I am kind of reeling. My Mum doesn’t want to talk about it and just says I don’t understand what it means to be married. Maybe I don’t but I really really really don’t think this is right.

My Dad (49M) and my Mum (47F) have been married 20+ years. They have me (21M) and my younger sibling. Don’t want to get into sibling’s age/gender as they don’t know anything about this. They’re younger though. Sibling was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago and it was a big big journey to make sure that sibling got through it. It took a big toll on the whole family. My mum gave up her job to look after sibling full time. It was over 2 years of back and forth. But we got lucky, sibling is thriving now.

My dad has a high powered job and always worked a lot but he always made it home for dinner. But then about a year into sibling’s treatment, he started working late. Then over time, it was 2 nights and for the past few years it’s been half the week.

It was always sort of clear that sibling’s illness didn’t exactly bring our parents together. My mum got totally into that and tbh she wasn’t always very present for me emotionally but sibling was so unwell that I just kind of got it. She’s been great ever since.

I asked my mum a few years ago if she and dad were happy and she said that marriage is more than just romance and rainbows and that they had a life together. Which didn’t really answer my question or maybe it did.

About a year ago I finally twigged that my dad was having an affair and it had been going on for a while. Basically I found a document that indicated that he rents a flat somewhere in the east. There was just this moment when I realised and my mum saw it kind of sink in and she just shook her head and I didn’t say anything.

Two days ago I found out who his mistress was. It’s a girl who was in my class at school. “Izzie” actually used to go out with my best friend from ages 14-16. My friend was distraught when she broke up with him. It seems like she did this because she had met my dad. He rented a flat and they’ve been having an affair for 5 years.

I confronted my dad and he just told me that it was none of my business, that his relationship with my mother had ‘evolved’ when my sibling got sick and that his need for intimacy had ‘upgraded’ and that Izzie can meet them in a way that my mother cannot. WTF??????!

He said and my mother confirmed that he told my mum that he was planning to have an affair with Izzie before it started and that “ground rules” were set so that Izzie couldn’t come to our house and that he would still be home x number of nights a week and that no more than X amount of money would be spent on Izzie. My mother gave her permission and that’s been the situation ever since. My mother just said she didn’t want to discuss it and that relationships change over time.

My dad said that he would go and stay in his flat for the rest of the week while I cooled off but that he would come back on Monday and that we wouldn’t be talking about it again.

I’m physically kind of nauseous about this whole thing and I don’t want anyone to know. My dad is just a total creep. I hadn’t spoken to Izzie in a long time but I remember her as really quiet and very clever. She is also very beautiful. Her parents had a very messy divorce during the last couple of years at school and I remember her being very upset about it. I can’t believe that she’s put in 5 years of her life into this. My friend really loved her – he spent a good 2 years trying to win her back.

I don’t know what to do. I hate how my mother can’t meet my eye. I feel like sibling knows something’s up and I don’t want to lie. It’s like the house I thought was made of bricks was just made out of straw but I don’t know if I have the spine to blow the whole thing down. Would we be better off??

Trying to be very brief because I have limited time.

I work Mon-Thursday so we tend to have my stepson stay (Fri-Sun) and school holidays. He’s 10 however is on the spectrum, I tend to do most of the childcare but this is because I have more understanding and patience when it comes to autism – my husband has love for his son but not really much understanding.

So I’ve picked our son up from school Friday and I’m in front of everyone he yanks down my top, thankfully I was able to catch my top before I actually flashed anything.

One of the other mothers complained to our son’s biological mother and I got texts complaining, insulting me and saying it was inappropriate of me as I was not wearing a bra and I should know this since I work with children – I work with 2-5-year-olds and I wear a bra to work as I’m aware that they like cuddles.

I told her that son has enough understanding of the world, he’s been assessed and I talk to his teachers, that he shouldn’t be yanking down my top.

She genuinely believes I should not be a teacher knowing that I was going to be around children that what I do in my home is my choice but not in public etc.

Genuinely wondering how am I in the wrong? This world is just so judgemental.

Here are what netizens think:

• Let me get this straight, on your day off, you went to pick up your son, who pulled your top down while you was hanging 10(braless), which didn’t expose your actual breast and someone has a problem with that? Tell her 2 words and the second word is off

• just ignore her she sounds like the type whose going to be a b.. to her kids stepmom. I’m assuming there’s a good reason your husband divorced her.

My boyfriend and I have been together for the past three years, sleeping together actively for two and a half years. I have always been an A cup size, A cup on a good day, and it has never been an issue before.

I often go on his phone and look through his old Instagram stories at videos of us together when I’m feeling sentimental/romantic. To go there, you have to click a sort down bar on your profile. Right underneath the “Your Archives” button is a “Your Activities” button. That tab apparently saves all the links you click while in the app. His links were full of busty women websites. I’m not an idiot, I know how guys are and I expected him to be curious with this kind of stuff.

What hurts me is that those women look NOTHING like me. Not the chest size, not the butt size, not even the same skin colour. I went to sleep feeling like a piece of …. on a public toilet seat.

The next day, he could see something was on my mind so I told him about it. He laughed it off at first thinking I was joking until he saw how serious I was being. He didn’t apologize, he didn’t say anything really except that he didn’t know Instagram saves stuff like that. I tried to bring it up multiple times that day with no success so my self-esteem continued to fall the longer we didn’t talk. I felt the urge to end it for the first time in years (I didn’t) but you could see how bad this news hit me.

The next day, yesterday, he finally put in the effort to speak with me about it. He told me it was an addiction, that he went on once or twice a week to specifically view that category WHILE I was in the shower. Before all this, I always invited him into the shower with me. He really couldn’t be bothered to join me so I could take care of his needs and instead wanted to do it by himself to a picture on a screen.

What should I do?

A netizen shared how she refused to make dinner for her husband anymore after he took out his frustrations on her.

Here is the story:

I make dinner for my husband pretty much every night.

I recently took a break from working after having a baby. I stay home with her while my husband works.

He gets home usually around 8:30pm. If he’s running late or if the kids need to eat earlier (we have two others), I’ll put his dinner in a tupperware and refrigerate it.

Tonight he texted me while I was making dinner that he had some errands to run for his work and would be late.

I guess his errand took longer than expected. I had put his dinner on the counter, thinking he wouldn’t be super late. And went to the bedroom to feed the baby.

Well he stormed in the bedroom at 10:30pm where both me and the baby were sleeping and asked if I had left the chicken on the counter for two hours.

I didn’t know what time it was but said it should be fine. He told me he wasn’t eating food that had been sitting out for 2 hours, that this was a great way to end a 9 hour day, and then scraped it into the rubbish bin.

I told him he was being very mean to me and told him not to take his bad day out on me, and that if he was going to treat me this way, he could make his own dinner from now on.

He said he will, that he will pick it up on his way home… and that it will be warm.

Having parents who are way too strict and overbearing does have its effects over time. But what are the negative effects which have risen because of it?

For me, it was mainly that I need to apologise and constantly need to prove my worth to everybody because my worth is equal to someone else’s validation. And I normally need second or third opinions in anything I do because I feel like whatever I do is ‘wrong’ or ‘not proper’.

I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me but there just is okay.

People with overly protective parents, how does it affect you today?

Responses:

• Having to lie to them frequently or hide things from them. Can’t really share any problems with them either. I will think of solutions myself.

• Yea I keep my problems to myself. I realised 10 years ago I’m actually happier if I don’t tell them my things. If i tell them a negative thing I will be lectured that it’s my fault; if I tell them a positive thing or achievement they will dampen it.

• It’s actually typical narc behaviour. They want you to share, because your sharing gives them ammunition. They want you to overshare so you have no boundaries with them, then they can step all over you.

• I perpetually lie/not say the whole truth because I dont trust that they wont over react. My sis has no such issues though, seems like they got it right with her

• A serious lack of common sense and knowledge of basic everyday tasks and life skills even when I became a legal adult at age 21. It’s definitely had an impact on the way I bring up my kids. I always tell them it’s ok to make a mistake and that I’m happy to help them with things they find difficult or don’t know how to do – but they need to try to do it themselves first no matter what.

I faked a shellfish allergy to get out of work early.

I’m 18-years-old and I was working at an f&b restaurant at the time. My managers know that I have prawn allergies and I serve many tables who order seafood with prawns.

One day we were super busy I felt like crap and wanted to just go home.

I ended up purposefully eating a piece of shrimp to make me break out and my face to swell up. My face was a little swollen but it isn’t life threatening or anything, I just break out in itchy rashes but that’s about it.

I told my manager I must have gotten seafood in me and insisted I must leave to see a doctor, exagerrating my symptoms and acting like I was gasping for air.

They were all worried and let me leave and I went home feeling like a king.

I spent the rest of the day at home playing games lol.

Netizens comments

• I once told my boss that I just pooped in my pants and didn’t have any spare clothes, and he let me go home.

• How shellfish of you.

• Whale done.

• Your efforts are very ef-fish-ient

• I sea what you did there

A netizen shared how he hates his whole family, with a different reason for hating them for each family member.

Here is the story:

I hate my family, all of them, each for their own reasons

Please don’t tell me that I’ll accept them as I’m older. I think I won’t even tell them if I got married or had children and I know that would break them,

but every time I ever express frustration right now, I get dismissed with “I don’t wanna hear it.” I hate the fact that relationally, my parents have all the power and I have none.

I’m moving out in a few months and I’m genuinely wondering if it will be the end. The sad thing is literally the only reason I’d ever stay in touch would to not get cut out of the inheritance.

It hurts, so, so much. I’m writing this because I’m particularly vulnerable right now, but I might elaborate more if people cared.

Editor’s note: No point wasting your life holding on to a grudge that isn’t worth it, or makes sense.