bicycle instead. They got frustrated that I’m happy when I just cook a simple egg fried rice for myself instead of going to eat at a restaurant. They complained that my simple wardrobe is just my old clothes and most are secondhand clothes and nothing new.

“You don’t seem to demand anything in your life. You must demand all the time or else you’ll never feel happy” they say.

They have no idea what I went through. I don’t think they’ll ever experience it. I may be rich now, but I still look at even the smallest things as luxurious and simply just grateful to have it. Maybe it’s cause I came from nothing.

I don’t need to demand for happiness. I am already happy. But apparently for people around me, I’m not “normal”.

I’m a 29 year old woman.

He and I dated for about eight months. Our relationship was fine. We did things together, we had fun. There weren’t any obvious red flags, but I always got this feeling that he didn’t value me much. At times he seemed a bit cold and acted like he was annoyed with me for no apparent reason.

It all came to a head when, three days ago when we were hanging out at my place, he asked me to hand him the TV remote. I was sitting right next to him on the sofa and was working on my laptop. I reached for the remote without looking and accidentally handed him my phone instead.

I though it was funny after I realized what I had done. I laughed as I handed him the actual remote. He had that same annoyed look on his face. He began yelling at me and called me “a stupid b—h”.

I was stunned. I have NEVER raised my voice at him, or disrespected him in any way. I did not deserve to be treated this way. I told him our relationship was over and asked him to leave. He told me to calm down and stop overreacting.

I simply walked to the front door opened it wide and told him to get out, and never come back. He walked out telling me I was being dramatic.

The very next day I returned the presents he had given me. They meant nothing to me now.

My friends are telling me that I DID overreact and I shouldn’t just end a relationship because he yelled at me once, and have asked me to patch things up. His friends too began harassing me on social media. I blocked them all (HIS friends, not mine).

I’m not going to reach out to him to try to “work things out” as some people have suggested. Because I know that I do not deserve this treatment. I’ve always treated him with respect and I deserve that in return.

I just needed to tell somebody. Thank you for reading.

I (Male 22) fell in love with my gym bro (Male 24). Problem being, I thought I was straight.

This all started a few months ago, I noticed this guy at my gym and I knew something was immediately off. I was like nervous to even look at him, but I decided to get rid of that nervousness and just talk to him.

He was actually really nice and funny and we quickly became buddies. Then about two weeks later my girlfriend broke up with me.

I told him that and we had a heart to heart where he casually came out as gay. But that initial offness that I felt when I first saw him didn’t go away, and I quickly started to piece together that it was the same feeling I get when I look at a really pretty girl.

And over the months it’s been increasingly hard to be near him because he’s just so…gorgeous I guess.

Whenever I go to sleep, I just imagine him there snuggled up to me. I just wanna text him all the time…and I just wanna kiss him so bad.

I guess this is me coming out as bi…I met a beautiful guy at the gym and we became best friends, I love his personality, he makes me laugh nonstop, and ngl he’s mad thick.

I wanna ask him out so bad

I hate my life. I hate my kid. I resent my family. I resent my inlaws. I resent my wife. I hate myself.

I never wanted kids, but was never adamantly against having one. I get married. My wife knows how I feel about kids. When we were engaged – my answer was “maybe one, definitely not more.”

As my friends started having kids, I started leaning heavily against having kids. Some parents had good kids. Some parents had bad kids. Even the easy kids looked like too much work.

Queue my wife’s sister dying. All of a sudden “family” is SUPER important to my wife. I get that.

At this point my answer to kids was still no. My wife bothered me and bothered and bothered me. Eventually I was convinced. The deal was her parents would come live nearby.

I was convinced. I was so dumb. I was told not to worry about all the realities of having a kid and losing my life – because grandma and grandpa are down the block and would be all the parents baby ever needed. Since my wife’s sister died – she was the only hope for grandkids.

My wife and her parents worked me over so good. They convinced me. They made good points. My wife’s parents were in their 50’s and good health – they would be here “beyond the baby phase” and “would have enough energy to keep up with a kid”.

I’m shown enough Disney movies and Kodak moment and am promised that I just have to be a good dad and provider. A 1950’s dad if you will – one where the mom unfairly does all the hard stuff. All the good and no bad? Cool – fine by me.

Well here we are, 11 years later. My kid has “ODD” which is pretty much alphabet soup for your kid being an a-hole and defiant. Nothing else is wrong with them – the diagnosis is literally that they are vindictive and cruel and seek conflict. Not because they can’t communicate or are hypsersensitive to stimuli – but just because.

Guess what? Grandma and grandpa say the kid is “too much”. They haven’t helped for more than a day a month in almost 7 years.

And here I am – home from work to my son spitting on the neighbors to door knob – his reason “get the neighbors sick”. Why does he want them sick? His delivery package got delivered to their house in the morning and they waited until evening to give it to him.

Well in returning to for telling him not to do that, my son peed all over the one box of memorabilia I have from my parents – who both died before I was 20.

I left the house and am sitting in my car. I don’t know if I’m coming back.

And I don’t want advice. This isn’t “lack of discipline” or “bad parenting”. I’ve read every book. I’ve worked shifts 6 days a week for a decade to pay for tens of thousands (probably 100,000’s) of therapy, behaviorists, counseling, classes. You name it.

At the end of the day, it is my fault. I am so spineless. I knew I didn’t want kids. I was convinced, because, well, I’m a jellyfish. And here I am. 45 years old, crying in my car.

My advice to other men and women out there: only have a kid if you 1000% want them. Don’t listen to others when they say they’ll “help”. They’ll help if you have a happy, bubbly easy-going kid. Not if you spawned the devil himself.