Will NUS move to being less exam-oriented and more focused on learning?

Almost four years done with the degree, I realized how unhappy I have been throughout this period of time. I go in module that I have an interest in, built up a passion for it and enjoy learning the content. Over time, just the sheer information shoved in your face, cramming for exams, competing with peers for even the slightest edge, kills that passion almost entirely. Every new semester, it’s just the same cycle but the difficulty rises.

What hits me the most is I actually enjoyed learning the modules. I had friends advising me to take the ‘easy to score’ modules. I had friends advising me to take the modules with them and score high on peer review. I still chose the modules I had an interest in and it was oftentimes alone.

I know this was my decision but after so long, I wonder if I should have made a different decision. I am grateful for the friends I made, the mentors I gained and the unique experiences I have had in NUS these four years but why do I still feel so conflicted inside?

Here are what netizens think:

• What else do you expect ? Sg education system is exam oriented, regardless of which level you are in. Lectures, tutorials, assignments are all teaching u the stuff u have to know in order to ace the exam.

• I remember going for the modules that I really wanted to try, even when I have to go without my friends. My CAP was affected but I have no regrets.. Really!

• Most employers will assess you on what kind of degree you attained. So NUS or most universities will have exams.

• You will have to wait for a better world where they assess you based on your character and not your grades, but we don’t live in such a world, yet.

• Even the most serious civil service basically goes the “easy” way of using grades to parachute scholars all over the place. That won’t work in the private sector, but who cares? Be at peace with your path.

• So, Most of us wont decide on a career until we are in our early 30s. U sounded like u like the stuff u studied, so much so that u r willing to deviate from your friends’ choices. I think that is a good thing. But if it brings issues socially like u describe, then it is then your decision on how to make things better. Thinking abt that 4 yrs is not going to help, just like some thinking abt their ex-bf/gf.

I want to break up with my amazing girlfriend because her 2 children hate my guts despite her being a great match for me

About 7months ago, I (32M) met my girlfriend (35F) through mutual friends of ours. We started off dating casually and we quickly realized that we were a great match for each other. The only big concern I had was that she had 2 children (11F and 13M) from her previous marriage and that I would be expected to be financially responsible for them in the future if we continued. When I brought this up to her, she told me that she would never ask me to support her financially when it comes to her kids and that she would be ok with having a prenup if we ever ended up getting married.

I was raised by my stepmother myself so I didn’t want to be a hypocrite about this and give her an honest chance. For the first five months, I didn’t meet her children. These 5 months dating were great and she showed me how much of a loving and caring person she was. We loved spending time together, going out together and she always loved showing off her cooking skills by making me dinner every time we got together at my house. She also always helped cleaning when she would stay at mine and respected my boundaries. So all in all, she seemed like a great partner to build a future with together.

But that all changed when I met her children 5 months into dating her. From the first moment I met them, her children didn’t hide the fact that they despised me. My gf told me that this would quickly change because I’m the first person she has been with since her divorce 4 years ago. She told that she would talk to them about me and that they just needed to get used to me and to just give it some time.

But that was completely not what happened. Every time I would come over to her apartment I would get cussed out by her son. Her daughter wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence when I came around. This would often lead to fights between her and her children to the point I sometimes just left. This has been going on for the past 2 months and this has definitely taken a toll on our relationship to the point that I am realizing that this isn’t the right relationship for me. Because the last thing I want to do, is spend the rest of my life with my partner and constantly have her children around who despise me and would ruin my peace. I have tried to be friendly with her kids but that has only lead to misery.

I definitely don’t blame anything on her or her kids but I can’t go on like this. I feel like I have given the relationship an honest chance and it just didn’t work out. I don’t regret dating her at all because I have definitely had my fun with her, we just can’t make it work with the whole package so it’s better to go our seperate ways.

I just feel enourmous guilt towards my gf because she never really did anything wrong and she doesn’t deserve this. I want to make this break up as clean as possible and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. How do you guy think I should approach the break up with her without hurting her?

And for the people who are going to tell me that I should’ve never dated her because I can’t take on the whole package. You are right and that’s why I’m never going to date a woman with chidlren again in the future.

Yesterday I (30M) showered for the first time since my gf dumped me 26 days ago for her boss. Today i did it again and I also shaved.

My next step is to stop living like a hermit. I’m sharing cause I’m ashamed to tell my friends and also I feel like none of them care

Netizens’ comments

• Well done, that’s a big step and I know that it would have taken a lot of effort! I’m sure your friends care more than you think, they just might not know how to approach it with you.
• (OP) Thank you so much man! I really wasn’t expecting any answers, i was just venting as I’ve barely interacted with any humans since i got here.
  Regarding my friends, I’m a pretty rational fellow I think, I don’t mean to be all sorry for myself. It’s just that half my friends are smoke buddies, which are mostly never real friends in my experience, and then my childhood friend group are super judgemental regarding my lifestyle (weed, mainly) but also i don’t feel really close with any of them, so I’m not sure bringing up that I’m super addicted to weed games and haven’t showered in so long is going to work.
  I guess I’m kind of proud, and believe in myself for getting out of these things, so I’ve always been wary of reaching out (which I guess has made me get to this situation with friends).
• I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Don’t want to shower? Do it poorly. Don’t want to shave / brush your teeth / make a meal? Do it poorly. I’m proud of you just doing something. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but this random internet stranger does care. My inbox is open if you need it. Keep fighting the good fight because you’re worth it.
• Good for you dude. Having someone you care about ripped away in such a manner always makes you question what you could have done differently and the only real answer is. Nothing. The real question you gotta ask is “what are you gonna do differently now? The answer to that should be “everything” you gotta take this time to properly figure out who you want to be and begin to build that person. It may honestly take years but in the end if you can positively pursue it you will turn round and realise you were Always to good for that person anyway. Make sure to never ever take her back.

My boyfriend in Meta got layoff.

I was promised a great future with him when he secured a job at Meta at SV. We were in talks about whether I should join him in California and live the American dream.

However, all of this came to a halt when he phoned me last night saying that he’s one of the 11% that got laid off. A part of me died. He told me that he’ll look for another job in the states so that we can resume our plan.

Given the current economy, I doubt that is possible and I suggested him to return to SG which he outright refuses. He claimed that SG is not as prestigious as SV in terms of tech which I beg to differ as beggars can’t be chooser. I’m at my wits end now and I’m unsure of what to do.

He’s childish and immature. The only things he loves to talk about is tech stuff which I find unromantic and boring. He stan Muck Zuckerberg & the meta-verse so much that I find him delusional. I am contemplating on moving on from this relationship and finding someone who’s more realistic.

Call me a good digger if you want but I can no longer see how the relationship can survive just like how I’m misled by him into thinking that terra luna would survive.

Here are what netizens think:

• Yes for goodness sake, please leave him. He doesnt need a partner who gives him a kick when he is already in the rut. So when he was still employed, the tech talk was not unromantic? Now that he is unemployed, it became unbearable that you have to make a run for it? Then please do. Spare this poor boy and please do not look back because he is certainly going to find someone better for him out there. Someone who will support him during his downs.

• If you can’t accept someone at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best. Girl, don’t depend on someone else for your own future and happiness. You will be sorely disappointed no matter who you are with.

• Looks like him losing his job is his loss and losing you is his gain. You shouldn’t leave him at this critical moment when he needs support the most. Eat, drink and be merry who donno how to do together …like most ppl have commented , you don’t deserve him at his best (when he recovers) and by the way you”ll also have your turn to be down and your share of bad luck in life too. The only thing that kept you there was “his job and the future he promised you “what about love and commitment? Sad case. Change face like weather change , so fast.

• Apparently you’re not able to understand his language. Sticking to him will only bring unhappiness to both of you in the long term. So for your peace & also his, please RUN.

22 years old & first job. First month in i had nothing to do despite asking if there’s anything I could help. Bad start. Then they dumped a huge load of tasks on me with no guidance or anything.

I was supposed to ask around but theres only so much i could ask as they’re all busy.

With the deadline coming, more tasks gets dumped on me n when i ask for help they push me around telling me to ask someone “better”. Fast forward now, i have 2 months worth of backlogs.

My tipping point was when tasked to complete a stack of cases incomplete by officers a year ago. I barely have 3 months of knowledge n tasked to complete it in a week.

To make things worse the seniors were struggling so what about me. I talked to my boss about it, verge of redness all over my face, & she just smiled n told me to complete it despite me telling her i cant because its a year old task & i have 0 knowledge of anything.

I tried n kept on asking around but everyones struggling. I felt helpless i couldnt sleep & wake up with anxiety for 2 weeks.

I realy dont know what to do. If I quit, i can get away from this but when i do what if my next job has the same work environment? My minds a mess. Idk if talking to my boss will even make a difference.

I’m obsessed with my boyfriend’s wife.
To start off, they are separated. This isn’t a cheating story. I (F25) met him (M37) a year after the breakup. The divorce is just taking a while to complete.

I tend to ask a lot of ‘invasive’ questions on first dates, so I learned a lot about my BF and his wife’s relationship on that first night — what their love was like, what their fights were like etc — I was so curious for some reason. Me and him ended up hitting it off really well that night and I’ve spent most weekends at his place since.

I usually never pry into peoples’ privacy because I’m very comfortable with being direct — if I wanna know, I’ll just ask. But once I started ‘snooping’ I couldn’t stop.

Once while he was at work, I saw a stack of old photos and documents shoved into a corner and I was completely taken over by my curiosities. I immediately recognized it as the ‘memories with the ex’ stack. I spent ages looking at old photos of the two of them and leaned that his current flat is the flat they had together. The bed I sleep in with him is the bed they used to share. This put a feeling in me I haven’t had before. Not like ‘the other woman’ type of thing, but like I felt her absence in this house, and I missed her(????). I thought she was beautiful, and looked a bit like me (also found out my BF has a type lol). I carefully rearranged the stack just how I’d found it and felt so guilty afterwards.

But…

Another time I was over, the feeling came over me again and I read some notes she’d been leaving in the mailbox. They were mostly just small notes, practical stuff for the divorce. Some were a little more personal. It seems as though she still loves him, and it makes me feel connected to her somehow. I also like how she writes, it seems she’s poetic even with banal stuff.

I started thinking about her often. I found her instagram and I secretly browse it sometimes. I have no fkn clue why I do this and it makes me feel creepy. I sweat like a kid doing something I know I’m not allowed to do.

She still lives in our city, so sometimes I fantasize that we’ll be on the same bus or that I’ll see her crossing the street. Weird shit.

I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest for a long time, but every time I attempt to share it with friends I hear how insane I sound, and I backtrack to say it’s just a jealousy thing — but I know it’s not. I’m not sure what it is.

Yesterday I met a man my age (in his 50s), and during the group activity we did together we talked a bit, and I overheard him talk with other people. I came to know that his girlfriend of 3 years had broken up with him a couple of weeks before.

My fiancé’s family treat me like an outsider and it drives me mad

I have been with my fiancé for 8 years, he himself is absolutely amazing very caring and makes me feel loved. But his family has always made me feel unwanted and its not just in my head as they have said it to my face before.

I’m never invited to any family events even when they want my fiancé to attend, but always want to know everything that goes on in mine and my fiancé’s life they want me to include them in everything or they start guilt tripping him.

My family on the other hand have welcomed my fiancé from the first day they met him and he has said he’s never felt loved and welcomed by anyone the way they make him feel.

He has told me that he hates how his family treats me but he never does anything about it, he still has to attend all his family events without me.

And as silly as it sounds even the WhatsApp family group I was excluded from even though my fiancé’s brother has included his girl in it (who has only been with him for a couple of years).

My family immediately added him to our groupchat to make sure he’s included in all our plans, holidays, events etc.

Anytime I say I want to treat his family the way they treat me he gets sad about it and start telling me thats his family and all that crap.

I feel like I will always have to compromise on my side and just deal with their crap.

Any advice on what I should do? Is it petty that I don’t want to include them in my life?