GF’s international family have said that they’ll never accept our relationship, even though they’ve never met me. Looking for advice

My partner and I met in Feb 2020, right as the pandemic was kicking off. We instantly clicked – we had so much in common, it just felt natural. We spent our lockdown pretty much living together, in a new relationship, and everything was perfect. We knew it was meant to be really quick.

Partner had to return to her home country in August 2020 for a wedding, and the border closed behind her. We have been trying to get her back ever since while continuing our relationship long distance. Not even distance could get in the way – we are still completely obsessed with each other and are absolutely adamant that we want to spend our lives together. It’s been 506 days and counting long distances.

Last week, we finally got her flight booked to return. However, today I randomly got a message from her brother (I’ve never really spoken directly to her family due to the language barrier) saying that they will never accept our relationship and that they will never accept a relationship where the partner isn’t from their home country.

GF and I are absolutely adamant that we want to spend our lives together – her family’s approval is obviously incredibly important, but it’s not more important to me than our relationship, and her happiness.

How do I approach this? I’ve made it clear that I’m willing to earn their approval, but they won’t even come to the table. Any and all advice is appreciated.

Here are what netizens think:

• Right now work on your own relationship and being together. Make that your focus for now since you have been apart from each other. You have time to deal with her family. Just work right now getting together and going forward.

• Hey. I grew up in a family where this was the case. My dad’s mother gave him an ultimatum and he went to spend his life w/ his wife (my mom) instead of prioritizing his mother and her wishes. As a result I’ve never met my dad’s side of the family.

• Your best response to this is living well. Become successful and take great care of your partner, and leave them behind you.

My husband has always been very health conscious. He exercises religiously and is careful about the things he eats. When we first got married (5 years ago) and moved in together it was hard for me to adjust to his lifestyle but I slowly adopted his habits so it was fine.

However, I’m currently 5 months pregnant and all I want to do is eat junk. We already have a toddler and if I eat something, our toddler wants it too. My husband wants our toddler to eat only healthy foods, which was never realistic in my opinion as to when he’s around other children he will naturally want to try some of the not so healthy food they’re eating.

So, if I’m having a snack and my son asks for some I usually give it to him. My husband was already upset I was eating junk food myself, he would make remarks about how what I was eating wasn’t good for me or the baby, but he absolutely freaked out when he saw our son eating it.

He took all of the food I bought that he deemed “bad for me” and got rid of it and won’t let me buy replacements. Pregnancy cravings aren’t fun so not being able to eat what I’m craving has put me in an awful mood and we keep arguing now, which we never did before.

Here are what netizens think:

• Have you looked up orthorexia? Throwing out your food and refusing to allow you to purchase more is abhorrent and controlling behaviour and my husband and I would be in an emergency session with our counsellor if he did that.

• I would sit him down with your doctor, but have a 1 on 1 with your doctor first and tell them how your cravings are due to lack of that item in your diet. Craving fatty foods? Lacking fats. Craving a hamburger? Usually lacking protein. It’s important that you reasonably indulge in your pregnancy cravings, because those cravings are signals that your baby needs that food item.

• My sister allows my niece to have junk food, in moderation. She buys individually-packaged snacks so it’s easier to keep to the moderation (EX: mini chip bags instead of one big bag). She taught my niece to enjoy junk food, with healthy food. My niece currently loves blueberry pancakes with organic peanut butter instead of syrup.

A netizen shared how she is addicted to pain meds.

Here is the story:

“Not really sure of where to start. I’m 23 and I’ve been addicted to really strong painkillers since I was 12.

My mum first gave me them when I was 12 when I had my first period and was dealing with a lot of pain.

The pills give me this euphoric feeling about half an hour after taking them. This feeling lasts about 45mins to an hour but after that feeling wears off I go into the worst mood.

I can always feel myself coming down from the high and I become tired and angry. Then it’s another waiting four hours before I can take more.

It’s the only thing I look forward too everyday. I’ve been quite sick from them lately (nausea, headaches, dizziness and hot flushes).

I have managed to come off of them once before for 6 months but I injured myself and ended up being given the same pain killers in hospital which restarted my addiction.

I’ve been to a therapist for it but it didn’t really help. My doctors have no issue giving them to me even though they are aware of my addiction.

The last time I tried to come off of them I couldn’t take the anger and miserable feeling of knowing I have no high to look forward too.

I forgot to mention the reason I think I’m addicted to pain killers is because I’m already on antidepressants and anti anxiety pills.

I guess my plan is to come off of pain meds eventually but I’m not sure what will give me the same high safely. No one knows about it and it is awful.”

Editor’s note: PLEASE speak to someone about this, talk to a psychiatrist.

I’m a 25-year-old woman and will soon be meeting my boyfriend’s family for the first time. He is from a devoutly Catholic family and while he is an Atheist and they somewhat tolerate that he is worried they will not accept the fact I’m atheist and he is fairly certain they will ask about my religion when we meet.

He has asked me to lie about my religion and either say i’m Catholic like him as it will make the whole meeting and future relationships go smoother and has tried to tell me he accepts my religion so how they feel shouldn’t matter to me and it doesn’t matter if they know the truth. I disagree with this though and I don’t want to lie as if we end up lasting it’ll be a lie I have to carry for my life and i’m not ashamed of this and don’t want to hide it away like it’s some dirty secret.

He thinks i’m being unfair here and that if I an open about my religion with his family it will only make things awkward or very terse. Frankly if they don’t like me I don’t care but I also accept that’s easier said than done for him as they are his family.

Am I being unfair here when he is only trying to make the meeting easier?

Here are what netizens think:

• You shouldn’t have to hide your own beliefs for anyone. However, your boyfriend isn’t wrong either. He supports you, but he knows his parents will most likely dislike you because of your beliefs and he’s simply trying to avoid that situation.

• Don’t lie, as when the truth comes out it would be a mess. You don’t have to talk religion or religious beliefs at all on the first meeting. If pressured, you can say you are not comfortable talking about something that is devising. Note, if your boyfriend and you are serious, the conversation will have to happen eventually.

• if he asks you to lie about this, what else will he want you to lie in the future

My mom told me the guy I’m seeing is “too hot” for me and she’s “positive” he’s seeing many woman because I’m “too fat” to score him

She told me this about a week ago and it’s been eating away at me every day. Like not in the sense that I believe what she’s saying but because she said it.

Who in the world speaks to their child like that?!

For reference though, I’m 26yo and I have put on some weight since quarantine and haven’t really tried to lose any of it.

The guy I’m seeing is 34 and very fit. He’s actually my ex from many years ago and we rekindled almost a year ago. I never talk to my mom about my dating life for this exact reason.

Ever since I was a kid she body shamed me and would tell me how she wouldn’t want to be seen with me because I embarrassed her.

She’s always told me I’m not a real girl, and I’m not a pretty one and she only will claim her pretty daughters.

Last week she was throwing low blows at me saying I don’t date, I’m going to die alone if I don’t find someone to date, and that I need to hit the treadmill so I can find a husband.

I told her there was no need because I’m already seeing someone. She didn’t believe me so I showed her his pics and she REALLY didn’t believe me after that. She told me I’m either lying or that he’s just using me and has 7 other pretty girlfriends who aren’t fat like me.

I wanted so bad to just break down when she said that but instead I just walked away from her. I guess I really just came here to vent but holy crap I’ve been feeling so down about this lately.