My husband doesn’t want our child to call him dad.

My husband (24M), and I (25F) got married almost a year ago. However 6 months ago I found out I was pregnant due to our birth control failing.

We had both wanted children in the future, and this was just a bit sooner than either of us had expected, so I keep the child.

While discussing our future child’s first words; specifically I asked if he thought they would be “dada” or “mama”. This lead to him saying he actually doesn’t want our child to call him dad, because it will make him feel old.

This felt very odd to me. He is responsible for this child being brought into the world, but he wants them to call him by his first name?

When I brought this up he said I have no right to try and dictate, what our child should call him. I am really not understanding this, and when ever I try and talk to him about it he makes me feel like I am the bad guy.

Any advice on where to go from here?

Netizens’ comments

Husband looks like he is going through something deeper.

Surface level response: I will feel old

If that is his true feelings that is ridiculous. He’s 24 years old, having a kid on the early side.

I would want him to reflect if there is more going on here.

Anxiety about parenting? Anxiety about big life change? Things like that. Not “I will feel old if my kid calls me dad.” if that is true jesus, you are in for some rough parenting.

I fell in love with a married man with no kids. He was married for 3 years when we got together officially. When he brought up divorce to his wife, he said the wife was sad but agreed to the divorce. At the same time, the wife requested for some time to pass before commencement of the divorce proceedings which will take another 4 months to finalized. He agreed. When I asked why, he also lied to me that because they were not married for 3 years, they cannot commence divorce proceedings. (This was discovered later when my family members asked me to do an independent check.) The wife also requested that we no contact until divorce is finalized, requested that they go for occasional “outings” (e.g. movies, park, cycling, shopping, daily night time chatting sessions etc). He disagreed on the no contact request but accede to the requests to go on occasional “outings” (although he said no holding of hands). During the dates, he may text me occasionally to update. But the dates can last from 3hrs to 15hrs. He always reassure me that they are just like friends on outings, no intimacy.

This situation dragged on for 3 months since the wife’s discovery of the affair. I feel uneased sometimes when they go on dates. We often quarreled after his dates and he will say that I do not trust him, not seeing the bigger picture and that I should not allow jealousy to get the better of me. He said since we are in the wrong for committing extra-marital affair, we should try to lessen our guilt in the name of Buddhism, by being nice to the wife, so that she will bear less grudges against us and we are less sinful. Acceding to her requests was a way of being nice to the wife. Gradually, I stopped being jealous and in fact, when he took 8 days of leave during the festive period, they went buffet, fort canning, gardens by the bay etc and I wasn’t bothered. I thought as he mentioned, the 8 days were the final outings with the wife and there wouldn’t be any more.

3 months passed and they were supposed to sign the divorce papers as agreed between themselves. However, that did not happened and it dragged on another month with no updates from him, although he stopped going on dates. When he finally signed on the papers (although he didn’t show me evidence), he became very down and low-spirit. He said he wanted to do more for the wife seeing how sad she cried at the lawyer’s office and thereafter upon reaching home. He said the wife was sad as a lot of her requests were not met. Example: Texting me while on his dates made the wife unhappy. He raised his voice at the wife when he found out she called and scolded me and even barged to my office to create a scene, so he regretted not treating the wife better and asked for more time to appease the wife and helped the wife get out of misery. Previously, he also said he will move out of the matrimonial house after signing the papers, but he changed his mind and said he will do so just before the divorce is official in 4 months’ time. We quarreled and he suggested cooling down/breaking up momentarily so he can go ahead to fulfil his wife’s last wishes. He said he will not halt the divorce proceedings. But he also said previously the wife suggested to go on a last holiday and he would like to accede to her request now. This was the last straw for me and I told him he can go ahead and do what he wants. We shall break up. I have awakened.

I just found out that my husband (40) of 22 years next month has been living a double life and cheating on me (43) for the last 10 years, if not the entire time. And I am devastated.

I had no idea and not sure how I missed on ignored the signs and can’t wrap my mind around why. I just want to know why??

I found out he was cheating over the weekend and keeping a girlfriend on the other side of town for the past 5 years. I found he has a second phone, stored gifts from his mistress, has a key to her place, they have a dog, and found photos of other random women dating back to at least 2015.

It was a huge blow out when I told him I knew and he of course tried to deny it. I’ve asked him to stay out the house right now so I can process and figure out a way to tell our two wonderful children. They think he’s just away for work currently.

But I can’t understand. This man has never not treated me like royalty. We’ve had our marital woes, I’ve had several health issues, but he’s stuck with me through it all. And we laugh regularly, he’s been my best friend and biggest supporter in life and we’re still intimate.

He’s home at least 3 – 4 days usually every week and otherwise working or claiming such. The night before I was told he was out on a date in which he didn’t get home until early morning I now recall, he had just taken me out to a dinner show with one of my favorite comedians.

So why would he be cheating on me if he’s doing all this for me and why cheat for this long and be in a whole relationship if he’s also with me? I feel so used and also just angry I didn’t notice it yet others have. And our children he adores, how has he lived with himself keeping it from them?

He’s spent the past 4 new years with her, playing house watching “their” dog, went on trips. I can’t fully prove it yet and still putting pieces together but believe he snuck away to her after he dropped me off for a surgery follow up.

I’m just trying to piece it all together to understand and feel I can’t trust anyone around me since I’m learning many people on his side knew – he’s a perfect in-law with my family however.

Has anyone experience this is or similar? Why and how could he do this???

And how on earth was I this blind not to see it? What should I do no??

Last Sat morning my grandmother found my grandfather lying on bed and having difficulty breathing, so he was quickly sent to hospital and now he is still in ICU.

My grandfather is 89 years old, and he is ready and has prepared for his last moment. He always say if he lose consciousness, there is no need to save him. He also expressed his willingness to donate his body after he pass away.

But this time his daughters (my mom and aunties) still decided to save him even though when doctor say it will be suffering for him to be intubated.

Indeed my grandfather felt very angry when he wake up for a moment and found himself in ICU yesterday. The doctors had to give him medicine to force him to sleep because he didn’t want to cooperate with treatment in ICU.

I don’t know how to express my sadness. I think no one is wrong but still feel sad for everyone. I wish my grandfather can have a peaceful last moment since that is what he always want.

But I also understand my mom and aunties won’t just simply let him die without effort to save him. As a result he had to suffer a lot.

If his life is saved, he may suffer again next time if same thing happen. He doesn’t want it, but he doesn’t have any control. Now everyone except he himself and me are so happy that he may survive this time…. what a sad reality.

My mom is ridiculous, over the years she contributed practically nothing to the family financially, doesn’t have a job and yet she expect my dad to give a monthly allowance, supplementary card and etc, basically covering all her expenses.

She always want things to go her way, she don’t bother to save money & behaves like she’s entitled to all the funds just because she’s married to my dad (she genuinely thinks so because those are the words she said herself)

While on the other hand my dad works hard for the family but still, always getting scolded for the simplest thing like buying just a tad bit too much groceries back home.

and she’s extremely selfish and inconsiderate, she literally lack of self awareness, talk loudly in public, throwing trash out of the car, doing everything her way because ‘that’s the only right way’ and countless. and she will never be in the wrong!

even when i told her she’s being unreasonable she will just ‘so what?’ ‘i’m your mother, you must listen to me no matter what’ ‘you dare go against my words?’ etc.

so how do i deal with a person like this?

Netizen’s comments

She carried you for 9 months and raised you? Risked her life in the process? I don’t think your father did that? Surely that counts for something. Unless you’re adopted. Or she’s your stepmom. Then i guess… Sure, she sounds a bit obnoxious from the anecdotes you’ve provided…

Maybe you should consider learning to communicate differently and learning how to be persuasive. Maybe you should invest more time to mend the relationship…

I just think its kinda sad cos maybe your mom probably has little or no knowledge of what it takes or how to be aware of her actions or how her actions affect the people around her. A lot of people display arrogant behaviour as a defense mechanism to cope with situations that they cannot control.

But this behaviour is a learned one and can be unlearned with a lot of patience and understanding. Who better to help her become a better person than her own daughter. I mean, if you don’t bother to help her… who will?