A netizen shared how she cut contact with a guy because the relationship was toxic but is still hoping he comes back to make her feel wanted.

Here is the story:

“These days, I feel that people are taking relationships very lightly. Having so many cases of extra-marital affairs surfacing, fwb, cross partner exchanges etc, I cannot comprehend.

I have been pretty down recently. So I cut contact with a guy, now for 4-5 months already. I had initiated it because I knew that the relationship was toxic right from the beginning. We already knew we were going nowhere, and eventually the day would come when we needed to go our separate ways. Yet each time, he reaches out to me, again and again, I will unknowingly fall deeper for him.

It came to a point where I knew it wasn’t sustainable anymore. So I told him that we needed to stop so I can move on. Knowing that he knows the right words to say to make my heart turn back, I even blocked all channels of communication between us. Eventually, he still managed to reach out to me and drop a last msg, saying he accepts this, but he was still sad.

Somewhere within me, I actually still hoped that he would come back and make me feel wanted. I wish he gave me the feeling that I would have some reason to return to him. But no. We ended via message, with me saying “Let’s just end here”.

Between months, I still find myself missing him so much. I would uncontrollably contact him. When I messaged him, he seemed quite contented with his life. I realized I had always been the one holding on to things that don’t belong to me, thinking that he would miss me as much as I missed him.

I know I am silly. I should move on to find someone else I can rely on. But yet when guys approached me, I only wished that I could be back with him. Many times I had told myself to move on, but when I reached the stage of  “getting to know each other”, I would feel exhausted and the thought that he is no longer with me will bring me sorrow. Why am I so enclosed?

I question myself sometimes – perhaps if I don’t love anyone, I would not get myself so upset. That’s why when I look at people who play too much, I often wonder if they have been hurt badly before too?”