I’m short, ok? I’m very short and I’m sick of being short. But I can never change the fact that I’m short, however much I try. I’m frustrated, angry, self-loathing and depressed. Being short sucks.

I’m 151cm. I’m female. I’ve always been short. I was always the shortest kid in class, right up to uni. Always having to be the first to line up. I used to love playing sports. My favourite sport is basketball, and I was pretty good at it right up till everyone hit puberty and grew a head taller than me. I was always sitting on the sidelines watching my team play. I eventually quit the team because it was pretty obvious I’d never be selected to play another game.

Being short means you’re automatically “cute” but not the kind of “cute” you’re thinking of. It’s like saying a puppy is cute because it’s little. It becomes degrading after a while. I don’t want to be cute. I want more tattoos and my style is more grunge. I wanna look badass, not cute. When you’re short people automatically disregard you and don’t think much of you. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but first impressions matter. Looks matter. Humans are visual creatures. When everyone’s constantly looking down at me and talking down to me, often times I start to feel intimidated and the feeling of being a lesser person returns. It’s difficult to feel confident when you’re always looking up at a person that’s physically bigger than you and towering over you. I want to apply for more physical jobs, but people look at me and automatically think that I’m weak. They don’t take me seriously, especially if I’m the authority figure. I told my friend I want to join the army, she took one look at me and said “you’re so small you sure you can join army meh?”. I had to give up the dream because I’m afraid my height will be a limiting factor that’ll stop me from performing well. Maybe there’ll be things I can’t do in the army because I’m short. I probably can’t even fit into the uniform.

My parents tell me that I should stop whining and be thankful that I’m healthy. I know being short is technically not a disability but sometimes it starts to feel like a handicap. The world isn’t made for short people. I want to learn to ride a motorbike, but my feet won’t touch the floor on one. Same with most bicycles. I haven’t even gotten my liscence yet because I’m afraid that my feet won’t reach the pedals and that’ll be embarassing.

I gym regularly, and recently they had refreshed a lot of their equipment. It’s humiliating when I stand up and can’t reach the bar for the lat pulldown, or when the gym employee has to tell me that the seat on the bike won’t go down any lower and I’m too short to ride it. There are other exercises that are impossible for me because equipment like gym benches are a standard size. Buying clothing is a nightmare because everything’s too long. Cropped tops are like regular tops to me. I have to hunt for capri pants because they fit me like regular pants. Tailoring is a hassle and a cost I want to avoid. Clothes like leggings and polyester fabrics are also difficult to alter. I have tiny feet, and often can’t find my size. Furniture can also be a pain-literally. When I sit in my office chair my feet don’t touch the ground. My back hurts from bad posture as “ergonomic” chairs don’t work for me. Shopping can also get annoying when there’s stuff I can’t reach on the top rack. I know I can ask for help but it’s just humiliating.

I love the cinema, but often my view is obstructed unless I’m in the front few rows. I can’t see over a crowd. Before the pandemic I loved going to concerts, but had to pay extra for front row tickets. There’s no point in cheapening out on the tickets because I can’t see a thing over everyone else’s shoulders. I’m at armpit level to most guys, and it’s extremely unpleasant on crowded public transport. BO is real, and after a long work day I’ve encountered pretty unpleasant smells.

I’ve been single for 10 years, and it’s partly due to my height. Most guys will just be talking down to me. It’s awkward when he tries to leani in for a kiss and is just met with the top of my head. The height difference is really apparent too. Hand holding is difficult because it looks like a father holding hands with his daughter. Pictures look terrible. In group photos it looks really awkward, and I’ve been cropped out of the photo a few times.

I could go on but this is getting too long winded. I’ve looked up limb lengthening surgery but it still seems pretty experimental especially in Singapore, and I’m afraid of the side effects years down the road. It’s also expensive. Heels and platform shoes are painful, not my style and don’t increase my height by a noticeable amount. I also walk long distances often and it’s simply not practical. Some things can’t be fixed.

I just wanted to rant. Hopefully someone out there shares my pain and will be able to give me some tips. Be kind to your short friend guys.

I have been close friends with this guy for 9 years. He first confessed his feelings for me 8 years ago. Back then he was 21 and I was 19. We both know that we love each other A LOT. We tried getting together 8 years ago but he said no. For the next 8 years, I tried bringing up the topic again and again and each time he changes his story and says that he only treats me as a friend.

So I stayed friends with him even thought it was really hard for me. He made the decision to stay friends FOR THE BOTH OF US. I do feel hurt by his decision. I didn’t even have a say in it.

Then weeks ago he confessed again and told me “After all these years, I regret the decisions I made. I still love you so much and I don’t think I can love another girl the same.”. I told him that my feelings for him hasn’t changed. He asked me if we can try again.

At this point I don’t know what to think.

1. He selfishly made the decision for us to be friends 8 years ago even though he knew our feelings for each other. What is more he denied when I brought up the topic again and again.

So now he wants to try again I have to? What does that make me? A doormat? So everything have to follow his timing?

2. More importantly, if he can be such a coward once, what’s stopping him from being a coward again when things get rough in our relationship?

3. He is kind of a mummy’ boy but I also realised that in this day and age, it’s almost impossible to find a not-mummy’s-boy. I would say that most of my guy friends are to some extend. Their mother’s still do their chores for them and these guys go to their mothers for reassurance for mundane stuff. I guess it’s just a consequence of progress – as lives get better offspring become more useless. Not as tough as the old days.

4. I’m not being arrogant. He lives me. I never doubt that but he often doesn’t understand what I’m saying. He is not intelligent. I have to explain a lot things to him and sometimes it pisses me off. He also has no interest in money or politics. I’m not saying he has to be an expert in it but having some money sense is important for couples. He sits on the fence to avoid offending anyone. I once had a misunderstanding with his mum and he sat on the fence. What’s stopping him to do it again in future?

5. He is indecisive and not mentally strong.

6. He talks too much. Once he starts talking, good luck waiting for him to stop and listen to you.

I am still a little angry at him for making that selfish decision to stay as friends even though he knew our feelings are mutual. He is obviously a coward who wants the best of both words. But even with all these I never doubted his love for me. He is always there for me…although I’m not sure is it bcus he has no one else. He is not good at being with himself. He has lost friends because they see him as annoying and unreliable

I don’t know what to think.