Should I purposely get pregnant to chase after the family name?

Hello:

Looking to seek advice over here, especially from those whom are married.

A few months ago in April, my fiance and I announced our marriage plans to all our family members at a buffet dinner gathering. Our relatives gave us our best wishes and most of them are keen to attend our wedding dinner. Our initial plan is to ROM in August and organise the main wedding in October.

Unluckily for us, my brother’s gf announced shes pregnant two months later in June. She’s already into the 8th week of pregnancy and my fiance’s parents asked us to gave up our wedding dates to them. Our ROM date and wedding date got replaced by the both of them. The both of us got a date in October for ROM instead. And our wedding? Pushed to next year.

To be honest I am still feeling very angry with his brother’s gf at this time when I am typing out this post. My mind was thinking, they dated for two years, how did it get so concidental that she got pregnant just right after we announced our wedding plans and ROM date? Is this a part of her scheme to be ahead of me to marry into this family (she did mentioned openly before that she want to *fight* with me over this namesake, to see who will be the first daughter in law of the family). Is it wrong of me to think that she purposely open up her legs to have S, to get pregnant, to win me? She’s from Vietnam by the way.

For the last 3 months I have also been harbouring this stupid idea. Should I get pregnant to marry faster? My fiance and I are not people whom like kids, so if I am pregnant, I will go for an abortion. We have no plans to procreate after marriage.

I regret I am not pregnant and I regret maintaining my virginity. To be honest my fiance is regretting maintaining his virginity too, because he got laughed at by relatives that his younger brother got married first.

Should I get pregnant to marry faster? And abort the child after that? Yes my mind isn’t thinking properly now, all of you are welcome to shoot me, but sincere advices will be greatly appreciated. So far until now my fiance and I are still preserving our bodies for our wedding night.

Here are what netizens think:

• First and foremost, her nationality does not matter and entirely irrelevant to your problem.And seriously? Aborting the child just so that you can marry faster? And that you guys have no plans to have children and you INTEND to abort the child?Please go get a vasectomy or something and refrain from bringing innocent children into this world. My tian. Goodness, how petty and spiteful can you get?0

• Will you inherit some trust fund when you provide a first born

• Why must push the wedding later? She’ll only be few months into pregnancy. Cannot attend wedding uh?

• Cool down first then discuss with your bf.We do things for yourself n not to fight with other. First then first lor, you are the eldest daughter in law n it is the care n love in the family matter.If really want then go Chinese wedding asap n get the earliest ROM date. If really what you both had planned well. No rules say can’t wedding before ROM is not then both same day.Elderly believed don’t clash red n white events. So we just follow in case anything happen all fall on you.For the pregnant if you did that can’t u turn one n you will feel bad the whole of your life. Just thinking if your mum did that to you? You are just created n ended to first to win a first to be marriaged into the family.My thought they marry first doesn’t matter to me. Anything you all protect yourselves n stay away from challenging ppl.

Boyfriend wants to be a grab driver and do odd jobs – should I leave?

My boyfriend and I, both 26 years old have been together for 3 years. We are both currently working in an MNC and SME respectively, taking home a decent amount of 3k per month. We just signed contract for our BTO that will be coming in 4 years’ time.

Recently, he has been bringing up that he wants to quit his current job to be a grab driver and doing odd jobs, because he feels really tired with working in his current company. He has been bringing this up and discussing with me for the past 5 months. Upon hearing this, I actually feel scared for my future with him, because the fact that him doing odd jobs might not bring in a stable income like he is currently bringing in.

He did say he plan to take on many shifts a day to aim to hit 4k a month, but I feel skeptical about that, because he is the kind who actually just lazed around at home, playing games and watching netflix during the period he was working from home. I am unsure if he will really make full use of the time to earn money from odd jobs, given that now he has freedom of how he wants to plan his time. I am worried that I would be the sole breadwinner for the family in the future.

I do have my own dreams and goals to achieve. I want to start my own business but if I were to be the sole breadwinner, a lot of my money would go to the house and I would not have enough capital. Also, knowing that my boyfriend only has a month’s worth of salary in his savings account and the rest in stocks makes me feel even more rocky.

He did discuss his plan openly with me and although I feel skeptical about it, I don’t want to restrict him in his future planning as well. What should I do? I did start to have thoughts of leaving this relationship because of this potentially rocky future ahead. Any kind soul out there who encountered this or can give some advice? Greatly appreciated.

Here are what netizens think:

• I’ve seen before grab drivers that after deducting overheads, take home 6k easily with 1 day off per week. I have also seen before driver take home 1.5k after deducting all the overheads. Same for delivery riders, I have seen people taking home 8k/9k, have also seen people saying “not for human do one cannot earn anything”. Discipline, commitment and motivation is very important. If no discipline to wake up early and go out, want to sleep till 1-2pm, wake up then eat lunch and start at 3, then obviously cannot earn anything. Then best to just stick to office job whereby they state your working hours and take fixed salary.

• You sound like a woman who wants her husband to be on the same level as you in terms of life goals and career aspirations. Nothing wrong with that. But maybe he is not a good match for you and I think in your own heart you know that already. My advice is don’t get married yet. Give him a chance to follow his dream just to see if it will work. Who knows, maybe it will. If it doesn’t and you still have concerns then it’s time to reevaluate on whether to continue a future together. Maybe he tries it out for 6 months and realises it’s a pipe dream and will go back to what he was doing so give him that opportunity to try at least to satisfy himself. After all you also intend to start a business and you will appreciate his support when the time comes.

• Being on the same page matters for some key life values – finances and having kids are two of the most important ones.Leave.You both will fight like cats and dogs throughout your marriage if you don’t see eye to eye on this.

• We don’t want a case where upon keys collection, cpf not enough, hdb loan approved lesser amount, need reassessment due self employed.. then must fork out cash etc.After get yr flat… he wants do to grab then go ahead own time own target.But when u say he lazed around often.are you sure he’s going to be that committed

My husband is blowing thousands of dollars every month on his alcohol and I am resenting it more and more.

Usually it is at least $3k. Last month it was $5k.

That is all just him and I resent how much it is costing us.

He has not had a job since last September so this has pretty much all been my money for quite some time.

Occasionally my father gives me money because it has gotten to the point where my debit account gets drained so fast that I have to beg for handouts so I can take care of my newborn baby.

I tried very diplomatically to talk to him about this once. I tried to say, he really need to cut back or try to manage/budget this better somehow because that is a LOT of money, I stopped working to care for our baby and my savings is running out.

He instantly went right on the defensive and absolutely snapped at me saying, are you really going to try to take away the one thing I love? (I wasn’t).

Meanwhile even a packet of instant noodles while I was pregnant was too much for me and I had to ask my father for money just to buy food.

This anger and resentment is toxic and it is killing me.

(M20) My parents are mad at me because my sister (F18) slept with my friend (M20)

Our folks are really traditional. They are saying that it’s my fault since the guy she did it with is my best friend. My sister’s been in love with him for a long time now.

I told her ‘do whatever you want, as long as it’s not illegal’ and then tried not to get draw in, but she’d always complained to me about how he’s so shy and couldn’t pick up the clues. I guess I got annoyed into action.

I told my best friend “My sister thinks you’re cute so please go out with her if you think she’s cute or let her down gently.” They got together and had intercourse last week.

Our parents found condoms in her room and when she told them how she and my friend got together, they got mad at me.

They also shamed her for losing her virginity too. She is still dating him and they are pestering me and telling me to end this.

Eventually I lost it and told them that my sister could screw whoever she wants and they need to stop pressuring me to get involved in this. How do I get them to listen?

My Boyfriend (39m) has kept me (32f) a secret from family and friends for 2 years

He avoids introducing me as his gf when we bump into people he knows. He will not claim me on social media. I never met his son or anyone in his family. We live together and I am still a secret.

He constantly brings up his ex-gf, her family, and friends. He will point out his ex-girlfriend’s and her family’s favorite places, restaurants, hobbies, etc.

His ex-gf was not a secret. She’s all over his social media and part of his family. He calls me immature and insecure when I try talking to him about the problem.

I feel used. We been together too long to keep being a secret. I always joke about calling the MTV show “help, I’m in a secret relationship.”

Netizens’ comments

• The ex girlfriend is not his ex, she’s the girlfriend, you’re the side piece.
• Oh hunny…..he’s married
• 99.99999% chance you are the sidepeice.
  0.00001% chance he is mentally unstable and manipulative enough to believe he needs a secret second life for no intelligent reason.
• He
  Is
  Married
• You’re a secret for a reason… you’re not the main girl.
• I’m sorry, but the girl he introduces his family and friends to is the girlfriend. You are a side piece.
• You are not his girlfriend. You are his side piece.
• Op, you’re the side chick.
• So you been the side piece for 2 years and not know it? Come on. At a certain point it becomes your fault for being dense.

I served as an officer in the army. Can I use it to negotiate for higher salary in my first job?

I applied to this job in a manufacturing firm and my job role is more business related. After clearing the interviews, they told me they are keen to hire me and I am keen to join them too. They will be discussing salary and HR matters in a few days time. After gathering some info, this company pays additional increments for NS experience although it is not civil service or defence/ military related. I want to use my officer background to ask for higher pay. The reasons I can think of are

1. Only a minority and better performing NSFs gets selected to OCS. Being able to complete officer training demonstrates resilience and commitment.

2. As an officer, I learned leadership skills, organizational skills, management skills, planning skills etc which can also be applied in corporate world.

3. An officer held bigger responsibilities than the average soldier.

4. An officer is generally fitter than the average guy.

Are these reasons strong enough to ask for a higher salary? If not, what else should I do?

Netizens’ comments

• Of course you can bro! Then when you enter the office the intern will shout OFFICE TIAM, then salute you and report strength every morning.
  Then when the office toilet no more toilet paper you can make the cleaner sign 7 extra and do guard duty with the broomstick outside the cubicle.
  Then every morning you can make everyone stand outside office recite SAF core values and half full kopi drink up before anyone can enter.
  I think your job interview you also just camo on and wear FBO go down and show them you mean business.
• lol officer in NS honestly don’t mean jack s—… even officers have lousy leadership skills. Also doesn’t mean you are officer you are fitter, your mindset kinda messed up isn’t it? Only benefit you can leverage as an officer is your planning and management skills at a leader level, but that mindset of I was an officer I am above all mindset will get you in trouble sooner or later…
• And ur rank is bulletproof.
  Shoot other rank will die, your’s won’t.
  U have failed as officer to understand that every ranks plays a part in a successful operation.