My husband is fine with me having an affair and I don’t know how I feel about it.
My (40f) husband (45m) told me he is “okay” with me seeking company outside of the marriage.
A bit of backstory. We have been together for 17 years and have always a had different libidos. Mine being much higher. I initiate every encounter and have since the beginning. He used to say it was because he like to be perused…
When we first got together we had a pretty average-ish life in bed, but I always initiated it and was turned down more times than not.
Having intercourse one time a week quickly turned into one or two times a month, to now twice a year. I talked about this often throughout our relationship, along with other things like not feeling like a girlfriend, fiancé or wife and more of a roommate.
Beyond different libidos he is also very hands off on a lot of things. No romantic gestures, dates, cuddles or initiating touch and housework.
He’s always been a really good friend and support system but that’s about it.
We now have children and he’s a wonderful father. But still our entire relationship is one-sided with me putting in 100% of the effort towards a physical relationship and an emotional one.
For last few years I have really had enough. I realized I’ve changed so much to accommodate kids, his needs, keeping up a house and I am not happy. I told him this. I told him that he needed to step up and put more effort in.
We needed to get physical more often and he needed to meet my needs in a meaningful way or I am done. I mentioned dates, planning things, helping with dinners, acknowledging anniversaries… I mentioned at one point offhandedly if this isn’t something that he can do maybe we should open the relationship up.
Now months later he has turned around and said he’s fine with me having an open polyamorous relationship to keep those needs. He will stay monogamous and I seek the things outside of the marriage that I want because he knows he cannot accomplish them.
I don’t know what to feel about this. On one hand I’m excited about the opportunity to finally get my needs met and on the other hand I am disgusted at how lazy and self centred he is.
He didn’t seem happy about it, he was very emotional when he told me but how hard is it to take your wife out on a date?
At this point it feels like we are just friends and I get why he wouldn’t just want to me to leave. I have been doting on him for 17 years, making sure all of his needs are met. This just feels like the easy way to make me stay and him not out any effort in.