Stingy New Husband

2 years ago, I’ve remarried. Had a new baby, and 3 school-going kids from a previous marriage. I must say that I was quite independent after my 1st divorce, owning and fully paying for my own 5-room HDB. I even get full custody for the kids.

My current husband is earning more than me (more than $6k a mth). He doesn’t have kids from a previous marriage so it was his 1st with me. He loves his daughter ALOT, but he was SUPER STINGY. By saying super stingy, I mean, he does not:

– provide money for our groceries weekly

– never pay for our family meals if we were to go out together

– always expect me to pay for meals whenever we order in

– only gave $100 monthly for utilities, thats all

– does not fork out anything extra for e.g maid

– we own a car so he wants us to 50% the loan

– expect me to fully pay for the petrol

I’ve ever brought the topic up. But we always ended up fighting cos he told me that those staying in the house, most were MY KIDS and not his. Thus its fair that I pay, not him.

Recently, I changed job due to post-pregnancy stress. I took a $2k paycut. Tried explaining to him to help out with the monthly utilities as I am struggling doing so alone, but got brutally scolded by him instead. I ended up having alot of credit card loans cos whenever i don’t have enough, I am too afraid to voice out to him. Did not tell him about this, cos he will be mad if he knows that I’ve even used the baby bonus money meant for our baby.

I didn’t know he can be so mean and stingy, I really didn’t expect this from him. He had alot of savings (6 digits). All he cares about is making and saving money, nothing else… I developed anxiety and panic attacks thinking about this sometimes.

I never thought of divorce as I hate the process and going thru the agony again. And I am afraid I wont get to see my baby again, cos he ever told me that he will take her with him should we seek separation.. sometimes, I think about dying as it will be the best option for now…

I am super tired of all this.. really tired…

I’ve been with my boyfriend about three years (living together about a year). Prior to him I had a five year relationship with an older guy, that ended about a year before my current relationship.

My boyfriend brought up maybe 6 months ago how I’d feel about calling him ‘Daddy’ in bed. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and didn’t want to. He let it go. A few days ago we ran into my ex. He acted really nice, introduced himself to my boyfriend, then made a comment about how he’d have expected my boyfriend to be older, looks a little young to replace him as ‘Daddy’ and laughed.

My boyfriend didn’t really say anything to it, and I quickly said goodbye and rushed us out the door. The car ride was quiet, but when we got home he stormed to our bedroom and slammed the door.

Went in trying to talk to him but he refused. Just spread his entire body across the bed so I couldn’t get on it as well. It was late, so I went to sleep on the couch for the night. The next day he left for work before I woke up, then came back late. So I tried to talk to him again. He says he’s hurt and upset that I lied to him about feeling uncomfortable with calling someone that, and that he realizes now I just don’t want to call him that.

And I don’t think I explained it well to him. That I am uncomfortable with it. My relationship with my ex was a trainwreck of bad decisions for years. I met him when I was 19 and he was 36, he became pretty controlling pretty quick but I didn’t really notice. I thought I loved him. He asked me to call him that, and I was an infatuated idiot. He was older, mature, had his life together, took care of me, and supported my university and career goals. So I just did it and felt ok with it at the time. Near the end of our relationship, I was realizing he was more controlling than I was happy with and he wasn’t treating me like an equal partner like I wanted. It went from he’s protective and helpful, to he’s restrictive and authoritative. So I broke things off, he didn’t take it well, but he never caused me any trouble. Breakup was clean, nothing crazy.

When my boyfriend suggested calling him that… it just gave me a bad feeling. Made me think of my ex. How controlling he got of me. How he wouldn’t treat me as an equal. And the idea of calling someone that is just very uncomfortable to me now, I didn’t lie. I tried to explain that to him but he kept insisting it was something about him. Saying apparently he’s not old enough, attractive enough, successful enough, and I don’t love him enough. And accused me of still loving my ex, and that if what I said is true I’d have told him when he asked. Which to me if my boyfriend asks that, and I turned around and go “no I don’t want to call you Daddy because it makes me think of my ex,” sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just saying I was uncomfortable, I thought was the best answer because I am.

He’s now barely spoken to me since that argument. He’s been locking the door to the bedroom at night, and has said he needs time to think, so I’ve just been sleeping on the couch and staying out of his way. I’m not really sure what to do. How to better explain this to him, or how to make it better? I’m really at a loss. I know he’s always been pretty insecure, but I’ve always told him I love him, find him attractive, and want to be with him. I’ve reminded him of that since this happened, and he just calls me a liar and walks away. He’s made a few passing comments as he walks past me about being surprised I’m home and not out with some middle-aged man or hitting my ex up. Which has really hurt. I feel like that entire relationship was a big dumb mistake, and I can admit that. But I’ve never cheated on my boyfriend, gave him any reason to think I’d cheat or didn’t want him until this situation that I guess now he feels that way.

What should I do with my boyfriend who is obsessed with his dogs?

My boyfriend owns 3 dogs and we have been dating for close to a year. I was initially very drawn to his kind and caring nature and his love for animals.

When we first got tgt, the dogs brought fun and laughter into the rs and it was all nice and fun to play with them.

As time progresses, idk is it bc the honeymoon period has faded but it seems his dogs have taken a priority more than me.

A few times, he cancelled dates at the last minute as the dogs needed his attention. When we spend time tgt at his place, I was expected to help him to clean, feed and walk the dogs etc.

Even when we are out, he’ll ask his family to take live videos of his dogs every now and then to see if they are ok.

At times, he replied my msgs very late as he claimed he has to spend time with them. He has said that he will not give up on his dogs even if he were to settle down and have a family and he spends more than 1/2 of his take home pay on them.

I’m not a pet owner myself so I don’t understand if such behavior is common. I’m not really happy but I’m unsure how to approach this. I dw to force him to choose between me and his dogs.

Netizens’ comments

• if you love him, you should love his pets as well… having pets are like having babies/kids. They’re a priority as they’re considered his family. If you leave him, his dogs won’t… until death do they part. When you have a pet you will understand.

• He got his dogs way before he knew you, so for now, you will not be prioritize above his dogs. Besides, what he is doing is just a habit to him, you simply found that out later in the r/s.
  What you really need to do is ask yourself this:- If this is who he is and there is no way you can change him, are you willing to spend your life with him?If your answer is yes, then you will have to tolerate his obession for his dogs, because that is who he is and that is the man you fell for.
  As for you, you should learn to understand why your guy love his dogs so much and also learn to love what he love. That’s the best way to approach this r/s.Your guy is a good guy. At least, his obsession to dogs shows me he is a responsible person.

So I (29M) have been seeing a girl (26F) for a couple of months now.

We started hanging out in mid March, and things have started to feel pretty serious. I’ve been seeing her exclusively since we started a relationship, We’re hanging out 2-3 times a week, including staying over. She is popping by my job to say hi, bringing food for me and my coworkers, and she’s pretty much been on track to meet my friends. Every time we hang out it’s tons of laughs, smiles, and lots of physical attention. She’s mentioned several times telling her friends and family about me, and she has met a couple of my friends. We text or talk on the phone every day.

There’s been some weird red flag stuff though, for example I’ve never been to her apartment and she pretty much refuses to let me see it. She always just comes to my place. The other is, we haven’t really ever had a “real” conversation. Any time relationship level conversations come up, the subject is changed or we go into jokes. We have had lots of other conversations, and we talk a lot, but it’s always avoided when it goes there. Whatever I suppose, she wants to take it slow?

Well I’ve been feeling strange about the whole relationship. Today she fell asleep and her phone was next to me. I know I shouldn’t have looked through it. I feel really guilty, I know it’s an invasion of her privacy, and it’s an overall lame move. But, I picked up her phone and searched my name in her texts.

There were a hand full text threads that had my name mentioned, but I picked the most recent one and a second one from a friends name I recognized from her stories.

The first one was two weeks ago. The girl I’m seeing sent a screenshot of a guy hitting on her, and I guess it’s a long time crush of hers. Her and the friend she sent it to make lots of lewd jokes, and she said something like “I like OP, but let me know if you bang ___”

The other thread was at the end of March, right around the time we started seeing each other and the first time she stayed the night at my place. Basically, she was describing our intimacy as extremely awkward, she was telling her friend that my manhood was small, and they laughed about my lack of game. Then the friend asks “Do you like OP?” To which she replied, “As a person, yeah. But I’m not into it.” Then they both casually mentioned the few other guys she’s been seeing and sleeping with and how they’re bad.

I feel embarrassed, but also extremely confused. I put her phone back immediately after reading the second thread and shut it. There was more to read, but my hands were shaking and I felt so stupid.

That conversation was a month and a half ago, clearly she’s continued to see me, and she is always extremely enthusiastic about intimacy and she’s often the one initiating. We’ve had conversations about our intimacy, and she has always been overwhelmingly positive to me.

I’m feeling neutral about her seeing other people. We’ve never had a conversation about this being exclusive, so I didn’t expect her to be, but I also didn’t expect what I saw. More than anything, my jaw dropped about how she was talking about me. I couldn’t imagine speaking about an intimate experience that way to my friends, let alone being so derogatory.

I’m trying to sort out if this was just an instance of her talking shit with her friends, but it also seems so unlike the person I’ve been seeing for the past couple of months.

I know it’s not fair of me to judge someone based on an isolated text that wasn’t even meant for me, but I am also feeling incredibly insecure and hurt over this. In equal amounts, I’m feeling large pangs of guilt for going through her phone.

After a few minutes of trying to process, it was midnight and she said she had to leave at that time. So I woke her up and walked her to her car. She mentioned twice that she was upset I didn’t wake her up earlier, because she wanted to get down to it. That made my stomach sink, and I laughed it off. I was obviously being really weird.

She sent me a text apologizing for sleeping so long, and asked if I wanted to see her Wednesday.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure how to feel, and I’m not sure how to approach a conversation with her about this, or even if I should at all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long. Typing on mobile if format is poor. Throwaway because I’m embarrassed

When I first saw her, I knew she was the one. I’m not one who believe in love at first sight but seeing her had changed my mind. I had been admiring her from afar for ages.

Fate was on my side. I was transferred to her class. My class number exceeded thus I was the lucky one to switch over. She was friendly and the first person to say hi to me. I don’t know how many times my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw her.

I realised she got a bf in school. I tried to convince myself to give up. As our friendship grew I find myself increasingly attracted to her. She’s funny, cheerful, kind, beautiful inside and out. I’ve never met anyone like her. Before I know it myself, I was smitten. Actually we have become good friends. We text each other about homework and stuff. I think she has a great personality. She’s very smart and confident. She also know how to play the drums which I think is so cool. I was afraid that she would notice I’m crushing her hard so I start to distant myself a little.

I think it was meant to be. One day when I was out I saw her bf with a different girl. They held hands and acted like a couple so I don’t think its platonic. I secretly snapped a few photos.

Now I’m in a dilemma. Do I tell and show her what I saw? Or should I continue to pray that her relationship with her bf will die a natural death?

Actually under normal circumstances, if I saw something like this, I wouldn’t tell.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s not “the one” if it’s not reciprocal and she shows zero interest beyond basic friendly gestures.And unlike what many people here think, you can’t “engineer” attraction through any mechanism because she clearly did not show any in the first place.Wishful thinking is bad for you. You let your misplaced emotions cloud your judgement. Boost your testosterone and such mistakes won’t happen again.

• The guy is cheating on her with some other girl, as her friend I think you should just let her know. What happen to you two after that, whether you be together or not, leave it to fate ba.

• U have to know, even if u break the 2 of them up, she might be yours to begin with.

• I would show her the picture, as a good friend. No one deserves to get cheated. But do not expect her to fall for you just because of that.

Is it ok for couples to sleep separately for long term even after marriage?

My bf and I have sleeping patterns that clash. I am a light sleeper that gets awakened easily by small environmental changes. I am the type who needs that 7-8 hr of sleep a night.

If not, I’ll get drowsy and moody the next day. My bf snores a lot which will affect me. in his room, he used to sleep alone on a queen size bed and he’s also a bit reluctant to share the space with another person.

We are considering to sleep to separate rooms if we do settle down. As a bonus, we can decorate our rooms to our liking instead of having to compromise. I’ve seen it being practised in western countries but will it be weird to do it here?

Here are what netizens think:

• Why do you seek the opinions of strangers on an arrangement in your private relationship? Who cares about East or West? Do what suits the two of you. Sleep separately if it helps.

• Not weird. I.second that actually. Sleep is most important. The worse thing is you enter yr room wanting to sleep and yet the roommate watching loud movie and make u lose your sleep and affect yr sleep quality.

• Actually it is pretty normal and as long as both of you have your needs covered, you will be fine. The good thing is as a couple, your recognises issues and willing to work as a team to resolve issues is a good start before settling down.

• As long as it will not affect your relationship, I don’t think it will pose a problem

• Nope not weird. Do what u think is best for the both of u to get better sleep. Just make sure that u guys don’t miss out on or skip intimacy when u guys sleep seperately.