Let me preface by saying that I was raised overseas, and i’m ignorant about how important face might be to Chinese Singaporeans.
At a recent CNY gathering, the host was taking his role too far IMO. Here are some things that happened.
The host’s daughter had asked a cousin if he wanted beer, to which he replied NO as he was closely watching his diet. No big deal, she just left it as that and got him some warm water. Her father then walked by and saw that he was drinking water and not beer. He then exclaimed loudly, “Why didn’t anybody offer him beer?” Daughter responded, “I already asked. He said he is watching his diet.” But the host replied, “You asked him, he said No. If I ask, he would say Yes.” He then repeatedly waved the cousin’s objection away and shoved a beer in his hand. After some ridiculous back and forth, the cousin politely accepted the beer, then placed it on the table and never opened it.
There was a family with a young boy who was leaving. As they were leaving, the boy swiped a little CNY snack from the coffee table. The boy’s mum told him to put it back as he was already starting to cough and she threatened to cane him once they got home if he didn’t. The host then grabs the CNY snack and handed a handful to the boy. “Eat more! Eat more! Don’t worry, take as much as you want.” to which the frantic mother said “No no no!! Cannot cannot!” But of course the boy was already holding on to a handful of snacks and quite confused as to what he should do. They left with the snacks, but I’m guessing the mother wasn’t too happy.
My dad had a heart-related operation a couple of months back. In the past, he was a fairly heavy drinker, but after his op he quit all drinking. The host knows this. Yet the host offered my dad China’s Baijiu, which was 40+% in alcohol. The host’s family jumped in and told him to stop this nonsense, and reminded him of the op my dad just had, but the host waved them all away and said “You all don’t know our customs!” My dad said no a few times but the host was insistent and this was starting to become quite a scene, so my dad decided to just drink 1 tiny shot glass of baijiu to appease him. The host became super smug, and at this point i was fuming.
That was when the tables turned. One of the other relatives present offered the host a beer. Incredulously, the host turned it down, saying that he was recovering from a cough. I’ve heard enough and i exploded, “MY DAD JUST HAD A MAJOR OPERATION AND YOU FORCE HIM TO DRINK BAIJIU. YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM A COUGH AND YOU CAN’T DRINK BEER?!?!”
I was so angry I could feel my face flush. I also know I had expired my welcome and it was time to get my parents and leave.