Healing advice please

About 6months ago, my GF of 8 years left me for a co-worker who she had been talking to for 4months. While leaving, she blamed me for all my faults causing her to leave which include working late nights, hanging out with buddies even tho we were part of the same clique, not understanding why she had to leave because something was missing.

I was not aware of said co-worker until a week after the break which i asked if there was someone else, she then said she had been talking to him daily for 4 months prior.

It has been 6 months and all I want is to heal from the pain, have started to work out 3 months post the BU and started to reconnect with friends more, however this pain in my chest never leaves.

In the first month of the BU, we were in contact but little did I know she was already together with him 2 weeks after. This really destroyed my self esteem and I have been trying to make myself feel better to no avail.

What I did not tell her was that the real pain did not lie within her leaving, but the real pain came from the betryal of the trust I placed in her these past 8 years.

Any advise on healing or rather healing quicker? I’m so tired of feeling so down daily.

Is there really a need for 4 months of Maternity leave? Can someone enlighten me how does maternity leave suppose to encourage more baby making?

If it’s to recuperate, I think 1 month should be enough? If it’s for looking after the kid, then how about after the maternity leave ends?

I heard of new moms who used to go holiday or having high tea after a month. Isn’t annual and child care leave enough?

Let’s be objective about this.

Netizens’ comments

• I don’t know if you are male or female but highly possible you are someone’s boss.
  And whoever that’s pregnant and had to work for you had my sympathies
  So what she goes for high tea or a holiday in that four months? Having a break after carrying a kid for 9 months not to mention the hellish first month of confinement is well deserved. And not many mums even get the luxury of such if she has no support with the kid.
  So shut it. Being a mum is hard enough without posts like this from people like you.

• No need for maternity leave. A woman’s job is to serve. She should spend all of her time at home taking care of her child, and the moment she’s not doing that, she should be working. Heaven forbid we have women actually doing something interesting and fun with their free time instead of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their families! How dare she go for high tea? How dare she do something for herself? How dare she not spend every waking AND sleeping moment with the baby?
  Also, babies should be independent from birth! How DARE a baby want to be carried? What’s all this nonsense about bonding with the parent? Why does a baby need comfort? If an adult can be left to cry alone in the stairwell, then a baby should get used to it as well. I mean, at least they have a comfy cot to cry.
  Babies should sleep when you tell them to sleep. Adults have no problem falling asleep the moment they hit the pillow, and have zero issues waking up at night. I’ve never met a functioning adult who got up at night to pee, or drink water, or eat something. Actually, you might as well throw your baby away if they don’t walk and talk from the moment they emerge from your vagina because if they can’t do it now, they will never be able to do it.
  Maternity leave and all is a waste of time and resources. You’re so right. We should all just be robots instead of partaking in these frivolous pleasurable activities that do nothing to contribute to the world.

My ex-wife contacted me out of the blue to tell me the man she cheated with and left me for mistreats her. It told her IDGAF and now people are shaming me on my social media
I’m 31 and my ex-wife “Claire” is 35. We were married ten years ago right when I turned 21 and graduated. We were married five years. During my whole marriage, I thought we were happy. I certainly was, anyway. I worked in the IT field and still do.

We never got into fights during our marriage and our life seemed to be satisfying.

A couple of months before I finally caught her with her affair partner, she turned cold to me. Whereas before she had loved to initiate intimacy and loved having it with me, suddenly we tapered off. Every day turned into once a week, then for the last two weeks before I outed her, not at all.

I caught her because she had left her phone out and it was still open to a naked selfie that she had sent to a number I didn’t know. Although I was crushed I kept my head on and took photos of her phone with my phone. I saw her message stream with her boyfriend, some guy from the gym that I was paying her bill for.

I didn’t confront her. The texts told me all I needed to know. They had been screwing while I was at work, in MY bed.

I just kept quiet, then the following Saturday when I knew she would be at her supposed “double yoga class and that’s why I’ll be gone three hours” I loaded my stuff into my car and left. I had talked to a divorce attorney and I would be fine. I was 25 and didn’t have serious money. Her father had passed away and left her like 200k so she was rolling in dough. I had no claim on that money, nor should I have had one. We had no kids, although she had always claimed we would start having kids when she turned 30. That birthday came and went but rather than start having kids with me she decided to just spread her legs for someone else.

Although I was the sole income earner, she was in possession of a VAST amount of money (by my standards) and also had a degree and was a schoolteacher for two years before we got married.

The divorce papers were left on the kitchen table.

She of course blew up my phone later with all kinds of apologies and begging and pleading but I ignored her. A lot of her friends tried to call me and left nasty messages about how I was a coward and never loved her otherwise how could I ghost her.

I ignored all of them.

The only person I called was the guy’s wife, who promptly dumped him. But I guess it worked out for my ex because she and her boyfriend got married just a few months after the divorce finalized.

The only time I ever saw her again was in front of the judge to end our divorce case where I had to pay zero alimony and it was a clean break.

She never looked at me once but kept her head down. She brought her boyfriend from the gym and he was flexing trying to look hard like he was going to fight me. I just shook my head at him and thought he gets what he pays for.

I’ve been on dates since then and have hooked up a few times since then but have never been in a long term relationship since. This was my own choice. In a lot of ways I’m not over my relationship with her. I don’t love her anymore but I’m turned off to loving anyone now.

I reconnected with some of my friends I had neglected during my marriage since my wife disapproved of me being friends with ANYONE.

Facebook used to be an app I used but pretty much anyone I care about I already see and converse with face to face or on the phone so I never use it anymore.

Apparently Claire had spun a narrative that I was mentally mistreating her and that’s why she had no choice but to leave me for affair partner.

My parents didn’t buy it, and my close associates didn’t buy it, either.

But she tried selling that crap to my boss to get me fired, I guess as revenge against me ruining her boyfriend’s marriage. Ironic, that she caped for his marriage, when it was his new bachelorhood that helped make a relatively honest woman out of her.

I just showed my boss the texts where my ex begged for mercy and forgiveness and admitted she was having an affair and that I was a good husband etc.

He just told me he was sorry, and gave me two weeks paid off to rest.

Fast forward six years. I’m still single and just working in my same field and at same company but making more money now and I am doing pretty well for myself. My own apartment, I’ve got savings, I’ve got a 401K, a car, and am generally happy. I do what I want, when I want, and answer to no one. I suppose I could put a down payment on a house but I don’t need one, and I’m happy where I’m at.

But last week my ex started texting me again.

I never blocked her number, since there was no need to. She hadn’t been trying to contact me anymore since the flurry of old messages a long time ago begging me not to divorce her and telling me the other guy (who she is now married to) didn’t mean anything to her blah blah blah.

At first her messages were just friendly.

“Hi OP, it’s Claire. Long time no see. How are you?”

“I know I messed up. Can I call you?”

Then she tried to call me. At least ten times. I didn’t pick up, and I didn’t answer any of her texts either.

“OP, this is still your number, right? I talked to [mutual acquaintance] and he says this is still your number since you replied to him on it. Please talk to me.”

She then told me how much she missed me and how I was the only man who was ever good to her.

Then she started sharing information.

“OP, [affair partner] is such a bastard. He hurts me. I don’t know what to do. I made the biggest mistake of my life throwing you away. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

I still ignored her.

Then she started naming off different ways that he hurt her. I don’t ever want to contact her again, so I texted our mutual acquaintance (a person who had joined in on calling me a coward years ago but with whom I still have some contact because I know his family) and told him what Claire told me, and asked him to get into contact with the proper authorities if what she’s saying is true, because I don’t give a crap about Claire anymore, and I don’t care if she starved to death in the street or died, but maybe her friends care.

I actually used those words.

Looking back, it’s obvious I DO care, if I bothered to try to send such a hateful message through an intermediary, but I didn’t want to get involved otherwise. I also think Claire is trying to manipulate the former nice guy I used to be. The old me would have rushed to her rescue and be a shoulder to cry on.

Not anymore.

The acquaintance told me I was an evil person and a monster and blah blah blah. I told him to screw himself and blocked him.

For the first time in forever I logged into Facebook.

As expected, no one that I used to think of as a friend had ever tried to message me to comfort me or help me back when I was first getting cheated on and divorced.

I had gotten a lot of support from my family and actual friends and coworkers who had since become outside-friends.

Tons of people who were her friends had been sending me messages now, telling me they were right to support her because I was abandoning her in her time of need.

Like seriously, WTF. What am I supposed to do?

I’m her ex husband and someone she cheated on.

They know about the alleged miscondunt on the man’s part so as her friends what are THEY doing about it?

I’m just some guy she used to know, and who she hurt.

I screencaptured all the texts she had sent me recently as well as years ago (my number never changed, and I never delete anything) and have decided to stop taking high roads on social media and just plasted all their feeds with her texts where she begged me to take her back and she admitted to cheating on me.

Finally they left me alone.

Now she is still texting me complaining about what I said to the mutual acquaintance and accusing me of never loving her and that I was an evil person.

I never replied to her.

I feel good about what I did, and in my own sick way, I feel like I have closure.

Is it weird that at 25 years old, I really, really don’t know what I want to do with my life, especially career wise?

I am 25 years old and I have no clue what I want to do with my life for the rest of my life. I’ve dabbled into so many industries, I have a ton of skills but I still have no clue what I want to do forever.

It used to worry me a lot but last year, I just told myself it doesn’t matter what I do so long as I’m never out of work, it’s not illegal and I’m as comfortable as I can possibly be.

I also promised myself I won’t take up or learn anything new this year till I celebrate my first year in my current industry.

I’d like to hear some experiences especially if it took you a while to finally find your path or whatever.

Netizens’ comments

• 38 year old here. Don’t have a clue what I want to do with my life. Right now I just work a job earning a paycheck, that don’t count.

• I’m late forties and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

• I absolutely knew what I wanted to do, but life got in the way and I didn’t get that career. I will say, most people don’t love their work. Find something you can do that will let you support your hobbies.