How to manage old age parents wanting to move in with us?

Hi all, would like gain an understanding from the readers here, for those with old age parents in their 70-80s, are they living in their own place or are they living with you? If they are living with you, are your spouse and kids ok with it?

My spouse and I have 2 kids, recently my parents suggested to move in with us as they are getting older and require more care. The thing is, we are both working in office 5 days a week and the only time we will be present at home will be when we return home from work.

Wondering how majority of you handle this? As my spouse has mentioned that they would prefer if it was just us and our kids, as they are concerned about the level of care needed should the parents move in.

Parents generally have no health issues as of now, just occasional check ups that I accompany them to, nothing major but anything might happen once they live with us like falling down etc…

I have 2 other siblings, I’m the eldest. Both siblings are married, one with kids and one without. Would it make more sense for parents to ask sibling with no kids to live with them instead?

Helpzzz.

Netizens’ comments

What goes around, comes around. What if when you are around 70s or 80s, want to move in with either of your kids as you are getting older and they work in office 5days a week too.

It’s never the same again after an affair.

Before the comments of “just leave him, he will cheat again, you are spineless” comes in, allow me to share my story. Such answers are very one dimensional and mostly shows how that person’s experience had shaped them to view infidelity as a whole.

My husband cheated on me and I stayed. We were at our lowest point at that time. I was depressed. I was going through the day routine but I’m a zombie. I cannot see him. We were like 2 strangers doing our jobs and responsibilities. He was depressed but did not let me know. He did tell me he was lonely but I couldn’t function and ignored him. When I needed him the most, he fled. Not only he fled, he got into a messy situation with another woman. The woman was soothing his ego and flirting with him for months. Playing with him. I realised you don’t need to be physically attracted to someone to cheat. He was emotionally starving and that was enough to attract him to her. She made him feel good about himself. Their private conversations was extremely inappropriate. And he was obsessed in texting her day and night to the point that I felt something was amiss.

He tried to convince me that it’s a friendship. More like he was trying to convince himself. But the other woman’s reaction made him realise it was not platonic to her. So he ended it and went for counselling with me. We took a while to start the healing process as the woman didn’t give up and tried to contact him for a few more months. All the more it affirmed to us and him that it was an emotional affair. I realise many men and some women do not recognize emotional infidelity. It was also a new term to me. Only when you experience it, then you will understand even when there is no touching or body organs involved, you can still cheat on your spouse.

We put in effort to work with the counsellor. He did 110% of the work. I also allowed myself to go through the process of healing together with him. It’s been 8 years. I believe he is not cheating again. I do believe he is careful with women from then on. I believe he will not do it again. But it’s not the same since. Whatever endearing words he texted to her, I never use the same words that they exchanged again. The words felt cheap to me since. I am more at peace with myself now as I know exactly what to do if he were to betray me again. A part of me also have little faith in him not to stray if I were to be disabled or seriously ill. He couldn’t handle my depression so I wonder if he can handle medically worse situations in the future.

I don’t have outbursts or triggers anymore. But some days I am reminded of what happened. I used to be slightly annoyed when he doesn’t communicate his thought properly. Remembering the amount of miscommunication and misunderstandings that he had with that woman, causing her to think that he is falling for her, would cause me to be triggered internally when he miscommunicate with me. I try to work through it myself as we have been through this so often and I also don’t want to ruin both our moods. Other than asking more questions to clarify and telling him I need more info to understand what he is saying, I have to accept this is him.

I am more highly educated than him and I earn more than him. He is not a MCP so this was not never an issue between us. 20 years of knowing him, he had been almost perfect. This affair made me realise even the best can fail. Because he’s human. I have my faults too. Do I fault him and throw him to the dogs because of this affair? No. Even though he did wrong, I am also responsible for the breakdown of this marriage. I did not tell him I needed help earlier and I allowed him to ignore me until I reached my breaking point. I came from a divorced, violent, emotionally absent family so I do not have a clear understanding of what a healthy marriage should be like until it’s too late.

I do not take ownership for his infidelity, let me be clear.

The affair was a wake up call that I need to work on my marriage. I won’t die if I don’t have him as I’m financially independent. In an ironic way, our marriage did improve after the affair. We start to spend more quality time together. We start to date again. He even buys me flowers. He would purposely make time for me even when he’s tired. Whenever he makes a choice to make me feel loved or choose me over himself, I feel loved and cherished.

If this scar is necessary to make me experience the full spectrum of what a marriage can be so I can be a better spouse, I guess this is fated. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. As it changes your view of everything in life.

My marriage is not perfect, if I could turn back the time, I would still choose to marry him. He’s not perfect but I always feel he is perfect for me. I’ve long decided he will be my forever person in this lifetime. I don’t wish or hope or worry anymore. I am at peace.

Read on website:

I am married with a wonderful daughter….

But I am unhappy about my husband and living anxiously day by day tracking my steps

I have a abusive husband, both physically and emotionally

I’ve started to miss my ex so badly as my thoughts kept on reminding me of all those happy memories and bonds that we had together…. We started dating on 2015 till 2019 which sadly ended both heart broken

I wishes that I actually stay and try to make amends again.

But right now I’m just covered with bruised and a even shattered heart , preparing to leave with my daughter working towards a better future from my own mistake of choosing my husband to settle with.

Yes I miss you alot because of the unhappiness I have now and the memory of good time I dearly missed coming back to me… I do hope you that you have forgiven me… And I understand if you may not want to see me again because I avoided you for a long time hiding my scars…

I am sorry.

Here are what netizens think:

• The whole “Leave because he’ll continue to cheat” only applies to those where there are clear signs that the guy is unrepentant, but your husband proved himself to be willing to fix his mistakes and make it up to you, so it doesn’t apply. I’m glad you and your spouse are willing to work through those issues and keep your marriage strong. Thanks for sharing.

• Wow. I’m so glad it worked out for you two in the end. Sometimes it does take a huge stumble before people realise what needs fixing. Wish you all the best.

• Thank you for sharing with us . Both of you love each other. It’s the situations and the lack of communications that caused the problem and that lady was just an avenue to “fill in the gap” …. but thankfully , both of you came through strong

My friend from work told me that he has been destined to be a medium as a deity has been appearing in his dream and telling him to work in a temple as a medium.

He claims that if he does not go to the temple, the deity will haunt him at night.

It sounds as if it’s a ghost who is haunting him and it does not sound like it’s a god or deity.

He has very weird restrictions, on certain days he will claim that he is unable to drink alcohol. But somehow after persuasion from his friends, he is able to seek permission from the “deity” to drink.

As it turns out the deity is a man in his late 30s who is able to convey the message of “god” to him.

He said that he will be blessed by the deity if he commit his time as a medium.

However, he has been nothing but a loser and has trouble finding a girlfriend.

Recently, he was slapped by the so called “deity” at the temple as he is unable to commit to his religious rules.

Although, the temple promised him great riches for working as a medium, he is currently working odd jobs and struggling to survive.

He thinks that the deity will bless him with girls but he is often rejected by women and a few had said that he is a weirdo.

I recently travelled to Hanoi with my childhood friend for a short holiday.

He has been under 24/7 lockdown by his wife for the past 5 years. Recently, his wife has gotten busy with her new work and she has loosen the lease around his neck.

So after travelling to Hanoi, we settled at a hotel where there is a restaurant bar nearby.

The restaurant had a unique service where sexy girls will serve the alcohol and the dishes. Two ladies were assigned to our table and they took care of the table needs and entertain us.

My friend became interested in one of the girl as she looked exactly like his wife.

I questioned my friend and asked if he wants to eat chicken in Hanoi, he was puzzled and he asked me what do I mean.

I then replied “Your wife in SG, here Hanoi, U in hanoi also want eat same dish as in SG ah”.

He told me that he has a festish for dumb looking girls and this hostess happened to look as dumb as his wife.

He started to contemplate and said that he should be faithful to his wife.

But after a few glasses of beer, he continuously questioned me for the whereabouts of the hostess. I had to tell him several times that I do not run the place I have no idea where his “wife-lookalike” is.

He started to throw a tantrum and insist to see his wife, By that time he was already drunk and seek erotic comfort.

I had no choice but to bring him to a local “hair salon” to satisfy his needs even though he is botak. (In Vietnam, hair salons are places where men get to experience a “release”)

After we return to Singapore, he told me that he misses the girl in Vietnam. But it does not make sense as the hostess look exactly like his wife.

I told him to shut up his face and be a good man instead of thinking of a woman from far away.

My elder brother has social issues and often thinks that money is able to solve all the problem in the world including his love life.

He has been spending his younger years in Geylang and always patrons lup sup KTV to find the woman of his dreams.

We went to a regular pub that does not allow touching of the female workers and he felt uneasy.

I told him that he should get rid of his KTV habits and learn to interact with women properly. The waitress who who was also working as a hotess wanted tips and entertained my older brother.

So instead of chatting casually with the hostess, he started to ask the woman to quote a price for a night.

The woman was deeply offended and she was stun to speak, her feelings were reflected in her facial expression.

My elder brother started to question me and asked if he did something wrong.

I had to explain to him that not every girl he meet is a Geylang girl and not all woman can be bought with money.

Typically a woman will need to go through a courting phase before you throw your money at them.

He had trouble understanding why and he asked if we could leave the place and go to Geylang Lorong 18 to release himself.

I felt like I was talking to a man who only take actions with his balls and not his brains.

I as a younger sister feel that I really need to help him but I have no idea what to do.

Any advice?

Posting this in this group because somehow I feel that my trust has been broken with lies and deceit. Apologies for my rant.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years. We are currently in a long distance relationship. I take care of her and have never said no to her when it comes to buying anything she wants.

I fulfill all her needs and demands with a smile on my face as l love to pamper her a lot. She has access to all my credit cards and I never question her if she uses them to buy anything because I love her a lot. Few days ago, I found out that she used her ex’s credit card to buy some expensive makeup stuff (approx. $1000). Her ex has been trying to get back with her desperately since past few years.

He constantly sends her messages/emails to get her back. I completely ignored it as I always put my trust in my girlfriend (there were times when it was shaken, but I let it go). When I confronted her, at first she denied it and told me that she bought it by herself (why lie in the first place?).

Knowing her, I knew she wouldn’t buy all the expensive stuff by herself. Later I realized that she had used a credit card provided to her by her ex through email. He had added her as an “authorized user” and she blatantly went ahead and used that credit card. When I asked her about it, she asked me to stay out of it and told me that she did it out of her spite towards him. I thought why wouldn’t you tell me then? Why would you not tell me this in confidence? I wouldn’t have known about this as she was never going to tell me about this. When I tried to talk and questioned her about it, it ended up into an argument with her blaming me for all other stuff and she buried this topic completely. I am not sure what else is happening behind my back.

I’m feeling very hopeless and lost as she broke my trust. Being a person who is providing almost everything to her for last 3 years, I just cannot stand and watch her using another man’s money. I would completely understand her actions if I was not providing her with anything.

I have sacrificed my own needs to fulfill her needs/demands and this has shaken me down. I have literally zero access to any of her accounts. We have also been sharing our Amazon account for last 3 years using my credit card. Again, I have NEVER stopped her from buying anything (spent almost five digit sum on Amazon for her personal stuff/comfort/needs) Couple of days back, she created her own.

I’m not sure what to do. Few hundred miles between us is also not helping at this point. Please advise.

“I just started my university life, and I am already feeling shagged out (because I’m a part time student, working full time during the day, and going for classes at night).

I felt so shagged out because there’s this lecture class that never fails to end late. Class was supposed to end at 10pm, the professor would still be teaching and only releasing us at 1015pm, which causes me to reach home at 1045pm from taking the taxi/grab.

After reaching home I still have to prepare and my stuffs for work and/or night class for the next day, and what’s worse is that I have to wake up at 530am to go to work.

There are still assignments to be done for my degree mods, and I feel like I have no time at all, especially when this prof is always taking up our time and giving out so much assignments after class.

I know it’s only been the first few weeks of my 4 years part time university life, but I feel like dropping out of school already as I do not think I could endure this 4 years.

However, if I do drop out, then I would not have a degree, and I feel that I could not progress as fast in the society, especially when so many people are having a degree cert and when the market is so competitive outside now.

I need opinions, what should I actually do?”

“Posting this as a warning to job seekers.

I was finding job 6 months ago through a recruiter, let’s call them ‘C’. They offered me a job and I accepted the offer via signing of LOA.

But I had a change of mind, and eventually told C that I’m not interested, and did not turn up at the client’s place to sign the letter of appointment (LOA).

Before that I did ask C for the LOA, but C had insisted not to give, saying its for audit compliance and does not carry any of the employment obligation between me and the recruiter.

After I rejected the offer, C reiterated our email exchange and mentioned that there is a contractual obligation between us.

In our contract, it was mentioned that I would only consider accepting any client’s job offer if C could garner a minimum monthly basic salary of S$XXXX, which C had successfully done so based on my request.

C had negotiated with this client without my knowledge or request, saying that there was 1 competing candidate and C had negotiated for the client to accept me.

C is threatening legal proceedings against me for breach of contract if I do not pay them a compensation of 1 month in salary as per the contractual obligations, which had also stated that if I reneged an offer after acceptance, they could seek compensation from me.

What should I do?”

MOM’s guidelines

Once an employment contract has been signed, both employers and employees should be prepared to fulfil their contractual obligations. In exceptional cases when they are not able to do so, they should inform the other party as soon as possible.

If an employee does not show up on the first day of work, the Employment Act does not apply as the employer-employee relationship has not started.

An employer will not be able to claim notice pay or any other compensation provided for in the Employment Act. They can consider a civil claim filed through their own lawyer.