His dish washing skills are a genuine concern to me.

My (22F) husband (22M) sucks at cleaning. I’m just going to flat out say it. If he’s sweeping he misses half the room and doesn’t get the corners. If he’s doing laundry you’re lucky if your clothes are folded neatly before getting shoved in the drawer. But it’s the dishes that really get to me. He doesn’t clean the bottom of the dish, the handles of the utensils and cutlery, the bottom corners/books of mugs and cups, etc. and it is genuinely a safety concern. If I wash my hands before dinner then pick up a dirty utensil handle that literally defeats the purpose. Or when we stack the plates and all the dirty bottoms are touching the clean tops, that defeats the purpose too.

I usually do the dishes because I like the standard that I have. I accept that if I want things done my way then I have to be the one to do them. I do the dishes, the laundry, the scrubbing, the cat litter, the tidying and organizing, the sweeping, the mopping, everything except the garbage. I accept that and usually I am okay with that! Although in the odd time I need help with a task if I’m busy or overwhelmed I ask him to help out and he has no issues doing so. But then it’s legit a safety concern yet again.

No matter how many times I ask him to make sure he does the dishes properly, giving him examples of things to change and how while making sure i’m not babying him or backseat driving, he never seems to improve. I think I have told him like 10 times “please don’t put the non-stick pans upside down on the clean dishes, the dishes are now greasy and need to be rewashed” and yet as I am writing this there is a pot upside down on top of the dishes…

Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I should change to encourage him to build his cleaning skills? Is he doing this on purpose or just out of unintentional ignorance? All I want is to have a helping hand around that actually helps, because right now I need to redo most of the dishes…

Before anyone attacks my marriage, this is a roomate issue, not a marriage issue. There is a difference so please remain respectful for my husband and our marriage.

I just broke up with my bf a month ago and I think the issues can be resolved if we just talk to each other properly.

I have not talked to him in a while and wondered if I should reach out and be friends first to see if we can/should get back tgt.

Any opinions abt this? Are there stories where couples break up and get back tgt and have a stronger relationship?

Here are what netizens think:

No problem. Tell him clearly that it was a misunderstanding and you still feel for him. But be ready to accept his refusal, just in case he doesn’t want to mingle again or he already got someone.

So your plan is to trick him to thinking it’s ok to be friends before you decide if both of you can be together again? Instead of coming up with a deceitful plan to win him back, best you come clean and talk to him about your intent. I rarely see people coming back together again this way. Usually they break up again. If not compatible from the start, its unlikely to work the 2nd time round even more so especially when you’re still young. Better to take it as a lesson, learn from it and move on.

Why limit your option to him?… The ocean is so big. Use your lesson learnt and find your better half.

Checkout how’s his current condition before reaching out. If he’s single or alr dating around. If he’s happier without u. If so, move on. Did u initiate the breakup or him? If it’s him who initiated n he did not contact u at all, the chances of reconciliation is low. When u reach out, be prepared for the coldness or no response which can hit your more painful. N even if he get back to u, u will prob just be an option while he’s looking for someone better.

It’s all about both parties wanting to work things out or not. To grow together, only understanding each other more, is to work things out and learn from each other.

I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don’t know if I have the right to ask her to take me back

My wife and I separated a year and a half ago. Before that we were together for 15 years. 15 happy years. We have two daughters together. 14 and 12. The last two years of our marriage I thought that we have achieved all that we could achieve. Nothing changed and we knew each other by heart. The pandemic years were hard on me mentally being stuck at home 24/7.

When I went back to the office after two years, I thought my change of humor to the positive was because I wasn’t with her, instead of the fact that I could actually get out again. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Ana is free and happy. Social and high spirited. She took the office by storm. She was the opposite of my shy and calm wife. I remember when I first met my wife. I was the one who asked her out, and first two years into our relationship she confessed to me that she had liked me for at least a year before I asked her out. With Ana, she was honest and verbal about how she had a crush on me. Like an open book. She proposed to me. I told her that I was married and she said that we only lived once and that she just wanted to tell me how she felt no matter if I reciprocated or not. I felt strongly for her. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her.

She asked me if there was someone else and I said yes. That was enough for her not to try to dissuade me. I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn’t want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. I thought that I was going to be over the moon now but something that was missing even when I felt happy. I thought it was me missing my children and my home. I was used to be with my daughters every day and now I see them only half the time. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. I thought it was the disappointment in their eyes that disturbed my sleep at night. My wife was my rock even in separation. She made sure that the girls didn’t refuse to see me. She kept my image whole and always spoke to them about how I loved them and how good father of a father I was. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity.

Ana had surprised me with a trip overseas because I was feeling down that this would be the first time I wouldn’t celebrate with my daughters who chose their mother. Ana always understood that my blueness was because I missed my girls all the time and she tried everything to cheer me up. The night before I we took our trip I dropped by my wife to leave my daughters presents. My wife opened the door and she just looked so serene.

I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. I caught a whiff of her smell and that was when it all hit me. I did miss my children and my home and my stability but most of all I just missed my wife. I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and most of all her smell when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays when we could sleep in. I knew that I never really stopped loving her. She wasn’t the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. I have always missed her. I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again. Every time my wife face is the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning and looked at the person next to me. And every time Ana kissed me and I closed my eyes to try and imagine my wife’s smell I pushed these thoughts away because I thought of how miserable my life had been these pandemic years.

My wife was putting up the Christmas tree and I asked her if I could stay for a beer and she said yes. I started crying in our kitchen and when she asked I told her that I was missing the girls and how strange it was not to celebrate with them. She comforted me and told me that everything will be okay and to have a nice trip. Change is never easy even if we wanted it.

Now another Christmas is approaching. Ana has booked a new adventure for Christmas and I didn’t even protest. For the last year, picking the children up or dropping them off has been what I look forward to just to see my wife’s face. I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don’t want to disturb her healing when she’s come so far. I love her like I never loved her before but I dont deserve a moment more of her life after what I did.

Husband refuses to wake up; baby and alarm issues

My husband is a deep sleeper, he could honestly sleep through a tornado. Meanwhile, I could wake up from our eldest shuffling around in her bed. So, very light.

Husband is back to the 9 to 5 job. We have 3 kids, I’m a SAHM. 10, 2, and 5 months. The 5 month old still sleeps in our room and wakes up 1-2 times a night. The 2 year old is transitioning to a toddler bed and is waking up several times a night as well.

Husband has 5 alarms set that he sleeps through. He always wakes up at 715, but they start at 645. They are the loud beeping kind. We’ve tried lights, the vibrating ones.

The only thing that seems to wake him up is me kicking, shoving, or whisper yelling at him. He’ll turn it off and go right back to bed until 715.

I’m so tired of it. He won’t get rid of the alarms, apparently he “feels like he gets to sleep in” if he gets to snooze, and it “gradually wakes him up instead of having to get up instantly.”

But they don’t wake him up, they wake me and the baby! We’ve slept separately before, but he always wants back in bed, because it “isn’t fair that you get a king bed all to yourself”.

He is also putting up a stink about helping with the kids at night lately. He says he doesn’t remember in the morning, but he can say some rude stuff in his sleep.

His sleep is important, he’s too tired, I’m already up kind of things. Last night I was up with the kids off and on all night and when the baby woke up at 630 for a bottle, I asked him to help feed him.

He whined that he’s so tired and he barely ever gets any sleep and why should he have to get up early (he fell asleep at midnight after plowing).

I’m just annoyed. I get way less sleep than him, I’m with the kids 24/7, I take care of them and the house, I bring the kids to and from school and speech therapy, I’m tired too!

Just because I don’t bring in money doesn’t mean what I do isn’t work. I try not to ask for a lot, but I don’t get to clock out, the kids don’t nap together so I’ve never gotten to lounge around.

Will NUS move to being less exam-oriented and more focused on learning?

Almost four years done with the degree, I realized how unhappy I have been throughout this period of time. I go in module that I have an interest in, built up a passion for it and enjoy learning the content. Over time, just the sheer information shoved in your face, cramming for exams, competing with peers for even the slightest edge, kills that passion almost entirely. Every new semester, it’s just the same cycle but the difficulty rises.

What hits me the most is I actually enjoyed learning the modules. I had friends advising me to take the ‘easy to score’ modules. I had friends advising me to take the modules with them and score high on peer review. I still chose the modules I had an interest in and it was oftentimes alone.

I know this was my decision but after so long, I wonder if I should have made a different decision. I am grateful for the friends I made, the mentors I gained and the unique experiences I have had in NUS these four years but why do I still feel so conflicted inside?

Here are what netizens think:

• What else do you expect ? Sg education system is exam oriented, regardless of which level you are in. Lectures, tutorials, assignments are all teaching u the stuff u have to know in order to ace the exam.

• I remember going for the modules that I really wanted to try, even when I have to go without my friends. My CAP was affected but I have no regrets.. Really!

• Most employers will assess you on what kind of degree you attained. So NUS or most universities will have exams.

• You will have to wait for a better world where they assess you based on your character and not your grades, but we don’t live in such a world, yet.

• Even the most serious civil service basically goes the “easy” way of using grades to parachute scholars all over the place. That won’t work in the private sector, but who cares? Be at peace with your path.

• So, Most of us wont decide on a career until we are in our early 30s. U sounded like u like the stuff u studied, so much so that u r willing to deviate from your friends’ choices. I think that is a good thing. But if it brings issues socially like u describe, then it is then your decision on how to make things better. Thinking abt that 4 yrs is not going to help, just like some thinking abt their ex-bf/gf.

I want to break up with my amazing girlfriend because her 2 children hate my guts despite her being a great match for me

About 7months ago, I (32M) met my girlfriend (35F) through mutual friends of ours. We started off dating casually and we quickly realized that we were a great match for each other. The only big concern I had was that she had 2 children (11F and 13M) from her previous marriage and that I would be expected to be financially responsible for them in the future if we continued. When I brought this up to her, she told me that she would never ask me to support her financially when it comes to her kids and that she would be ok with having a prenup if we ever ended up getting married.

I was raised by my stepmother myself so I didn’t want to be a hypocrite about this and give her an honest chance. For the first five months, I didn’t meet her children. These 5 months dating were great and she showed me how much of a loving and caring person she was. We loved spending time together, going out together and she always loved showing off her cooking skills by making me dinner every time we got together at my house. She also always helped cleaning when she would stay at mine and respected my boundaries. So all in all, she seemed like a great partner to build a future with together.

But that all changed when I met her children 5 months into dating her. From the first moment I met them, her children didn’t hide the fact that they despised me. My gf told me that this would quickly change because I’m the first person she has been with since her divorce 4 years ago. She told that she would talk to them about me and that they just needed to get used to me and to just give it some time.

But that was completely not what happened. Every time I would come over to her apartment I would get cussed out by her son. Her daughter wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence when I came around. This would often lead to fights between her and her children to the point I sometimes just left. This has been going on for the past 2 months and this has definitely taken a toll on our relationship to the point that I am realizing that this isn’t the right relationship for me. Because the last thing I want to do, is spend the rest of my life with my partner and constantly have her children around who despise me and would ruin my peace. I have tried to be friendly with her kids but that has only lead to misery.

I definitely don’t blame anything on her or her kids but I can’t go on like this. I feel like I have given the relationship an honest chance and it just didn’t work out. I don’t regret dating her at all because I have definitely had my fun with her, we just can’t make it work with the whole package so it’s better to go our seperate ways.

I just feel enourmous guilt towards my gf because she never really did anything wrong and she doesn’t deserve this. I want to make this break up as clean as possible and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. How do you guy think I should approach the break up with her without hurting her?

And for the people who are going to tell me that I should’ve never dated her because I can’t take on the whole package. You are right and that’s why I’m never going to date a woman with chidlren again in the future.