I have gone on 2 dates with a guy whom I met on a dating app and I’m not sure if I should continue going out with him.

We are of the same age and can click reasonably well, and share some similar interests. However 2 aspects of him bother me.

Firstly – he doesn’t behave as is expected of a gentleman. For instance, he doesn’t hold open the door for me, pull out the chair for me at the restaurant and say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ to the waitresses. On the second date, I brought a big-sized item but he did not offer to help me carry it at least.

Secondly – he tends to speak too much Singlish while I’m more comfortable sticking to the correct form of English / Chinese I’m using. I am a bit surprised as he holds a masters degree and works in a reputable firm. I don’t know if I’m fussy but I was brought up in a family that emphasizes a lot on courtesy and presentation of oneself.

He has asked me for a third date and I’m not sure how to reply to him. Given that I don’t know him that well yet, is it bad that I point out these issues straight up to him?

Here are what netizens think:

• Right… The thankless waitress bit does raise an eyebrow on courtesy, but as for yourself… You looking to date a class act is it? Gentlemanly gestures like those are not an obligation, but a bonus, when you consider the typical culture of our nation.That said, the lack of gentlemanly actions are simply things to frown upon if they don’t meet your standards on what makes a man. You’re only dating now, he’s free to be himself, and so are you.Red flags are such an easy word to overuse. If you’ve already dated or started dating and his attitude suddenly changes to this, then that, is an actual red flag. Because nobody just loses their manners or upbringing in an instant and without reason.

• Pull chair and open door? Does the guy need to call you your royal highness too?

• Think twice what is so special about you yourself.

• I used to work in a UK company, my boss asked “why it is when you speak to me, you speak proper english, but when the few of you (singaporean) together i couldn’t understand a single word even i know it is english. there is nothing wrong in speaking singlish with friends and family, i too have master. in workplace when we speak with clients, supervisor, doing presentation we used proper english. If you look down on him no point in going further, just stay silent and he will get the message

• Oi! Ah girl ah, why you boh suka limpeh talking singlish leh? We are Singapore lang and should embrace our culture mah.And oso why beh tahan limpeh no move chair or is open door huh? This is 2022 lah. Woman can open own door mah. So picky one you. Aiyah, limpeh 看错了 you. So beh gum one. 算了! Limpeh not taking you out again. 算 limpeh pai mia to meet you. So sway one.

My wife and I are in our mid-40s both architects and we have run our own business for a long time now. Three years ago, our neighbour’s son who is in his 20s was studying architecture in uni back then was looking for an internship got into contact with us through his father. We knew each other and had a normal neighbourhood relationship with the family but we were never that close. We talked to this young man and accepted his application.

Since day one, he has never failed us and proven himself very well. He is very well-educated, respectful, presentable and has a very good discipline, great energy and work ethic. At the end of his internship, we signed a deal and he officially started working in our company. Since then, our relationship has developed and we got more social with him. We often invited him over for dinner. He became friends with our son, we went on vacations together. But the business relationship has always been stable and well.

We trusted him so much. We loved having him around all the time.

Two days ago, he sent a very long text message to my wife, saying “he has been in love with her for the last two years and that he would have never said it if he couldn’t resist it more. My wife shared this with me yesterday and I called him. He didn’t reject anything and he told me he would never disrespect our marriage but he is so passionate about his feelings and apologized. Then he said they would always want to see us no matter what and hung up.

We had a conversation with my wife about it and she is very confused about what we should do,too. Actually, we don’t want to hurt someone who has been so nice to us and never crossed the line before. But, i believe firing him and ending our relationship is inevitable. I wanted to ask here before we take action. Thank you very much for your support,in advance.

Here are what netizens think:

• This is easy. You and your wife tell him that you are happy to write him a letter of recommendation as a good worker but he needs to resign immediately so he doesn’t continue to make your wife uncomfortable. Then you and your wife tell him that you also can not continue to socialize. And for everyone’s benefit he needs to be on his own doing things with people his own age. Your wife should save the text in case you two ever need it for legal reasons.

• Dumb Hollywood stories have people believing that telling the ‘truth’ at any cost is the right thing. When in truth, the reality is that in this situation he should have never told her, and also left for another company for his own mental health.
• He’s young but he’s beyond old enough to know that this was unacceptable behavior for a number of reasons ranging from you don’t shit where you eat to you don’t confess your undying love to a married woman.