Sometimes i feel that my bf is very ungrateful towards his parents. Do some guys not realize that its a huge turnoff when they say or do things that show how unfilial they are?

His family is an average singaporean family and he was provided with every basic needs a kid should have. He is the only son in the family and his parents have been working from early morning for years to provide for the family.

From what i see personally and from what he tells me, there was no ill-treatment, both physically or verbally that took place. So i can’t understand his ungratefulness toward his parents.

He would always complain about them to me and say harsh things. Even ridiculous things he will also complain.

He will say things like how his parents don’t care about his feelings and condition of the day when he is tired from work yet they ask for help when they need technological help for their phone etc.

Complained about how he could have better grades in school if his parents were smarter and tutored him. He will scold his mum behind her back for being stupid for not knowing certain things.

It is so ridiculous, i told him off and etc but he doesn’t seem to care much. With a full time job and a pretty decent salary, he told me that it is a waste to give his salary to his parents so he doesn’t want to.

When i had dinner with his parents, his mum hinted that he should give at least 10% of his salary to them. Isn’t that the basic filial piety that one can give to their parents? But he just ignored what his mum said as he claims that it was just a ‘joke’.

When i ask him to at least bring them out for dinner, he just claim they prefer homecooked food. I even told him since he hates them so much, why not just move out and live by himself.

To my surprise he said if he moves out, no one will cook for him and wash his clothes. He also does not want to ‘spend unnecessary money on housing expenses’. So he is just living off his parents while complaining about them 24/7…

Casually over dinner, i discussed this with my parents to see how they feel about this. They couldn’t believe how he refused to give part of his salary to his parents. My mum said that if he don’t even want to support his parents when he is capable now, how will he even support a family next time? She threw the bomb and told me to break up with him. What is the right thing to do in this situation?

I’m not sure what to make of this but I suppose I’m just writing here to talk about it since I’ve never really told anyone about it even though I’m still a bit shaken by it. I’m a female secondary student fresh into upper sec if that’s useful information.

So around 7.05 earlier I was going to make my way to school with my father who was driving me. As usual, I followed him from the HDB to the carpark and everything was normal. There was an uncle passing us by as we headed to our car but I didn’t think of much of it at first. However, as I was going to get into the car after placing my things in the backseat, I noticed that the uncle was standing right at the door to the stairwell, just… staring at me while I was going to enter the car. He was standing still like that standing deadpan goat meme and I was instantly freaking frightened by the sight of him.

I still got into the car and I told my father about him. My father then looked at the door to check him out and it wasn’t long before the uncle started to walk off already. I thought that was the end of it, but then while my father drove out of the carpark I saw the uncle again, standing still and just staring at what I’m pretty sure is our car. I was genuinely scared lol and I hope I never see him again, so weird

So yea just wanted someplace to talk about it yk lol

A netizen shared a similar experience:

• Had an old man in broad daylight walking towards my friend and me. But because of a huge tree, the area was quite shady. My friend must have seen something and started to pull my sleeve. Me being a big sotong kept staring at him trying to see why my friend was so terrified. When he was near, then I realised he whipped out his dark and wrinkled d. I pointed at him and laughed really loud then he kept it away. Trust me, despite my reaction. I was actually scared as well.

• Well, some uncles like to stare at young girls. I believe got people post similar experiences before. Just be careful and make sure to get a male family member to accompany you. Worse case walk in public. My gf also kena some weird guy before. Lucky she was with her family. Since that incident as long I around I make sure she infornt of me or if really cannot I will look downwards when we use escalator.

My husband and I used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we’ve lost our home and one of our incomes (his). We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our “costly” habits.

My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an town area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. A single session is $250, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly $1000 a month!. I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her.

The problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet. I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. I told him to cut his sessions but he refused. I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself.

Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money. I had to return everything then went home and went off on him. I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it. I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.

I went upstairs and he went out. He started giving me silent but I kept demanding the money back. he said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployement against him.

Here are what netizens think:

• You sure he go for spa or he go for special, where got so expensive one

• He sure take the money go for some “special” la.

• He stole from you to buy a luxury, Immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. Don’t give him any money at all. And seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you.

• Confirm the spa got happy ending one lah

My hubby made a big mistake in investment, due to WFH his friend introduced him to forex copy trade and he started investing 3000 USD.

After few months he wanted to try on his own so he invested 1000 USD, everything was lost and he invested 500 USD few times and all lost and he asked me to give 10K USD so that he can make profit, so I gave him and it was also lost.

After which he borrowed 36k SGD from the bank and invested, this time I was unaware that he’d borrowed money from the bank, somehow I found out by myself so I warned him to stop this but he believed he will make profit but due to market fluctuations his borrowed money was about to finish in forex so to save the loss he needs to top up.

We had our daughters saving saved for more than 10 years in her child account and that was linked to his account, he promised he won’t touch this account but he had no choice as he needs to save his money in forex he took 82K SGD from our savings and topped up his forex without my knowledge.

Within one month all the money in his forex is lost. And now we have zero in savings.

I am lost as I don’t know where to start now, please advise me how do I proceed further in my life. How to make my hubby stop this forex trading and concentrate on making money by doing some part time job apart from his job.

I have two daughters who are still in primary school. My parents are also dependent on us. Please help me by providing some advice.

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell him that numbers don’t lie, if he can even make one cent he won’t have lost over 100k today. Clearly this is not for him. Your husband seems to have a gambling problem more than a poor investment streak. Think he wants to get rich quick. Seek counselling.

• I guess when we lost money, we feel the pinch and desperately want to win back our capital at least.Unfortunately most of the time we will only end up losing more.You really need to tell your husband to let it go before he lose more than money. It could be marriage, you and the children or even his life. (Maybe I think too far ahead.) I assume he has a high paying job to be able to have this much savings? If so, money can still earn back. Let this be an expensive lesson and stay far away from forex.I sure hope he won’t resort to borrowing from illegal moneylenders?
• Cut losses as forex is highly leveraged. Take control of the family finances e.g. redirect hubby salary to your account/joint account, budgeting, even giving allowance to the hubby. Basically to limit his spending. Discuss with him on the way moving forward.

 Is it selfish not to be wanting to live with parents in laws?

My parents have passed. My parents in laws are quite old, and they’re reasonable people to which I’m very grateful for. Our relationship has been good all along, except for when it comes to my children – I’m the no bs, no myth kind. I like to have everything based on science. They’re, of course, the kind who believe in myth and old sayings. But apart from that, it’s all good.

Recently my husband and I were talking about what’s going to happen to one parent when the other one passes….. Here’s the thing, I am a very personal person. I like my own space, I enjoy a quiet home. We’ve been living alone (husband, I and two kids) since we’ve been married.

My home is really my nest and I enjoy being at home. My work also allows me to be home. So it’s been really nice. My in-laws are the type that will enter rooms whenever, and they’re loud as well. They touch my things (I don’t blame them for their habit, I just don’t like having my things moved around when I already organise it).

I feel like my boundaries and space are crossed whenever they’re around. There were a few times they stayed at our place because their place was under renovation. I was basically confined in my own room because they invaded the living room, and their belongings were everywhere instead of being in their own room (we gave them one room for that temporary stay) and I couldn’t stand it. I felt silly that I had to be confined in my own room while it’s my own house.

So I believe living separately is ultimately the perfect arrangement because there’s less conflict and I enjoy spending time with them whenever we meet. But the problem is I feel like my husband is disappointed about this, thinking that I don’t like his parents.

I assured him that I love them, especially since my parents have passed, I take them like my own parents. At the same time, I know my own boundaries and I respect personal space a lot. I wouldn’t like to have any unnecessary conflicts to happen.

My Sis-IL is the “filial piety” type which makes it worse. She loves her parents so much that whenever there’s family conflict, she will have opinions that are in favoured of my parents in-laws – even justifying the wrongs for the sake of my parents in-laws.

She can’t take in her parents because she’s living with her in-laws. So I find her really annoying at times because she has all the support she needs to raise her kids (both her parents n in laws help her) while she works and enjoys her life. She also always has her own parents house to “go home” to anytime. I don’t have that as my parents are no longer around.

My current house is my only home. It’s literally the only place I could call home. So naturally I’m protective of it. I’m afraid both my husband and my SIL will see me as someone who’s ungrateful for my kind parents in laws, thinking I don’t love them. At the same time I know I’d go crazy if they live together with us. Not to mention, space constraint is also an issue in our house. Both our kids will need both bedrooms in the future.

Please help. I would really love to know what do you all think about this (some of you might think I’m ungrateful but just let me know nicely) , and how I should I approach this respectfully.