I (37f) share a son “Tommy” (13m) with my ex “John” (37m). We split up when Tommy was a toddler so he lived full-time with me and then it was 50/50 when he was around 8. During my first year of marriage, John received a job offer overseas and I initially didn’t want to go with him but John eventually convince me. I never really liked where we lived and would often talk to John about possibly moving back to Singapore, but John never wanted to discuss it.
When we were in the middle of a divorce the idea of me and Tommy moving away was brought up and John freaked out, saying that I had no right to take away his son and I was hounded by his side of the family. Tommy is literally the only reason why I still lived where I did and I have always hated the weather and missed my friends. Before the pandemic, Tommy approached me about living with his dad full-time, and when I asked him why and he assured me that it wasn’t anything about me or where we were living just that at his dad’s place he had more room.
John made more money than me and lived in a four-bedroom house while I had a two-bedroom. I won’t lie and say that I was a little sad at the idea of seeing my son less but I wasn’t going to stop him if he wanted to go. It was agreed that Tommy would spend a weekend a month and school holidays with me while John and I alternated Holidays.
A while back an old friend reached out and it was great reconnecting. It wasn’t long until we found out that we worked for the same company (it’s a nationwide firm that has multiple offices across the world), and my friend offered to give me a recommendation for a new position that I was trying to apply for.
I was grateful and sad that I didn’t get the job but a week later I was surprised when the firm offered me another position that paid more money and offered more benefits. It was also back in Singapore so I would get to be near my family again. I immediately said “Yes” and when Tommy came to visit me I told him about the job and asked him if there was anything he wanted to keep while the rest of his stuff would just come with me.
Tommy asked why I would want to move and aside from the money, I told him that I never really liked living here and was always planning on leaving once he turned 18.
Tommy seemed to take the news well but his dad called me furious and said I was manipulative because our son now thinks that I’m “punishing” him for wanting to live with his father full-time.
So am I wrong?
