I’m honestly not even sure how to put this. I’m fairly certain I’m not the AH, but people are acting otherwise.

Background: I (39F) work in an office. I have worked for this particular company for going on 6 years. I have never been told the way I dress is a problem from either the owner or the vice president (the only people I am directly under).

I have dressed the same way since I started. Today I am wearing gray jeggings, a light blue tank with pink/grey skulls & butterflies on it, a pink blazer, and black heels (about 4”). I also have light blue hair. This is typical of how I dress at work.

The issue: Until recently I was the only woman who worked here. Typical of the industry. Recently though we hired 2 women to help out as the company is growing. One is in her early 20’s (we’ll call her Katie), the other in her mid 50’s (we’ll call her Angie). I am both of their boss, but it’s a very relaxed company and so I treat them more like colleagues than someone I am a superior too.

Today Katie commented on my heels. She said they are cute and asked where I got them. I told her. Angie then pipped in that they are a bit inappropriate for an office (they are black, open-toed, 4” heels). I asked her what she meant. To which she replied they are little slutty to be worn anywhere other than a club. She followed it up with “but you usually dress a little inappropriate for an office. I guess that’s the benefit of a relaxed company”

I told her I didn’t think there was anything at all slutty about the way I dress. And went to my desk to start work.

Later on, I overheard Angie telling Katie to take note, and not to dress like me if she ever wants to have a long-standing career and actually be valued. That the only reason I have worked here so long is that my boobs are always on display and the men enjoy staring.

I will admit I have large boobs, but I NEVER have cleavage, even if a lot of my tops are more form-fitting. I also worked very hard to be where I am in the industry I work in, and feel blessed to have found a company which allows me to dress like me (I do like showing off my body, I’m a little vain and spend a lot of time in the gym working on it).

I have never once questioned the way I dress at this company. But after overhearing what Angie said, I’m wondering if I should be dressing more conservatively.

I had a closed door meeting with my VP about Angie. I explained what has transpired today, and how shocked I am. I let him know most of my concern was for Katie, as Angie seems to be trying to manipulate her in some way (e.g. undermine me as a superior, instill self doubt in her about her appearance). He said if it was entirely up to him, he would fire her.

We have a zero tolerance harassment policy for a reason, and this absolutely constitutes harassment. For now Angie is on probation. She is to have zero contact with the guys in the shop (some of them are a little rough, but good guys. We don’t want her opinions rubbing off on them). Any further comments about coworkers’ appearance will result in termination. She’s irate, to say the least. I won’t be surprised if she quits.

I am also having lunch with Katie tomorrow (Angie’s regular day off). I’m going to try and feel out what all has been said to her. And let her know her appearance has no bearing on her merit in this industry. And that while she may need to be more conservative than myself at other companies, here we are more relaxed with the dress code and she should feel free to be herself.

My wife and I started saving for our kids early but we didn’t anticipate university overseas was going to get so expensive.

By the time our kids were going to university we had 106k saved. My son was going to university first but we told both our kids that they would get 53k each and they could go to university with that money or they could withdraw it after 21 but that was all the money they had and we weren’t contributing more.

It would cover almost all the tuition at the university but if they wanted to go to a more expensive school that was on them and they had to cover it. My daughter went to a private university and lived at home. She finished with a degree in business with almost no debt.

Our son decided to go to a more expensive school overseas and paid the rent with the tuition there being over $27k a year. We tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn’t listen and we gave up and told him he would have to pay his own path.

So after 2 years, he had used up his money and even worse he wanted to switch majors which meant another year in school. He asked us for money but we told him he had gotten all his money out of his education fund and he was angry and didn’t want to take out loans so he started working.

We told him he could move back during the pandemic to save money but he lost his job and picked up another one relatively quickly but it didn’t pay as much and he started buying so much stuff off Amazon I’m sure he wasn’t saving anything. He recently got a better job but it still doesn’t pay what he needs to go back to university and he started spending it on video games and clothing. 4 years later he still hadn’t saved any money and his sister is now making six figures and it’s making him feel bad.

He started smoking and not working, playing video games all day and I think the company caught on and laid him off. Whatever he is doing is not enough to save for university and asked us again for money for university.

We told him again all the money we were contributing was in the education fund and he chose to go to an expensive school. He complained he didn’t understand what that meant at 18 and it was our fault for letting him. We didn’t let him we tried to talk him down but he wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t force him to go to the cheaper school. I told him he should just take out loans to study at the cheaper school but he says I should be paying for his school and isn’t budging.

We had a lot of fights with him and us over this tuition thing and he thinks we have treated him unfairly by not giving him more money. He also stays up late partying and comes home at midnight and refuses to do chores.

We didn’t have any choice but he give him 3 months notice to move back to SG and he moved out last week to be with friends.

He yelled at me when we weren’t ever going to his wedding or seeing his kids and my wife wants to just pay for his schooling so he doesn’t end up a loser.

My husband admitted to his friends that he didn’t find me beautiful. Nothing feels the same anymore

I’m newly married. After our honeymoon my husband had a group video call with his best friends. After I said hello and chatted for a bit with them I excused myself to go for a walk.

I decided I needed to get my raincoat because it looked like it was about to rain but my husband and his friends thought I’ve already got out.

They started interrogating about our honeymoon and they were all teasing and laughing until one of his best friends asked him if my looks were still an issue for him.

My husband told her that he loved me and that we had a great honeymoon and that I’m beautiful on the inside and he said “you can’t have it all”.

She insisted on wondering whether he felt he’d downgraded from his ex girlfriend and he said “maybe, but she (me)makes me happy.”

Another friends then interjected and said I wasn’t bad looking if I lost some weight, my husband agreed.

Nothing feels the same anymore. I always knew I wasn’t beautiful but I thought that he liked how I looked, or at least, didn’t mind it so much.

I know he values my other qualities and that he loves me and is very kind to me but I don’t feel good with him and I haven’t been happy since that day (5 weeks ago).

I have lost weight under these weeks and he’s paid me a lot of compliments about that but I don’t want him commenting anything about my physical appearance anymore.

I hate every encouraging word he has to say and yet I feel like I need to be more appealing to him. I feel so much hurt it’s insane! 🙁

Hi, I’ve had this one on my mind for a while, and I just need advice on what to do, but I do feel like an a-hole for what I’m doing behind my mom’s back.

I will move to my bf’s place for good…

My mom (34) and I (16 at the time) had an argument. My dad had thought I was hiding something from them, because I wasn’t showing him my phone immediately. i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three months at the time. I didn’t want my parents to find out because my boyfriend is half Thai, half white. My parents do not want me dating someone who is not chinese.

My mom had a history of bad experiences with white guys and she told me she did not want me to dating a white man because she didn’t want the same thing to happen to me. My dad on the other hand is very racist against everyone.

On to the argument, my dad had went to the bathroom, and my mom was left interrogating me asking what I was hiding. I told her I had a boyfriend because she threatened to take everything away from me if I didn’t tell her. She seemed relieved, and asked his name. I told her his name and her immediate question was “is he a foreigner?” And I nodded. She immediately told me to break up with him and that “I shouldn’t be doing that.” I told my mom I would break up with him, but I never did.

I do feel guilty for lying to my mom, but I’m very in love with my boyfriend. We’re both young (17) but he’s been by my side more than my parents have.

We constantly face time, text, play games etc. Whenever we get into an argument he never yells at me and we communicate correctly. It’s us vs the problem, as we describe it. My dad has made inappropriate comments towards me, and I would tell my mom and she blew it off and said “he sees you in me, don’t pay attention to it he doesn’t mean it” I think I do resent my parents because of that. There’s more like not taking my mental health seriously, constantly treating me like a child, and sexualization from my dad. I resent them for all of that and I feel guilty because they are my parents.

My boyfriend treats me very well. Has been there for me, never has called me out of name, and does everything he can to make me happy. I do not want to break up with him, but I feel like I’m the asshole for going behind my moms back and resenting her. I know what she’s been through, but I do love him with all my heart and feel like I should be allowed to love who I love. Regardless of how my parents feel. Am I the asshole?

Should you leave your partner when their mom is dying?

I’ve (22M) been with my gf (21F) for almost 4 years. She took my virginity and is my first relationship, she was with others before me though not as serious.

I love her a lot, and we’ve been through a lot together.

But it’s been a lot of fighting, a lot of her saying it’s over, a lot of jealousy etc. I’ve been struggling with this for a while but finally understand that I’m losing feelings for her – against my will.

Should I break up with her even though her mom has cancer?

It breaks my heart because I can’t stand to see her sad and she’s in such a vulnerable situation right now.

We’ve tried so many times and our fights just keep getting worse. The alternative would be to somehow get my feelings for her back on track and fix our relationship but I don’t know how.

I (20sF) am pregnant with my fiancé (20sM) and I first child. We’re really excited to welcome our little baby in the fall.

Now I have a dilemma, I really don’t want anyone to smoke around our baby. Like at all! I understand that we have people around us that smoke, and I can’t tell them to stop, but I want them to not smoke when our child is near. Like if they coming over, the thing i would think was okay was if they smoked before getting in the car (the closet is 30 min away). I know we’ll get backlash for this. Especially from my FMil and FSil. Then also from my grandma and aunt.

But the most will be on my fiancés side.

I really don’t want this to be done, but I’m scared of the backlash. But I’ve also heard smoking around a baby increases the risk of SIDS, something I’m terrified off.

So WIBTA if I said no smoking around the baby?

Here are what netizens think:

Your child’s health is more important than your families addictions. It’s not only risk of SIDS that is increased by second hand smoke, there is an increased risk of ear infections, asthma, and respiratory infections including pneumonia. The “need” to have a cigarette has a name, its called an addiction. Your family should be able to put their addictions on hold for the sake of your child’s health.

im a heavy smoker and i have been for almost 9 years. i struggle to go a few hours without smoking because im severely addicted to nicotine. you know what i dont do? smoke around kids, smoke around people who dont want me to, smoke around people with illnesses, smoke in peoples homes. im a smoker, yes, and thats my choice, but i respect other peoples ability to choose whether or not they want to be around that for whatever reason. i respect that some people dont even want to smell cigarette smoke, let alone be around someone actively smoking. even if their request seems ridiculous to me (like “dont smoke for six hours at least before coming over” or something) ill either respect it and go along with it, or politely refuse and just not be around that person because its their right to not be around smokers if they dont want to be.

This! If someone doesn’t care enough about your child to avoid smoking around them, they don’t care enough to be around your child.