Really in need of some advice.

Sometime in 2019, I met a Singaporean guy on an online dating app and I ended up lending him $90k.

Fast forward to today, he has only paid $11,300 and has always delayed on repayments. He treats me like a fool, always committing to pay on a specific date but the repayments never ever comes in.

Should I:

(i) spend $5k to hire a lawyer to sue him (i have an IOU) and the legal costs can escalate to $30k with possibly nothing to recover cause he really seems broke

(ii) spend $4k upfront on a licensed debt collector and have them take 20% commission on every dollar repaid

What will you do? Really need some advise as I am sick and tired of chasing him for repayment month after month.

Netizens’ comments

• I don’t know.. (ii) is often useless too. Cos I have friends who tried. Maybe do some digging first, like hire a PI. If he still has assets, I suggest going down (i) , see if can find a cheaper lawyer? Also, is he unwilling to pay or don’t have money to pay? If latter.. your 2 options don’t work. Perhaps work out a plan with him if he doesn’t have money to pay. Like instalment scheme or something.
• Don’t use debt collector as the current laws make it very difficult for any debt collector to recover any debt.
  Instead send a letter of demand through a lawyer, few hundred dollars.
  Next apply to seize any assets, personal items at home , car, bank account , (1-5k)
  You need to have details about him. I presume you have his full name and his address. Bank account number as well? If not you need to do some research on him
• I think you should seek legal advice, and if necessary, make him a bankrupt. That will adversely affect him when he wants to purchase a car, property or even apply for a credit card in the future. He is likely to have to declare his bankruptcy to his workplace too. The Official Assignee will then take over his bankruptcy estate and make him pay monthly contributions to creditors (you). Read more here:

A Singaporean guy shared a post online to ask if any fellow Singaporean male out there faced the same issues as him on accommodation choices after marriage.

He shared that staying with his fiancee’s parents would be a better option for his fiancee and himself but he faced slight reservations from his parents because they are all for the tradition that the ‘wife should move in with the husband’s side instead.’

Here is what he shared

‘Guy here. Staying by ourselves/staying with my parents/staying with fiancee’s parents are all on the table for us after marriage, but staying with my future in-laws seems to be the option with the most practical benefits. Except that my parents have slight reservations due to the traditional notion that it is the daughter-in-law who is the one that is supposed to be marrying into the family and not the other way round.

Thankfully, they are still mostly supportive and won’t be fussy as long as we visit them often enough, but just curious if there are any other guys out there who encountered resistance when moving in with their in-laws.’

Replies from netizens

• I was already staying with my Mother-in-law (MIL) before I married my wife, as my Father-in-law passed away long ago. My family is quite open-minded, and my MIL is staying in a terrace also so it makes sense for me to move in.

Bought BTO and going to complete in Q2 2023 then my MIL gonna sell her terrace for retirement and move in with us.

An advice is to make sure you are comfortable with another person staying under the same roof. This will change your lifestyle and living habits as well because you have to consider them as part of your daily routine (e.g. buy food for them, bring them out, etc…)

• why would you ever voluntarily want to live with your in-laws? what are the “practical benefits”?
• Do whatever that is the most practical for you i.e. saving money/time on travel. It is an open society now your parents should be more open minded as well.

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I dated a poor guy. We were both from NUS, graduated so in love and very much in debt. Blame that on the student loans we had to take.

Our dates were mostly hunting for cheap and good hawker food, cooking at home, going shopping in neighbourhood markets, streaming movies online and cuddling.

We didn’t celebrate anniversaries, partly because he couldn’t afford and always refused to have me pay for everything, but mostly as we didn’t bother to remember the dates.

For everyday we were together in the past years was special and I would not trade my days with him for any gold or diamonds.

I love my poor boyfriend, except now that he has becomed my debt-free/start-up owner/decent income earner/still extremely hot fiancée.

We still don’t celebrate anniversaries, and we still go hunting for cheap deals. He still opens the door for me, pulls out chairs and tells me he loves me everyday.

We just bought our first home together in a pretty condo (missed the HDB income ceiling by a few thousands) and are expecting our first baby in a few months time.

Girls, believe in your men. They might struggle at times but if you love them unconditionally, they would do anything to give you the happy endings you deserve

I gave up my poly study at year 2 and work as a teller cos I couldn’t bear my younger brothers being affected my my family situation and they couldn’t concentrate on their studies. So I chose to work to support my parents and siblings.

No one will understand how it is like when your friends need not bat an eyelid on Starbucks but you have to refund EZ-Link card to use the money to buy dinner for the family cos your payday is on the next day and will credit in midnight.

My husband (back then still boyfriend) never once say anything or complain. But he was equally poor???? staying in an one-room rented flat. We saved every single cent, dates were usually at hawkers or foodcourt. We held our wedding dinner at a Chinese restaurant and even ‘earn’ back our dinner cost with money for overseas honeymoon.

Now with 2 kids and staying comfortably in a 4-room HDB flat, combined income still below $10k, we never once feel ‘inferior’ as compared to our peers. We are ‘debt free’ as our cpf have surplus to cover the housing loan monthly. We have no car, no condo, restaurant meals seldom exceeded $80 for fam of 4 but we are contented.

Our nights are spent chasing dramas on the bed, no drinking at pubs, no cafe hopping as all these are $$$$ and $$$. Kids during their free time, play bubble guns at the corridor, Nintendo switch and mobile games. All these activities really no need much money but still keep us occupied.

Guess god ‘compensate’ my hard life by giving me a good husband albeit we are defined as ‘poor’ in today’s context. Some may have a rich boyfriend/hubby but still unhappiness over 3rd party or debt issues.

Had an AC company over to take a look at our AC unit that quit blowing cold air and they told us the compressor was dead and we needed to replace it or simply get a new unit, which would be just few hundred dollars more than a compressor.

They quoted a new AC unit for $9,000. Husband was so tired of the whole situation that he was already thinking about how to deal with the costs for it.

Thankfully I was able to convince him of getting a second opinion before and we had a second company over to take a look at our AC and this new guy saved us!

He literally replaced a little piece that costs like $30 and our AC is working beautifully.

What set me off is the fact that the first company claimed they tried to replace the same piece and it didn’t work.

First company has many years of business. I truly think they lied to us and that sucks. $9,000 would put us in a terrible financial situation. I can’t believe how people can do such unscrupulous stuff like this to others.