What would you do if you discovered that your bf is secretly buying other women’s worn undergarments?

My bf and I have been together for close to 3 years. He treats me very well and he promised that he will marry me in the near future.

However, I caught him buying worn undergarments from other women. Is this normal for guys or is he cheating on me? I love him a lot and I don’t know what to do..

Netizens’ comments

• You can buy my used underwear to spite him.
• Offer him your undergarments.
  Sounds like he’s into that kind of things but he doesn’t know how to tell you about it, so he has to resort to buying stuff from other women.
• Perhaps you can ease into it. Offering him yours for example. And if he is receptive, assure him that you are not pissed/ashamed/mortified by it. Just that you feel disappointed/displeased that he did not share this part of his life with you.
  With that said, if you are genuinely turned off by your discovery, then you will need to re-evaluate your relationship. Because he will not stop. He will just learn to hide stuff better.
• in a relationship it’s all about setting boundaries and following them. ask yourself if you’re comfortable with his actions. if you are, then leave it. if you are not, tell him that you want him to stop as it makes you uncomfortable. if he respects you and decides your relationship is more important than his k!nks, he’ll oblige. if not, he may purchase them secretly so you’ll have to monitor.

Childless and planning for old age

I (38F) have always planned to never have children. Knowing this, I’ve tried to work hard and save money and I want to plan as well as I can for my later years.

My biggest fear is having mental decline and no one available to make good decisions on my care and finances.

I have two siblings I’m close to, but both are older than me (no guarantee they’ll be able to care for me or be around) and no nieces or nephews.

Anyone else in the same boat and have some advice on things I can do now to prepare for that scenario? I know (hope) it’s far in the future but no time like the present.

Side note: I feel like this is going to become a much more common scenario as generations continue to opt out of parenthood.

Netizens’ comments

• A few years ago I heard a radio special about groups of older folks who create their own retirement community. That may become more common. I believe they worked together to have a physical community, but also to pool resources to hire help as well.
• So, after seeing my own dads hospital experience after a decline to brain function… My biggest suggestion is to build yourself a community of close friends of varying ages. Ultimately, what winds up happening is that even if you have all the money in the world it’s the people who genuinely care about you that will make sure you’re cared for.
  Given how many millenials & Gen Z are choosing no kids or only one, in addition to a full healthcare crisis, we can’t just count on there being nurses available to hire when we are old.
• South Korea and Japan are at least a decade ahead of us on this issue. Their fertility rates are well below replacement. Many senior females are banding together and living communally. It seems to work for a lot of them, but obviously there are different advantages and disadvantages. There is room for abuse in every situation. But I think it’s better, on average, than being in a paid care facility if you can handle it for as long as possible.
• I’m in the same exact boat. Shit, even if you have family/kids it’s no guarantee they will be there for you. I’m saving as much as possible for retirement and plan on living abroad when that happens. Hiring a caregiver when the time comes I’ll be ok with and won’t be that expensive. Get all affairs in order with a lawyer.

Is it better to wipe out our CPF when purchasing our first resale flat or keep our CPF to earn interest?

I’m taking out a bank loan with my partner for our first resale HDB house. This alone is going to need a 5% downpayment in cash. I would assume it’s always better to conserve as much cash as I possibly can.

Sometime back, an agent suggested that I don’t wipe out my CPF when purchasing my first flat. Instead, after paying all the necessary down payments and fees through CPF, I should keep my remaining OA balance and let the interest roll. To service the bank loan, I will only pay it with 100% of my monthly CPF contribution along with additional cash depending on my comfort. I can choose not to add any cash at all if I don’t mind it taking longer. After a number of years, when the CPF has accumulated enough to pay off the remaining balance of the loan, I will pay a lump sum from my CPF to the bank to clear off the debt.

The idea behind this is that I ought to let the interest on my CPF funds compound. If I had wiped out my CPF OA, not only do I not benefit from the 2.5% interest in my OA account, I will also have to pay back that interest to CPF when I sell the flat. Therefore, by maintaining my CPF OA, I am technically earning interest that will go toward paying off my debt in the long run.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of it. I recall seeing similar ideas on some YouTube videos. However, by doing so, I will have to take out a significantly larger loan than if I had wiped out my CPF. The total final interest for the debt might easily be 50% or more of the principal in the end should the interest rate remain at the current level or only slightly lower!

I did some very naive calculations, and I couldn’t see how this would work out better unless interest rates go below 1%. But 2023, and maybe 2024, is already looking at 4-5% loan rates. It will take at least 16 years for my CPF to collect enough interest to cover a larger loan, which is a long time for many things to happen. Moreover, after I initiated the lump sum payment from my CPF to the bank, wouldn’t I start incurring interest with CPF that I will still have to pay back when I sell the flat? I’m not sure whether I’m missing something here.

Is this really a good idea in today’s market? Has anyone accomplished something similar? What should I think about?

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My ex divorced me and now wants to be together again after 4 years

I’m 46f, and my ex-husband is 45. We were married at 26. Right before we got married, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter who’s now 21 years old. I loved both of them dearly, and we’ve been a happy family for about 16 years before everything went down.

Our only problem was my ex’s mother. She always had a strong dislike for me. She never thought I was good enough for her baby boy. We had many fights, and my ex cut contact with her after the wedding when she tried wearing white to it.

We had many encounters with her years after that. Sending us gifts for my daughter and purposely trying to get us to contact her again to seeing her outside our house.

4 years ago, I got home from work to see my ex and his mom together on the couch. My ex was on the verge of tears, yelling and calling me a cheater. I tried to explain I didn’t, but his mother supposedly had proof. Saying she saw me with another man out in a restaurant together.

I’m very faithful and loyal, but he refused to hear me out. We got into a big argument before he packed up and left to stay with his mother. When my daughter got home from a friend’s house, she too started to blame me when she found out from her dad. She went to live with her dad while he sent out divorce papers.

It took about a year before it was finalized. He got custody of her, and I was granted visitation rights, but she never wanted to see me.

It took a long time to move on. I sought therapy and fell into a huge depression. I knew my ex’s mother made it up to tear us apart. I can’t believe he listened to her so carelessly. I don’t blame my daughter, but it still hurts.

I moved out of to allow my ex and my daughter to live there. I moved to a small home. It’s been 4 years, and I started to finally be happy again. I made new friends. We had so much fun and I got a promotion at work. I still missed my family. My daughter, but I couldn’t do anything about it.

My two days ago, my daughter called me. It’s been 4 years since I’ve last seen or heard from her. She said that my ex’s mother admitted to lying. She said that my ex got a new girlfriend and his mother was furious, claiming he shouldn’t have one after all the trouble she did to get rid of me. They got into a heated fight before he kicked his mom out. I nearly wanted to cry. I thought she would never admit it, and now I’m hearing my daughter. She asked to meet up and apologized so many times. I told her we could meet tomorrow.

Yesterday, I met her at a restaurant, but she brought along my ex. Something she never mentioned, nor have I agreed upon. He was apologizing, saying how much he missed me and that he dumped his girlfriend. He wanted us to be together again. I excused myself and left them there. I got back home to lots of phone calls from my daughter and text messages from her. She wanted us to talk, and she called me an a-hole for leaving. I told her I wasn’t comfortable and that she needed to understand. I had to mute my phone and put it down for a bit.

I haven’t responded yet, and I’m not sure what to do. I love her, but I can’t talk to her with him there. Not yet anyways. It feels so fast. I wanted to do it one on one. I’m deeply hurt and crying as I’m typing this. I don’t know what to do.

My dad accidently found out Im the bottom of my relationship and is now distant a weird

I (19m) came out to my parents when I was 16. My parents were very supportive and made sure I knew that they still loved me and that I have their support.

I recently decided to introduce my boyfriend (22m) of a year to them, so we organised a dinner.

Once they met him they seemed a bit surprised. I pass as straight and I think they thought that I would be the more masculine one in a relationship and would date someone more fem, they probably also have the notion in their head that straight passing people couldn’t possibly be a bottom .

So I think they were quite surprised I brought home the masculine behemoth that is my boyfriend lol.

The visit was awkward and uncomfortable so understandably my boyfriend was nervous and in that nervousness, when my dad asked “how do you take your steak” my bf made a nervous joke and said “I dont take it, he does” while pointing to me and laughing nervously.

After that they definitely figured it out if they hadn’t already.

Ever since then my dad has been kind of distant and a bit weird. All i get are a few words out of him if i try and talk to him. Maybe im just imagining that this is the reason but i cant help but think it is since it all started after that. Idk what to do or how to feel. I thought i had my dads support but im second guessing that now.