Hi, I’ve had this one on my mind for a while, and I just need advice on what to do, but I do feel like an a-hole for what I’m doing behind my mom’s back.

I will move to my bf’s place for good…

My mom (34) and I (16 at the time) had an argument. My dad had thought I was hiding something from them, because I wasn’t showing him my phone immediately. i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three months at the time. I didn’t want my parents to find out because my boyfriend is half Thai, half white. My parents do not want me dating someone who is not chinese.

My mom had a history of bad experiences with white guys and she told me she did not want me to dating a white man because she didn’t want the same thing to happen to me. My dad on the other hand is very racist against everyone.

On to the argument, my dad had went to the bathroom, and my mom was left interrogating me asking what I was hiding. I told her I had a boyfriend because she threatened to take everything away from me if I didn’t tell her. She seemed relieved, and asked his name. I told her his name and her immediate question was “is he a foreigner?” And I nodded. She immediately told me to break up with him and that “I shouldn’t be doing that.” I told my mom I would break up with him, but I never did.

I do feel guilty for lying to my mom, but I’m very in love with my boyfriend. We’re both young (17) but he’s been by my side more than my parents have.

We constantly face time, text, play games etc. Whenever we get into an argument he never yells at me and we communicate correctly. It’s us vs the problem, as we describe it. My dad has made inappropriate comments towards me, and I would tell my mom and she blew it off and said “he sees you in me, don’t pay attention to it he doesn’t mean it” I think I do resent my parents because of that. There’s more like not taking my mental health seriously, constantly treating me like a child, and sexualization from my dad. I resent them for all of that and I feel guilty because they are my parents.

My boyfriend treats me very well. Has been there for me, never has called me out of name, and does everything he can to make me happy. I do not want to break up with him, but I feel like I’m the asshole for going behind my moms back and resenting her. I know what she’s been through, but I do love him with all my heart and feel like I should be allowed to love who I love. Regardless of how my parents feel. Am I the asshole?

Should you leave your partner when their mom is dying?

I’ve (22M) been with my gf (21F) for almost 4 years. She took my virginity and is my first relationship, she was with others before me though not as serious.

I love her a lot, and we’ve been through a lot together.

But it’s been a lot of fighting, a lot of her saying it’s over, a lot of jealousy etc. I’ve been struggling with this for a while but finally understand that I’m losing feelings for her – against my will.

Should I break up with her even though her mom has cancer?

It breaks my heart because I can’t stand to see her sad and she’s in such a vulnerable situation right now.

We’ve tried so many times and our fights just keep getting worse. The alternative would be to somehow get my feelings for her back on track and fix our relationship but I don’t know how.

I (20sF) am pregnant with my fiancé (20sM) and I first child. We’re really excited to welcome our little baby in the fall.

Now I have a dilemma, I really don’t want anyone to smoke around our baby. Like at all! I understand that we have people around us that smoke, and I can’t tell them to stop, but I want them to not smoke when our child is near. Like if they coming over, the thing i would think was okay was if they smoked before getting in the car (the closet is 30 min away). I know we’ll get backlash for this. Especially from my FMil and FSil. Then also from my grandma and aunt.

But the most will be on my fiancés side.

I really don’t want this to be done, but I’m scared of the backlash. But I’ve also heard smoking around a baby increases the risk of SIDS, something I’m terrified off.

So WIBTA if I said no smoking around the baby?

Here are what netizens think:

Your child’s health is more important than your families addictions. It’s not only risk of SIDS that is increased by second hand smoke, there is an increased risk of ear infections, asthma, and respiratory infections including pneumonia. The “need” to have a cigarette has a name, its called an addiction. Your family should be able to put their addictions on hold for the sake of your child’s health.

im a heavy smoker and i have been for almost 9 years. i struggle to go a few hours without smoking because im severely addicted to nicotine. you know what i dont do? smoke around kids, smoke around people who dont want me to, smoke around people with illnesses, smoke in peoples homes. im a smoker, yes, and thats my choice, but i respect other peoples ability to choose whether or not they want to be around that for whatever reason. i respect that some people dont even want to smell cigarette smoke, let alone be around someone actively smoking. even if their request seems ridiculous to me (like “dont smoke for six hours at least before coming over” or something) ill either respect it and go along with it, or politely refuse and just not be around that person because its their right to not be around smokers if they dont want to be.

This! If someone doesn’t care enough about your child to avoid smoking around them, they don’t care enough to be around your child.

For context I’m an early 30’s male, in a relationship for 7 years with an early 30’s female, and we have two small children. A few years ago, I was in terrible credit card debt, which my partner cleared me of with $17k of her savings. We never set a serious repayment schedule or plan, as we were together and knew we’d stay together, with her savings likely going towards a deposit for a house at some point.

Fast forward to a few years later, I bring home around $3800 a month, she brings home around $1200 nett from her online business. I work 40 hours a week and do roughly 8 – 12 hours a week in a second job. She does not work, looks after our son during the day, and takes/collects our slightly older daughter from school.

Our financial situation has been poor until recently when I really took control and got us out of a real rut. My financial planning and taking on a second job have allowed me to pay off $600 of her credit card debt, a defaulted $300 debt of mine, I comfortably paid off a small holiday we were worried over, I’ve paid $130 for her to have her hair done in the last week, I’ve bought her new shoes she wanted and basically she has free reign with our money. My recently acquired sense with money has meant that we don’t go without at all, even when having to pay out around $300 to get our car fixed, paying for days out with the kids or budgeting for stuff like increased bills and transport expenses.

Whenever I suggest saving for something that I want (a guitar of around $900) I am met with an attitude that essentially says “no way”.

I flat out asked her what it would take for me to be able to buy something like that without her being annoyed and her answer was “I really don’t know.”

Am I the arsehole for wanting to spend some of the money I earn on me? I’m out working extra hours to ensure we don’t go without, and as a result we are thriving rather than surviving. I definitely feel like she sees more right to spending our money, even though I’m out earning it.

I understand that I’m technically $17k in the hole, but considering our financial situation has completely reversed and now I’m the saviour of our bank balance and not her, I feel like I’m doing a lot of work (missing out with my children because of it) and the only benefit to me is that we’re not struggling every month.

I know that saving etc. can take time – I’m not trying to take away from anything we have to treat myself, I’m willing to save even if it takes months and months. Do I need to fully pay off that $17k before I have a say?

bf doesn’t like when I look good

I’m a 23f my bf is 23 too. I dont really do much on a day to day, id say i look like a slob, no makeup, workout clothes, etc.

like once a week my bf and i will go on a date, and i take this time to make myself look really good. hair, makeup, cute outfit etc.

he begins acting extremely weird when i start getting ready and it kinda throws off the whole vibe for the night.

the other day he asked if i could wear “comfortable clothes”, i asked why, and he said bc i “act like im better than him” when i dress up..?

first, i don’t understand because he’s right next to me the entire time we’re out.

second i dont even dress up, just a cute shirt and some leggings.

i asked what he meant by that and he dismissed it. not sure what this means or how to proceed from here

Growing up, my mom always pushed the importance of family connections onto me, as she was close-knit with hers growing up. She believes that family will always need each other and always comes first, and is always trying to get me to follow that principle.

It’s not quite the same for me, though. All of her relatives lived near each other, while mine live overseas. We’ve only ever visited so many times, and that was in my early childhood. It’s hard for me to remember my time with my relatives because I was simply too young. She usually got along fine with her family as well, whereas her and my relationship is rather strained.

Because of this, I don’t really have a connection with my relatives or my mom.

The relatives knew me as a little kid and hear of my activities now on occasion, but that’s how far it goes. Never went to grandma’s house or played with my cousins after school, that part of life that’s so integral to some has never been present in mine. I’ve never been able to get close to my mother either, but that’s a whole other story for a different time.

Due to these reasons, it’s hard for me to desire a relationship with my family. It’s something that’s always been absent in my life, so therefore I haven’t ever really desired it. To me, they’re people who knew me as a baby and call ever so often to ask me the same dated questions they always do.

My mom seriously thinks I’m horrible for treating them like this, and I do feel bad about it, but I can’t help the way I feel. I just don’t know these people and yet I’m forced to have interactions with them. I don’t feel as greatly for them as they do for me.

I honestly don’t want a relationship with my relatives. Is that wrong of me?

Here are what netizens thinks:

• I don’t think you ought to be rude or cut them off entirely, but it sounds like you’re just deciding not to actively cultivate the relationship, which is fine.

• Family is what or with who you make it, not the blood line you were born into.

• Despite what some people want to believe relationships aren’t forged in blood. They’re forged in bonds and you simply haven’t had a chance to bond with any of your relatives. Now theres still chance for you to do so but you’re also not obligated to

I broke my Dad’s super expensive guitar and then blamed my brothers

I’ve got a big family (5 brothers 2 sisters and me…the guitar murderer) and we are all pretty musical. We had a family band growing up and would play and perform all over.

One day somebody left my Dad’s precious guitar on the couch and l I jumped over the back of the couch to sit down and cracked the neck.

I looked around quick and realized no one was there so I bolted. Dad came home saw his guitar and lost it.

My Dad always favored my brothers and I knew he wouldn’t be as mad at them as he would at me if I broke it so I said they were rough-housing all day in the living room.

He basically did nothing as I’d anticipated. I still feel bad. Not for lying to my Dad but for breaking that beautiful guitar.

It was a high end Gibson.