I refuse to loan my GF money unless she signs a contract and I keep an itemized list of what she owes me

My GF (24F) and I (25M) have been together for almost 5 years. I work for a firm and earn a nice salary. She works as a server and sells art she makes online and at some art fairs. She’s sick and tired of being a server and has been thinking of going back to school. I’ve suggested she look into coding bootcamps.

She found one that is very reputable and has a great track record, but it’s pretty spendy. She already has student loans and since her income to debt ratio is not good and she has a low credit score, she hasn’t been able to find a place that will give her another loan without extortionate interest rates. I suggested asking family for a loan, but she does not have a good relationship with her family.

After exhausting all her options, she came to me. When she asked me, I could tell she felt terrible about it. We ran some numbers and she would need about $15-20K for the coding class. It’s a 9-month program with about 30-40 hours a week. So she would have to cut back her hours considerably from the 40-45 she’s currently working. She plans to work 15-20 hours a week to still earn some income.

She has just over $5K in savings. She asked if I would be willing to help her pay for the rest of her program and for me to help cover more of the expenses because she won’t be earning as much. I told her the only way I would feel comfortable giving her that amount of money would be if she signed a contract and we kept an itemized list of all the extra expenses I am taking on so that we can work out a payment plan when she starts earning more money again. I am NOT adding interest onto anything.

She got mad at me because she feels like I am not trusting her. But I’m just trying to protect a sizeable investment. She is also mad that I will be keeping track of every additional cost I am taking on and expecting her to pay me back. She thinks I should just be willing to pay more and to think of it as an investment in our future together since her getting a better job will benefit us both. She’s OK with paying back the cost of her program, but not the additional costs I will be paying because she’s earning less.

I told her this is a much better deal than she would get from anyone else, but if she wants to keep looking for different options or take a loan with a super high interest rate, she’s free to do that as well. She feels like I’m trying to make a profit off of her trying to better herself. But honestly, I’m just thinking about breaking even.

We’ve talked about getting married, but we aren’t even engaged yet. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but life happens and who knows for sure. I’m just trying to protect myself, but she’s taking this idea as a personal attack on her trustworthiness.

Adult world is all about self consciousness and alot of tolerance is needed. I didn’t knew what’s coming and i wasn’t prepared for this considering how my social skills is lacking since school days.

You don’t just walk up to someone make friends or talk to strangers like that. This isn’t school. Finding a trustable/reliable friend nowadays is luck based and getting a partner is a lottery draw for and BTO applications is another lottery.

I’m not a expert by all means and it’s just personal anecdote about it. I hope it’s practical and i just want share my thoughts in this post. This post is dedicated to anyone/myself who feels emotionally/mentally overwhelmed at any point.

I’m a 26 y/o guy, socially introverted and suffered from anxiety issues/eating disorders/insomnia before.

I stepped out of the adulthood, got a job and realised that it is just drama everyday. I’m exhausted while still learning how to cope being independant and self reliant comfortably.

Till now, I learned through awkwardness and alot of mistakes and trials so my suggestion is to all first is to be comfortable alone first as it will lead up to too much pressure in social interactions and often lead to co-dependancy. You may end up settling for toxic relationships with people who are happy to exploit your need for companionship.

I have several meetup buddies for workout and I hope to find other interests but I hope everyone has a community and a scene particular to your set of interest. Be okay with falling and picking yourself back up again. You can only acquire this skill by doing.

I learnt through observations is that reciprocally is what it matters and having ability to listen without waiting for your chance to talk about yourself is more important. I make sure that every person i’m talking to feels heard, consequential and important. In short, don’t treat everyone else as side characters in a story that’s all about you.

These claims are definitely not applicable to everyone. Exceptions do exist. I wish that making genuine friends was easier that’s all.

There are some who married for money while some for love and others for convenience.

A local woman who always wanted to marry a rich man got divorced for a second time as she wanted other things in life after getting the money from the old man.

Here is the story:

I am getting a divorce due to the lack of bedroom activities with my husband. I am 35 and he is 55.

When we got married 5 years ago, he was still active in bed and he could do “his job”. But recently, nothing happens in bed and S is practically non-existent.

He always said his tired or either tries to do it but couldn’t get it up.

I know a lot of people will judge me as I married a rich old man, and this is my second divorce. When I got divorced the first time, I told my husband I married for his money and it completely destroyed him and he filed for a divorce.

I kind of regret saying those words to my 1st husband as he was young and rich.

I used to work as an air stewardess and after I married my 2nd husband he told me to quit as he does not want me flying everywhere.

But if I divorce my husband, I will be jobless now. What should I do?

Is it wrong to marry for what I want instead of what society judges?

Better to buy a house or stay at current rental place where there’s no stress?

Hi guys, just wanted to see what others think is a wiser decision for us. We currently live in a rental flat by the government at a very convenient place for us where we were able to live stress free for years and felt blessed to be living here.

My mom is a single parent and she felt that it’s better for us to have a proper home that could be considered as an asset to feel more secure I guess. However the houses she can afford is all very inconvenient for us, like having straight buses to school or work, getting groceries, lack of convenience store that opens till late night. Amenities are quite important to us especially since we usually buying things after 9pm, the time when we come home. Having said that we never stress about rushing home to catch the last public transport or run to the store before it closes as we usually have multiple options to back us up.

Moving out of our current place will only open up unnecessary problems and stress that didn’t exist before instead of resolving any problems we currently face which is nothing.

However my mom keeps bringing up the point that prices are increasing and it’s fundamental if stay in a house that we actually own. I know it will be a bad decision for us to move because we used to live in Tampines before, my mom would always share with me how she struggled with the place during her pregnancy because of the inconvenience and lack of stores opening after 9pm when something is needed at that time.

I’m very sure as she ages, the convenience we have right now will be more important than having her own home for her to live happily without any struggles. I also do not want to move towards that direction again as I too will be growing older as time comes by.

Please kindly share your thoughts. Thank you

Netizens’ comments

• I think you’d find that amenities in most neighbourhoods have greatly improved since the time your mom was pregnant with you. Most NTUCs are now open until 10/11pm (if not 24 hours), and many coffeeshops are open late so you can always get late night food. And of course public transport has improved very much, especially if you live near a MRT station.
• You mentioned government rental, so I would guess it’s actually a very affordable rate? From what residents shared with me when I was doing house visits last time, government rental flat would be less than $200 per month. It’s highly unlikely that the monthly mortgage for a flat you own can be as competitive. Will you be expected to help contribute to the housing loan?
  The main gripes from most residents living in rental is actually the space and environment. It can be quite dirty, with inconsiderate neighbours, etc. For the rentals I’ve seen, the bed is in the living room, there’s no actual bedroom, so it’s usually not a great place for children. But you actually seem pretty satisfied with the rental situation.
  How old are you now? How old is your mum? You mention that your mum is a single parent. If she buys a flat, will you be locked in as an essential occupier? It might hinder your future plans.

My mother took away my inheritance, what do I do?

I have poor relationship with my mother. When I was six, she whipped me with a leather belt till my arms and legs were bleeding.

There were also multiple occasions when she scolded me jinx and asked me to die (during my primary school days). This was because she was unhappy in her marriage and she hated me for being born. She has never done any of these to my younger brother and she treated him better.

When I grew up, I realized she stopped doing these acts. However, I believed it was due to her realizing that I had a bright future. I am sick of this family and desperate to leave once I graduate from the university.

Since my parents were not in good relationship, my father did not nominate my mother as his CPF beneficiary. Instead, he nominated my brother and I to be his CPF beneficiaries.

Even though my mother did not receive the CPF fund, she still managed to get some compensations from my father’s insurance (sudden death).

When my father passed away, I was 18 years old. I received the money, my mother immediately brought me to the bank. She wanted me to open a joint account with her and transfer all the inherited money to that account; she made me top up 3k as well (from my savings).

After that, she took the card. I once came across the account balance and I realized that she had been using the money (around 7k++).

That was one occasion when I saw that she bought a Guess bag pack and Coach handbag (my fam is not well to do). Moreover, she has been spending money on beer and vape etc.

I wanted to ask her to return me the inheritance, but what do I do if she refuses? I am worried that she will use those money on my brother’s tertiary education instead. I had scholarship to cover my university fees currently, but I am not sure if that will continue in the future. I need advice. Please help.